Author's Note 1: This is a gift-fic for Faecat, and as such, she is entirely to blame for this. -points accusing finger at her- Yes, I've been working on Discovered by the Roadside, but this plotbunny came along and refused to let go until it was written. Anyway, I hope you all enjoy it.
Warnings: Brief nudity, character deaths, some OOC-ness. This is pure crack-fic written to clear my head for my more serious stuff, as well as a gift for Faecat (see above), so if you don't like crack, then please stop reading now.
Special Thanks: Big shout-out to Faecat for always being a fun source of inspiration, even if I'm totally going to the Pit for this! -cackles-
Disclaimer: If you recognize it, I don't own it.
The Autobots and NEST hurried out to Devil's Tower National Monument in Wyoming, after having received reports of multiple Decepticon operations in the area. The report, combined with numerous detected Cybertronian energy signatures, was enough to lend weight to the possibility of the area's use as a Decepticon base of operations, so they quickly rushed out to put a stop to whatever nefarious plans Megatron was scheming. The Autobots and the human soldiers crept carefully up to where the energy signatures were coming from, wary of possible traps set by their foes. When they arrived, however, they found Barricade, Megatron, Soundwave, Starscream, and Thundercracker all standing (or hovering, in Soundwave's case) in a line, as if frozen in place, while Skywarp and the Decepticon twins Runabout and Runamuck stood some distance away. Before any of the Autobots could think to attack, however, Skywarp turned around, spotted them, and gave them a look of…relief? "I never thought I'd see the day I was happy to see you guys!" the black Seeker cried, ruby optics filling with something vaguely like hope. "You have to do something! Megatron's gone crazy!"
"And so has everyone else!" Runabout added, a haunted expression on his faceplates.
"Since when was that new?" Ratchet, the Autobot CMO demanded, warily eyeing the freaked-out Decepticons.
"You don't understand!" Skywarp wailed, much to the amusement of both sets of Autobot twins. "Whatever's wrong with Megatron affected Soundwave, Barricade, Starscream, and Thundercracker, too! I want my trine-mates back!" Then he slumped, wings drooping in dejection as he muttered, "…and they called me insane."
The Autobots and the humans all looked at each other in confusion, clearly taken aback by the black Seeker's sorrow, but did not lower their weapons. Before anyone could even think to ask what had happened to the five Decepticons, a strange, rhythmic ticking sound filled the air, seeming to come from the previously inactive Soundwave. "Oh no!" Runamuck cried, pointing at the five unmoving mechs in horror. "Unicron, no! It's starting again!"
"Hmm…what is that mysterious ticking noise?" the creepy satellite asked, looking around as if in confusion. He floated off to the left, then over to the right, muttering to himself as he searched for the source of the sound. "Not over here, not over there…" Soundwave then stopped drifting about, and looked up at the three 'Cons and their dumbfounded attackers, and said, "Hmm…it's kind of…catchy…" With that preamble, the mech began to sing, "Wave, wave, Sooouuundwave. Wave, wave, Sooouuundwave."
"MEGATRON!" Megatron bellowed, flinging his arms in the air and generally startling everyone in the area.
"Wave, wave, Sooouuundwave," Soundwave droned on, oblivious to his leader's flailing.
"What the HELL is going on?" Major Lennox cried, torn between laughter and horror at the antics of the Decepticons.
"I don't know," Master Sergeant Epps replied, blinking as if the act would make the highly disturbing image before him vanish. "I don't know, but it sure is freaky!"
"Barr, Barr, Barr-I-Caaade!" Barricade chimed in, his voice squeaking on the "I".
"MEGATRON!" the Decepticon leader screamed yet again, sending everyone, except Skywarp, Runabout, and Runamuck, into paroxysms of laughter.
One Autobot, however, did not laugh. Instead, he slipped away unnoticed by everyone else, as a rather wicked grin spread across his faceplates.
"Thundercracker! Thundercracker! Thundercracker, Thundercracker, Thundercracker," the blue Seeker cried, swaying back and forth as he finally joined the weird singing.
Apparently, Thundercracker's behavior was enough to wake Starscream, as the Air Commander began flailing wildly about, shrieking, "Starscream, Starscream, UH! Starscream, Starscream, yeah! Starscream, Starscream, UH! Starscream, Starscream, that's me!"
Soundwave apparently noticed Starscream's antics, as well, because he turned to glare and the Seeker and snarled, "Wave!"
"Star!" Starscream bellowed back.
As the two mechs continued screaming at each other, they also engaged in a furious slap-fight, like a couple of angry schoolgirls, much to the amusement and horror of everyone else. It appeared that the unorthodox argument would come to actual blows, until Megatron, who had somehow stripped down to his protoform, leaped between the two squabbling underlings, and shouted, "MEEEEEEEEGATROOOOOOOON!"
