In a desperate bid to get the youngest member of his team out into life a little more, Pein enlists the help of Konan. The result is Itachi going Nail Polish shopping and perhaps learning a little about life in general. Definitely OOCness.
A/N: I wanted to do this because I thought it was a funny thought. I think I may have a few interconnected One-Shots in this 'verse. Haven't decided yet, but there's a very good possibility I may continue this. For now, Enjoy!
He was going to kill Leader-sama. It was plain and simple.
In light of recent events, he should have seen this coming. Also in light of recent events, Itachi Uchiha realized that joining a criminal organization was probably not in his healthiest interests. But then, he wasn't going to live long anyway, so what the hell? Why not?
No, it was the fact that he joined a crminal organization whose "fearless leader" seemed to have a strange obsession with nail polish and billowy clouds. The cloak he hadn't minded; he had even come to accept the requirement of painting his nails the dark garish purple color. At this point, after nearly 5 years of wearing the stuff, the scent was second-nature to him.
It was the fact that his "fearless leader" had decided to give the Uchiha genius the "honor and privilege" of purchasing a new bottle of nail polish for Every. Single. Other. Akatsuki. Member. And it was the fact that he was now standing in front of the local drugstore, sans the red cloud cloak, debating on going in to peruse colorful bottles of nail ware.
'I need a new job,' the former heir thought in annoyance, glaring darkly (without his Sharingan. Apparently, the red eyes made him stick out like a sore thumb.) at the entrance. Several people behind him on the streets gave him odd and bemused stares while a child quietly pointed out to her mother that "The funny looking boy is trying to have a staring contest with the store, mommy!". Itachi's eye twitched just slightly.
'Okay Uchiha. You can do this. You've done things that would make that child scream and cry in terror for at least the rest of her childhood. You will walk into that store and... buy nail polish!' his conscience cringed at the thought, but then thought of the time Konan had sent Deidara to buy things for her during her monthly. It cheered him significantly. Looking down at his hands, he absently noted a small chip in his polish that hadn't been there the other day and sighed quietly. Finally gathering his wits, he walked into the drugstore. After all, Leader-sama had given him this solo mission; he never failed his missions, no matter what.
As soon as she stepped out of her house, it began to rain; heavily.
Fate was apparently laughing at her again.
After nearly 2 years of being stuck in this parallel Ninja-verse, Kagome Higurashi figured she would be used to the random, not to mention weird, things that happened around this particular village (cough City cough). Like the excessive amount of rain, the slightly obsessive villagers that practically worshipped their leader, and the occasional nut job that decided to attack said village.
Most of these people didn't really take kindly to strangers, but the elderly couple that had found her unconscious, beaten, and bloody body in an old abandoned well had been uncharacteristically sympathetic to her cause. When she finally woke up, it was several days later and she was in the Amegakure Hospital. She was later told by the doctors that she had two cracked ribs, a broken arm, dislocated shoulder, and her lungs had been punctured.
It was a miracle she was even alive, they said. Kagome snorted and blamed it quietly on her guardianship of one Shikon no Tama. The cursed jewel wasn't going to let its' "precious protector" die so easily. Especially not after everything she went through to get every single broken shard back together.
The priestess sighed and shook her head.
'No use in dwelling on things I can't change,' she thought morosely, opening her umbrella, 'Right now, I need some allergy medicine. I can just feel the itchiness creeping up on me.' Stepping out into the street, she quickly made her way to the nearby drugstore.
"Why are there so many colors?" Itachi muttered under his breath as he glanced at the several rows of colorful polish, "That shade of orange is ridiculous."
'I wouldn't even be here if it weren't for the fact that my family members were a bunch of power-hungry, grudge-holding, highly obsessive nut-jobs,'the Sharingan wielder sighed and shook his head, mentally discarding the polish color he was looking at on account of the sparkles in it. He would not lower himself to wearing shimmer purple nail polish.
"What's the difference in any of these?" he sighed, almost willing to give up and just leave this embarrassing situation for someone else to deal with.
