Chris Goes Bat Wild
Story Written by Freedom Fighter

Apologies for the delay, but I'm ready to end this! Will Team Total Drama triumph? I shouldn't have to tell you how to find out, right?

Disclaimer: The characters of the 'Total Drama' series belong to Fresh TV, Inc., Teletoon, and Cartoon Network, not me.

Chapter Five (11.18.10)

"We've got one great ball game here," announced Courtney, "Team Total Drama has just tied the game at four thanks to a two-RBI single by Alejandro. And now that Heather's coming to bat... let's hope she strikes out."

"I HEARD THAT!" Heather yelled from down on the field.

Meanwhile, Chris had chosen the Jamaican local to be the new pitcher, and the crowd was going crazy as he took his warm-up pitches.

"Great," commented Heather, "now Chris will even have the home crowd against me!"

"Like I said," Noah murmured, "we should quit while the quitting's good!"

Heather then looked over at Alejandro, who was stretching while keeping one foot on first base. Upon seeing this, she frowned.

"No way! If Alejandro can bring in two runs just like that, well... so can I!"

"You DO realize that means to match him," Gwen cut in, "you'd have to hit a home run."

She then added, with uncertainty...

"I... think?"

"Let me do the thinking, okay?" Heather grumbled.

She then saw Chef signal the pitcher to make his last warm-up throw, and Heather started trotting towards the batter's box.

"It's only a tie ball game!" Alejandro shouted. "No pressure!"

"Oh, cram it!" Heather shouted back, wise to Alejandro's intention to do the opposite.

Heather stepped in, and play resumed.

"Hey, batter batter!" she suddenly heard someone yell. "Hey, batter batter! Hey, batter batter, swing, batter!"

It was Chris. And, shortly, thereafter, he wasn't alone, as the crowd joined in the distracting chatter session.

"Hey, batter batter! Hey, batter batter! Hey, batter batter!"

"You're using THAT against me?" Heather yelled. "REALLY?"

The pitcher went in his wind-up, and flung his first pitch. But Heather was determined to shut up everyone out. She swung the bat as hard as she could muster, and she made contact with the ball. It was a scorcher through the right side of the infield, slipping underneath the legs of Sasquatchanakwa and into right field. Heather raised her hands in triumph as she ran to the first.

Geoff fielded the ball and threw it back in, keeping Heather from entertaining any thoughts of trying for two. That, and Sasquatchanakwa had decided to block her path.

"Okay, then..." Heather raised her hands in safety as she stepped back to the bag, "a single it is, then."

Alejandro only managed one bag on the hit as well, which meant there were now runners on first and second with two outs in the top of the eighth.

"TIME!" Chris yelled as he put his hands up, then mumbled some choice words under his breath.

"Ugh," growled Noah, who was next up. "How long must you prolong my torture?"

"Shut up!" Chris shouted back, point blank. "I'm making another pitching change!"

The crowd started to boo, seeing as their hometown representative was being taken off the mound after only one pitch. But Chris ignored them as he snatched the ball from the Jamaican teen and then pointed to right field. The boos got even louder at that gesture.

"Listen to this crowd boo!" Courtney commented. "I think Chris may have made himself even more unpopular than Heather! Well, he deserves it, I say!"

But the fact that the Jamaican was heading for right field means that Chris' next choice to pitch was...

"Geoff?" Bridgette jumped up off the bench. "He's putting Geoff on the mound?"

Sure enough, as Geoff made his way to the pitcher's mound, Chris was all smiles as he held up the ball for the Aftermath co-host to see. Yet the boos were the loudest of all upon him reaching his destination and getting the ball handed to him by Chris.

"Are you sure about this?" Geoff asked. "The crowd doesn't sound happy at all!"

"Your job isn't to do what makes the crowd happy!" Chris said to him. "Your job is to make me happy! And you can do that by STRIKING THE OTHER TEAM OUT!"

"Chris can't do this!" Bridgette exclaimed. "If Geoff's pitching, that means that... I'm going to have to go up against him!"

"It's okay," Gwen reassured her friend, putting a hand on her shoulder, "Geoff's a cool guy. I'm sure he'll cut you some slack. As well as the rest of us. We're his friends after all!"

Three pitches later...

"That boyfriend of yours is a MONSTER!" complained Noah as he trotted back to the dugout after having been struck out, passing Gwen and Bridgette on the way.

"Did you know he could pitch like THAT?" Gwen asked Bridgette.

"How should I know?" she responded. "I didn't even know what baseball was until today!"

The two girls removed their batting helmets as they followed Noah back into the dugout, when Bridgette suddenly came to a realization.

"Say... you're not gonna keep that on, are you?"