Everyone in the area, Autobot, human, and still-sane Decepticon alike, shrieked and groaned in horrified dismay, completely ignoring Thundercracker as he drawled out his own name again. Several people, both human and Cybertronian, broke down crying, while many others wished that Primus, or God, or whatever higher being they thought might hear them, would strike them dead rather than leave them with the sight of naked Megatron forever burned into their memories. The only one still silent through the whole ordeal was Optimus Prime, who was just gaping at his very nude brother dancing around, screaming his own name once again.
While the other afflicted 'Cons continued chanting their own names as they had before, Starscream apparently felt the need to be creative, as he added his own twist to his chant. "Starscream. I am Starscream. I am Starscream. Starry, starry, Starscream."
Finally, the five mechs stopped singing their own names, and, in unison, belted out, "Singing our song, all day long, on CYYYYYYYBERTROOOOOOON!"
Afterward, they had stopped singing, and everyone started to breathe a sigh of relief, thinking the insane ordeal was over, until Barricade picked up a small rock, and in that same squeaky voice, cried, "I found the source of the ticking! It's a pipe-bomb!"
Barricade continued holding the rock up for everyone to see, while Megatron and Soundwave shared a worried look, and Starscream and Thundercracker shouted "YAAAAAAAAY!"
Suddenly, the air sizzled with multiple blue and yellow energy blasts, until the area came close to resembling the bastard lovechild of a war zone and a meteor shower. Everyone immediately dove for cover until the explosions stopped, and once the smoke finally cleared, the five crazed Decepticons lay in smoking ruins, and standing triumphantly over them was…
"Ironhide?" Lennox cried, completely astonished, as he had not noticed the mech's disappearance. "How'd you get over there so fast?"
The weapons specialist did not reply, but let out a cackling laugh more suited to a cheesy movie villain than the gruff Autobot everyone knew and respected. Once he was finished laughing, he then tapped his foot and sang, "Ironhide! Ironhide! Ooh, Iron-Ironhide! Ironhide!"
Once the black mech had stopped singing, the area became deathly silent, except for the various mechanical sounds the Cybertronians made as they shifted, blinked, or otherwise moved. After a minute or so of this, Ironhide shrugged, and said, "What? I like Potter Puppet Pals." He paused, and then glowered at everyone. "Is that a problem?"
Everyone shook their heads in mute disagreement, not wanting to be on the business end of Ironhide's temper or cannons. The humans and the rest of the Autobots then turned to look at Skywarp, Runabout, and Runamuck, who had not even thought of fleeing, and aimed their weapons at them. "Uh…we surrender?" Runabout said, rather timidly for a Decepticon.
"Do you?" Optimus asked, cocking his head to one side.
"Yeah, we do!" Runamuck whimpered, appearing as if he might cry. "We've just got one request!"
"And that is?" the Autobot commander queried.
"That stuff the humans talk about on the internet…" Skywarp answered, as his left optic twitched wildly. "Brain-bleach. Is there any way we could get some of that? Because we'd really like to burn all that out of our processors."
"Hey!" Sunstreaker indignantly yelled. "If those three get brain-bleach, I want it, too, because no one should have to live with what we just saw in their processors."
"There's no such thing as brain-bleach!" Ratchet snapped, glaring at Sunstreaker as if he was being exceptionally stupid. "You'll just have to deal with the memories the old fashioned way, by suffering through it."
The ensuing groans of dismay could be heard from a mile away, but fortunately, the few nearby civilians mistook the sound for distant thunder.
Since the memory of the hilarious, yet horrifying event would never go away, the story spread like wildfire, until everyone even remotely involved in the Autobot-Decepticon war knew about it. The story was followed by multiple rumors as to how The Event, as it was called among the soldiers of NEST, even began in the first place, the most popular of which involved Soundwave and his unfortunate habit of molesting satellites causing him to catch a "bug", which then spread to the other affected Decepticons. No one would ever know for sure, however, since Ironhide's assault did not leave enough behind in the way of remains, preventing any curious party from performing an in-depth investigation, creating what eventually became one of the great mysteries of Cybertron's history.
Author's Note 2: Yes, that's right, I somehow managed to cross Transformers with Potter Puppet Pal's "The Mysterious Ticking Noise". For those of you who don't know what that is, go to YouTube, type "The Mysterious Ticking Noise" in the search bar, and just go from there. For those of you who do know about it, I hope you liked this. And for anyone else who might be confused as to which character was what, here's a cast-list for your convenience:
Yes, Ironhide was Voldemort. I thought it was fitting, considering all the good guys from the video were being portrayed by villains in this. As to why Skywarp wasn't affected, while Starscream and Thundercracker were...I really have no idea. I just assigned names as they came to me, depending on how well I could fit the syllables into the rhythm. Anyway, review, if you'd like.