"It depends. Are you wanting it to last for a while?" a voice next to him stated. Itachi would swear to anyone else that he didn't jump in surprise.
"What?" 'How did-?' he glanced at the girl that had literally snuck up on him. She smiled at him disarmingly and pointed at the bottles of varnish. He noted absently that her own nails were colored a nauseating hot pink color.
'I'm getting dizzy just looking at that color,' the Uchiha thought vaguely, 'What person in their right mind wears that horrifying pink. She'd be an easy target with those fingers.'
"Your nail polish," the girl replied, giving him a look that screamed 'don't be stupid', "Do you want it to last for a while?"
"What makes you think it's for me?" Itachi countered immediately, glaring at the offending color on her hands. She raised a brow and slowly moved her blue eyes down to his hands. He had the decency to avert his gaze and hide his hands in his pockets. He would not turn red in embarrassment damn it! Sadly, he could feel his face heating up just slightly.
"It is a pretty loud color," she sighed, gazing morosely at her fingers, "I wasn't expecting it to turn out so... bright."
"I may go blind from it," Itachi muttered before his eyes widened in surprise. 'I can't believe I just made a joke. What is wrong with me?'
The girl laughed lightly and shook her head,"Yeah, me too. I think this one is going to the little girl down the street. I'm sure she'll be thrilled."
"Indeed," he replied, sighing quietly before moving down the aisle discreetly and glancing at another row of darker colored nail color. He cringed and shook his head, before muttering under his breath, "I can't believe I'm about to do this." He turned back to the girl who was contemplating a dark silver color that would suit her more than the pink she was wearing could ever hope to achieve. "What would you recommend?"
She glanced back at him, cocking her head to the side and studying him intently. Itachi suddenly felt like all his sins were being laid bare and it unnerved him more than he imagined it would. For the first time in his relatively short life, he felt ashamed of his life. He shook himself mentally and the feeling disappeared. His life wasn't his own the moment he annihilated his clan.
'What was that?'
"Well, what are you looking for exactly?" the girl asked, glancing back at the color she was clutching before coming to a decision and dropping the silver-filled bottle in her shopping basket.
"Something that won't chip easily."
"So, long-lasting. How about this?" She picked up the previous bottle of polish he had been holding and showed it to him.
"I will not demean myself to wearing shimmer!" Itachi hissed venomously and watched with a tiny amount of satisfaction as the girl flinched and set the bottle down quickly.
"Sorry. It looked like the closest thing to what you're wearing now," the girl replied sheepishly, then began to search the other bottles. He did the same. For a few moments, they kept to themselves.
She watched the young man next to her out of the corner of her eye and sighed inwardly. He was definitely handsome, and certainly didn't seem like the type, but that nail polish on his fingers was just enough out of the ordinary for Kagome to be on guard. Now, however, her curiosity was getting the better of her.
"So, why purple, of all colors?" the priestess asked out of the blue, "Are you in a group or something?" She noticed he jerked just slightly, one hand straying to his leg in an almost instinctive fashion. Her senses screamed danger.
'Is he a ninja, then?'
"It was not my choice," the raven-haired male replied off-handedly, his other hand clenching briefly before relaxing. He carefully set down another bottle of varnish and moved to the next group of small bottles. It brought him a step closer to her. Kagome shrugged and held up a light violet colored bottle to the light.
"Too bright. It needs to be darker," he stated as she opened her mouth to ask about the color. She blushed and set the bottle down, then huffed and turned to face him.
"Let me see your hand," she hissed in annoyance, snatching the closest one before he could protest. She gazed down at the color currently chipping off his fingers in concentration, vaguely noting the strange heavy-looking ring he wore on his hand, before letting out a breath of triumph.
"What are you-!"
"You need this one!" Kagome then proceeded to drag him over to a display farther down the aisle to a set of square-shaped little bottles. She cheerfully plucked a bottle from the stand and presented it to him with a flourish. Had he been in a different situation, he would have laughed at her enthusiasm. Instead he took the bottle with a small smile and held it up to the light.
