AN: Thank you to everyone who reviewed the last chapter. I know its been a long time and I was surprised to see it pick up any reviews, so thank you so much!
I need to point out a few things: Its not as though Bella feels nothing for what Jasper did to them group of girls, she doesn't know. Remember, Peter told Jasper to go and clean up and to not let Bella see him like this. How can she feel anything when she doesn't know? Bella's actions are explained more in this chapter. She changed since she arrived at Peter's and you'll find out why in this chapter. Why won't she leave? Simple. Jasper has opened her eyes to her relationship with Edward and its something she doesn't want to go back to. This has been pointed out a few times in the past chapters, please pay attention! Everything that is happening has been written in the past chapters, its all there, its just a case of paying attention.
Jasper is very much in the dark on a lot of things, and is still coming to terms with Alice's death. There's a lot going off inside his mind that he doesn't understand, he's some what stuck at the moment and slowly sorting himself.
Everything is written in Jasper's POV, so what Bella is thinking and figuring out isn't written out. Bella isn't the same Bella she was in Forks, and she's not like SM's Bella…I personally can't stand SM's Bella. But things will come to light, you just have to hang in there.
If you're not liking how I'm going about this, then there's the red X top right hand corner, please use it.
Still no beta, so all mistakes are my own..Sorry!
I don't own twilight, or Jasper, but I do own a awesome pair of cowboy boots that I love and adore, as well as a Jasper new moon mug and doll.
"Will you stop?" Charlotte huffed out as we sat around the breakfast table. "I swear, Jasper, you project once more and I will hurt you."
Charlotte was pissed at me just as much as I was pissed at her. In the weeks that passed since Peter told us that Bella needed a new ID, her hair had changed colour and her name had been changed. Her new identity was sitting in the brown envelope on the table waiting to be opened. Though I didn't know what name was chosen for her, I had a good idea what is was, and that was something that pissed me off.
"No," I answered, my tone low and cold. Peter looked at me, raising his eyebrow at me in warning almost, that this was his mate I was talking too.
"Jasper?" Bella asked softly, lifting her head just a fraction to look at me. In the weeks that passed, we had spoken a handful of times. I no longer fought to keep her away from me, realising that there was just no point in it and I had just accepted it.
She would often sit near me, reading one of Peter's many books to eat up some time, while I just let my mind wonder. Our talks consisted of me telling her what "facts" in that history book was correct and which ones weren't. Every now and then she would try and make conversation with me over something else, but most of the time she kept to use just talking about history. This suited me nicely.
"What?" I groaned out, never taking my eyes off the envelope.
"I never picked it, just so you know."
"Stop trying to earn points with me, Bella." I snapped. This only confirmed what I already knew, but was secretly hoping wouldn't be seen inside that envelope. "Just open it."
Bella opened the envelope slowly and emptied its contents on the table before us. My eyes scanned the documents feeling my anger build up as I took it all in. Rising slowly from the table, I sighed deeply and looked at both Peter and Charlotte, casting my eyes back and forth.
"Which one of you did this?" I asked bringing my eyes back to the documents. "Answer me!" I demanded slamming my fist on the table.
"Jasper, calm down. That's..." Charlotte stopped seeing my face turning murderous.
"Captain, report!" I shot Peter a look and watch him take a few unneeded breaths. "That's a direct order, captain!"
"Me, sir!" Peter shouted back, obeying my command. "I picked it. I assumed that it would be best all round."
"I directly told you not to." My body shook with a burning rage that intensified with each passing second. "You not only went against my wishes, but disobeyed a direct order, captain!"
Peter opened and closed his mouth, but finding no words willing to leaving him. Charlotte had her head down, fear trickling off her as she realised that I wasn't joking or playing around when I gave that order. Her eyes flickered to her mate, worrying over him and also pissed at him for doing this and not fully realising the effect his actions would take.
"Family loyalty doesn't exist here, does it?" My voice staying low and cold as I spoke. "The human girl ranks of more importance than I do," There was no way I could hide the hurt that seeped through my voice. Inside I was broken by this final acted from my brother, how he had actually thought he could do this and I would be fine, I'll never know.
Looking over at Bella, I realised that she had taken something else from me. The bitch wasn't content with just killing my mate, but she wanted to take my family too, and it had worked.
"Well then, Isabella Whitlock, looks as if you've successfully taken everything." Not looking at anyone in the room, I walked out and headed on to the porch.
