Chris Goes Bat Wild
Story Written by Freedom Fighter

Taking place in-between the events of Episodes 12 and 13 of 'Total Drama World Tour,' this humorous tale has Chris challenging the nine remaining contestants to a friendly game of baseball. But things don't stay friendly for long, especially when Chris McLean is involved. You'll see what I mean.

Obviously, this contains spoilers for 'Total Drama World Tour' up to the end of Episode 12, which at the start of this story, has only aired in the U.S. and Australia... so, keep that in mind. On the same token, this is not the fic to be dumping spoilers for episodes beyond that in the reviews!

Disclaimer: The characters of the 'Total Drama' series belong to Fresh TV, Inc., Teletoon, and Cartoon Network, not me.

Chapter One (10.18.10)

It was the morning after Izzy and DJ had left the game, the former due to serious injury and the latter because... well, his team lost, and he was the only member of that team remaining. The departure of those two left only nine competitors in the game. The last one standing was going to win one million dollars. But the competition had been brought to a halt immediately following DJ's elimination because the show had run over budget. So far over that there actually wasn't any money left to spend. To make matters worse, the plane that had been carrying them all over the world had crashed on the sandy beaches of Montego Bay, Jamaica, after it had ran out of fuel.

With no money to continue the show, you'd think the competitors could just go home, back to Canada, and abandon completing the game. But they couldn't even do that! So they were pretty much stranded in the Caribbean, their immediate futures unknown.

For the members of Team Amazon, that seemed like a fate worse than death.

"I can't believe we're stuck here!" Heather shouted. "What kind of host blows the budget on a hot tub that works in an airplane?"

Gwen looked over at Courtney.

"Can't you call your lawyers to bail us out?"

"It... doesn't work that way," Courtney replied. "Besides, I can't sue the show for running out of money."

The three girls then look across the aisle in economy class, and saw one person elated despite the circumstances... and another shaking in mortal terror.

"As long as I'm with Cody," cooed Sierra, "we can be stranded here forever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever!"

Sierra then leaned over and licked the side of Cody's face with her tongue.

"Help?" he pleaded.

But things were a little more pleasant up in first class, where Team Chris is Really Really Really Really Hot were munching on peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. Okay, so it wasn't exactly high-class, but given what was left in the plane's pantry, they were lucky they were still being presented with real food.

And Owen certainly wasn't complaining... he was inhaling them nearly whole. Or, as fast as the interns could put them in his mouth, given his inability to move his limbs thanks to the previous day's accident.

"Keep 'em coming, guy!" Owen shouted between mouthfuls.

Alejandro and Noah just sat there silently and watched, as they slowly ate their sandwiches, while Tyler tossed his half-eaten one aside, unable to eat anymore.

Suddenly, they heard Chris' voice booming over the plane's loudspeaker.

"Attention everyone! Please gather in the dining room for an important announcement!"

The nine teenagers gathered in the dining quarters, where Chris was waiting for them.

"As you all know," Chris told them, "we're stuck here until we find a way to earn enough money to fix the plane and continue the show."

"You're not gonna make us get a jobs, are you?" Cody asked.

"No... but I'll keep that in mind in case THIS doesn't work."

"This?" wondered Heather out loud. "What does THAT mean?"

"Well, it turns out that the locals here are HUGE 'Total Drama' fans!"

"So that means they're paying us to make sure our tortuous journey continues?" Noah asked. "Figures."

"I didn't think Jamaica was rich enough to do that," noted Gwen.

"They aren't," Chris said. "Which is why they can only give us half the money we need. To get the rest, they offered to hold a charity baseball game! The nine of you versus the local all-stars!"

"Baseball?" the nine of them shouted.

"Okay..." Courtney jumped in, "does anyone here know how to play baseball?"

"Ooh!" Tyler raised his hand with enthusiasm. "I do! I do!"

"Okay... anyone OTHER than Tyler?"


