A.N:I don't own Buffy, but knowing about the story makes me realize how fun it is to create my own story ^_^ this is my first buffy story…

Now That You're Gone

I stared out the window, suddenly recalling what has already happened for the past five years. I blanked out and was suddenly inside my head, imagining stuff, lots and lots of stuff; about my destroyed relationship with both Angel and Riley, Giles fired from his job, Tara dying, Willow turning into this witch with a major mojo problem, Xander leaving Anya at the altar, Anya turning into a vengeance demon once again, and…I gulped…and Spike, who sacrificed his life just to save the world from Caleb's attack.

I remained still. Spike. Tears begun to roll down my cheeks. I wasn't really sure what I felt for him; if it was actually love, simply lust, or both. He was one of the kindest…wait not kindest, but was the bravest man I have ever met that he would be willing to sacrifice his life to save everyone. Because knowing him and his "Bloody Hell" he wouldn't even give a damn, but as I watched him burn in front of me, our times together flashed in my mind; the times when I felt sad when I was with him, or the time that I feel so angry when he's near me, or the times I felt complete and free whenever I knew he was only near.

"Mommy!" a spunky voice called me back to the real world, so I had to wipe away the tears that rolled down and turned around to face the beaming face of my four year old daughter, Sylphera. "What is it, honey?" I asked when she came over to me and climbed on to my lap.

"Take a look at this." She eagerly said as she unrolled a sheet of paper in front of me. I gasped. On the paper, there were three people: a woman, a child, and a man. "Who are these people?" I asked her, kissing her tawny hair. She turned and said as she pointed each person, first the woman. "This is woman is you," and then she pointed to the little girl. "and then this is me," and then she pointed to the man. "and this is daddy…who I've never really met before." She fell quiet and then began sniffing weakly, so I turned her in my arms and hugged her tight. "I'm sorry for not giving you a daddy, darling. But, you're daddy is…well, he went away."

She looked at me sadly "Why? Does daddy hate us?" I fell quiet, thinking of an answer. I couldn't really say the truth about Spike, Hey, Sylphie, you're dad's a vampire and his dead, that is why I can't give you a daddy. I can't say that. That will only make her even more upset. "No, of course not. Sweety, Daddy is…in a very far place, where he is in peace. Don't worry. When there will be a time, we will visit him, okay?" she nodded and said "Okay."

"Buffy?" I heard someone call out. "I'm here, Dawn." I replied back.

"Hey, Buffy," she said while she was still not from view. "Have you seen Sylph—Oh. There you are little girl." Dawn laughed. "Aunt Dawn!" Sylphie gaily said and jumped from my lap and ran to Dawn. Dawn happily picked her up and raised her up and hugged her tight.

I looked at them…no, not looked, stared, and not at them, only Sylphie. There were times that as I looked and look at my little girl, I see a part of Spike in her. There isn't a day that goes by that I don't remember her father. Sylphie had Spike's deep-blue eyes, and her British accent as well, and her brown hear had this unusual yellowish—bleachy color, that of Spike's, obviously not mine cause I have a dark blonde hair, not bleachy like her yellow streaks.

"Buffy!" I jumped back to our world with a startled expression. "What?" I asked Dawn, who had a worried expression on her face as she stared at me. "You spaced out, mommy." Sylphie said warily and came to hug me. I stroked her hair and whispered, "It's okay, honey. I'm…alright. I just remembered, um, things." and then I hugged her tight and burried my face in her hair.

"Buffy…" I heard someone whisper in my head, making me shoot my head up immediately, and turning to see nothing. What the? I muttered to myself. "Buffy…" it said again. High on alert now, I looked back at Dawn. "Dawn, do you hear that?" she looked at me with surprise scrawled on her face. "What are you talking about?"

So, she doesn't hear it. I concluded, saying to myself.

Of course she can't hear it. The voice…Spike? answered back, and then I was finally in my own world…again, however, I wasn't alone in my world anymore. There, under a tree, was a figure who was sitting down on the grass and leaning on the tree, obviously relaxing and feeling the breeze, and that someone happened to be Spike.

"Spike?" I breathed, not believing what I was actually looking at.

"Yes, love?" he sighed out, slowly opening his eyes and turning his head to look at me with that smile of his that somehow made my heart flip. "Wh-what're you doing here?" at least I managed to say it with stuttering than saying it with nothing.

He chuckled and then looked at the surroundings around him. "Well, can you not see love? I am here, sitting down, obviously resting and enjoying the afternoon sun, which I'm lying about, and feeling the warm afternoon breeze against me." And then he once again he closed his eyes once the breeze began to blow by, and then he patted the ground next to him and said, eyes still closed, "Sit here, love."

Numbly, I walked towards him. I couldn't—can't resist him. Why is that? It took him only to ask me to sit there, and if we were in the real world, by now, I would be saying 'Go to hell,' to him, but now…no. I immediately follow his every whim like some sick puppy. Ugh! And without me knowing, I was finally sitting beside him.