Bridgette was pointing out the fact that Gwen was still wearing the cheerleader uniform Sierra had made her put on.

"Ugh," Gwen scoffed, "I almost forgot about it! Hold on..."

Gwen changed back into her baseball outfit, only to come face-to-face with an irate Heather as she returned.

"Where have you been?" Heather asked.


"Chris' team scored two runs while you were off playing dress up!"


Gwen quickly glanced at the scoreboard... and saw that it still read 4-4, and the other team's first batter hadn't stepped up to the plate yet.

"...which is what I would be saying if Chef wasn't kind enough to wait for you to come back! Now, get in position already!"

Gwen frowned as she marched past Heather and towards her spot in the infield. Bridgette met her halfway, handing her friend her glove.

"Next chance I get," Gwen mumbled as she took it from Bridgette, "I'm making sure Heather's going home."

"Next chance I get," Heather shouted at Gwen, after the inning was over, "I'm making sure YOU'RE going home!"

"Make me feel worse, why don't ya?" Gwen shot back sarcastically.

But Gwen knew Heather had reason to be even angrier thanks to the one throwing error she made that actually did allow Team Jamaica to score two runs. It came after she made an errant throw home to try and get the lead runner in a bases-loaded situation. But she threw it so far off target that Owen wasn't able to get to it, and it passed him and went to the backstop.

"This sucks!" grumbled Tyler. "Down two with only three outs left!"

"Well," Heather growled, "somebody BETTER do SOMETHING about it!"

She reached the dugout and flung a batting helmet at Gwen, who reached up just in time to catch just inches from clocking her in the head.

"Will you give her a break?" Bridgette came to Gwen's defense. "It's not like Gwen's trying to throw the game!"

"Oh, hush!" Heather shouted. "You're only here because we need you, outsider!"

Heather then chucked another helmet, this one at Bridgette. But lucky for her, Alejandro stepped in the way and caught it easily. He smiled as he then turned around and handed it to Bridgette.

"And don't think that means I've forgiven you," Bridgette said as she took it from him.

Alejandro ignored the idle threat and walked back to Heather.

"You know," he said to her, "you shouldn't be so hard on your fellow teammates."

"Whatever," Heather rolled her eyes. "Like I care what you say."

Heather made her way to the far end of the bench, which became vacated after Cody and Noah saw her stomping their way. Alejandro smirked before taking a seat as well.

Meanwhile, Geoff was on his way to the mound to pitch again when Chris stopped him.

"No sandbagging!" Chris warned him, "Otherwise, you're off the show!"

Geoff simply nodded, understanding the order. He then watched Chris walk past him as the Aftermath co-host glanced across the diamond and saw Gwen and Bridgette standing together in the on-deck circle.

"Oh, crap!" Geoff thought to himself, "I have to face Bridgey-bear this inning? Oh boy..."

"Team Total Drama is down to their last at-bat," Courtney stated, "and they're behind six to four! Gwen's going to lead off."

She then added, with loud enthusiasm.


"HEY!" Chris yelled at Courtney, "I only let you back in because we needed a play-by-play for the folks at home! NO PLAYING FAVORITES!"

Courtney huffed as she crossed her arms over her chest. Nevertheless, she heeded Chris' warning and immediately went back to being non-bias.

"BATTER UP!" Chef screamed.

The crowd got loud as Gwen stepped into the batter's box. The pressure was on her to get the inning off to a good start. But with Geoff on the mound as the opposing pitcher, she wasn't sure what to expect.

"I sure hope Geoff goes easy on me," Gwen mumbled.

"Don't bet on it," the catcher, one of Chris' interns, said in reply after hearing her.

"Hey! That was a private thought!"

Gwen then shook her head, trying to get her mind back on the task at hand. Geoff was receiving signals from the catcher, and he shook two off before nodding in acceptance for the third. Geoff went into the wind-up, and the pitch...

Crossed right over the center of the plate, albeit a bit low. Gwen took it, hoping to get a favorable call...

"Strike one!"

Gwen decided not to argue against it, and let the catcher throw the ball back. She then glanced over towards her dugout. Her team was looking on with interest, especially Heather. Gwen took a deep breath then turned her attention back to Geoff.

Geoff got the signal, then tossed his second pitch. It was just a tad outside, but Gwen took a swing at it anyway. Ball met bat, and the spherical object was on the ground and rolling. Gwen dropped the bat and ran for first as fast as she could. The ball was heading for Sasquatchanakwa, who was positioned on the edge of the infield grass. Geoff also ran towards first, in case his teammate needed to make a throw to get Gwen out.

