Walking a dream
Word Count: 909
Summary: It felt like walking the edges of the best dream he ever had.
Author's Note: This was semipertinent's prompt on my angst-drabble prompt post. The prompt was: Ooh, how about Roy/Ed/Riza, where Ed just assumes that his place will always be the third wheel, the one that will be easier to let go of for the both of them.
Extra Note: I'm mixing the 1st Anime with the Mangaverse a bit here. Though it shouldn't be enough to bother anyone^^
Walking a dream
After coming back from the other side of the gate, Ed had been crushed to discover that Roy and Riza had gotten together. He had always had a little bit of a crush on them both and a lot of his guilty dreams had revolved around being with them. That wasn't anything he would ever admit to anyone, but it was the only thing that had kept him sane for the time he had been away.
And then he came back and to no-one's surprise – not even his own – the two of them had gotten together, sharing more than friendship and a house. He had been tempted to run away, to just go back to Rizembool with Al and to never see them again, but he couldn't. His heart had kept him in Central, making him sign up for the military again and torturing himself on a daily basis.
It was the best and the hardest decision he had ever made.
He didn't know how, but they noticed. They didn't let him know until a few months later. The whole office had gone to a bar after work to relax and they all had been drinking. After a while the crowd had thinned out, the others either having had other plans for the evening or drinking themselves into a stupor enough to not really get noticed anymore; he wasn't really sure. They just weren't there anymore. He could remember that at one point he looked up and only Roy and Riza had still been there.
He should have stopped drinking then, but he had been frustrated and depressed and the alcohol had been his friend right then. Just imagining staying with them while being mostly sober was just too much to bear. So he continued to drink and from some point on, he didn't remember much anymore.
The next morning he had woken up, naked, between them. He hadn't even noticed at first, thinking he was still dreaming. Even as they started to make out with him, he had only thought this dream was even better than the ones he usually had. It was only after the alcohol of the night before caught up with him and he had to make a break for the bathroom that he realized that this was reality. And while he was worshipping the porcelain god and felt like his stomach was trying to crawl out of his mouth, he couldn't have been happier. The thought that it might have only been a one-night stand hadn't even crossed his mind.
So he had come back to them after that morning. And while they had looked surprised that first evening he had shown up, they didn't hesitate on inviting him in and sharing their lives with him as if it had been the most natural thing to do all along. In his cloud of happiness, he never even questioned it.
That had come later. While they always tried to include him in whatever they did, after a while he started to feel like he was just some kind of appendage. And he finally got to see what had brought them together in the first place.
Roy and Riza shared an understanding that he could only dream of. They had known each other ever since they were teens and had grown up together; had gone to Ishval together. Had shared all kind of experiences that bond them together. While he… had nothing of that sort with them.
Sure, he had worked together with them for a few years before coming back, but could he really say that was the same? Most of the time he had been on the road with Alphonse, rarely even checking in with the office. Back then he had still been scared of what he was craving, trying to avoid the both of them as much as possible. Because, while he could accept – to some level at least – his attraction to Riza… Roy had been a different matter. When you were already as different as a teenager of your own age could be, you tended to avoid anything that would make you stand out even more. And falling in love with a man? A man fourteen years your senior and your commanding officer at that? That was simply too much. So he had fought his attraction, had hidden it behind masks of disdain and childish hate. In the end, however, it was of no use.
Even back then, the two had had a dynamic between them he envied. She was keeping Roy in check and he accepted that Riza was pushing him whenever he needed her to.
But… where did he stand with them? At times like this, watching them banter over cooking dinner, it was like he was the child that just tagged along. The lover they only kept out of some sense of duty. They made him feel welcome with them, yes, but was he really? They told him they loved him, but what kind of love did they mean?
It had been months since they welcomed him with them. Weeks since he had started to question his place with them. Days since he made a decision.
He would tell them how he felt; what he questioned. They rarely talked about things like that, but he knew he couldn't keep it in any longer. Either all his fears would be put to rest…
… or he would finally wake up.
I hope you enjoyed! Even though even I think this is kinda weird^^;; I blame this on being in the chat while writing this XDDD