Author's Notes: Okay so I feel a little weird admitting this, but this is actually what I dreamt this morning, very nearly exactly so. I feel I should clarify that this story is in no way related to Playing Along, or 4:13am, because I know it easily could be. I just wanted to write it down without changing it a great deal, and if anyone feels the need to psycho-analyse my sleepy conscious, then go for it. I am curious to know where the hell this came from.
Author's Notes 2: There a chance I'm going to change the title of this at some point; I just happened to be listening to a song with the same title at the time (though, said song has no relation to the story). So, if you can think of anything better, let me know. :)
Disclaimer: I do not own Criminal Minds; only in my dreams apparently.
Reaching the top of the stairs, Emily peaked through a crack in the door in front of her, turning away briefly as the naked bodies strewn across the bed came into her eye-line. She stood for a moment, her eyes fixed on the carpet below her, before looking back up to be greeted by the very same door opening slowly, a creeping JJ exiting the room.
Emily's brow furrowed at the sight in front of her - a barefoot and dishevelled haired JJ; her tights, and shoes, and underwear clutched in one hand against her chest, the other pulling the strap on her dress back to her shoulder. As she looked up, Emily's eyes softened, unable to keep any strong exterior at the sight of JJ's own; sad and child-like, broken and lost.
She watched her for a second, knowing what she'd done, but unsure what part she was meant to play at this point, unsure what she was to her; the friend, the girlfriend, the person who picked up the pieces, the person who was always there. Maybe she'd never know, but the answer to that question lost all importance as her features softened further, and she placed a gentle arm around JJ's shoulders.
"Come on, sweetie." Emily almost whispered the words as she lead JJ to her room, and felt the blonde sink against her body. She fit perfectly, and Emily wondered for a second how that could be so, when it was so clearly not where she wanted to be.
Closing the door behind her, Emily sat JJ down on the edge of the bed. She lowered herself slightly, rested her hands either side of JJ, before lifting one to tuck a lock of blonde hair behind her ear.
JJ's eyes closed, and she rested her head against Emily's hand, causing the brunette to move away. Or attempt to, only to be stopped by a surprisingly firm grip on her wrist.
"Kiss me." The words fell quieter than the comfort-laced ones she herself had spoken just moments before; they were broken and almost inaudible.
But Emily heard them, clear as day, and she wished she hadn't. She moved her gaze between the woman in front of her, and the closed door that held just beyond it, the reason she should pull away.
As JJ slowly released her physical hold on Emily, the brunette returned her hand to it's original position on the bed. Slowly, cautiously, she inched her face closer to JJ's, flicking her own eyes between the blonde's eyes and mouth, before they locked firmly on the latter and her journey stopped.
She could feel her own heart beating in her chest, hear her own uneven breaths mixed with JJ's, could feel them against her lips. She was unsure in that second, if such a feeling was welcome, comforting, or simply painful. But forever her own worst enemy, she closed the gap between them, her lips barely grazing JJ's.
Now that feeling, she knew was painful. The contact burnt through every fiber in her body, dizzied her brain, and numbed her all at the same time. Her short, heavy breaths became more rapid, and belying her mind and her bodies reaction - her anger, her confusion, her need to make JJ see what she did to her - she gently lowered the blonde backwards.
Keeping her lips where JJ seemed to want them, for how long she didn't know, she crawled on top of her, placed her left leg between JJ's.
She felt the blonde's small hands clutch at her back with the minimal contact, heard and felt her breathing quicken, but she refused to increase the pressure, refused to give in to her completely.
They played this out for a few moments - JJ pulling, and pushing, and grasping for more than Emily would give.
Until she'd had enough. JJ flipped them over, with strength that surprised Emily, and straddled the brunette's leg, pressing herself firmly against it.
This seemed to amuse Emily, causing a small laugh to leave her lips, which, she soon realised, angered JJ.
The blonde quickly grabbed a tight hold of Emily's hair, consequently pulling her head to the side, and pressed her thigh between her legs, almost painfully.
The pressure coupled with the fierce grip on her hair hurt Emily, but she couldn't protest. And before she did have the chance to retaliate, she felt a small mouth clamp down on her neck.
One hand gripping JJ's wrist, the other exacting the same motion against her shoulder, Emily's sharp and very audible reaction barely had the chance to fill the air, before it was silenced by JJ's words burning against her ear.
"You fucked her didn't you?" The words were accompanied by an even stronger thrust of JJ's thigh.
The feeling soared through Emily, the pain mixed with the pleasure. But still, the question wasn't lost on her, it confused her. Not the question itself, or even who the blonde was referring to, but the fact that she even cared; she'd made her decision when she'd chosen Will. And now, what? She was hurt?
She was unsure why she'd asked who, when she knew the answer already. But a moment later she was abruptly greeted with what her subconscious had in fact been asking for, in the form of JJ's leg pressed once again between her own, a further tug on her hair.
"You know who." And Emily didn't respond. How could she tell her that she had? That she had for one reason, and one reason only, and that it hadn't worked. That her fucked up attempt in pretending had in no way helped her to forget? How could she tell her that, instead, the whole time she'd felt empty, because it wasn't her?
JJ attempted the physical reflection of her anger once more at the brunette's lack of response, taking her silence as an answer in black and white. But she was stopped.
Emily was pissed off. What right did she have to do this? To put her feelings so blatantly in front of her face when all she'd been trying to do for so long was forget.
"Will you just fucking stop!" The tables were slightly turned once more, now Emily had had enough; her hands gripped the blonde's wrists away from her, her head now turned back and her angry eyes fixed on JJ's. "What the hell is it you want from me, JJ?"
The anger in JJ's eyes fell slightly, only to be replaced momentarily by sadness - before seconds later, she was angry again. "Nothing."
That single word, and the blonde's quick retreat from the bed, came out sharper than any blade, hurt more than any fist could; because it was the story of their life for Emily. JJ never gave her a straight answer, but instead, constantly pulled and pushed her away with her actions.
So, she watched her leave once more, made no attempt to stop her. Though, she knew, this wouldn't be the last time.
Author's Notes 3: Also, no, I don't know where they are for JJ to be able to leave 'Will's' room and follow onto Emily's, or a great deal of the back story. I just know that both are incredibly pissed off and clearly in denial about a lot. I'm not gonna lie; it was one of the most interesting dreams I've had as of late, lol.