But the folklore creature scooped the ball up and made a beeline for the bag. Seeing this, Gwen and Geoff both skidded to a stop. Just in time, too, as Sasquatchanakwa stomped on the bag, squashing it in the process.

"You're OUT!" Chef shouted as he made the matching gesture.

"Whoa..." Gwen gasped, "THAT was close..."

"I'll say," Geoff added. "He was gonna flatten the both of us like a pancake!"

Gwen jogged back to the dugout as Geoff returned to the mound. As Chef signaled for someone to get a replacement bag for the one that just got pounded, Geoff noticed Bridgette stepping up to the plate.

The couple stared at each other awkwardly, not sure of how to react as the two were about to face off in a tight game. They continued to do so for what felt like hours, until they heard Chef's shouts for play to resume... a mere three minutes after the end of the previous play.

"C'mon, Geoff," he said to himself as he got his first signal from his catcher. "Just think of Bridgette as the enemy, and you'll get through this."

"Get your head in the game!" Bridgette said to herself. "It's just Geoff. I'm sure he'll take it easy on his girlfriend."

Geoff finally decided on a pitch and let it fly. It was a screwball low and away. But Bridgette didn't think it was that far off the plate, and she took a swing. Unfortunately, she missed, and the crowd cheered in response.

"Hang in there!" Gwen shouted.

Bridgette nodded, then stepped back in. A look of determination formed on her face, but Geoff mistook it for...

"Is... is she angry at me?" he thought. "Hmmm... maybe I should make the next one easier to hit."

Geoff tossed his next pitch a little slower, almost directly over the plate. Bridgette took a swing at it, and put the ball in play. It was a one-hopper to Chris himself, who was in great position to field it. But after the ball got to his mitt, he had trouble getting it out to make the throw to first. After a couple tries, he got possession of it and threw it as hard as he could.

At the same exact time, Bridgette, almost already at first, suddenly tripped over her own feet. She fell forward, and, almost instinctively, extended her arms in front of her, reaching for the base. But with Sasquatchanakwa's big feet, there wasn't much for her to touch.

Not that it mattered... as when Bridgette hit the ground stomach-first, her extended fingers were still about half a foot short of the bag. Sasquatchanakwa received the throw from Chris with his left foot still on the bag, and Chef declared Bridgette out on the spot.

Two away, and Team Total Drama was now down to its last out.

"Bridge!" Geoff shouted with concern.

"Nuh uh," Chris said just as Geoff was about to step off the mound. "Take one more step, and not only will you be fired from the show, but Bridgette will be as well!"

"Ugh! Not cool, man!"

Bridgette got to her feet and took the long walk of shame back to the dugout, using her hands to brush the dirt off of her uniform on the way. Meanwhile, some of the spectators got to their feet and started coming down off of the bleachers, believing the game was over.

"Looks like the home crowd thinks this game is decided," Courtney said, making an observation. "With Gwen and Bridgette both getting cut down at first, Team Total Drama only has one out to give. Oh... if only there was someone who could save the day!"

"Ha ha!" Chris laughed. "One more out, and I win!"

Sasquatchanakwa threw the ball to Geoff, and Team Jamaica's pitcher tried to psych himself up for the next batter. Even as his girlfriend trotted back to the bench, aching both psychologically and physically.

"I guess it's Cody's turn to bat," noted Courtney, "and if he gets on successfully, then Owen comes up. But after him... gah! Tyler."

Tyler got up from the bench to put on a batting helmet, and Courtney watched as he did so... with the lid on backwards.

"We're doomed," Courtney said before shouting down to the ground. "Hey! Somebody willing to give me a ride out of here?"

Before that ride could be arranged, though, Cody was already at the plate, and Geoff was delivering his first pitch. He swung and knocked the pitch just above the glove of the shortstop. With one pitch, Cody had succeeded to get on base, allowing Owen, who represented the tying run, to come to bat.

"That-a-boy, Cody!" Sierra cheered. "That's my boyfriend who got that hit!"

"Who knew he had it in him?" Gwen commented to Bridgette.

"Don't smile yet," Heather said to both girls, "we're far from out of the woods!"

But even Heather would start believing that victory was possible when, after taking a ball low and fouling the second pitch off, Owen whacked Geoff's third offering deep to right field. It landed a good distance away from the right fielder, who was playing well too far in, and Owen somehow managed to scramble all the way to second, sliding in head-first and just beating the tag.

"Yeah!" everyone on the Team Total Drama bench cheered. "WOO!"

Cody had gotten to third, meaning they now had the tying run in scoring position. Owen got up from the ground, gasping for air. Still, he was chuckling happily, having managed to keep the game alive.

