Disclaimer: I don't own Big Time Rush.
Warning: Contains slash, smut, cursing. James/Carlos.
Doll Of Fun
"Damn, Carlos… So tight…"
I panted heavily while I heard James ramble on about how I was squeezing his dick so tightly. I cried out as he hit my sweet spot and he moaned loudly. I got turned on by that, and moaned in synchronization with his erotic cries. James was always the loud one, and to be honest, I loved that. It gave me a new sense of pleasure when he automatically cried out, meaning he had released. I felt him fill me right to the point where I was completely full. Seconds later, it was my turn to come and I groaned out loud. That was another advantage with James—I got to be as noisy as my voice would let me. He got off from my bed and dropped onto his, tired, and I could hear his breath slow down.
"Satisfied?" I questioned weakly, sitting up on my bed.
I felt the sticky liquid flow onto my bed sheets. Once again, I'll have to stay up all night to clean it.
"Yeah…" answered James.
Seconds later, I could hear his breathing change to a steady beat as he slept. I sighed to myself. Secretly, I often wished that I could fall asleep that fast. It was two in the morning, and I knew that from the quick glance I got at my digital clock. One disadvantage of fucking with James is that he always wanted to do it during the night, and I'm pretty sure we woke up everyone during this session. Night would always be the time of day when James would become anxious. Completely anxious. In result, he was always the rough one. And right now I ended up with thousands of hickeys on my neck and stomach. My butt would be hurting like hell tomorrow, so I'll just lie on the couch most of the day.
I'm just glad that it's summer vacation.
Slowly, I stood up, dirty and naked, and pulled out a roll of paper towels from under my bed, a sponge and a bottle of bleach. I poured the bleach on the sponge and began scrubbing my bed sheets with great force. After I finished, for what seemed an hour, I threw the paper towels away in the trashcan and hid the used items back under my bed. I was extremely tired but was too lazy to even try to fall asleep. How ironical. Grabbing a fresh pair of pajamas, I quickly ran out of the room and into the bathroom butt-naked. I took a quick shower, dried myself and put on my pajamas. The after-sex pain had started to settle and I limped to the couch. The lights were off and I couldn't see anything too well.
The quick shower had done well to me, because twenty minutes later I felt my eyes close while my butt kept throbbing. I buried my face in one of the cushions, and fell asleep.
Strangely, I woke up to nothing. I looked at the clock. The answer to my puzzled thought? It was barely six in the morning, almost seven. Not bad. Usually James would wake me up and would go on until sunrise. He was probably too tired yesterday to go on. Stretching lazily, I grabbed the remote control and turned on the television, making sure it was on low volume. Morning Television was always boring, and the only good thing that was on right now was a baking show. They weren't my specialty, but the desserts they were currently creating were making my mouth water.
I turned my head around and saw Logan. He sat on the couch next to me.
"Mornin'," I responded.
I looked at him from the corner of my eye while still watching the cake show. He looked pretty tired. Tired as in screaming out silently 'Something is wrong with me! Hurry up and notice, you dumbass!' Logan would never say that word to me, though. He's gentle. That's why I, sometimes, prefer him over James.
"Something wrong?" I asked him in an obvious tone.
At this, Logan stirred on the couch and sighed to himself, propping his elbow on the arm of the couch and resting his chin on his hand.
"Camille and I had a big fight yesterday," he answered with a mourning tone.
I looked at him and tried to come up with a sympathetic response, but Logan's voice cut off my thoughts, "Carlos, will you kiss me?"
I sat there, not moving, giving him a grave stare, but Logan gave me a such a heart-broken look that I couldn't help but to follow his simple order. I swung my legs over him, straddling his hips, and gave him a kiss. It was sick but nice at the same time. Logan's kisses were gentle, but I kept brooding over the idea that these were meant for Camille. I felt severely guilty, but the feeling melted as Logan pushed me down on the couch and began leaving gentle pecks on my hickeyed neck.
"Camille… I'm so sorry," mumbled Logan.
My stomach insides twisted uncomfortably as he said this.
"Logan, we should stop," I offered. "I'll help you apologize to Camille."
He stopped his mouth movement and looked at me with a slightly furious expression. "I'm sorry, Carlos, but I don't have the guts. She told me she wouldn't talk to me ever again." The same mournful look returned.
"What happened?" I inquired.