Sitting down, I tried to work out just when I had given up and let her win. It wasn't in my nature to just give up, yet this time I had done just that. In fact, everything I had done since Alice's death had been sloppy. I hadn't thought things through, or even calculated the risk of everything. My years in War had complete left me when I planned this, and I had made mistakes along the way. What was it that drove me just act and not think? I had the time to think before I kidnapped her, why hadn't I actually thought things through?
Pain and anger had fuelled me in the beginning. Alice's death and wanting my revenge had pushed me forward, but I knew better than to go all guns blazing without thinking. The one thing I had thought about was keeping the family away. Rose and Emmett were near, but they had yet to get the last piece of information from me as to where I was.
Sure, I could tell them, let them come and have Rose finish off what I started, but I didn't want her to. I wasn't sure what I wanted anymore.
"Jasper?" Bella's voice tangled in the cool breeze making me growl at her. She wasn't who I wanted to see right now. "It wasn't my idea. I didn't want it just as much as you didn't want to give it. Please believe me."
I could feel the truth and sincerity in her words. She was telling me the truth, but that didn't mean I had to believe her, did it?
"Fuck off!" I snapped out, "You've worked your fucking way in. You're like cancer, once your there you kill everything in your path." Bella flinched at my tone slightly, "Just leave me alone! You have caused me enough damage to last a lifetime."
"Jasper, I ..."
"What? You're sorry?" I spat. "What's so fucking great about you, huh? What makes you so fucking special that my brother wouldn't leave you alone or my mate had to be beat friends with you? Or better fucking still, how two fucking human drinkers have suddenly become your best friends?" Bella screwed her hands into balls as anger began to build up inside of her.
"Will you stop throwing your toys out the pram? You're not the only one who doesn't fucking like it and I'm sick and tired of you treating me like this!" Bella yelled at me making me smirk. "Alice died, I get it! I seriously fucking do, but maybe things between the two of you weren't as fucking perfect as you like to think!"
In a flash, I had Bella pinned underneath me. My face inches from her and my venom coated teeth bared. Growls rattled in my chest as she finished trash talking relationship with Alice, something I was not prepared to have.
"Don't you fucking dare!" I screamed in her face. Bella flinched slightly as I pinned her wrists down. "I'll end you now if you do."
Determination swelled in Bella as she smirked at me. "How perfect could it have been if your own mate didn't bother to tell you the truth."
"You know nothing of my relationship with Alice!"
"Don't I?" Bella screamed back at me, turning her cheeks red in anger. Her eyes were blazing with fire in them, nostrils flared with every breath she took. She looked absolutely breath taking, consumed with anger and focused on her goal. "I know more than you think! You wanna pick apart my relationship with Edward? How about I do the same to you?"
"Try it" I dared, "Come pick it-" my words were suddenly cut off my Bella's warm lips attaching themselves to me.
The heat from her lips seemed to burn me, scorching the fibres of my being and running through my veins. For a spilt second, I forgot what was going on around me. That I was mad at her and had her pinned beneath me because of my temper. Everything seemed to evaporate and fall away once her lips were on mine. I couldn't even hear anything going on around me, no rustle of tress in the breeze, no birds tweeting around me. All I could sense hear or feel was Bella.
In that spilt second, I gave in and kissed her back, feeling her hot tongue trail my cold lips. Bella moaned and shuddered almost violently as I parted my lips and slipped my tongue into hot mouth. Her tongue brushed smoothly against mine and something inside me snapped.
Before Bella could even process it, I was off her like a shot and pacing backwards and forwards on the yard. My breath was coming out in unneeded pants, while my lips still burned from hers and her heavenly taste lingered on my tongue.
My emotions were swirling uncontrollably around me, and I knew I needed to get a hold of them, yet I couldn't. Something has shifted and I wasn't sure just what it was. This wasn't meant to happen, I hated her for what she had caused, yet somehow I had kissed her, and now I wasn't sure what to do.
Dragging my fingers through my hair, I tried in vain to centre myself and wrap my own emotions around me and regain control. Bella's were just as bad; dazed, excited, longing, lust and not one single bit of regret. Out the corner of my eye, I saw her gently touch her lips with her finger tips and smiling softly to herself.
Had she set out to do this? Was this what she wanted? It wasn't the first time she had pulled this sort of thing?
"Jasper?" Bella whispered softly, breaking me out of my thoughts. "I'm sorry." She wasn't sorry at all.
Not a single cell in her body was sorry for what had happened or what she did. She was proud of it, almost like some sort of victory over me. The triumph running off her was almost sickening as she sat and looked at me, a slight blush coloured her cheeks and I couldn't work out if it was through embarrassment or arousal. There was still a stem of lust seeping out of her, no matter how hard she tried to hide it.
