This is rated M for a suicide attempt. If this bothers you please do not read. I am not trying to offend. There is a happy ending though if that helps any.

Snape is a bit ooc but it worked best for my story this way.

Enjoy the fluff. (Hopefully the grammar is not too bad, it is very late and i am very tired.)


It was about mid afternoon when Harry, Ron and Hermione were at lunch. Ron as usual was chewing down as much food as he could possibly fit in his mouth, Hermione was munching on some potatoes while she studied, and Harry, well, Harry was shuffling the food around on his plate like he had been prone to doing for the last two months. And like the last two months, he barely ate enough to sustain himself.

"Harry, aren't you going to study for the Transfiguration test? It's right after our free period after lunch. That's only in two hours!" Hermione panicked

"Hermione, it will be fine. It doesn't really matter what grade I get today anyway." Harry said looking happier than he had a moment ago.

Hermione looked to Ron, who simply shrugged, but she didn't have time to decode Harry's mysterious sentence, she had to study. She did however notice the onyx eyes of their potions professor watching Harry; he seemed to be doing that a lot lately.

"I'm not really hungry, I'm gonna go and clear my head a bit. 'Kay?"

"Okay, mate, just be careful." Ron mumbled with a mouthful of food looking strangely at his best friend.

"We'll see you soon Harry." Hermione said as she walked Harry stride out of the Great Hall with purpose.

"That was weird, Ron. Harry only ever clears his head when he has to think about really big problems, like the Tri-Wizard Tournament or after Sirius died, but nothing like that has happened to him this year."

"I don't know. He's been acting pretty barmy lately. He packed all his stuff up in his trunk last night and when I asked him why he was doing it he just said 'It will be easier to pick up if it's all in one place.' Mad, just mad." Ron and Hermione looked at each other for several minutes and went back to what they were doing before the curiosity and worry ate away at them.

"Let's go see if everything is okay." Hermione suggested calmly despite furiously cramming the books in her bag.

"Yea, okay." Ron answered.

Hermione and Ron walked out onto the grounds and saw Harry near the Black Lake. He was quite easy to spot since there were very few people on the grounds. With their worry at bay they walked down towards Harry talking to each other. They watched as Harry walked into the lake and began swimming.

"I know Harry likes to swim, but isn't it a bit cold out today. I mean it's almost September." Ron said putting his arms around himself to try and stay warm.

"That's strange." Hermione thought

"I told ya…mad." Ron replied as he followed his girlfriends faster down towards the lake. They stood at the edge and watched Harry swim farther out, arms sluggishly trying to cooperate.

"Ron, is Harry slow?"

"Come on Hermione, I know he's bad at potions, but there's no need to insult him." Ron giggled and noticed his girlfriend turn red.

"No, I mean doesn't he look like he is moving slow? Like he's tired or something?" Hermione began thinking.

"Ron, stay here!"

"Where are you going?" Ron yelled to his girlfriend who was running towards the castle

"To get help."


Severus sat at the Head Table in the Great Hall; he was always the last to leave, making sure all the student got to class on time. He wiped his mouth with the napkin and stood up pushing the chair out.

He was almost to the teachers' door near the table when he heard that know-it-all Granger come running to him.

"Professor Snape!"

"Yes, Ms. Granger?" Severus asked. 'This had better be good or I am giving her detention for running in the halls so recklessly.'

"Help." She asked between the deep breaths she was trying to take.

"With what, Ms. Granger? The potions essay is not even due for another week." The man stood stoic arms crossed, glaring down at her.

"No! Help Harry, something's wrong with him." Hermione almost yelled cursing herself for being so out of breath.

At this Severus dropped his arms and looked at her with big, wide, black eyes.

"Where is he?" Severus almost couldn't stop himself from screaming

"The Black Lake." Hermione barely got out before Snape had taken off at amazing speed toward the direction she had just come from.

Severus arrived at the lake, pushing his way around the students who gathered, and spotted Weasley panicking.

"Where is Potter?"

"In the lake. I don't know what happened, he just…sank." Ron's voice cracked.