"Goody," Noah remarked sarcastically. "America's pastime. We care SO much."

"Wait... it's a charity game!" interjected Alejandro. "No one's going to care if we win or lose. The locals just will help us out of the goodness of their hearts by us showing up and giving them a thrill!"

"That's great!" Owen exclaimed. "I'm sure they'd love all of us! Right, Al?"

Alejandro frowned at Owen abbreviating his name again.

"Al? Al? C'mon, Al? Right? Right? Right, Al? Al?"

"I'm for it!" Sierra shouted, before wrapping her arms around Cody. "I love a man in uniform. Particularly if it's Cody!"

"Um," Cody rose his hand, "on that note, can I vote no?"

"I'm with Cody," agreed Gwen. "There's gotta be something more charitable than playing baseball for others' amusement."

"Well," Chris smirked evilly, "the other idea WAS for people to bid money to see all of you eat disgusting local delicacies, but..."

"I vote for baseball!" Heather quickly spoke up, remembering a certain challenge from Season One that she'd rather forget.

Tyler, Noah, Alejandro, and Courtney all agreed, raising their hands as well. Gwen, seeing all the 'yay' hands, gave in as well.

"That's more than enough... baseball game it is!" Chris decided.

Chef walked in, carrying an armful of books... which he promptly plopped on the dining tables.

"Game's in a week! You'd better study up!"

With that, Chris and Chef laughed maniacally as they exited the room, prompting confused stares from the entire group.

Two days later...

"THIS is where we're playing the game?" screeched Courtney.

Chris had taken the nine teenagers to the sandlot where the charity game was going to be played. And it was exactly that... a sandlot. There was no backstop, the dugouts were dirty and their walls lined with graffiti, the outfield grass looked as if it hadn't been mowed in months and it was also littered with trash, a portion of the outfield fence was missing, and there was no scoreboard.

"What can I say," Chris shrugged, "Jamaica isn't exactly a hotbed of professional baseball players."

"I have a feeling I know where this is going," deadpanned Gwen.

Gwen's feelings were on the money, as Chris tossed her a broom. The others were similarly outfitted with cleaning tools and supplies.

"We offered to do some grounds-keeping, and by we, I mean the nine of you! After all, how can we have a game if there's no field to play on?"

So with that, the nine teens reluctantly got to work cleaning and beautifying the field. Owen and Tyler mowed the grass, while Cody, Sierra, and Heather painted the dugout walls, Gwen and Courtney picked up garbage, and Alejandro and Noah were stuck installing a temporary backstop and outfield wall.

"How is this charity?" Heather audibly grumbled. "We're doing grunt work!"

But their efforts would pay off, as the field underwent a radical change and definitely looked playable by the time they were done.

After a good night's rest, the group of nine were back on the field. But this time, it was to practice. The first order of business?

"We have to choose a manager!" Courtney said aloud. "The manager is the one in charge of making all personnel decisions. That being said..."

"I know where you going, sister," cut in Heather, "and the answer is no, you're NOT assigning yourself manager!"

"And why not?"

"Because we're NOT winning if we have to listen to you bark orders the whole game!"

"Well, if Heather doesn't like it," interjected Gwen, "then I second Courtney as manager."

"WHAT?" screamed Heather.

"Why, thank you, Gwen!" Courtney smiled. "Besides, Heather... I don't see anyone else clamoring for the position!"

"Well, I am!"

"And Cody is too!" suggested Sierra.

"What?" Cody's eyes went wide. "But I don't know anything about managing baseball!"

"But I know everything about baseball!" Tyler jumped in. "Make ME the manager!"

"Ack!" Owen shouted. "Too many choices!"

"Why don't we put it to a vote?" asked Alejandro. "That would be the more sensible thing to do."

Everyone looked at each other, and agreed that was the way to go. Sierra spotted a bag full of baseball supplies randomly sitting in one of the dugouts. She ran over and pulled a batting helmet and a notepad out of it.