"We've got a chance!" Bridgette jumped up and down excitedly.

"It's up to you, Sierra!" Heather said, seeing her with a helmet on. "Bring those runners home!"

"Um... as much as I'd like to oblige, it's not my turn yet."

She pointed to Tyler, who was strutting as he walked to the batter's box.

"We're doomed," Noah was the first to utter.

The rest of the team nodded in agreement.

"Time for the shining star to come through!" Tyler declared proudly, as he pointed his bat toward the center field fence.

Although the team had no confidence in Tyler, Courtney, still up in the booth, wasn't about to call it quite yet.

"So Tyler is the most horrible clean-up hitter in the history of charity baseball," she said aloud, "but if he somehow Tyler, mighty Tyler, comes through and actually gets a home run..."

Cody took a small lead off of third, even with Chris keeping a sharp eye on him. Owen stood still directly on top of the second base bag, and Tyler stepped into the box, ready to finally come through on his countless declarations that he'll blast one over the fence.

More cheering could be heard from Team Total Drama, while the small home crowd started shouting as well, hoping to distract Tyler. Chris also started up the 'Hey batter' chant, and the entire field got as loud as it had ever been all day.

Geoff decided on his first pitch, and sent it on its way. It looked a little inside, and Tyler, showing great control for once, did not swing at it.

"That ain't my style!"

Too bad for him that Chef saw the pitch differently.

"Strike one!"

Angry shouts could be heard coming from the visitor's dugout at the call.

"Kill him!" Sierra suddenly shouted. "KILL THE UMPIRE!"

The rest of them nodded in agreement and were about to yell the same, but Tyler looked back at them and held his hand up. At this gesture, they all instantly ceased their complaining. Tyler then nodded at Geoff, which was a gesture signifying he was ready for the next pitch. He didn't take long to oblige, as he threw it right after accepting the first signal from his catcher.

But again, Tyler showed uncharacteristic restraint... and at the worst possible time, as Geoff's second pitch was right over the plate.

"Strike two!"

"Fraud!" Noah yelled out of the blue, drawing blank stares from his teammates. "Well... he is."

"I'll prove I'm not a fraud!" Tyler exclaimed.

Tyler was down to his last strike. He had to get a hit to keep the game alive. Geoff held the ball as he stood up in a ready position. Tyler pounded his bat once on the plate, trying to instill fear in his opponent. Seconds later, Geoff went through his pitching motion and hurled the ball towards home plate. Tyler licked his lips in anticipation as this pitch, like the last one, was coming right over the center of the plate.

Tyler stepped forward and swung his bat with all of his might...

Two hours later...

Chef was counting the receipts and donations from the game on a table behind Chris, as the Total Drama host was talking with Geoff and Bridgette, now with all of them back in their normal clothes.

"Oh well," Chris said aloud, "the charity game didn't do so well in terms of money raked in. Luckily, our Aftermath gang came through and got us what we needed to continue the show!"

"That means we still have our jobs!" Geoff exclaimed, before pumping his fist with glee. "Yes!"

"And that means I still have you, babe!" Bridgette smiled.

"Sorry I had to pitch against you," Geoff apologized.

"Sorry I had to bat against you," Bridgette apologized in return.

Bridgette then got on her tiptoes as she rose her face up to Geoff's and kissed him on the lips.

"Y'know," Chef cut in as the two started to make out, "if they came here with all that moolah, then why'd we play that damn baseball game in the first place!"

"'Cause it was fun, Chef! Now... stop questioning me and go hire a mechanic to fix the Jumbo Jet!"

Nearby, the rest of Team Total Drama was standing around a flag pole as Courtney walked up to them, still holding the announcer's mike. Everyone watched as she used it to deliver a brief epilogue...

"Oh, somewhere in this tropical land, the sun is shining bright! The band is playing somewhere, and somewhere hearts are light! And somewhere fans are laughing, and somewhere you hear them shout! But there is no joy in Jamaica..."

"Because stupid Tyler struck out!" Heather, Sierra, and Noah shouted, finishing Courtney's lark.

Everyone looked up the pole with angry glares on their faces... and up at the top was a beaten and bruised Tyler, hanging with his several tears in his tracksuit, being wedgied by his underwear.

"Oh..." he groaned.

The End

Author's Notes:
Poor Tyler... but this story was ripe for an homage to the great 'Casey at the Bat' poem, with Tyler in the title role. There's a lesson for you would-be heroes. Deliver, or you get left atop a pole.

Not to be confused with getting stuck to a pole, but that's another story. (Sorry, Bridgette!)

Hope you enjoyed this little side story! My next full 'Total Drama' work will probably be post-TDWT. Until then, folks!