Harry walked into the lake, feeling the fall influenced water lick at his ankles, he embraced the cool water as he waded farther in past his chest and then swimming. He could feel the potions already kicking in, and soon, he thought, it will all be over. Maybe it wouldn't have been so bad if he had someone to lean on. Yes, he had Hermione and Ron, but he wanted something more, a lover who cared about him in more than just a friendly way. He knew he would never find a man that wanted him for more than his money or fame. No one would love him for who he was, his uncle had taught him that much, and now Harry believed him. But that will all fade into nothingness. No one will know, it will just look like an accident. No more Dark Lords, nor more deaths, no more fighting, no more nightmares, no more loneliness, no more wars, just peace. He swam out far enough; he knew that this far out into the lake the darkness and depth would hide him. People would blame the Giant Squid or the merpeople, and they would never think to look for his body in the fields of kelp below. He would be in peace, forever.

Harry felt the potions taking effect. He was tired, slow, and sleepy, his vision was blurry. He tried to tread water for a bit longer, he looked out at the lake and remembered the boats that brought him to this amazing castle his first year. He remembered how the world of magic seemed such a wonderful escape from his hellish home. But he had no idea what that escape would cost. He was a weapon, a martyr, a hero destined to die. The Wizarding world had done nothing for him, and yet it asked everything in return. The cost of this world was never worth the price. His happiness ripped away by unrealistic expectations, his childhood stolen away by a war, his future crushed in the white bony hand of a madman, his family, his Godfather, taken, stolen, by his own foolishness and stupidity. No, despite what he believed in the beginning, the cost of this world was just too much to pay.

Harry's eyes shut, unable to keep them open, unable to keep his head up, or his arms moving, he sank. He was slowly being swallowed into the black waters, he looked and noticed his hands and feet in his vision as he fell further and further down seeing the rays of sunshine that peeked through the water get darker and darker before closing his eyes, and if he listened closely he could almost hear the mermaids singing, slowly welcoming him to his death.


Severus ran into the water, the feel of the cold water splashing him in his face. He hesitated for only a moment, casting a Bubble Head Charm over his head, and diving into the water to look for Harry.

Severus didn't know when he had started thinking of the young man as Harry. If he had to guess, it would be sometime after the tournament. The child became a man before his very eyes. His body filing out, his attitude and demeanor changing, maturing.

Dumbledore noticed when Severus's eyes began to stray, and he actually encouraged it, saying that Harry needed to be with someone who understood him. Minerva teased, but told him in all confidence that she believed he and Harry would make a wonderful couple, given time. Everyone knew, and everyone encouraged him, but he still insisted that Harry was too young and would never want a sour old man for a partner. He vowed to protect Harry from everything he could, if he could never have the man, he would at least protect him in the shadows.

Severus' turned his head, noticing a figure falling through the water. It looked as if he was suspended in mid air, arms and legs dragging above him, lifeless, as he fell further and further, his black hair spread out like a halo from his face. Severus went to swim toward him and was cut off by a group of mermaids, threatening him with sharp tridents and spears.

"He belongs to us now." One challenged. Severus' anger grew, Harry didn't have much time left, if he had any time at all, it had taken Severus several minutes to find the man. Severus sent a massive cutting hex at three of the mermaids and upon seeing the blood, the others fled. Severus swam forward and held out his arms, catching Harry. He held the man tightly, close to his chest as he used his wand to quickly propel himself and Harry toward shore.


Minerva ran up to Severus when she saw the man descend from the water, carrying Harry in both his arms, looking every bit like the hero she knew the man to be. Drenched from head to toe, his hair sticking to his face, he carried Harry in his arms. He had to be heavy, Minerva thought as she noticed the water cascading from the many layers of clothes and house robes. She turned to face the students,

"Everyone back to your classes and into the castle, anyone caught out will have a week's worth of detention with Mr. Filtch." As much as the students wanted to watch, they ran to the castle in fear of the threatened detention but Minerva put up a privacy shield just in case.

Minerva realized that Severus didn't even notice how heavy Harry was, he was looking at Harry's head move back and forth lifelessly as he walked. Severus set Harry on the ground and pushed the hair out of his eyes, fingers staying on his face just a second longer than necessary. Severus cast a diagnostic charm as his eyebrows furled.

