"Why do you do it?" Gracen asked, feeling the scars on my left wrist. I had never shown anyone my scars, but being naked and laying on my side kind of put them in full view to his eyes. He wasn't mad; he just looked and asked me the only question I knew the answer to.

"I hate my life."

"Why?" he asked me.

I lay there, pondering the answer the question to that one. So I told him. All about my dad, and the life I had before I moved. My life was great, I had a great boyfriend, and my best friend was amazing. But then everything went down hill, so much stuff, I was no longer allowed to hang out with my boyfriend alone, my best friend wasn't so amazing. She was so judgmental and I was always afraid to tell her things. Then my mom started acting different, she became uptight and strict not like she used to. I hadn't even done anything to deserve it. She told me she was stupid for having kids, me and my brother who now lived with our uncle Tony, who really wasn't our uncle but he was closer than family. Life is scary with her. But I'm used to it.

He was silent. His finger was still feeling my scars. I hadn't realized it till now, but I was crying. I turned around to look at him. He looked back at me. He leaned in closer and kissed me. A small, sweet kiss. One that made me smile.

"I love you" He said to me.

"I love you too." I said back. Truly meaning it. I looked at the clock. It was only eleven; we still had time to go to the party.

"We should go to the party." I said.


"'Cuz I want to." He sighed.

"Fine." I laughed, he smiled.

We got up and I put on my ripped pants. Tying his plaid button down shirt around my waist. He got his boxers on and his jeans. But not his shirt, he couldn't find that.

"You see my shirt anywhere?"

"Nope." I looked around the room. "Found it." I said pulling his black Bob Marley shirt out from under his bed. He walked over to me and took the shirt. Before he put it on he wrapped his strong arms around me and put his head in the crook of my neck. His body was warm, I on the other hand was cold, and I hadn't even put my shirt back on. Or my bra for that matter. I grabbed the rest of my clothes off the floor and put them on. We finished getting dressed and went down to his car. It was freezing outside. Before we left Gracen went into the house and grabbed two hoodies. We got in the car and drove to the party.

"Damn girlie you like to get it on." Danny said totally smashed when she saw us walk threw the door, and then she noticed my pants. "What the hell did you do?"

"Your cousin is rough." I said.

"Oh god I didn't need to hear that. But anyways let's go upstairs." She said pulling my arm. I grabbed Gracen and fallowed her to an empty room. There was a desk in the corner of the room with the white powder on it. She walked over to the desk leaned over and snorted. She pulled me over and asked me for my dime bag and I gave it to her. She dumped the contents on the desk. When everything was ready I bent down and took a line.

My mind was spinning, Gracen had done his and we were all screaming and jumping on the bed, the music from the speakers down stares. The whole floor was vibrating. Gracen pulled me into his arms and kissed me. We went down stares and got a few drinks. Then went up stares and did more drugs. It went on like this for what felt like hours. Finally we were out of drugs. I was high off my mind. I couldn't feel anything, my whole body was numb.

"Hey baby, why don't you come over here and give daddy some sugar." A guy said behind me, it wasn't Gracen. When I turned around there was a tall, thin guy standing behind me, he had short blond hair and he was wearing a bright yellow hoodie.

"Why don't you back the fuck off?" Gracen came up behind me and put his arm around my waist.

"Come on man. You can share." I walked up to him and put my hands on the stranger's shoulders and whispered something into his ear.

"So you want some of this?" I asked, he nodded his head. I slowly ran my hand from his belt line down to his crotch, unexpected to him I grabbed his balls, twisted, and pulled. His face went from pleasure to full agonizing pain. I think he may have squealed, I wouldn't be surprised, I pulled pretty hard.

"How sexy am I now, huh stud?" I said, I think I sound really cheesy or something because I would never say that if I was totally strait. Gracen laughed and grabbed me by the waist again and pulled me away. We went to the middle of the dance floor and started grinding together. The whole room was spinning, and the heat between me and Gracen only got hotter as we went on like that. He had his hands on my hips and I was tight up against his waist. I could feel him get harder as we kept dancing.

"Gracen!" I heard a girl yell. At first I thought it was Danny, until a girl about an inch shorter than I was ran up to us. "Hey baby. What's goin' on? I missed you." And then she did something that made me furious.

I was stunned. I felt like I had just been shot in the chest with a golden bullet. This girl, who I had no idea who she was, actually had the nerve to kiss him. Did she not notice me? I was standing right there dancing with him. He pushed her away.