"Everyone write down the name of the person you want as captain on a piece of paper!" Sierra shouted.

After everyone had voted, they decided that Noah should count the votes. He went off for a couple minutes to count them in the dugout, then returned to announce the results.

"Sheesh," he complained, "I know this is a charity game, but some of the votes didn't even match with whom was nominated. Somebody voted for me, and I assure you, I want nothing to do with being captain."

Everyone was puzzled as to who voted for him.

"And there was one vote for Sierra..."

Sierra was surprised and elated at the same time, and immediately hugged Cody hard, thinking he was the one who cast the vote for her.

"But there was one clear winner. Courtney..."

"Yes," Courtney pumped her fist with excitement.

"It's not you. It's... Alejandro."

"WHAT?" Courtney, Heather, and Gwen shouted in unison.

"I demand a recount!" Courtney exclaimed.

Noah willingly handed the helmet full of crumpled paper balls to Courtney, and she recounted it herself, with Heather leaning in to verify herself.

"No way... Alejandro was the only one who got more than one vote! How did THAT happen?"

"He must've rigged the vote," Heather quickly concluded. "He didn't even offer to be captain!"

"What can I say," Alejandro admitted. "All of your mouths said 'no,' but your eyes said 'yes.' But..."

"But?" Heather raised an eyebrow.

"If Courtney truly wants to be manager, then who am I to get in her way? She has clear leadership experience, after all."

"That's very nice of you," Courtney said of the gesture.

Everyone instantly nodded with approval of Alejandro's generosity. Even...

"Ugh," Heather sighed, "I suppose Courtney's better than Alejandro. Barely..."

"Good!" declared Courtney. "Then I'm manager!"

Courtney went to work trying to figure out the best positions to play everyone. Some were no-brainers, like designating Owen as catcher and putting Cody in the outfield. Other decisions, however...

"I wanna be with Cody!" demanded Sierra.

"How am I an outfielder?" objected Heather.

"I wanna be as far away from the ball as possible," requested Gwen.

"Can I just sit the game out?" asked an uncaring Noah.

"AND HOW DO YOU GET TO BE PITCHER?" half the team yelled at Courtney.

"Because I'M manager!" Courtney proclaimed. "Oh, and..."

Standing on the mound, she wound up her throwing arm and fired an underhanded bullet towards home plate. It crossed over the center of the plate and landed squarely in Owen's large catcher's mitt with enough force that it actually pushed him backwards two inches.

"Holy moly, that's a spicy meatball!" Owen shouted, feeling a little bit of stinging in his catching hand.

"THAT'S why!" Courtney smirked.

"Where'd you learn to pitch like that?" asked Cody.

"At camp. We had an end-of-summer softball game, and I was the starting pitcher for my team. Four perfect innings!"

"Only four?" Tyler looked at her. "Why didn't you pitch more?"

Courtney hesitated to answer, but Sierra filled in the blanks.

"Because she hit the first batter she faced in the fifth inning with a fastball... RIGHT IN THE GROIN!"

All the boys gulped as Courtney gasped in shock.

"They say it was because the batter motioned he was going to knock her first pitch out of the park, but I heard it was because the guy had tried to slap her in the bu..."

"It was a complete disrespect of my authority!" Courtney explained while covering Sierra's mouth to shut her up. "And he was nine, for crying out loud!"

"I wouldn't want to be the other team on Saturday," Noah remarked. "Yeesh..."

After finally getting everyone happy with what position they were playing, the next step was getting in batting practice. It was conducted without an outfield, as everyone rotated between either being in the infield or getting ready to bat.

Tyler willingly was the first one to step into the batter's box against Courtney, as Cody and Sierra stood in the on-deck circle together.

"Gimme your best shot!" Tyler shouted. "I can hit anything!"

Courtney obliged and threw an underhanded fastball down the middle. Tyler swung... and missed by a mile!

"Strike one!" Owen shouted under his catcher's mask.