Instead of answering me, he quickly slipped my pants and boxers off. It was such a sudden move that I didn't have time to react. I didn't struggle, though. He wanted me; he wanted to show me how he felt; he wanted to relieve his mind just a little from the trouble he'd committed. I watched him as he took off his pants, and revealed his crotch from his boxers. In a flash, he shoved himself into me. I always hated being fucked raw, but Logan was so slow and tender that it didn't even hurt. I wrapped my arms around his neck and felt his cock twitch inside me. I took in a deep breath and whimpered. With Logan, I had to be quiet. He was quite the opposite of James and it gave me a small relief because I knew that he wouldn't be extreme, but instead sweet. It was a great advantage since the pain in my butt still lingered.
"Ah!" I squeaked.
I really couldn't say anything. Not with Logan. I would probably blurt out something that I would regret later—not that I have anything important to say, but he was sensitive. He pushed deeper inside me and I felt the tip of his head barely rub against my sweet spot. I gasped and Logan picked up his pace, his hot skin brushing against mine. I was near coming when Logan pulled out of me and wrapped his hand around my cock, preventing me from spilling all over the couch.
"What are you doing?" I asked angrily, breathless.
The least he could do for letting him fuck me just to get rid of his damn troubles was to let me release. Sometimes this whole sex thing just didn't make any sense.
"I-I can't," Logan answered, panting. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to, Carlos." He put on his pants and helped me put on mine along with my boxers. "It's my responsibility. I shouldn't take it out on you. I'll go talk to Camille."
And with that he opened the front door and left.
"But that's what I'm here for," I said, failing to reach his ears as the door closed silently.
It wasn't something to brood over; it just happened instantly. It's been over three years since we moved to the Palm Woods. Rough things had started to happen in the middle. But there was only one origin that had triggered it all. It had been a slow Friday afternoon. James and I were pretty bored out of our minds and we decided to try something new. The apartment was empty so he kissed me and I kissed him back, then we ended up having virgin sex. The next day Logan and Kendall found out because James was still a little loopy from the experience. The fourth Friday afternoon Logan had abruptly kissed me.
Just to try it, he had said. It was an 'off-the-hook' because he and and Camille weren't still officially together. He didn't fuck me like James, though. We just kind of made out for a really long time. Last came Kendall. He was the shy one. The only bad thing was that he had slight sex with me while he was officially together with Jo. He had been so drunk that day—not from alcohol. He was sleep deprived. He never told Jo about it.
Truthfully, I'm not a slut. But it was just branded upon me that whenever Kendall, James or Logan felt at a horrible state I would be there for all of them. After all, I am their best friend, and the next best thing that I had to offer them as compensation was Swirly or letting them borrow my helmet. So, I just stuck to sex, which is not as bad as I had once thought. What troubled me was that Kendall and Logan had Jo and Camille to confess their troubles to, but I can surely understand why they don't. It's hard for a male to reveal their troubled feelings to a female. It's better with a dude on dude conversation. So whenever they have problems they push them onto me.
It could've been Logan or Kendall or James stuck with this position. The flaws in this assignment, if it were given to them, was that Kendall would be too still. I'm no expert, but it seems as if one of us would fuck him he would be shocked to near death. Then came James; he would freak out if anyone were to touch his hair. And then there's Logan; he wouldn't have it, I suppose, because he's too logical. Then again, he still fucks me, which contradicts my explanation. In the end, that left me.
I watched the baking show, bored, learning how the bakers would mold their characters to add to the cake. Judging from the half finished edible person, it looked like a helicopter pilot. Well, the only clue I had were the goggles and the scarf on the miniature human. I felt my member throb in my pants. It was a regular thing, nonetheless. Ever since the 'Trouble Sex Task' was embedded upon me, I had become, well, sexually active, to put it in less offensive terms. I actually liked it and it ashamed me to admit it, but it was an addiction. Not an unhealthy addiction for the need to go the rehabilitation—which I don't need—but like a hobby. And so currently, I was heavily regretting that I let Logan go so abruptly. But I couldn't do that to Camille. She was crazy, but a nice person, above all.
Quickly, I pulled out my cock from my pants and began stroking myself. I jerked onto my own touch and pumped myself faster. Soon enough, I cried out and came on my hand. I let the feeling in my stomach settle down before I put my member back in my pants and wound my way to the bathroom. As I entered, I found Kendall brushing his teeth. He turned around and his cheeks went red as he noticed the white stuff on my hand. I bit my lip and he moved away from the sink. Slowly, I washed my hands, dried them, and promptly got out. The pain was still stuck in my lower body, and so I lost my balance and fell before closing the door.