"Brittany. What the hell are you doing?" he asked her.

"Kissing my boyfriend." She said. His face however said different, he was slightly pissed.

"Um, I don't think so." I said stepping in.

"Who the hell are you?" Brittany asked. Like I said she was about an inch shorter than I was with blond hair and chicken legs.

"She's my girlfriend, not you I broke up with you about a month ago. Or did you forget?" her face turned red, yet she didn't walk away.

"Listen Barbie, he doesn't like you obviously, so just walk away." I know it sounds so middle school, but she wouldn't give up. So we walked away.

"It's never gon'na last." She yelled as we went. I went to the drink table and grabbed the vodka; surprisingly there was still some left. Then I drank what was still in there strait from the bottle. After that I threw up and passed out.


I woke up, in what I think was Gracens bed. When I turned around I found it to be true. He was sleeping peacefully. There was a glass of water and an aspirin on the night stand next to me. I swallowed the pills and drank the water. I lied back down and turned to Gracen. His eyes flickered open.

"Hey baby." He said in a sleepy, but cute kind of way. "Sorry about last night." After he said that all the events of last night came flooding back in to my brain. Barbie. Or Brittany. Whatever her name is.

"Yah, its all good I guess. What is her deal anyway?"

"We went out for about a year then I broke it off. She just hasn't gotten it threw her thick skull yet."

"A year? Wholly shit, why did you break it off?"

"Um, she cheated on me. And I just haven't forgiven her yet."

"Well she's stupid for doing such a thing. But I'm glad she did, because if she hadn't I would have never had the chance to be your girl." I said, kissing him.

We lay there for what felt like hours. When I turned around I noticed the clock. 12:32.

"Oh shit. I got'ta get home." Gracen sighed. I got out of bed and pulled on my jeans. I was wearing one of Gracens t-shirts. I took that off. As looked for my shirt Gracen grabbed my arm and pulled me back on the bed.

"Come on I have to get home."


"My mom is going to get pissed."

"So what? Just stay here with me."

"I wish I could. You know that." I lied there beside him, wishing I could stay there forever. After about five minuets we finally got up and he started getting dressed, but then he stopped looking at the bathroom.

"Let's take a shower first."

"I have to go home."

"Come on babe, you can tell your mom you woke up late." He said walking over to me. "Please baby." I sighed.

"Fine." He was standing in front of me, he had his hands on the button of my ripped jeans, and he took them off as well as my underwear. I took off his shirt, pants and boxers, and then he took off my shirt and bra. We were in the shower in no time, the hot water running down are bodies. He kissed down my neck and started nibbling. He pushed me up against the wall of the shower.

When we done in the shower I quickly threw on my clothes. Gracen was being slow, it was already one and I needed to get home.

"Gracen seriously I have to go. Cant you get dressed any faster?" I yelled.

"I'm going as fast as I can." When he finally got dressed he got his keys and we finally got in the car and drove me home.


When we pulled up to my house, my moms car wasn't in the drive way. I got out of the car and went up to the door there was a note. "went to the store, ill be back soon. Don't go anyware." Gracen got out of his car and came up to the door.

"Well your moms not home, what are you gonna do now?" He asked me.

"Wipe that smirk off your face, I'm gonna go inside and wait for my mom to get home."

"Fine, I guess ill see you tomorrow then?" He started to leave.

"Wait." I said he turned around and I put my arms around his neck. He leaned in and kissed me. Then my mom pulled in the drive way. "Shit. You should get going."

"I'll see you tomorrow." He kissed the top of my head said I love you and left.

Mom got out of the car, and looked at me with an evil eye.

"Get in the house!" she yelled.

"God mom don't yell." I got in the house and took off my shoes and coat. Mom came in after me, I took the bag of groceries out of her hand and went to put them away.

"Who was that?" she commanded.

"Just a friend."

"Since when do you make out with 'just a friend'?"

"OK he's my boyfriend. God why does it matter?"

"Are you having sex with him?"

"NO MOM! God, why is it any of your business?"

"Because I'm your mother."

"No your not. You a psycho bitch." After that I stormed up to my room and slammed the door. Under my bed is a little box, in that box I stash things I don't want my mom to find. Before Gracen left he slipped a dime bag into my pocket, I took it out, and put it in the box. Also in the box was a little razor, I took that out, climbed into bed and let the razor slide down my wrist. Little drops of blood falling down my arms. The thought of not waking up let me fall asleep.