I slowly turned my head and looked at him. "Spike," I began, but he silenced me with a look and shushed. "Shh, love. No talking. Let's just enjoy the feel of the place." And with that, I knew I was dismissed, so I sat back and relaxed, my gaze still affixed to him, never actually leaving it, because I felt that when I take my eyes off him, he'll suddenly disappear or something, and I didn't want that to happen. I never even got the chance to tell that a few months after he turned to ash, I was pregnant…pregnant with his child; daughter, who was now a grown four year-old little girl.

"What?" he asked out of nowhere. Startled, I looked at him confused. "What 'What?' what did I do?" I saw a corner of his mouth lift and say, "Love, you're staring at me like some lovesick high school brat."

I gaped and punched him lightly on the arm. He rubbed his arm and began to chuckle. "Kidding." He said softly and then opened his eyes and made them rest on me. "So, how've you been? Any new boyfriends that I should know of? Because if they try to hurt you, love, remember this, pray and call me from hell and then I will haunt them for you." He added with a grin.

I smiled with him, but the truth, deep inside, I was actually hurt that the first thing he would ask if I had a new man. When Spike, sent me away to leave him die, I knew that deep inside, I knew that I would never be able to love a man like that again, not even Angel.

"I don't have a new…man, Spike." I retorted casually. He stared at me dumbfounded as if I were just a new born. "Seriously?" he asked, gaping at me. "You, you, don't' have a new man? How is that even possible?" he was obviously blabbing. "I mean, huh? A new man? My gosh, love. A new man, and you, of all people, don't have one?" he looked around us once again, and then back at me. "Are you sure you're telling me the truth, love?"

I glared at him. "Of course I don't!" I all but raised my voice. "Should it be very surprising for me not to have a new man for over five years?" He replied with an expression that strongly said Well, duh. Oh my gosh! I can't believe the guy!

"I have to tell you something," is sighed out, looking at him thoughtfully, and that look seemed to catch his attention because I noticed all his focus were now on me. Well then¸ I said to myself. Better tell the truth now… "Well, Spike you see…" I cleared my throat. Oh, god. I can't say it! "Well, um, you see…after that night…well you know, the last time we were together, we, well…Oh, for god's sake, I became pregnant because of that night!" I shouted now.

He stared. "Pregnant?" he whispered. "Yes," I nodded. "However, I only found out after you, you know, turned into ashes." He looked at me with a painfully guilt stricken look. "Who's the father? You're living alone, aren't you? Without the guy who made you pregnant. Tell me his name and I will kill him." He said grimly. I curved my mouth a little, enjoying the sense of protectiveness I woke in him.

"He's gone." I answered back, looking at the sky and feeling the breeze. "What do you mean gone? As in, gone where he left you? Or gone into hiding?" he asked me. I tilted my head which was faced up to him. "Gone, as in…dead." He fell silent with my answer, and I felt him grasp my hand and held it tight in his. "I'm sorry, love. Must have been hard." I nodded in agreement and held his hand back. "Yup, very hard. My daughter has been very sad because I couldn't give her daddy back."

"Oh," he said. "Poor child." And then he suddenly shot up and looked at me. "Hey, love, why don't you tell me what his name is? Maybe I could talk to him in the underworld and tell him the news that your daughter and his daughter is a full grown…how old is she?"

"Four." I replied.

He nodded. "Yes. I'll tell him that his daughter is now a full grown four year old."

I shook my head, chuckling. "Spike, you can't tell him, because I just did." He stared at me stupefied. "What do you mean you just did? You told me that he never knew about his daughter…until now? You just did?" he paused and then looked, now all seemingly confused. "You just did? You mean…"

"Yes," I said with a heavy sigh. "You, Spike. You're her father."

He gaped, obviously surprised with the news, but then shook his head. "Impossible, love. I'm a vampire, you're a human. Vampires and humans aren't supposed to have children. It isn't possible. Love, I can't be the fath—"

"You're calling me a liar?" I snapped at him, angry with his reaction to a news, and that news happened to be him being the father of my daughter. He shrugged, "Well, come on, love. Obviously, there is another man out there who is the father of your…daughter." He paused. "What do you think will you gain by saying that I'm the father of your daughter, Buffy? I was a part of the living dead while I was still alive."

"Meaning?" I asked him, truly upset that he wouldn't go and believe me that my daughter was his daughter as well.

He sighed an exasperated sigh, his annoyance clearly showing. "Meaning, as we made love, there is no way that could've made you pregnant. I'm dead, Buffy. Get it through your thick head." I glared at him and pointed at his chest. "Well, William, get it through your thick head that, believe it or not, you made me pregnant, which came out to be a healthy child."

He stared at me, and then pinched the bridge of his nose, which he used to do when he was still alive and well with me. He only pinched the bridge of his nose when he was very annoyed that he couldn't contain the annoying surroundings, and now, I was that annoying surrounding.

"Look," he began. "Buffy, tell the real father that he has a daughter, who is alive and well, not me, because I can't, I repeat, I can't be the father, but I would be really be happy if I was, but," he shrugged. "even I can't wish that high." He stood up and looked down at me. "Well," he sighed. "I have to go." And with that, he walked away, without even having a backward glance nor peak.

I looked at his figure walking away, which didn't even turn to simply just look at me. Forget it! I screamed to myself and stood up as well…and as well as that, I came out and returned from that…dream.

A.N: Please review so that I would know if I would continue this story, thanks :))