"Carlos!" shouted Kendall.
I grunted as my jaw hit the hard floor, which made my teeth bite down on my tongue badly. I could taste the blood in my mouth as Kendall helped me up, the toothbrush gone from his mouth.
"You're bleeding," said Kendall when he noticed the blood drip down my chin.
"It's no big deal. I just bit my tongue," I said as I entered the kitchen, grabbed a water bottle from the refrigerator, and drank to get rid of the iron and salt taste.
"Let me treat it for you," said Kendall as he took out an infection-curing cream from a cabinet.
I opened my mouth and he applied the cream on the cut on my tongue.
Kendall was being gentle like Logan. It made me shiver because usually he was unpredictable. Kendall was the sly one; he would change his actions for anything that happened. James and Logan were easy to read but Kendall was like a needle in a haystack.
"Thanks," I said.
Kendall nodded and he went back inside the bathroom while I entered my room. As I stepped inside, I saw that James was barely waking up. I sat on his bed and he looked at me with a tired face.
"What happened yesterday?" I asked.
He shook his head and kissed me on the lips. "I had a bad day," he answered.
I was always compelled to ask what had happened before or after the sex. It was another 'habit' that I had developed weeks after I became what I am now.
"Why?" I inquired. "Yesterday you were so happy!"
"I wasn't, I was angry inside… I don't know why…"
And he kissed me again. Kendall and Logan never kissed me, well, not like James. Kendall and Logan's were just poor and had no real importance, just the taste of their troubles, but James' were different. His were some kind that was described as a spark. It made me feel light, even though he was the rough one. And that was a good thing. Being the sex pet is not all it's cracked up to be. At most, I feel a void in my heart, but the pleasure always ends up filling it bit by bit. What's distraughtly comical is that my best friends are the ones who are causing this euphemism—a word Logan had taught me. So whenever James kissed me it would make me feel as if I was pure mush. I don't love him, to say the least. But it's just entirely him that made me forget about my hollow soul and the Troubling deeds I've done.
He pulled away and looked at me with a hardened gaze, but then it softened. "Are you still…doing Kendall and Logan?"
James' hard gaze returned. "Why?" he demanded with a sharp tone.
"Because it's my duty," I answered simply, not entirely sure of my words.
"It's not your duty, Carlos," said James, gripping my shoulders.
"Yes, it is," I said, scowling. "It's my job to make sure you're all happy."
"But you won't find your own happiness this way. Like love," he cried, torment in his eyes.
I slipped away from his hold and walked towards the door. Before exiting, I turned around. "I don't need love," I lied.
I panted wildly as Logan handed me a water bottle. We had just finished training for a hardcore dance routine. I felt as if my head was about to implode.
"You okay, Carlos?" wondered Logan.
His face showed worry, but his eyes spoke the obvious truth. He was back together with Camille.
"Not really," I answered, taking a big gulp of water, and handing the bottle back to him.
"Kendall!" shouted Gustavo.
We all turned around to look at Gustavo, and Kendall raised an eyebrow.
"Is there something wrong with you? Muscle spasms? Paralyzed leg? Blindness?" asked Gustavo.
Kendall's eyebrow rose higher. "No. Why? Was there something wrong with my dancing?"
Gustavo laughed sarcastically. "Wrong with your…? Ha! No! It was awful!"
Kendall scowled. "Awful? I was trying my best, and I nearly puked my guts out! See? Look at Carlos—he's still white!"
"I would've actually loved to see you puke your intestines out. It proves that you're just as weak as your dog friends! Now get in your positions. You're all going to re–"
"No way! That dance is way too hard!" yelled Kendall. "You're such a big turd. I'm out of here!"
He stormed out of the studio while Gustavo called angrily for him to return, but he didn't. As Gustavo was distracted, I looked at James—who didn't look at me straight in the eye—and Logan—who really was paying attention to Gustavo's fit. I ran out and followed Kendall. We entered a silent hallway and we both stopped to get our breaths back. Once we did, Kendall slid his back against a wall and sat on the floor. I sat next to him, putting my hand on his shoulder. Kendall looked at me, and his face scrunched up into one of disappointment.
"You didn't have to follow me," he said.
I didn't answer him, and waited for his anger to flourish once again and then pour it all out on me, but it didn't happen. Instead he shrugged away my hand. I wasn't hurt at all, though, when he did this. As said before, Kendall was sly. He growled to himself and the anticipated pounce came. We were in a public hallway so he didn't do much. That is, not until he dragged me to the restroom and pushed me in a stall. He unzipped my pants and let them drop around my knees along with my boxers. It was going to be another round of dry sex. I sat on the toilet as Kendall revealed himself and pushed his cock into me all too quickly. It stung badly, but the pain soon subsided when he started to push in and out.