"Lucky!" Tyler shouted at Courtney. "I DARE you to try that again!"

Courtney got the ball back from Owen, and, again, obliged to Tyler's request. Unfortunately for the jock, the result was the same.

"Strike two!"

"Are you even trying?" Heather shouted from her shortstop position.

Tyler grumbled.

"You can do it!" Alejandro tried to encourage him from first base.

Owen threw the ball back to Courtney and she prepared to throw her next pitch. Tyler had a determined look on his face, as he didn't want to sit down without making contact with the ball.

"One more time, Courtney!"

"You'd better hit it this time!" Courtney shouted back.

Courtney went into her wind-up and hurled her third straight fastball. Tyler swung for the fences...

But once more, the result was the same. Ball hitting Owen's mitt.

"And you're OUT!" Owen declared, as Tyler was tilting backwards with one leg in the air.

Courtney should've been happy to get a strikeout, but she knew they couldn't win the game by her pitching alone. They had to get a hit on offense to score.

She continued to pitch her way through the rest of team, starting with Cody, who also went down swinging on three pitches, followed by Sierra, who did the same. Noah was next, but he took three called strikes without swinging at all. Gwen was the first to actually manage to whack one of Courtney's pitches with her bat... but it flew 10 feet straight up in the air and back down, right into Owen's waiting glove.

In frustration, Courtney accidentally threw her very next pitch right at Heather's head. She ducked, then responded by charging the mound, at which Courtney actually started to run the other way.

"YOU DID THAT ON PURPOSE!" Heather yelled.

Everyone watched as Heather chased Courtney all around the field.

"I'm so glad we're only playing this for charity," Cody noted, "because we stink!"

"You most certainly do!"

The entire team turned their attention to Chris, who had reappeared after having gone supposedly missing for a few days. That included Courtney and Heather, who ended their wild chase.

"Where have you been?" Gwen asked.

"My job!" Chris replied.

"I thought this was us versus Jamaica?" Alejandro wondered out loud.

"Yeah!" Heather cut in. "Shouldn't you be helping us?"

"Like I said before... Jamaica! Not exactly a hotbed for professional baseball players. That's why me and some of the crew will be playing for the local all-star team. And yours truly is the manager!"

"That figures," Noah rolled his eyes.

"Anyway, I come bearing gifts!"

Chris snapped his fingers, and Chef walked up carrying a large cardboard box, which he dropped in front of the teens.

"Uniforms for the lot of you!"

He opened the box and tossed a shirt and a cap at the nearest person, who happened to be Tyler. The white cap with lime green bill, predictably, had Chris' face on it, while the shirt, on the other hand... was just a white short sleeve shirt.

"Is this it?" Tyler asked.

"And where are the pants?" questioned Courtney.

Chris groaned in disgust.

"What part of POOR COUNTRY don't you understand? You should be lucky to be getting shirts at all!"

Tyler looked at the back of his shirt and saw he had the number '13' on it, along with his name. Chef rifled through the box and passed the rest of the uniforms out.

"First pitch is at high noon, Saturday!" Chris informed them. "Oh, and one more thing... I've decided to place a friendly wager on the game. You know, to entice the locals more to come out and watch."

"Like what?" queried Cody, though he feared the answer.

"You guys win, and I guarantee all of you that the next round will be non-elimination! You guys lose, and... well, let's just say I wouldn't if I were you."

The nine teens looked at each other, wondering what Chris meant by that. Or, maybe they did know and were afraid of how bad it would be to them.

"Oh, Chris," cooed Sierra, "you always know how to ramp up suspense!"

"That's what I do," Chris took the compliment in stride. "I'm a reality show host, after all."

"Very well," Heather said aloud. "Then we won't lose this game! You can bet on that, Chris!"

"We shall see," Chris smirked evilly.

