AN. I have an idea of who the narrator in the beginning is supposed to be, but it's none of the main characters. This story will be kind of weird, the title came to my mind and then the pairings but what it was actually about (besides how tight their pants are) kind of came last.
OH; and FYI-I mean no disrespect by the title. I love everybody. (:
I sometimes question why people care what others think.
To fit in? To be popular? Why would you want to be popular if people didn't like you for who you actually were?
Now, I'm not hating on people who do that, we all got our own security blanket or whatever and if yours is fitting in with the crowd, whatever, that's cool. And seriously, don't go thinking I'm one of those people who conform with the non-conformists.
Because with me, it's straight up whatever I want.
Call me a poser all you want but my phone is blatantly obvious in the front pocket of my skinny jeans and it'll probably be taken away by the teacher that keeps telling me to not wear tight pants if they're just going to fall off.
And you know what? I feel just fine.
Skinny Jean Faggots.
"I have a confession," Sakura said as she sat down on the black love seat in Sasuke's living room.
"This should be interesting," Suigetsu replied, seated next to Karin on the floor in front of the couch. They had a bowl of Cheetos on the coffee table and, as a rule of the Uchiha family, if you had food-don't sit on the couch. Mikoto will kill you. Slowly. (and they thought Sasuke got it from his dad. HA.) Oddly enough, she didn't really care about drinks.
Sasuke returned to the living room with three sodas and a fruit punch Gatorade just before Sakura began her story. He passed out the sodas and, holding his Gatorade possessively, sat down next to Sakura on the love seat.
"Okay, so, yesterday I was walking, right? Yeah. And this little...thing appears and tries to grab my purse, and not just any purse but that really epic one with the zebra print. So, I kneed it in the stomach and it turns out it was an eight year old kid." Everyone was kind of silent for a moment.
"...You assaulted an eight year old?" Sasuke asked slowly, not sure he heard her right. She nodded in response.
"You're going to hell," Karin said. Suigetsu laughed.
+A Beautiful Friendship
Karin was walking through the mall, Sasuke trailing behind her, bored. He was only there to carry her bags, Sakura would have bought just as much as her and Suigetsu was a lazy prick.
Suddenly, she stopped and turned rapidly to face the Uchiha.
He raised an eyebrow at her. "Um...yeah?" She smiled brightly, turned and continued walking through the mall.
And that was that.
-Asking Her Out 101.
About two months ago, Sasuke was left alone with only his thoughts to keep him occupied (which was never really a good idea). After a while, he started to notice a repeated pattern in his thoughts.
Hey, I'm kind of hungry. Maybe I should get something to eat. I wonder what Sakura's doing. Maybe I could call Itachi. Nah, he's probably with whats-his-face, the shark guy. I wonder what Sakura's doing. I'm still kind of hungry. Maybe Mumzy would fix me something if I asked. I wonder what Sakura's doing.
And so on. After staring at the cieling for what felt like an hour, he grabbed his phone.
To: Meh Lover
So...How do I ask Sakura out?
From: Meh Lover
Does this mean you don't love me anymore, Sasu-cakes?
I'll be over in 5. Stay gorgous. ;)
By the time Suigetsu arrived, Sasuke was already regretting asking him.
"Okay," Suigetsu began. "First things first, why do you want to date Sakura?"
"Um...is this a trick question?" Sasuke asked in replied. Suigetsu rolled his eyes and shook his head. "Oh...because...I like her?"
"Are you sure?"
"...Yes." Suigetsu nodded.
"Okay, pick up lines are always good. Next time you see her, say something clever like 'Hey Sexy, come here often?'" Sasuke blinked at him. Twice.
"So, I'm convinced that your pants are cutting off circulation to your brain, and I'm thinking that maybe you should just leave." Suigetsu laughed and patted Sasuke on the head like he was a dog.
"How adorable. Seriously though. Pick up lines, then just be all cool like 'So, I was thinking, I know you and you know me, how about we go out for coffee sometime, sweet thang?', she'll be like putty in your hands, man." Sasuke nodded slowly. Suigetsu smiled and pulled out his phone. He sent a quick text. Sasuke raised an eyebrow and Suigetsu answered the unspoken question. "I just told Sakura to come over." Sasuke's eyes widened and he sputtered out nonsense. Suigetsu gave him a once over. "You should probably change."
Glancing down, Sasuke realized he was still wearing grey sweat pants and a yellow wife beater shirt. Ergo, what he slept in. He ran upstairs to his room to change. Suigetsu snorted.