What I couldn't work out with me, is why I had kissed her back? It wasn't as though I harboured feelings for Bella deep down; I had no desire to be near her like that, unless it resulted in her blood running down my throat. Was I just horny? It had been a while since them group of girls. Had I just thought fuck it as she was offering it?
"Don't lie, Bella, I can feel what you're feeling so don't try and pretend you're sorry when you're not." Bella huffed at me, and tucked a cameral strand of hair behind her ear.
Somewhere, in the weeks that all his had happened, Bella had completely lost her mind. I had spent a while trying to work out what her game was, but the answer escaped me. Now, in the light of what she's just done, I'm sure she's lost all common sense.
"Just what is the matter with you?" I questioned, seeing her flinch slightly at my tone. "Have you completely lost it? Look at how you're acting!"
"How I'm acting?" She spat, "What about you, huh? Not so much the nice guy from Forks anymore are you?"
"This isn't about me!"
"It never is, is it?" Bella screamed at me, thumping her fists in the dirt. "You blame me for everything, you've acted like a brat at times and to be perfectly fucking honest, the two people you should really be blaming is yourself and Edward."
"Oh, I do blame Edward."
"Then why am I here? As you've pointed out, if Edward has stayed away from me then none of this would have happened."
"Don't think you're not to blame in this Bella."
"You wanna know why I act this way? It's because I don't care anymore. Either way I'm dead aren't I? So why sit and cry about it."
"So this is why you back chat now? Why you've come on to me? Why you've provoked me? All because you don't care and you're dead either way?" Bella answered with a simple shrug of her shoulders. "Un-fucking-believable!"
"Jasper..." Bella sighed and stood up, walking towards me. "Can we start again?"
"No!" Snapping at her, I moved before her hand could reach me and took off inside the house.
I had avoided Bella for the remainder of the afternoon, not wanting to have anything to do with her. What happened this afternoon still plagued me, no matter how much I tried to push it away, it kept coming back.
Edward had once told Bella that our kind was easily distracted. Well, right about now that's turning into a load of shit! What she did and what she said ran around my mind over and over again, and as much as I hated to admit it, I had spent far too long thinking about that kiss.
Guilt consumed me with every unneeded breath I took. The thought of Alice stabbed through my chest every time the imagine of Bella's lips on mine flash across my memory. My wife, my mate, my life has only been dead a few months if that, and her best friend had pulled a move on me.
Time held little meaning to me, as it did to all vampires, what seemed like only yesterday was weeks ago and so forth, but this was too soon.
It wasn't when you played blood games.
It was, and I now carried the shame and guilt of it. There was guilt for the human life I took, just as there was every time I hunted for my pray, but this one was married with shame. I felt shameful of being with them other women so soon after Alice, which was why I hunted with Peter now, instead of on my own. Shame was something I didn't want to feel, though I knew that even if I could go back in time and not sleep with them girls in some blood/ sex game, I would still carry shame for what I have done since Alice's death.
One good thing that came from today's wonderful events, was that I had grabbed hold of what was going on. I was now facing everything, and no longer throwing blame everywhere. Yes, I still blamed Bella, but I now blamed her not telling me what she knew, instead of blaming Alice's death solely on her. Edward had that now.
Bella was, as much as I hated it, right. Edward held blame, more blame than what she did at least. That pained me to admit to myself, it will pain me even more to admit it. Admitting that I was wrong was something I hated doing and having to admit this to Bella of all people was even worse.
Alice...What am I meant to do?
I wanted nothing more than to know the answer to my question. To be told the way to go when I saw no possible door. Bella couldn't remain here, yet she had no intension of heading back to Edward or to Forks it seems. Part of me, a small part now, would love to drop her in the middle of nowhere and leave her to her own devices, but I knew I couldn't. Bella was now my responsibility, and just dumping her somewhere would bring me more guilt.
Walking through the empty house, I reminded myself to say thank you to Charlotte for dragging Peter's ass out of here. I was, and still am, pissed at him for his action, and I will be having it out with him. This wasn't going to be forgotten about and brushed under the carpet, I will get to the bottom of his action, but for now I was happy he was just out of my sight.
Hearing Bella's heartbeat, I headed out to the back garden seeing her sitting by a camp fire reading. Walking quietly out the house, I wondered why she was out here. Sure, it wasn't cold out here, in fact it was a pleasant evening for a human to enjoy, but I still couldn't fathom why she would chose to sit out here on her own.
"I hope you didn't light that," I suddenly said making her jump and snap her head around to look at me. "I know how clumsy you are, and I doubt fire is safe for someone like you."
