Point of No Return
He stared at the blank piece of paper in front of him while tapping the pen absently on the desk. The letter to Sam was finished and folded; he knew all the right things to say to him. He knew all the things he should have told him over the years but didn't, and the words just flowed onto the paper. With a heavy sigh he took another swig out of the bottle. It didn't help him think and it certainly didn't make him feel better. He'd walked out on Kayla without a word, without even giving her a heads up. Cas was hurt and she was distracted, he took the opportunity and took off.
The letter would have to wait, he'd come back to it when everything else was done. He folded his leather jacket and put it into the cardboard box on the bed. His gun followed, he checked the clip and tossed it in. Next was the keys to the Impala, and Sam's letter. Bobby should get everything in less than a week.
After another drink he went back to the table and picked up the pen. His mind blanked. There was nothing he could say that would take it back.
"Why don't you start with, I'm sorry I ran out without so much as a phone call?"
Dean set the pen down but didn't look at her. "Would you forgive me?"
He turned and watched her tuck her lock pick back into her jacket pocket. "I'm sorry. How'd you find me?"
"Please." She grimaced. "You could have said something to me, Dean. After all this time all I got was the sound of your tires."
"I was gonna write you a letter." The anger in her voice was forced, he saw right through to the pain that was behind it. She was hurt, and she had a right to be. He stood up. "You would have changed my mind."
"Maybe I had a good reason to. Cas is really…hurt, I think. He gave up a lot to head down the road of anti-destiny and you threw it in his face."
"He'll get over it. I can't not save the world because it'll hurt his feelings. Who's side are you on here?"
"Yours, but Dean, we're within eyesight of the finish line." She looked at his box and walked over despite his silent motion of protest. "Wow. Your gun, Impala keys, jacket, letter to Sam, hell you're really going to do this aren't you?" Her eyes glistened but she refused to cry; they'd known, after all, that this was why he took off.
"You remember the future Kayla. You remember what happens when I don't say yes. I can't just sit around and let it happen."
"Why does it have to be you?"
"It wasn't exactly my decision."
"Well it's bullshit."
"I'm definitely with you on that." He saw her expression change, something he hadn't seen before, not towards him anyway. It was guilt. "What's wrong?"
"Dean," she whispered. "He's not gonna let you go."
"They weren't going to let me come by myself."
He looked at her, then followed her gaze and saw Cas standing behind him. Before he could say anything Cas touched his forehead and he blacked out.
Kayla winced and folded her arms in front of her. "He's gonna be pissed."
"Pissed is better than dead." He noted. "You want to argue? If you had told him his circumstances this wouldn't have happened!" Cas reached forward and touched her, sending her back to Bobby's place.
Sam looked up. "You find him?"
She nodded as Cas and Dean appeared. Cas dropped him on the couch and touched his temple to wake him back up. He opened his eyes and shook off the daze, his eyes found Bobby first.
"Welcome back Sunshine."
He got up. "You had no right to bring me back here!"
"You can't hand yourself over to Michael!" Sam yelled at him. "Why would you think we would let you?"
"It has nothing to do with letting me. It was my decision!" He looked at Cas but he wasn't talking, he looked furious. He turned his attention to Kayla. "And you…you told me you were on my side."
"You have to be here, alive, for me to be on your side. I need you here."
He saw Cas give her a look, like he was expecting her to say something else but he still didn't say a damn word. Just stood there, glaring. "Yeah no, this is good." There was no point in pretending anymore. "Eight months of turned pages and screwed pooches but tonight, tonight's when the magic happens."
"You ain't helping." Bobby told him.
"Yeah well why don't you let me get out of your hair then?"
They all looked at him, but Bobby was the one who said it. "What the hell happened to you?"
"Reality happened." He snapped. "Nuclear is the only option we have left. Michael can ice the devil and save a boatload of people!"
"But not all of 'em." Bobby said. "We gotta think of something else."
"Whatever happened to you can't save everyone? If Lucifer burns this mother down and I coulda done something about it, that's on me!"
"You can't give up son."
He shook his head. "You're not my father. And you ain't in my shoes."
Bobby grimaced and quietly pulled revolver out of his drawer, and a single bullet out of his shirt pocket.
"What is that?" Dean asked, mildly wondering if Bobby was considering shooting him to keep him from saying yes.
"That's the round I mean to put through my skull." He answered blankly. "Every morning I look at it, I think, maybe today is the day I flip the lights out. But I don't do it. I never do it, you know why? Because I promised you I wouldn't give up!" He yelled at him. They'd come so far in this battle just to have Dean step out in the last act. He couldn't believe it was a Winchester.
The deafening silence was broken by Cas, who groaned in pain and grabbed his head.
Sam got out of his chair. "Cas, you okay?"
"No." He focused his eyesight.
"Where?" Dean asked. Cas just glared at him and disappeared. "I think I did more than hurt his feelings." He looked to Kayla.
"He's angry, I told you that."
"I don't like the way he's looking at you."
"He thinks I should have kept you in line." She admitted. "I should have been able to convince you to stay."
"So he's mad at everyone now."
He looked at Sam and knew he was catching the same thing. She was hiding something from him. The idea had him completely thrown out of whack, it had to be something big if she didn't think she could tell him, or at least Sam and from the look on his face he didn't know either.