Disclaimer: Inception is the property of Christopher Nolan.

Prompt: Peter Browning is something of a serial monogamist, and standing up for his weddings has come to be a semi-frequent obligation for Robert to endure. idk, I just want to see something silly where Browning is a self-absorbed, faily, but ultimately well-meaning father figure to Robert.

Note: Less Browning and less silliness than originally intended.


Uncle Peter's wedding with Aunt Lizzie is the first one Robert attends. He's seven years old and the ring bearer. Aunt Lizzie cries happily, after they are pronounced man and wife.

Robert sees Aunt Lizzie crying two years later when she has too much to drink and calls Uncle Peter bad names. The divorce isn't finalized until Robert is twelve. The incident with sugar in the engine and the obscene messages in lipstick on the walls stand out in Robert's mind.

After Aunt Lizzie comes Aunt Ruby. Aunt Ruby doesn't try to replace Robert's mum. Aunt Ruby likes video games and rock concerts. Aunt Ruby decides after eighteen months of marriage that life is too short to spend married to Peter Browning and runs away with the chauffeur. Out of solidarity with his godfather, Robert drops all contact with Ruby. Deep down she's the one he misses the most.

By the time Uncle Peter marries Aunt Sarah, Robert is promoted to groomsman. Aunt Sarah is a thirty-three year old lawyer who views Robert as somewhere between an inconvenience and an unwanted distraction for her husband. She's a thirty-six year old lawyer when she decides her career is going nowhere and she needs a change of pace.

Robert is nineteen when Uncle Peter marries Aunt Brittany. That marriage lasted three months. The less said the better.

Aunt Kimberly is a gold digger and ten years older than Robert is. Like Aunt Sarah, she's jealous of Robert. Unlike Aunt Sarah, she doesn't limit herself to disdainful looks or disapproving silences. Through the whole ceremony, Robert smiles fixedly at a spot on the carpet. He's twenty-four when Aunt Kimberly loses patience with Uncle Peter's tomcatting.

Madeline is not Robert's aunt. Seeing as he's twenty-five and she's twenty-eight, that would just be silly. Eight months after the wedding Robert calls Uncle Peter to please come and remove his wife from Robert's bed, and bring clothes. That's the end of the marriage.

Crystal is younger than Robert. Only by two months, mind you. They have nothing in common but Uncle Peter. At parties, they sit politely near one another and politely say nothing as they talk. Three years later, Crystal discovers that she's a lesbian.

Melissa is a twenty-three year old Dallas cheerleader. Robert is thirty-one and more than slightly uncomfortable with the way Melissa keeps flashing her cleavage at him. By this time, Maurice is too ill to attend the wedding so Robert is the best man. The jokes about having to marry Melissa if Uncle Peter doesn't turn up get old fast. Uncle Peter has started alternating between wondering when Robert is going to get his first wife and praising him for having the good sense not to get married. Uncle Peter is still married to Melissa when Robert's father dies.