"When it's up to deep feelings, there's no morality that can overcome the real desire to keep him/her to ourselves."

The Icy Mirror Chapter

Inside these four walls I can feel her spiritual energy… intense and converged into a unique being. I'm glad I got to know her… I was honored with the opportunity to fight by her side… but I'm feeling miserable for being nothing other than this… and for being nothing but my cowardly and self-centered "me". Since the Academy I've been told to separate myself from "human affairs" and focus on my hierarchic position… but since I lay my eyes on her I feel weird. As if my heart would implode inside my chest until I feel nothing but pain. *sigh* What is wrong with me?

- Captain! You shouldn't be sleeping!

Matsumoto's annoying voice makes me want to kill her… and why the hell is she yelling at me for? She's always sneaking out the building to skip work, which results in me having to do both mine and her paperwork.

- … need something?

- Oh, you look a mess. Are you ok ?

As she approaches the desk I wish she would just go away. I'm not in the mood for this talk…

- I'm fine, go back to work.

- But… Captain…

- Please Matsumoto. Leave me alone.

She turns back and heads for the door… but soon her footsteps stop.

- I respect you Captain… but ignoring problems does not solve them.

- … the same way you solved yours with Ichimaru?

Her twisted expression stares at me like she was about to cry. I'm aware I went too far, but I need her to go. I'm no good company for the time being.

- Captain Hitsugaya… I can't understand the reason for your coldness towards people… but I hope you don't forget to attend Seika's farewell party…

Matsumoto closes the door, leaving me alone with my thoughts. I know I've never been social… but when did I became cruel?