I lean back against the head board of my bed. I flip open my Nintendo DS and turn it on. It's Halloween night, and everybody is out trick or treating or doing fun crap. Except my family doesn't do Halloween. It is a heathen pagan thing that we are not to associate ourselves with.

So, as a result, I am at home listening to people having fun next door at our neighbors' rowdy Halloween party, getting ready for a marathon session of Pokémon Diamond. "Woohoo let the fun times roll." I mutter as I reach the title screen.

Several hours later, the party next door is still going strong. In my room however, it's a bit more serious. I am try to catch Arceus, you know, the god pokémon? But the bastard is tough. And I already wasted my masterball on some other legendary, I forget which one, but I already realize that it was a mistake. I have been trying to get Arceus low enough in health to capture him in a pokéball of any kind, but he either wipes out my entire team, or I knock him out. I'm on attempt number eleventy billion and I am about ready to chuck my DS through the window, hopefully hard enough to hit whoever is drunkenly singing karaoke next door. I think it might be some Beatles song that they are butchering.

I'm down to my last pokémon now, and he's hanging on by a thread, but so is Arceus. I chuck an ultra ball at the big white bastard, "Come on damn you! Stay in the ball." It wiggles on screen, "Come on… come on…" ding! "YES!"

I throw my arms up in the air with a jubilant cry, "I caught you, you motherfucker!" I make a face at my DS, "HAHAHA! I CAUGHT GOD!"

I pick up the DS and the screen changes suddenly. I frown, as the image suddenly turns into something like a first person view looking at the pokéball holding Arceus. There is a loud noise and the view swings wildly to look up at a snarling Palkia. Another roar and the screen swings again to show Dialga looking down at me through the screen. "What the fuck?" A ghostly wail sends the view whirling again to see Giratina.

I have captured Arceus before, in my Pearl version, and I know for a fact that this did not happen that time!

I lift the DS as Giratina approaches. Suddenly the screen turns a ghostly blue and the entire DS begins to shake. I let go of the game system but my hands are stuck to it as if someone had poured super glue! I don't know what is happening, but whatever it is, I don't want to be a part of it.

I roll over onto my back and position my foot over the screen and kick. Instead of tearing the handheld from my grip, my foot sinks into the game and disappears. Most of my right leg quickly follows the foot into the DS. I desperately try to yank my leg back out but it refuses to budge and my leg only sinks further into the glowing mass that the entire DS is gradually turning into.

I feel something wrap around my leg on the other side of whatever I am stuck too. "Fuck."

Long black tendrils of something fly out of the light blue light and wrap around me. They tighten forcibly, violently jerking me into the light blue light which turns to long, blood red tunnel as my face passes through it.

The black tendrils pull me through the tunnel at a terrifying rate. Up ahead I see a blazing green disc where the tentacles are coming from, and rapidly returning to. I shut my eyes just before I hit the disc. The fire passes over me, and the sensation is near indescribable.

It feels as though every fiber in my being is being pressed against red hot steel and simultaneously pulled apart then put back together over and over again.

I collapse on the ground, moaning, "Owwww."

I roll over and open my eyes. Teeth, all I see is teeth. Huge, razor sharp teeth. The blood rushes from my face and warmth floods my pants. I hear guttural laughter and the teeth move away from my face and I and see the rest of face. It's Dialga. He is an ugly son of a bitch. Those pixel sprites don't do the guy justice. The leathery blue skin split by steel puckering the flesh around it like it is bursting up from beneath the tissue.

"It seems the human has soiled itself." A hissing voice chuckles. I turn my head and see Giratina floating nearby, also ugly. I turn my head and see Palkia on my right. Not nearly as ugly as the other two. Instead of leathery flesh like Dialga, Palkia has glistening mother of pearl scales and has iridescent shells. If it weren't for the menacing look it is giving me, it would be beautiful.

"What should we do to him?" Palkia asks, in a surprisingly feminine voice. "He needs to be punished for trying to imprison Father."

I look in the last direction left to look, 'above' me, and I see Arceus himself. He is surprisingly smaller than I would have expected. He is also beat up as all get out. My pokémon really did a number on this guy. I look around, if these guys are suddenly real, shouldn't my pokémon be real as well?

I start to look around but then Dialga answers Palkia's question, "Make him a pokémon." What? Can they even do that? I tilt my head to the side, would that really be so bad? A lot of pokémon are really powerful. "Maybe a bidoof."

I bite back a couple expletives. I'd rather be torn apart in a gruesome manner than to have to live as a goddamn bidoof! It's a fucking retarded beaver!

"No," Giratina hisses, "Make him something rare."

"Why should I bless this impertinent mortal with the power and esteem that would come with being a pokémon of note?" A new voice asks. It is a calm, wizened voice. I glance upward, it is Arceus speaking.

Giratina chuckles in a low rasping voice, "He came here to try and capture you, Father, because you are rare and very powerful. Make him rare and he will be pursued relentlessly. He will have to fight to retain his freedom, always on the run. And if he fails to remain free, then he will be a slave just as he intended to make you."

I stare at the ghostly dragon, he has a point. A damn good one. Suddenly being a bidoof doesn't seem all that bad. Palkia and Dialga are both grinning at this concept. "May we do that Father?" Palkia asks eagerly, "I've never gotten to actually manipulate a living thing's physical state to make it something new before."

Arceus nods, "Just let your brother's help you maintain the connection between his soul and his body, you don't want to kill him or let him miss even a bit of the pain."

The three dragons move in closer around me, Palkia actually picks me up off the ground and holds me off the ground. I don't think I have ever seen a more terrifying expression than the smile Palkia has right now. I am in for some serious pain.

Those orbs on Palkia's shoulders glow and the space around them distorts visibly. The distortion moves quickly to envelope me and the moment it touches my flesh I can see it begin to tear me apart.

I shriek and writhe in Palkia's grasp as my body is torn apart at the molecular level. The pain is horrible, but mercifully swift as the nerve endings that send the pain messages to my brain are quickly erased along with the rest of the my body. My vision goes as my eyes are destroyed.

There is a blessed moment of absolute peace. I think therefore I am and all that bullshit, nirvana. It would be really boring if it lasted for very long. Then the pain returns as my body is reformed in its new form, whatever that form is. Again the pain is intense, but this time it doesn't go away, even after Palkia drops me back to the ground.

Everything hurts, including my new tail. I open my eyes, and I can't immediately tell what pokémon I am, but I can see that I have a white muzzle of some kind, and that there is a red stripe over the top of it. Off the top of my head I cannot think of any pokémon with that sort of head type and furpattern.

"Sister, that is not the right color set." Dialga says, then chuckles, "You should start over and do it right."

Palkia giggles, "I know! He is a rare pokémon, and in possession of a one of a kind fur pattern! He'll be irresistible to collectors."

"I approve of this." Arceus says approvingly, "Send him somewhere where his kind is not found."

Palkia yanks me back up off the ground and whirls me around so that everything is just a blue blur. Suddenly I am rocketing through the air.

! I curl up and consider praying that I land somewhere soft. Then I remember, oh yeah, just pissed off the gods of this world. It's going to hurt. Hopefully I'll die instantly, but considering my luck thus far tonight I'll be lucky if I pass out.

I press my ears down against my skull with my paws and wait.

The impact is sudden and I black out.