Title: Destiny Memo
Author's Note: Written for the "Inter-office memo" challenge at the LJ stargateland community.
Disclaimer: I own neither the show nor the characters. I don't earn any money with this piece. I just do it for fun.

To: Everyone else
From: Those who try to get your collective [censored] home without getting a [censored] heart attack

Subject: Things everyone will not do, say, touch or think about ever again (in order to not be airlocked)

1. Col. Young and Dr. Rush are men, not "princesses", "sissy boys" or anything else not-male and whiny.

2. There will be no Kinos used as floating ghosts until it is Halloween.
a. The same goes for Kin-o'-lanterns.
b. And BatKinos.

3. Anything that glows, beams, hums, beeps or looks shiny will not be touched without permission by Dr. Rush or Col. Young.

4. "The Ancients made me do it!" is no excuse. Ever.
a. "I've always wanted to try it" or "Why not?" are not helping your situation either.

5. If you think it is a good idea, it is not.
a. Unless Dr. Rush approves.
b. Unless Col. Young approves Rush's approval.
c. Unless Gen. O'Neill approves everyone else's approval.

6. No gambling onboard.
a. It's still gambling even if the underwearwinnings are given back.

7. Brody's Booze does not leave Brody's Bar.
a. Smugglers will be stripped of certain privileges.

8. Whatever happens in Brody's Bar, doesn't get discussed outside of Brody's Bar.

9. Scientists and civilians will not handle soldiers' weapons. In return soldiers will keep their hands off scientists' equipment.
a. They will not use the expression "handle someone's weapon" in public. The same goes for "someone's equipment."

10. Any plans to hijack Destiny to find Santa Claus will be abandoned immediately.
a. Same goes for the Easter Bunny.
b. And especially Cupid.

11. The walls of corridor 14 will not be used for writing lessons.
a. Especially for Ancient curse words.
b. Even if #4 is true? Even if #4 is true.

12. Orders (military and otherwise) are to be followed without questioning and not be answered with "Oh, you're just saying that to sound important."

13. Dr. Rush's sense of humor is not a medical condition. Neither is Col. Young's lack of it.

14. Women Night is for female personnel only.
a. Cross-dressing does not make you female.
b. There will be no Kinos in a 100 meter radius.

15. Curiosity killed the Ancients and got us stranded billions of light years from home. Try to be more careful next time.

The list will be expanded if necessary.

- The leading team