Word Count: 1.547
Warnings: angst that turns into a little bit of sap later on XD
Summary: Finally not able to take any more of that insecurity about his place with his lovers, Ed talks to them.
Author's Note: One of kettle_cat's prompts on my angst drabble prompt post. She wanted a sequel to 'Walking a Dream' about the aforementioned talk, so here it is ^_^
Ed didn't know why, but just having made the decision to talk to his lovers made him feel lighter. He was afraid of what the outcome would be, but… he would finally know.
He decided to do it on the next weekend after he made his decision. Having either of them stressed out from work when he brought the subject up wouldn't be good. And while they both usually managed to relax with him on the evenings, a Saturday, when they had time to re-charge and enjoy some time together, seemed the better option to him.
The next few days went by in a blur. Ed couldn't be sure, but he thought that Riza had caught on to the fact that something was bothering him. She kept giving him questioning glances every now and then, but she didn't press; only giving his shoulder a squeeze in passing or making a similar gesture. That was one of the things he loved about her. She was astute and always a supportive presence, but she never would push herself on you if you needed time to work through something on your own.
By the time Saturday rolled around, the blond was a nervous wreck. Yes, he wanted, needed, to know, but… this also could mean the end of the happiest time in his life. The end of his dream.
Saturday morning finally came, starting like so many others with the three of them first sleeping in – even Riza, as Ed had found, liked to be lazy when she had downtime – and then cuddling and making out before finally getting up. It had become a routine that they all enjoyed. Ed for his part soaked it in, not wanting for it to end, just in case it would be the last time.
Later, after a light lunch, they all found themselves in the living room, as they usually would on a Saturday afternoon. Roy and Ed each with a book in their hands and Riza sitting on the small table, cleaning her guns. The blond had wondered once if that wouldn't count as a work-related activity, but she had explained that it was something she liked to do, therefore she did it in her spare time.
Not able to concentrate on the book in his hand, he finally put it down, taking a deep breath. It was now or never. Trying to push his nervousness aside, he learned back into the cushions of the couch, looking at them both.
"Tell me… that evening after the first time we had sex… did you want me to come back?" he asked, as casually as he could manage.
Blinking, Roy put his own book down, marking the page with a finger while Riza looked up, a slight frown on her face; putting the piece she had just cleaned aside.
"Ed?" the older man asked, obviously not understanding what their lover was playing at. Riza meanwhile looked like things finally made sense in her head and a sad, if slightly guilty, look came over her face. Edward prayed the guilt wasn't a sign that he was right. Instead of jumping to conclusions, he took another deep breath.
"I mean, you never said anything, but I kinda just always assumed… the first time we had sex we were all pretty drunk. It only occurred to me later that the situation in itself screamed after a one-night stand. Only… like I said, you two never gave me any sign that I was wrong, but it has started to bothering me lately, that maybe I've pushed myself on you and you never wanted me here. And if that's the case I feel awful, but…"
His rambling was cut short as Riza, who had gotten up, sat down beside him, taking one of his hands in hers and squeezing slightly. He let his head fall forward into his free hand, masking his bright red face with his bangs.
Oh great, this was coming out perfectly calm and collected you idiot. Now they know you've been doubting them.
Seeing that this was obviously something that hurt their lover more than he was willing to let on, Roy also came over; sitting down on Ed's other side, wrapping one of his arms around him, trying to be reassuring. After sharing a glance with Riza they finally nodded, coming to a decision.
"I have to admit, we never really thought you would ever ask us this," Riza started, the guilty expression of earlier now plain to see on her face, though the young man in their midst couldn't see it from his position. Looking down at their joint hands, she continued.
"I admit, after we first realized that you appeared to have a crush on us, we thought the best way to make it go away would be to have sex with you. Just one night and that would be it."
She felt him wince and then stiffen up and started to rub her thumbs over his hand, glad that she was on his left side and that he would be able to feel it.
"We never expected to enjoy it so much ourselves," Roy took up the explanation, obviously realizing that Riza didn't want to talk about this. While he was reluctant himself, Ed deserved to know the truth.
"The sex that night was obviously alcohol induced, but the next morning we still wanted to continue. It was as if something that had been missing before finally fell right into place."
Ed looked up at that, hope shimmering in his eyes. True, this wasn't the perfect explanation he had hoped for, but it still didn't sound too bad, right? There was still something to hope for.
"After you left our house that morning we didn't know what to make out of this all. You had seemed so happy, but you also didn't stay. We thought that maybe our first theory, that your crush was just based on an unsolved sexual fantasy, might be true and that now, that it was fulfilled, you wanted to go back to normal," the black-haired man continued, looking a bit uncomfortable himself.
"The day that had followed had been… bad," Riza continued, her voice strangely subdued.
"We had realized that there was something missing between us, and our chance to fill it had just walked out the door. We weren't even really talking the whole day, just dancing around each other and feeling guilty for not being enough, for wanting more than the other could give."
"And then you came back that evening, as if it was the most natural thing to do," Roy took over again, now a slightly amused tone in his voice.
"I didn't know what I wanted to do to you at first – hit you for making us worry all day or just take you in my arms and make sure you would stay. That was when I realized that we didn't have any right to be angry with you. We never told you to stay or to come back. You just… seemed to have read our minds."
The arm around Ed's waist tightened a bit, trying to pull him closer against the older man. The blond didn't have to hesitate over that, gratefully leaning his head against the other's shoulder and closing his eyes, fighting the tears that wanted to spill out.
Oh god thanks…
Riza also had changed her position, now kneeing in front of the younger man to be able to directly look him into his face, still holding onto his hand.
"We were so glad to have you back, Ed. And we never regretted our decision once. Maybe our initial plan hadn't been the best, but we really want you here with us. Don't doubt that," she told him gently and he finally let out another shaky breath and looked at them both. His eyes still shimmered slightly and there was a shy little smile on his face.
"Thank you," he told them, his face still slightly red from embarrassment. "I know I shouldn't have doubted you two, but… I needed to know."
"Never feel bad for telling us what you think, Edward. We love you and we would rather you talk to us than suffer in silence," Roy assured him before grasping his head and tilting it up with his free hand and placing a gentle kiss on his lips, coaxing out a real smile out of the younger man for the first time in days.
Pulling on his hand, Ed caused Riza to get up and sit down on his lap, her right arm wrapping around him as she leaned against his shoulder. It wasn't the best fit, but neither of them minded. His own arm came to lie at her hip, his fingers taking hold of her hand.
Only then, in the embrace of both his lovers, was he finally able to let go of the fear. Basking in the warmth of their bodies close to his, he closed his eyes and let himself drift off, feeling drained emotionally to a point where he needed the rest.
It was over now. He had his answer. They really wanted him, loved him.
He could let go of the fear now.
And continue to walk his dream.
I hope you liked how this turned out in the end ^_^ *hugs*