He was still attempting to figure out an decent answer to her question without giving away vital information when she jerked him down the aisle to another collection of bottles. The strange girl then presented him with a small bottle with a smile on her face.
'She's one of those people that want to help others no matter who they are,' Itachi thought, accepting the vial and holding it up to the light, 'An innocent that most anyone would want to severely protect. Does she not have someone to keep her safe?'
"... This will suffice," he stated, nodding before glancing at the name of the color. 'Rum Raisin is so unoriginal. But it's just the right color too.'He glanced at her as she twirled happily, her long dark hair dancing in the fluorescent light and her blue eyes sparkling delightedly. And when she graced him with an enormous smile, the Uchiha felt the telltale signs of attachment stir in his thought-to-be-dead heart. It bothered him... a lot.
"I've got that kind at home in a dark green color. It stayed on my nails for almost two weeks before I resorted to scrubbing it off with an S.O.S. pad," she commented off-handedly, grinning at what was probably the memory of the moment. He nodded absently as he collected a bottle for each member of his little "group", as she called it.
"Stocking up?" she teased lightheartedly. Had he been anyone else, the former Clan heir probably would have rolled his eyes and snorted in indignation.
"I am purchasing for other people as well," he answered back, a slight bite to his quiet voice. She either heard it and didn't care, or she didn't let it affect her, because she just laughed again and held out her hands to help him. He was not used to the amount of kindness this strange girl was paying him, but he also found that he didn't really mind either. Slowly, they gathered the right amount and began to head to the checkout up front.
"Ahh, you're 'group thing', right?"
"Well... good luck with that." She accepted her bags of groceries and stepped aside to wait for him. Itachi was unaccustomed to someone waiting for him and quickly paid for his purchase while avoiding the questioning look the cashier was giving him. They left the drugstore and stood outside in a strained silence.
"I... guess this is goodbye. Um... If you're ever in town again, you should stop by the tea shop down the road. I work there and..." she trailed off and grimaced in embarrassment before a determined glint entered her blue eyes and she locked gazes with him, "My name's Kagome. So stop by and say hi if you want to."
'Ahh, the exchange of names. It would make things more difficult... however...'
"Itachi." Kagome glanced up at him sharply in surprise, obviously not expecting him to give his name so freely. Let him be surprising for once.
"R-right... Itachi-san," she smiled happily and began to turn away, "I think we'll definitely meet again."
"... Perhaps," the Uchiha muttered, turning and walking away. He refused to turn back to see what he perceived to be her oddly distinctive chakra-signature moving away.
'Such a strange girl... Kagome.'
"You sent Itachi to get Nail Polish!" the flamboyant blonde exclaimed, staring in shock at his brightly-colored Leader. The orange-haired man nodded and pinned Deidara with a withering look.
"Is there a problem with that?" Pein asked delicately, raising a brow in the artist's direction.
"Yes! Itachi is typically homicidal at best! We'll never be able to go into the village if he kills someone!" Deidara answered in a dramatic fashion, waving his arms around for emphasis.
"Don't be so foolish, Deidara," Pein scoffed, waving a hand in dismissal, "Itachi wouldn't kill people because they get on his nerves."
"I'm not that homicidal, thank you," Itachi muttered, stating his arrival back at headquarters.
"That didn't take nearly as long as I thought it would," the Uchiha's partner, Kisame Hoshigaki, said as a bag was deposited on the table.
"Indeed. The girl that helped me find these said it wouldn't chip for almost two weeks," Itachi replied, snagging a bottle of their new nail polish and disappearing towards his room. Everyone was silent for about two heartbeats before one of their newest members, Hidan, broke it.
"Did he just fuckin' say a girl?" the Jashinist exclaimed in horror.
A/N: Ahahahaa... And there you have it. The start of an oddball relationship. Well... it's probably not normal, but it was funny. Who knows, maybe I'll even continue this possibility. As always, Constructive criticism is helpful. Maybe some ideas too. Let me know!