Not knowing my dad for my whole life, well to be honest, I think its better. He's abusive to my mother so she left. If she didn't, who know what would happen. However, when I turned five he tried to contact me. Being five I didn't know any better. I wanted him there. So for x-mass my mom brought him here. But then I found I didn't like him. He was just too different for me to understand. Then for my tenth birthday I gave him another chance. He wasn't as bad this time, but I still didn't like him. I still don't, even though he got me a cell phone, and I have been talking to him. I still get a sickening feeling when I hear his voice.
I'm a good kid. I get good grades. Yet I hate my life. Most nights Ill lay in bed and blame it all on him, and wish I could just sleep and not wake up. But like I said, it's better without him.
About a week ago I moved, we just got a new house and I have to start school in about a week. I'm nervous as hell. But it's always the same. Go to school and meet new people, or not. Get threw each day with out jumping off the roof of my building. It's tough. I've never even had a friend to talk to. I always move so I never can get close enough to someone for me to know if I can trust them. A few times, once I think I had a friend who I knew long enough, however, I didn't want to trust her. She was to judge mental of me. So no, I've never had a friend I could talk to. But I hoping that will change when I start my freshman year at a new high school. Mom says we won't move till I graduate high school, then she can leave and I can live on my own, or she will stay and I will go to school down the road.
Today is the first day of school, I'm nervous as hell, like I knew I would be. But its whatever, like it always is. I'll get over it. I just have to meet people. I have a new start here. I can be who ever I want to be. So far nothing has happened, I go threw each class as a ghost. No one sees me moving, no one sees meat all. I'm invisible. Till gym. I got bored just sitting there. It's a pretty small school with no locker rooms, so we don't have to change. A girl was trying to hook up a wii to a t.v. but it wasn't working out for her, so I decided to go and help her.
"Hi, I'm bored so im gonna help you. Is that ok?"
"Yah totally, do you know how to hook these up?" she asked.
"Not really, I have one but it's always hooked up or it just plugs in the front."
"I see, I have one too, but I don't use it. " She laughed.
Another boy came over; he was about a head taller than the girl I was talking to. He had brown hair, that hung over his eyes, and emo cut, just like every one else, he had on a pair of jeans that hung below his ass, and a Ground Zero t-shirt on. She on the other hand was wearing jeans and white tank top on with a black hooddie, and she had long blond hair that hung past her shoulders, and she wore glasses similar to mine.
When she saw the guy she smiled and said hey and gave him a hug.
"Oh, im sorry, I'm Danny." She said. "Short for Danielle."
"And this is Gracen." She pointed at him, and I gave a half wave.
"Hey." He said.
Once gym was over we went to lunch. I had no one to sit with. I was looking around when I saw Danny and Gracen sitting at a back table towards the door. She saw me watching and waved at me to come sit by her.
"Hey, what's up?" she asked as I walked came torwords her.
"Nope, Gracen was just telling me how hot he thinks you are." She laughed. I blushed.
"Shut up!" he kicked her under the table.
"Well, I don't lie."
"You need to learn to keep your mouth shut." He sighed got up, and threw his stuff away and walked out side.
"Yah, he really was saying that. But anyways." I just looked at her; I didn't know what to say. I can't even pretend not to be shy. Fuck.
"So, you just shy or do you own a tongue?"
"I'm just shy, I guess."
"Well there's no need to be shy. I don't bite, hard. But yah, there's this party this weekend. You wan' a come?"
"Sure." I didn't know if my mom would let me, being so early in the school year. But if she didn't I would sneak out. I've never snuck out before, but I guess you only live once, right?
"Awesome, ill pick you up at seven." She got up and went to her next class. Which was my next class. But we had at least ten minuets left. I decided to go out side.
There was a bench. Right out side the door. No one was there; every one was at the other side of the parking lot. I got out the book I had got from the library a week before. But before I could open it Gracen sat down next to me.
"Hi" he said.
"Hi" I replied back to him.
"Sorry about Danny, she can be a little off sometimes."
"I didn't really say that, just to get that cleared out."
"I said you were pretty."
"Oh" I said, a small smile crossing my lips. But I frowned before he could look at me.
"Yah. So you're new here right?"
"Yah, I just moved her from Cali."
"Really, where in Cali?"
"Awesome. I've always wanted to go there."
"Ehh. It's a dead end. Not as cool as every one thinks."
I looked at my watch, we had less than a minute to get to class, and I grabbed my things and jumped up. Gracen got up too, and raced to the door and opened it for me.
"Thank you." I said. He smiled.
I went into my next class and found Danny sitting in the back of the class with an empty seat next to her. I started heading towards her, and sat down in the empty seat. She saw me and smiled. I got out a pencil and a notebook and wrote down what the teacher had on the bored.
Friday came sooner than I thought it would. The week past by pretty fast. Every day I'd be bored till gym, then id sit with Danny at lunch, and then go sit with Gracen out side. Now it's Friday, and I had told Danny where I lived, and she said she would be here at seven.
When six came around I decided to get ready for the party. I had told mom that I found a group of people to study with that meat on Friday nights. She believed me.
When I got out of the shower, I went into my room and looked in my closet. Jeans and t-shirts hung there. I pulled out a purple V neck and a black tank top. I dung around looking for the only skirt I owned. It was jean and had bleach spots on it, but that was part of the skirt. It was sweet. I went into my bathroom and straiten my hair and put on eyeliner.
Danny pulled up around seven fifteen, I ran out side before my mom could see. I left her a note on the table that I would be back late. We pulled up to this house in the back of town kinda far away from everything. It was on top of a hill and had people swarming around it. The house had lights seeping out of the windows, and music screaming out the cracks. We parked, and got out of the car. Gracen was leaning against one of the cars we parked near.
"Hey, I thought you'd never make it." He said when Danny got out of the car.
"Whatever." Danny said, running up to one of the people standing outside and jumped on there back.
"Hey." Gracen looked at me.
"Hey, what's up?" I asked.
"Not much. Just chillen waiten for you guys."
"I see. So are you and Danny like…" I trailed of hoping he would know what I was getting at. He did.
"No, she's my cousin. What gave you that idea?"
"I don't know. You just seem to be every where she is."
"Well out parents were really close, and we grew up together, so I guess we are just really close."
"Yah I know what you mean."
We started walking towards the house, and with every step I could feel the ground thump with the beat of the music.
"KATE!" I heard Danny yelling my name. She ran to me from twenty feet away.
"What?" I had to yell over the music.
"Come with me." She yelled back.
She grabbed my arm and pulled me up stairs and into one of the bedrooms. When she shut the door the sounds of the music was more muffled.
"What's going on?" I asked confused. Gracen was sitting on the bed next to where I was standing.
"Drugs" she said.
"What?" I yelled.
"Calm down." She said holding up a plastic bag of white powder. "Its crank. Meth."