People don't talk to me, in general. It's not like I care that they don't, I like it. It's the way things work, nature running its course. They look at me, wondering, but they don't voice their concerns. (Probably too scared that I'll throw them off the roof).
"You know, i used to be cute and blonde and peppy." I murmur, and Beck's head pops up from where he's video-chatting with Cat, Tori and Andre, to look at me, surprised. (Of course he's surprised; he's seen me beat up four guys who were twice the size of him.)
He raises an eyebrow, obviously amused now, and offers me a smile. "Really, now?"
"Uh huh." I sit up in his bed. The camera hasn't got a view of me, that's probably why none of them have asked why I'm here yet. None of them know that I am. "Cute little piggy-tails and dresses and flowers, too."
He has to hold back a cheesy grin as he imagines it. I can tell he's having a hard time doing it, but he's liking what he's thinking. Not that he's really into that kind of thing, it's just the thought of me being girly. (I might have to punch that grin off his face in a minute, but we're apparently having a 'moment' or whatever, so i guess it'll have to wait).
"How long ago?"
I frown, trying to remember. I can hear Tori's frustrated voice urging Beck to 'pay attention' to whatever stupid assignment they're doing at five am in the morning.
"Maybe eight years?" I don't know for sure, but it sounds about right. "I was eight when my hair got darker," I say, calculating the years.
"Why?" He asks suddenly. I look up.
"Why'd you change? Not that you're not perfect the way you are now," He chuckles and closes the laptop screen, not caring that Andre and Tori are asking him who is with him. "I'm just curious."
I chew my lower lip. "I don't know. I got sick of the sunshine, and you always need rain for a rainbow..." I shrugged. "I figured out that life sucked and everybody's going to hurt you."
He stands up and walks over, sinking onto the bed beside me and wrapping his arms around my stomach, pulling me into his lap.
"I'm not." He says softly, and I can't help the tiny (Disgustingly bitter) giggle that escapes my lips.
"You already have." I tell him simply. Everyone knows Beck is smart, and he proves it by not denying what I'm telling him.
(For some reason, I don't want to hurt him anymore. I just want him to stay close to me.)
I think back, and I know exactly what happened the day I turned from all things cute. Beck watches me like I'm the most interesting thing in the world, and i smile at that. (He's still a pansy though.)
"It was about a day before my eighth birthday," I sighed in defeat. His hands rubbed my sides comfortingly, and he kissed the side of my face.
"You don't have to-" He began gently. (Stop being so considerate, you're making me guilty for treating you like this).
"No. I want to."
His smile is so big it's almost creepy.
"My hair was already getting darker, and I was sleeping in 'cause it was a Sunday."
Beck holds my hand, and I can feel my palm against his. It's oddly comforting.
"Screaming woke me up, but I knew it wasn't my Mom because she had work on Sundays at her law firm. So i got up, and i walked to my Dad's room." I hold my breath, the memories flooding to the surface. "He was in there with his secretary. Neither of them were hurt, and I couldn't look him in the eyes for months. Then, i guess i just knew. I knew the world wasn't a good place, and I couldn't be fucked helping it become one."
He kisses my forehead, and i smile and lean into him.
The question takes me by surprise and i stare at him, my whole body going still.
"I...Beck, what?" I frown.
"I said," He says, amused. "Wanna elope?"
"No-Beck-Why...No," I say, and i can tell he's hurt because he gently moves away from me and turns his back, obviously trying to hide how upset he is. I sit up, and rest my chin on his shoulder, wrapping my arms around his torso. "I love you...But I can't base my life on a spontaneous decision." I say gently. He doesn't move.
I stand up and look at him. He runs a hand through his hair and then i see it. He's trying so hard to keep together, just like me. He has to stop himself from falling apart, 'cause all we have is eachother, and i just hurt him in the worst way possible.
"Listen, I gotta go, I've got a bunch of homework that I've got to finish, so I'll see you tomorrow?" I don't have any homework to do, but any excuse will have to be fine, because I can't stand seeing him so broken. (I've really done it this time. He looks like he's going to cry.)
I don't call him and tell him to come pick me up and drive me to school. I walk, because i know he'll still have that broken look on his face. I don't want to see it. We have separate classes until lunch, and i seriously consider eating in one of the empty classes instead. (I'm Jade freaking West. I'm not a coward.). So I walk out and sit at the table. Beck's there, picking at his salad, and I can tell that the others have already picked up on both of our moods.