"Charlotte did it," She shrugged and looked back at the flames. "I wanted to sit by a fire and read."
Sitting down next to here, I sighed slightly, "It's something I used to do a lot, back in the day. Sitting around a camp fire, playing a guitar, relaxing."
"When you were in the Civil War?" Bella asked closing her book.
"Yes and before it, though the memories are a little fuzzy." Pulling my knees up, I rested my wrists on them. "Bella, I'm sorry. I picked on you when the person I should have gone after and placed all the blame on was Edward. It's just..." I trailed off slightly, giving myself a second to control my emotions. "Losing Alice ripped me apart, and I needed someone to blame. In my mind it made sense to blame you. If it wasn't for you, then none of it would have happened."
"I can see your point, you know." Bella shrugged, "That doesn't mean that what you did was okay, because it wasn't, not by a long shot. But I do understand your reasoning." Bella sighed and pulled the blanket over her legs more. "You're right in one sense, if it wasn't for me being involved with the family then that fight would have never taken place, but on the flip side, Edward holds more blame. Didn't you tell him to take care of Victoria?"
"More than once, but Edward being Edward, decided he knew best." Stretching my legs out, my eyes stayed fixed on the flames. "I've kinda not been myself, I've been someone I haven't been for a long time and even that wasn't the person I once was."
"You know, I may have hated you for dragging me to bum fuck nowhere, but I did enjoy our little talks in the car," I smiled slightly and I nodded, before she continued. "I'm not the same girl you kidnapped back in Forks. I mean, I actually kissed you!"
"You just couldn't resist me," I smirked out, "I have that effect." Bella flipped my off causing me to chuckle. "No, but in all honestly, why did you? I get the way you've acted; you just don't care, but that? I can't work out."
"You scared the crap out of me! I may no longer have cared if I lived or died, but when you were right in my face, I was staring at death. I did what I thought might calm you down enough not to kill me and it worked." She smiled, "I once read somewhere that every man has a weakness and that weakness is sex."
"Well, it shocked the shit out of me, so I guess it worked." Crossing my legs, I turned her slightly. "I'm still pissed over the name thing, by the way. I will have Peter over this."
"I'm sorry, really I am. It must feel like I've stolen from Alice." Bella looked sad and concerned, her eyes slowly starting to fill with tears.
"Don't cry!" I almost yelled at her, "I can't fucking stand it! Man the fuck up, Bella. I've seen you grow a back bone, so use it.,"
"Sorry, I miss her!" She snapped at me, making me smile.
"You're a little sick and twisted aren't you?" My head simply tilted in response to her question.
"Alice never took my name," I whispered out, "She couldn't remember anything from her human life and said she felt strange taking mine when she didn't belong to a family and all she knew was Alice."
"Shit...I always thought..." Bella trailed off.
"It makes no never mind, I know how she hated it. She only ever felt like she belonged to a family when we joined the Cullen's. Even then she still found it strange to have this adopted family." Bella stood up suddenly, and looked at me.
"I've got something to show you, just wait a minute, okay?" Confused, I simply nodded and waited for her to return.
My phone vibrated in my pocket for the twentieth time today. Once again Edward was calling, and right now, much like the times before it, I didn't want to talk to him. I was in no mood to deal with the whinny little baby, and I certainly wasn't interested in listening to his school yard threats.
The thought crossed my mind as to why Esme and Carlisle hadn't called. I was pretty sure that would have by now, in fact I was shocked they hadn't called me when Bella first went missing. Their family unit was ripped apart and while they allowed me to leave, they wouldn't condone what I had done. It was only a matter of time before they called, and it all focuses around Edward's heart break.
"Here," Bella suddenly returned and thrust a folded up piece of paper in my face. "Peter gave it to me when I first here."
Taking it off her, I eyed it cautiously as Bella sat down next to me. "It will explain my trust." She simply said as I carefully undid the paper.
Alice's hand writing stared back at me, and for a spilt second I forgot how to read, instead I concentrated on how her letters all joined up elegantly with one another, flowing from one word to the next so effortlessly.
I know how strange all this may seem and I can only imagine the upset you must be feeling right now. You've pulled ripped from your own little world and thrust into something that you had no choice over, but please trust me when I say this. Jasper won't hurt you!
Yes, he's a little more than pissed, and no doubt he's threatened your life at every given chance, but he's just spouting his mouth off.
I know that by now you've confessed to him that knew about my death - again I am sorry for placing such a burden on you, but I needed an out, and you were the only one that could provide it.