James' words returned into my mind. I answered 'Because it's my duty' over and over again, irritated. Kendall came inside me and he pulled out, zipping his jeans.
"Thanks, Carlos," he said, hugging me.
'Thanks'. It was the word that would rejuvenate my unethical doings.
"Sorry. Do you need help?" Kendall offered, blushing at the mess he had made.
I shook my head. "I'll be in a while. Go check on Gustavo; I don't want us to be kicked out." I half smiled at him and he nodded before leaving the restroom.
I took a wad of toilet paper and cleaned myself up and got dressed. After this 'session', Kendall would hopefully apologize and Gustavo would forgive him. Suddenly, I felt vacant. For the second time that day, I took out my crotch and stroked myself, moaning at my own touch. The pleasure had failed to fill the void because when I came, I felt a small flutter in my stomach that was soon enough gone. Then I felt an odd sensation, one that I got when I longed for James' kisses. As if my unsaid wish had been answered, I heard the restroom door open.
"Carlos? Are you here?" called James.
I hesitated a bit before coming out of the stall. James was startled, but walked up to me and hugged me.
"You did it again, didn't you?" he whispered in my ear with a tone so vexed.
"Yeah," I responded in a tedious voice.
James hugged me tighter. "Why?" That question again.
"Because Kendall was angry," I said.
James pulled away and he stared at me with his one and only hard gaze. "I told you to stop. You'll end up getting hurt, Carlos."
And as soon as he said that word a heavy weight landed upon me. So that's what I had felt right now. I was hurting. I wrapped my arms around James' waist and brought him closer to me.
"I'm not hurt," I lied. "I'll never get hurt by making you guys happy."
James growled, shoved me away, and started to pace around the restroom. "That's the point, Carlos! All you're giving is your ass to Kendall and Logan, and you're not even satisfying yourself–"
"Yes, I am!" I shouted, utterly repulsed by his words.
He didn't have the right to talk to me like that. Because he used me, too.
"No, you're not," groaned James. "You do them like three times a day and you always have that sad look on your face. Kendall and Logan have to learn how to handle their own–"
"Then how come you still use me?" I questioned, already burning with rage.
"Because I'm the only one who's supposed to use you," said James with a grave face.
I gritted my teeth, raised my fist, and punched his face. He jerked back and staggered a few steps back as I drew back my hand, shaking. James stood there in complete shock as I studied my knuckles. They were red. I looked at James' face. It was also red. For a second, I gave him a quick remorseful look before I rushed out, hand throbbing fiercely. And for the rest of the studio hour, we resumed the dance routine. James didn't even scream my name when I collapsed on the floor.
"Are you sure you're okay?" questioned Mrs. Knight with a worried expression. I nodded. "Okay. I'll be in the kitchen if you need me." I nodded again and she left.
After the restroom scene, James and I had been sent home and Logan and Kendall had stayed at Rocque Records. The dance had been too much for me and that's why I collapsed, plus with all the intimate situations I had going on, my butt still throbbed and I didn't have enough energy. And James? He had the huge purple bruise on his right cheek—the one I'd given him. Right now I was on my bed, rubbing my bruised knuckles. James was in the shower. I didn't feel guilty for what I had done to him; in fact, I felt even more ballistic than before. He told me I shouldn't do it with Kendall and Logan anymore, and he said he only had the right to me. It's a damn whack job's words.
The door opened and I saw James dry with a white T-shirt and grey pants. His hair was as perfect as ever. He didn't even look at me. He didn't acknowledge me at all and he just buried himself underneath his comforter. I stared at the bumpy form under the blanket.
"James?" I said.
Another feeling collided with my anger. One of regret. James slowly sat up on his bed, but his eyes didn't meet mine. The odd feeling returned—the one that was supposedly called 'hurt'.
"Yeah?" he answered with an optimistic tone, a false optimistic tone.
The void grew bigger, and it felt as if a spear had gone through my heart. And instead of the pleasure filling it, it was the 'hurt' and I was in a sudden state of agony. A sad expression crossed about my face and James kept the false smile. I couldn't tell if he was angry at me, feeling pathetic or wanted to have more sex but didn't have the guts to force me to—which was the least expected answer. I leaped onto his bed and gave him a kiss on the lips, but he didn't respond. He just sat there, like a statue, looking at me with an unreadable face.