"What is it, Severus?" Minerva asked fearfully.

"Something's wrong. There some sort of potion in his system. A lot of it."

"What is it? Was he poisoned? Granger and Weasley said that he looked like he was going out for a swim, not anything against his will. He was alone after all." Minerva talked as she watched Severus cast a few more spells, his eyes widening in what she recognized as realization.

"What?"

"He's taken Dreamless Sleep." Severus said unclasping Harry's robe.

"Someone must have poured it in his juice, but who would-" Minerva began

"Quiet! Can't you see I'm trying to work?" Severus shouted.

"No, he ingested 24 ounces, and as you may know, it only takes 4 ounces to work. He took 6 times the normal amount. He didn't drink that much juice at lunch, this was intentional. He knew what he was doing when he swam out that far." Severus said unbuttoning the first few buttons on Harry's shirts, pushing it aside to expose his neck.

"And just what was he doing?" Minerva asked. She watched as Severus pulled vial after vial from his robes, tilting Harry's head back, and massaging the young man's neck forcing him to swallow.

Severus crawled closer to Harry and spoke to Minerva in a detached, cold tone, not even looking at her. His eyes were completely focused on Harry.

"Trying to drown himself." Severus peeled open Harry's eyelids and looked into his eyes, hearing a gasp and the beginning of what he believed would be heart-wrenching sobs from the witch behind him. Severus kneeled next to Harry and sat him up, holding him close. Severus put the tip of his wand in Harry's mouth and said a spell, and as Severus pulled the wand away, the water seemed to be pulling out of Harry's body.

"Come on, Harry. I've neutralized the Dreamless Sleep, and I can get this water out of your lungs but I need some help from you." Severus sat pulling more and more water out of the young man's body.

"Come on, Harry." Still nothing. "Harry!" Severus yelled growing fearful and impatient by the second until he heard a gasp from the body beneath him; green eyes open wide, followed by coughing. Severus released the young man from his grip and watched as the man coughed up more water. After several minutes Harry felt he could cough up all he could and sat up, willing his arms to support his weight. The last thing he remembered was the sun peeking through the dark water and the notes of the mermaids songs. He looked up into the wide eyes of his Head of House and then next to him finding Professor Snape glaring at him.

"Professor Snape? What's going on?" Harry asked wondering how he got here

"Don't you dare ask me that question! 24 ounces of Dreamless Sleep then going for a swim? You know exactly what's going on, you were trying to kill yourself! What were you thinking, Harry?" Snape asked him as he fisted his hands in the looseness of Harry's shirt, gripping it, tearing it with all the anger and worry he felt.

"I was thinking that I'm sick of this life, if you can even call it that. I'm sick of wars and Dark Lords and the suffocating death around me! I'm sick of being Dumbledore's weapon, of being a freak, and I'm sick of being the Wizarding World's savior."

Severus let his grip loosen on Harry at hearing those words.

"I just wanted to be a normal, teenage boy, with normal thing happening to me." Harry said and looked down. Severus wiped the stray hair from his eyes, and pulled his chin up placing a chaste kiss on the boy's lips.

"Don't you see, Harry? You are so much more than any of that. You are beautiful and smart and funny and brave. Yes, you are powerful and you do have a big part to play in this war, just as I do. But don't let it define you, just be you. Just be Harry. After all, Harry can't be that bad; he reminded a lonely, grumpy old potions professor what love is." Severus finished and noticed Harry looking up at him with emerald green eyes boring into his own. Severus held Harry's cheeks and kissed him, and to his hope and surprise, Harry kissed back.

"Promise me that you will love me?" Harry said not minding when the older man straddled Harry's legs.

"For as long as you will let me." Severus said pushing his lips back to the younger man who passionately kissed back, hand rubbing at Severus' back, grabbing at his wet clothes.

Minerva walked away from the privacy shield with tear tracks down her eyes, but when she moved the hand covering her mouth, there was a smile behind it. Because somehow she knew that everything would be okay.


Okay, this is meant to be a one-shot. But if I get enough reviews then I may make it a two shot with a very sexy second half. ;D

Thanks for reading, please review. I like to know what people think, but please note, flames will only be used to brew my potions ingredients.