Finally, it was game day. Small sets of temporary bleachers were installed behind each of the dugouts, but they were dozens of locals scattered all around the fences the entire way around the field. A temporary manual scoreboard had been put up right above the fence in right field, right next to the foul pole out there. And right behind home plate, on a platform sitting atop the lifts of a forklift, was the 'announcer's booth,' which consisted of two stools, two yellow hard hats, and two wired microphones.

And stuck holding the microphones were Geoff and Bridgette, who for some reason were in Jamaica and had been roped into calling the game.

"Hello, mon!" greeted Geoff, "and welcome to the first-ever TOTAL... DRAMA... CHARITY BASEBALL GAME!"

The onlookers in the bleachers behind the dugouts applauded softly.

"Today, the cast of Total Drama World Tour takes on the All-Stars of Jamaica in a slugfest that promises to be full of zany antics and balls clocking people in the head! Oh, before I forget... I'm Geoff, and I'll be providing the play-by-play for today's game!"

He then motioned to his left, where Bridgette nervously sat.

"And to my left is my lovely color commentator, Bridgette!"

"Uh... hi!" she waved meekly, to no one in particular.

"Relax, Bridge! It's cool, mon!"

"But... it is safe being this high up? And aren't we a bit exposed?"

"Yes, we are... but that's what makes it exciting! Up here, we have just as good a chance at being beaned by a foul ball as any random person in the seats!"


"Psst..." Geoff learned over and whispered into Bridgette's ear, "don't worry, babe! If anything flies this way, I'll be sure to protect you!"

Reassured by that, Bridgette breathed a sigh of relief.

"Now then..." resumed Geoff, "this is a charity game! All funds from tickets to this game, along with profits from merchandise and concessions, will be used to help save 'Total Drama World Tour,' allowing them to fly out of here and resume the game!"

"But Geoff!"

Bridgette had a valid objection to her boyfriend's claim, as she held up a briefcase with money in it.

"We had that telethon, remember? We've got ten suitcases, just like this one, with 50,000 dollars each in them? You know... the money the fans of the show PLEDGED to help save all of our careers?"

Geoff snatched the briefcase and tossed it off the platform, right into the lap of some random Jamaican man sitting in the bleachers.

"I have no idea what you're talking about, Bridge! And neither does the Total Drama team... WHICH IS NOW ENTERING THE FIELD!"

Courtney led her team out onto the field, all of them waving happily at their fans. Until they realized... no one was waving back. Or applauding their arrival. Or holding signs supporting them. Or... doing anything that even remotely showed they cared being there.

"Some fans we have here," grumbled Noah.

"And now," Geoff shouted, "the Jamaican All-Stars!"

The home team ran out on the field, and the crowd erupted with massive fanfare. This despite the fact that the team consisted of Chris, four interns, Sasquatchanakwa, the bear, Mr. Coconut, and, last but not least, one... actually Jamaican teenage boy with dreadlocks.

"Hold on a minute!" Courtney shouted, marching to home plate.

Heather was with her as the two girls went up to Chef, who was acting as the game's umpire, and as such, was dressed for the occasion.

"I thought the opposing team was supposed to have actual Jamaicans!" argued Courtney.

"Some of them aren't even human!" complained Heather. "One isn't even alive!"

"Oh, Mr. Coconut!" they heard Owen cry from well behind them. "WHY HAVE YOU BETRAYED ME?"

"Again!" Chris came over to defend his team's players, "JAMAICA SUCKS AT BASEBALL! I have to field some kind of team, y'know!"

Chef nodded. "I'll allow it! PLAY BALL!"

"What?" Courtney screamed. "That's so unfair!"

As Courtney argued about the validity of Chris' team, Geoff commentated on the situation.

"Will Courtney accept Chris McLean's rag-a-muffin team? What dreadful thing will the cast have to do if they lose this game? Can a coconut actually play baseball? Those questions will be answered soon, 'cause the first pitch is next! Here at the TOTAL... DRAMA... CHARITY BASEBALL GAME!"

To be continued...