"I didn't mean to," I said apologetically, stroking his bruised cheek. He flinched slightly at my touch. "You just damn got me furious. There's nothing wrong with making people happy," I explained.
James shook his head in disapproval. "But you can't make people happy unless you're happy. Are you happy, Carlos?"
The spear in my heart was driven in deeper and I felt my stomach flip. I was happy. Happy that I was making my best friends happy. The pleasure was enough to fill the void in my heart bit by bit, in shallow terms. I tried to ignore the hurt. I turned my head away from James, avoiding his misty gaze. "I am–"
"No, you are not!" he shouted, smacking me upside the head. I flinched and rubbed my head, still not looking at him. "Kendall and Logan don't love-love you, Carlos. You're just giving yourself away to them. Sex is not the only thing you can give away to make them feel better. We can all help each other with our problems, but we have to learn how to be independent sometimes. What you're doing is terribly wrong."
I looked back at James. He sounded so wise, but it made me gag because those were foreign words coming from his voice. The anger from before began building up again like erosion on a mountain. My hand twitched, wanting to hit him again, but I prevented myself from creating further damage.
"Then what should I do? I don't have anything else." I sounded so hopeless.
James stared at me, sincerely, which quite surprised me. "You have love. Your love for hockey, being playful, your helmet, and your best friend."
I scowled. "Best friends," I corrected.
James shook his head. "No. Best friend." He paused and I could see the lump on his throat as he swallowed. "I love you, Carlos."
The spear in my heart drove itself all the way as James leaned in and kissed me—a kiss so different that it made the void in my heart fill up with something I had been lacking for years. I pulled away and wiped my mouth, giving a somewhat forlorn expression. "What about Kendall and Logan? How are they going to stay happy? You know…"
James stroked my cheek and gave me another kiss. "You can always use your uplifting charm. But remember, your body is mine," he concluded.
I gave him a playful push. "Jerk. I'm not an object."
"No," whispered James in my ear. "You're my Carlos."
I felt a wave of a new feeling come over me as he said this, and it crashed with my constant sexual 'habit' that I had been so used to. Abruptly, I threw myself on him and he wrapped his arms around my waist, pulling me closer to him. He giggled when he felt my erection and for the first time I blushed. I felt completely nervous, and tried to push the sensation down, but it kept coming back like a boomerang. What's strange was that it was quite different than the time we had virgin sex. It felt…passionate. That time had been simple, sheepish and dull. Ironic for a description of first-time sex. What was even more ironic was that he was being thoughtful and not brusque like the previous times…before he confessed to me.
"James," I gasped when he slid his hand under my shirt.
He threw me down and all of a sudden he was hovering over me. I stretched my arms and wrapped them around his neck, bringing him down so I could press my lips against his. James moaned. He was regularly loud, but this time I shushed him. Even though the door was locked, Mrs. Knight could hear, and Katie could come in at any second. Slowly, he tore himself away from my hold and slid my shirt off. I felt cold for a second, but he took off his shirt, too, and pressed his chest against mine. His body heat was to die for. I actually began noticing these kinds of things. Before, I would just go with the flow and take what was given to me.
I felt a sudden breeze in my lower body, and, as if by frame by frame, we were both fully naked now. I looked at James with a surprised face and he raised his eyebrows.
"Gotta keep it fresh," he said, smiling devilishly.
I groaned when he pressed our bodies together again, and I could feel his cock rub against mine. My whole body went blazing hot, and I noticed another new thing. I would never get this fiery like this while having sex. I felt as if I was a pizza being baked in an oven set to four hundred degrees. It was suddenly too much, because I felt my insides twist into pleasurable knots.
"Ha, James!" I cried as I released. "Ngh!"
I opened my eyes, panting heavily like last time we had fucked, and saw that James was covered in white liquid. He stared at me with a resentful expression. I noticed his hair was covered, too.
"I'll go take another shower…" He sighed as he dressed and opened the door.
"James, wait–" The door slammed close. "We didn't even finish…" I muttered to myself.
A curious idea came to me—about calling Kendall or Logan to finish what had been left incomplete just now…but that wouldn't be right. I wouldn't make myself happy like this, and neither will I to them. It was just the pleasure that came with the compensation. The heinous pleasure. I smiled awkwardly to myself.
I had James now. He was my happiness.
A/N: It's awkward because I wrote this on a whim, lol.