Disclaimer: I used to own supernatural, the boys, the Impala and everything else on the show. But then, the men in white gave me my meds and I had to take them.
Summary: Sam didn't know how he'd come to this point. But one thing he knew for sure was that something had to change.
A/N: I think I can finally write Sam the way he is now. But it's not gonna be pretty.
"Come on Sam. It's just for a few days." Dean did not know how to give up. The 4th of July was coming up and Dean wanted to visit Lisa and Ben for a few days. Take Ben out for some midnight fireworks, most of which would be illegal in the state. "It'll be fun. Like when we were kids."
"Selling me my childhood memories might not be the best way to go Dean." Sam never understood how Dean could cherish their youth when all Sam could remember was constant disappointment. "Look, I get you wanting to spend time with the your girlfriend, but why do you want me to tag along. You can just take a few days and join me up after I'm done with this hunt with Campbells."
"Sam, I'm really trying here dude." Dean's voice took on a pleading note. "I'm trying to put this family back together."
"Funny. Last time I checked it was you who was holding out on his family."
"It's just one stupid holiday."
"Exactly, it's a stupid holiday like many others to come. People are dying out there and somehow this is more important." Sam sighed, putting down the duffel he was hurriedly packing. He didn't understand why Dean was being so irrational. "You are being childish. It's not like I won't be with family. We'll get whatever is decapitating people and then, if you like, you can join us on the next one."
"Sure, whatever." Dean replied dejectedly. Sam hated watching his brother like that, but this was bigger. Dean had to realize that.
It's two weeks later when Sam realizes that he hasn't heard from his brother. He's not worried, because even if something had happened, he'd have heard about it by now. Dean probably just missed his normal life so much, he decided to stay an extra few days. Still, if for no other reason than to get an ETA, he called his brother up. His calls go to voicemail the first two times and just as he's about to hang up the third time and call Bobby instead, Dean picks up.
"Hey Sam, sorry couldn't come to the phone earlier." Dean says casually. "Got a bit tied up."
Sam knows what tied-up in their life means. "You alright? You on a hunt?"
"Yeah. Easy one." Dean replies."Nothing that I can't handle. You were halfway across the country and it was a piece of cake, so I didn't bother – you know – bothering you."
"If you say so." Sam was a bit confused. "Anyway, I'm with the Campbells in Detroit, hunting – well, we don't know what it is yet, but it's nasty. So if we could get some sort of time-frame on your arrival."
"Yeah – no, I guess I'll pass on this one. I figure you guys would be scraping its remains off the floor by the time I get there. Bobby has got something local for me. I think I'll handle that for now."
Sam was puzzled by Dean and a little hurt. Dean's hasty "Gotta go, talk to you later" didn't do anything to explain it. Neither did Bobby's revelation that the case he gave Dean was in Washington. It felt like Dean was avoiding him. Bobby's side was a bit more reassuring. Maybe, Dean just didn't want to hunt with the Campbells. Sam let out a frustrated sigh at that. What the hell was Dean's problem with them? They were hunters. Blood relatives. Hadn't Dean been going on and on about how the only trustworthy people in life were your family? Seriously Dean, Sam thought, I know you have issues, but your insecurities are getting a bit old.
Over the next few months, Sam became sure that Dean was avoiding him, not just the Campbells. Whenever he called Dean, he was either home or in the middle of a hunt. Usually, the hunt was almost over so there was no need for Sam to get over there. This was when Dean answered the phone at all. Most of the times the calls went straight to voicemail.
Bobby was no help either. After grilling Sam for an hour to think of any reason his brother might be pissed at him, he spent the next fifteen minutes trying to talk some sense into Dean. That did not work out, judging by Bobby's outraged expression and his "The son-of-bitch hung up on me". Finally, when Sam realized that it had been more than five months since he last saw Dean, he decided that enough was enough. Dean owed him an explanation, whether he wanted to or not.
He finally tracks down Dean in Georgia (Dean had indicated that he was heading in the general direction of Alaska). Dean didn't seem surprised at all to see him. He opened the motel room door without peeking first, like he'd been expecting him. He clapped him on the shoulder, welcomed him in, offered him a beer and sat him down for a talk. Sam was very much confused and couldn't make heads or tails of it.
"So Sammy, I'm glad you came down here." Dean talked to him as if they hadn't been practically estranged for last five months. "See, Lisa's got this friend who's sure she's being haunted. I told her I'd check it out, but can't exactly leave a hunt in the middle. Now that you are here, I was thinking, I can fill you in on this case and you can take over and I can go back and be a hero."