Sasuke reemerged as Sakura walked in (no one bothered ringing the doorbell unless Fugaku's car was in the drive way). This time he was dressed in his favorite black skinnies and a black tee shirt with a band that no one's heard of on it. He stared at her for a minute.
"...Hey." Sakura raised a pink eyebrow.
"Um...hi?" They stared at each other awkwardly for a minute. Suigetsu had taken the time to slip out of the room before she had arrived. He was listening in from the kitchen. After a long, awkward, gay baby producing silence, Sasuke silently walked into the kitchen and beat Suigetsu until he cried Uncle.
He never asked Sakura out and to this day, Suigetsu is the only one that knows he likes her.
Sasuke remained kind of hungry until his father got home for dinner.
Suigetsu and Karin never even met Sakura until ninth grade. Before that, they just hung out with Sasuke and hadn't met any of his other friends. In eighth grade, they had this stupid Human Relations class that they all took because it was easy. Most of the assignments involved getting in groups and making videos.
They were supposed to get with people they could meet outside of school. As it turned out, they were the only group to have both boys and girls. They wrote out a script and filmed at Sasuke's house.
After that, nobody thought they were uncool nobodies that hated people. They just thought they were freaks.
Freaks with tight pants.
Everyone gets a little more immature in high school and the same went for Suigetsu and Sasuke. Though Sasuke was a genius, that didn't stop him from acting like a normal fourteen year old would when they reached freshman year.
Suffice to say, Suigetsu was suddenly his "one true love" and Sasuke was Suigetsu's "booty on the side". At least, that's what they said.
And, because they were confident in their sexuality, they had no problems with hugging in public or making big romantic speeches about how "in love" they were.
Over time though, Sasuke became the pimp and Suigetsu was the man hoe. Karin became Sasuke's daughter and Sakura was his "love". The first time Sasuke addressed her as such, Suigetsu made sure to make a big scene about how he "thought they had something special."
Eventually, they made up.
The first time Sakura saw Sasuke freak out, she thought he was dying.
They were in English and he was sitting between her and Naruto, listening to Kakashi (he was one of the more laid back teachers and allowed them to call him by his first name) go on and on about how stupid some kid in his last class was. He stopped eventually and said something about handing back the test they took last Friday.
Naruto said something about how he probably failed and Sasuke said something about how healways made one hundreds and this time wouldn't be any different. Sakura rolled her eyes as Naruto yelling about Sasuke being a "teme". Sasuke rolled his eyes and tuned the blond out as he waited for his answer sheet to come back.
It was when that answer sheet came back that Sasuke's melt down started.
When Kakashi handed it to him, his eyes drifted to the number at the top lazily. Then, his eyes suddenly widened and he jumped up from his seat faster than Rock Lee can run a mile.
"No, no, no, no, no, no, this has to be a mistake," He said in horror before dropping to his knees and hanging his head in shame. "I'm a disgrace to my family! I shouldn't be allowed to live! Why? WHY? How could I let something like this happen?" No one really did anything until he started banging his head really hard on the chair he had just jumped out of.
As it turns out, Kakashi made a mistake and Sasuke actually made a one hundred instead of the ninety-eight he thought he had. Not that it really matters considering he had enough extra credit points to make up another two one hundreds.
-And To Think He Did It All While Still Being Sexy
"Hi, my name is Suigetsu Hozuki," Suigetsu said into the camera. He was dressed in an expensive-looking tux, his arms were crossed, and he had the most serious face he could manage. Then his arms flew apart and he yelled "AND THIS IS MY PARTY!" The scene changed to an opening which was a collage of Sasuke, Suigetsu, and Karin set to "House Party" by 3Oh!3. The scene changed after the song said "Sunday, you better find somebody else so for once I don't have to clean up after myself".
In the scene you saw a high class party with classical music in the background and guests (none of which were older than fourteen except a few parents) mingling with one another. The camera moved around until finally it stopped and was facing the door of the Uchiha house. The door opened and Sasuke walked in dressed in a suit. He walked up toward the camera and smiled.
In an incredibly fake cheery voice, he said "Hi, my name is Sasuke Uchiha, successful businessman. With more money than Bill Gates, it's a little shocking that I did it all within three years of my life. And to think I did it all while still being sexy." He gave two thumbs up and a cheesy smile that showed his teeth. The scene changes and he's standing in the kitchen. "You see, I wasn't always like this, shockingly rich and successful. Before you ask, yes. I have always always been this sexy.
"You see, I used to be what the other kids liked to call a 'douchebag', but I went from that," The video flashed a picture of Sasuke playing his guitar while looking like a typical douchebag. "To this. A successful business man with amazing hair. And to think I did it all while still being sexy." He crosses his arms and gives a smile and a wink.