He's not a bad guy, you know this Bella, but he's hurting. Hurting far more than I can convey into words to make you understand. He's acting on his pain right now and is intent on making everyone suffer along with him. This is Jasper 1.1 on defence when hurting. He'll calm himself down at some point, and will say sorry. When he says it, he means it, but he hates admitting it and will hate me now for telling you this, but you need to know he won't hurt you, no matter what.
Before the fight, I had a vision of Jasper kidnapping you. It was unclear just how much of it would happen. It was foggy and showing an undecided Jasper, but I took the steps around him to ensure that if he did, then everything would be in place. I wish I could write this and say that I saw it all, the kidnapping, where he would take you and what the outcome of this would be, but I don't. I never saw it, just a fuzzy vision of him kidnapping you.
I knew that if he did, the only place he would run to, would be to Peter's. Ignore Peter! He's a bully and a pain in the ass at times, but that's just him. Charlotte on the other hand, is actually the better of the two. She'll actually give you a chance where as Peter will just see a play thing to bug the hell out of.
Look after him for me; make sure he's alright and not completely on his own all the time, please. Even if its just a few minutes, just be there, let him know you're there. It kills me to know I won't be there to help him, but then again, if I was there, he wouldn't need helping. Remind him of how much I love him, and tell him I'm sorry for all I kept from him.
Be happy, Bella.
Folding the letter carefully back up, I closed my eyes and breathed deeply, seeing the words on the page behind my eyelids. I wasn't sure what to do, while I ran my fingers around the letter of and over again. Part of me wanted to scream and cry tears that would never fall. I wanted to fall apart and mourn her loss all over again. Another part of me was angry at her all over again for hiding this from me, that I wanted to run into the forest and destroy everything in my path.
Handing the letter back to Bella, I muttered a soft thanks for letting me read it. I wanted to keep it, but I knew I couldn't, it wasn't mine to keep and it wasn't intent for me to read.
"Wanna talk about it?" Bella asked softly, placing her hand on my arm again.
"Not really. I just miss her."
"Me too." Bella smiled slightly and then chuckled, "I would love to go shopping with her just one more time."
"God no, that's still a nightmare I never want to repeat," I chuckled back, thankful for Bella shifting it just enough to make it light and not offensive.
"Yeah, I guess you have a point." Bella pulled her hand back and placed it in her lap. "So, what's the plan with me? I meant it when I said I didn't wanna go back."
"Fucked if I know," I answered with a shrug," At some point, Edward will find me and in turn drag you back."
"I don't want to go,"
"And you think that will stop him?" Bella narrowed her eyes at me. "I always thought you were too good for him."
"I always knew you didn't like me," Bella muttered.
"That's not correct, Bella. You've made an assumption based on what, exactly? The fact that I didn't talk to you? Or that I tried to kill on your birthday? These don't imply that I didn't like you, they simply imply that I just didn't deem you worthy of my time." The feeling that Bella had, the one that was making her think we had made some sort of friendship, suddenly disappeared and in turn making me chuckle.
"You're so easy, you know that?" I chuckled out, seeing the hurt crossing her face. "You want everyone to like you, to be your friend, it's sad really."
"You're an asshole," Bella spat angrily at me.
"I'm that and so much more, darlin'." Grinning at her, I watched her huff and fold her arms over her chest. "Bella, I wasn't allowed to talk to you, not really. Edward believed that it would be safer for you to have very little to do with me, I'm the weakest of the family, remember?"
"I don't believe that, I never have. And you resisted my blood the other day, so..." She trailed off with a slight shrug.
"True, but Eddie worried what I would say. Its not in my nature to sugar coat something just to make you feel better. Remember my story I told you? Before the battle?" Bella nodded, "Edward was far from impressed that I told you it without the sugar coating. Remember, Edward wanted to keep you locked away in this little bubble of bliss. Life isn't bliss, it never is. It was easier for me to just stay in the background like normal."
"You're not a people person are you?"
"Depends if I'm feeding or not." I winked at her, "Honestly, no, not really. Large groups of people are harder for me, too many emotions. Taking control of something is different; they're following orders, but other than that? I'll sooner stay on the side lines."
"Are you gonna make me go back?"
"No." I didn't even think about my answer before I said it. Bella seemed surprised my answer, laced with a slight bit of uncertainty. "Bella, you are your own person. I'm not babysitting you or telling you what to do. If you don't want to go back then you don't have to. If you stay, then I need to figure out just what I'm gonna do."
"I just don't want that control again," Bella sighed. "I know you don't want me around, and I'll figure something out."
"I'll not just leave you, Bella." Bella looked at me questionably, "I mean it. Its my fault you're here."