"Dean, what the hell is going on?" Sam's eyes searched Dean's face for a clue. "I don't see you for five months and now you are practically shoving me out of the door. What's going on with you."
"Nothing." Dean replied."I just thought we should be going on some separate hunts. We're not attached at the hip, you know."
They weren't, but Dean had spent most was his life trying to do that.
"Are you – breaking up with me?" Sam asked in a mocking yet nervous tone.
Dean sighed. "I just think we shouldn't hunt together anymore." Dean answered looking Sam squarely in the eyes.
"What? Why?" Sam stood up, putting down his bottle of beer. "Are you mad at me or something because I didn't come to your stupid family reunion? I'm sorry if you don't get it Dean, but I'm not exactly comfortable around the whole normal thing."
"That's not it Sam." Was Dean's only reply.
"Then what? Is it the Campbells?" Dean just shrugged. "It is, isn't it? Jesus Dean, would you just grow up? They are good people and you'd see that if you gave them a chance. I don't know if you're jealous or something because they got to spend a year with be while you didn't, but that's stupid Dean. We've spent our whole life together."
"That's not it, Sam" Dean replied. "I just don't trust those guys. Plain and simple. Which is why I don't want to hunt with them. Or see them. Ever again. I didn't want you to hunt with them either, but you didn't care for that."
"So what are you saying?" Sam said stonily. "It's either you or them, is that it?"
"No, I'm saying it's them. I don't want to hunt with you anymore, I told you that."
Anger and hurt flared up inside Sam, but he waited for Dean to explain himself.
"You are one of them now." Dean went on. "I don't know but since you got back - "
"Yes I know." Sam couldn't contain it any longer. "I'm different, I'm cold, I'm a monster made of stone. Got the memo, Dean. The first twenty-three times you sent it."
"You are not different Sam." Dean replied, surprising Sam. "You are you. Maybe more you than you've ever been. This is the person you have been becoming all your life. And I'm not going to try and change you into something you don't want to be, but I sure as hell am not going to put up with it."
"What's that supposed to mean?"
"You have become like the Campbells. Like every other hunter out there. You don't care about anything other than the hunt. You'll do anything to get the job done, no matter how bad it is. You won't let your life or loved-ones slow you down on your mission. Its not like you are actually happy hunting, it's just something you do. And you generally don't care about what goes on with people around you. Congratulations Sam. You have turned into the man you once hated. You've turned into Dad."
"You say it like it's a bad thing."
Dean smiled. "You know better than anyone that I worshipped that man. But I swear, right now, I'd rather say yes to Michael than hunt with him again."
"What are you saying Dean?" Sam had never heard Dean talk about their Dad like that.
"Sam, he lived a miserable life. And he could never let his kids have a moment of happiness or safety. Because there is always something more important that your children's happiness. And don't even get me started on the secrets and the lies. That man didn't trust me to do a single thing right. Not when we hunted together and not when he left me behind."
"Dad loved us Dean." Sam protested. "He was trying to protect us."
"Spare me. I've used every excuse under the sun to defend that man. And then some. Fact of the matter is Sam, no matter how much he loved us, it wasn't enough for him to actually care. He always had to do his own thing and to hell with what anyone else wanted. Everything else was simply secondary. And you are the same. You just make whatever decision you think is right and force everyone else to live with it."
"You chose to shut me out, remember?"
Sam's jaw tightened. He'd stand by that one till the bitter end. "I thought I was doing the right thing. And it was Dean. You got Lisa out of it."
"I'm sure you are right. But you should learn to live with the consequences of your actions."
"Is that what this is?" Sam asked again "You are punishing me for freezing you out?"
"No. Am I not getting through to you?" Dean replied. "It's not who you're with or who you've become or what you have done. It's who you are. I just don't want to hunt with you anymore. It doesn't mean that I'm angry at you or I love you any less or I never want to see you again, it's just I can't be your hunting partner anymore. For my own sake. That's all it is."
That's all, he says, Sam thought. His brother just practically told him that his very soul was black and wants to cover it with that's all. Sam sat down dazed and confused while Dean packed up his belongings.
"The details of the case are on the counter , if you wanna take it up." Dean said from the door, about to leave. "Bye Sam, keep in touch."
I'm thinking of making it into a series of one-shots ending in the boys getting back together. What do you guys think?