He looks up when i sit down, then with a pained look, he looks back down at his salad. He doesn't eat salad, ever. So i know that i need to do something. Soon.
"Hey Jade." Tori says, trying to make conversation, even though the tension is so thick you could choke on it. "What did you have first period?"
"Dramatic Lit." I mumble, my eyes still glued to Beck.
"What'd you have, Becky boy?" Andre asks cheerfully.
"Arts and Craft."
His answer sounds forced, and he fakes a smile for them. Nobody else sees through it, Beck's an actor for a reason.
"Beck..." I say it so quietly that I'm not sure that he even hears it. He doesn't respond.
Lunch is over within minutes, and Beck's gone before i get a second to drag him into the Janitor's closet and just say yes, because I know it would make him better.
Cat insists on walking me home after i tell her Beck's not driving me.
"..So then I was like 'What's that supposed to mean?' and she was all 'It means that you're Cinderella's understudy!' and then i was all like 'Yay!'" She babbled excitedly. "So if Alice Green gets hurt, I'm Cinderella!"
"A pink haired Cinderella. That'll be interesting." I mutter disinterestedly. She frowns for a second, and then shrugs it off and babbles on. I'm just in a bad mood. I know Cat would make an amazing Cinderella, and she'd blow everyone away. To be completely honest, I actually consider hurting Alice Green for her, so she can be Cinderella. But I'm already on probation, and if Lane found out, I wasn't going to be going to Hollywood Arts for much longer. (Stupid blondes. They always get picked for princesses.)
"Hey wait a sec, this isn't the way to your house!" (It's about time, we're only a block away from Beck's now, and she's only just figured this out. What a ditz.)
"No, it's not." I say, like I'm talking to a toddler. (A toddler would've figured out we were going to wrong way half an hour ago.)
"Where are we going?" She asked, her eyes all wide an innocent. (Jeez, nobody could ever blame her for anything.)
"I need to see Beck." I say blankly, almost missing the flash of concern on Cat's face.
"Do you want me to go?" She says, and she sounds quieter than I ever thought she could be.
Beck doesn't open the door. I know he's in there, but he just doesn't want to see me. I can't blame him.
"Beck...Please!" I call out, slamming my fist against the door even harder. (See what you've reduced me to, Bastard?)
I sigh, and realize that he's not going to let me in anytime soon. Well, that's what feet are for.
I kick the door open, and walk in. (I'm really getting sick of this routine. He'd better get me a key soon.)
He's sitting on his bed, not doing anything in particular. He looks up and frowns.
"Will you ever stop doing that?" He asks, and I realize he's trying to put on a brave face for me. Probably why he didn't let me in.
"Beck..." I sit next to him and tug on the sleeves of my shirt anxiously. "I love you." I pull him into a tight hug, and this time it's more out of desperation than anything. I don't want to lose him.
He's hugging me so tightly that it hurts.
"Isn't that enough?" I ask him softly, while breathing the scent that is just purely Beck. (Ew. I smell people now? As if i wasn't weird enough...Well, atleast I'm not like Robbie. He has serious issues.)
"People who love eachother get married." He says simply, like it's all he's grown up to know.
"And I love you," I sigh. "But..."
"But you don't want to marry me." He finishes, glaring at the wall to his left.
"No, no, I do." I say quickly. That grabs his attention. He's looking at me like Cat when someone offers her Candy. "But last night, you didn't mean it, Beck." I frown, and look down at my hands.
"Yes i did!" He grinds out, grabbing my hands and squeezing them. "I don't say crap that I don't mean, Jade."
"Did you even plan it? Do you have a ring?" I ask, proving my point.
"Who the hell cares? I mean it, Jade, i want you to marry me." He insists, looking into my eyes for any indication that I might say yes.
I'm crying now. And he's trying so hard not to.
"How do I know?" I say, wiping angrily at my wet cheeks. "How do i know you won't wake up one day and think 'Why did I do that?', Beck, how do I know?" (I shouldn't be shouting at him, but it's the truth. And sometimes it needs to be shouted for Beck to get the point.)
And then he reaches up, and wipes away the tears with his thumbs, and he smiles a warm, loving smile.
"Because I love you."
And that's all the answer I need, because all of a sudden, I'm kissing him, and whispering, "Okay."
Well...Haha, it's not as good as my last one, but it's okay, considering I spent two weeks trying to figure out where the heck I was going with this.
Reviews please! :D
*Puts on Apu from the Simpsons voice*
Thankyou, come again!