The video changes to Karin, her hair in a high bun and in a business woman outfit, sitting down at the kitchen counter. "My name is Karin Kusa. I'm Mr. Uchiha's secretary...What? Oh no, I love this job. It pays really well and he's not one of those business people you actually call. He's just rich. And to think he did it all while still being sexy."
The scene changes again and shows Sasuke walking down the street. Karin and Suigetsu are there, now dressed like teenagers and walking next to their bikes. They stop as Sasuke passes.
"Hey," Suigetsu says. "Wasn't that Sasuke Uchiha, a successful businessman?"
"I think it was! And to think he did it all while still being sexy!"
The scene went back to Sasuke in the kitchen, this time he was drinking a Gatorade. At the bottom of the screen in yellow letters the words "SUBLIMINAL MESSAGING" flashed twice.
"Oh, hi. You're back. In case you've forgotten, I'm Sasuke Uchiha. Successful businessman. And I did it all while still being sexy. Do you want to know HOW I did it all while still being sexy? Well, you're in luck. Because now you can! All you have to do is buy my book titled 'Sasuke Uchiha: How He Went From Douche To Successful Businessman All The While Being Sexy and How There's No Conceivable Way That You Could Do It Too' and you can get wristbands that say 'WWSUSBDWDIAWSBSD?' or 'What Would Sasuke Uchiha Successful Businessman Who Did It All While Still Being Sexy Do?'"
He flashes another smile and the video changes to the credits.
The year Sasuke, Karin, and Suigetu were moved to high school was quite possibly one of the worst years for the teachers at the school. For one thing, they had already taught Sasuke's brother, Itachi. They all hated him mainly because he was smarter than all of them. That vendetta against the elder Uchiha was passed on to Sasuke, who didn't even acknolledge their glares, which just kind of made them even more annoyed.
The first day of school was never that bad, it was just student meeting their teachers and classmates and unpacking.
It was, however, bad that they decided to put Sasuke in a class with Sakura, Karin, AND Suigetsu. It was simply chaos waiting to happen.
The mistake was realized with the usually brooding Uchiha saw Sakura and made a point to randomly brighten, scream "Sakura!", and run over and hug her. (and to think he did it all while still being sexy)
Suigetsu looked up from his spot next to Sakura when Sasuke ran over, screamed "Sasuke!", and proceeded to jump over his desk and hug Sasuke, who was still hugging Sakura, from behind.
Karin entered the classroom late and had no idea what was going on. Still, she ran over, screamed "Suigetsu!", and proceeded to join in the hug by hugging Suigetsu who was still hugging Sasuke who was still hugging Sakura.
Sakura had no idea what was going on and was only really aware of the fact that Sasuke was hugging her so she didn't honestly care what was going on.
The teachers didn't know what was going on either but eventually told them if they didn't stop hugging they'd get a PDA.
When they all separated, Sasuke looked from Suigetsu and Karin to Sakura repeatedly.
His eyes finally stopped on Suigetsu and Karin but he pointed at the pink haired girl and said "She's Sakura."
It was the beginning of a beautiful friendship.
=The Real Slim Shady
They all stayed at Sasuke's house for a little while, just hanging out and doing nothing. The doorbell rang randomly which was a little weird because they were all their and normally someone would say something if they were going to have guests. Sasuke stood up and answered the door. They were all silent as if a serial killer was at the door ready to chop off all their heads.
They couldn't see who was at the door but Sasuke walked back a minute later and said it was for Sakura. She looked at Karin, who shrugged. Suigetsu looked at them strangely because he didn't understand girl speak.
Sakura stood up and walked to the door, Sasuke behind her so if the person at the door was a chain saw murderer, he could describe him to the police.
At the door was...the little boy Sakura had kneed in the stomach earlier that day.
The boy grinned triumphantly, and with a gap-toothed grin said "I knew you were here! See mommy, I told you!" Standing next to him was a women in maybe her early thirties.
"Uh...hi?" Sakura said, unsure.
"You need to apologize for kicking me with your knee!" He said. She stared at him for a minute.
"...But you tried to steal my pretty zebra print purse," She replied, pouting. The boy put his hands on his hips not realizing how unmanly it made him look.
"No I didn't! That guy took off running after he realized he didn't get it!"
All was silent for a few minutes.
"That's more like it. Come on, Mommy. I'm done here." The woman followed him back to the car without a word. Sakura stared after them.
Sasuke mumbled something about stupid kids and warm Gatorade.
A Beautiful Friendship.
AN. So...that was chapter one. The update will probably be kind of sporadic because I seriously have no idea where this is going. If you're confused, almost none of the events are in order.