A/N: I'm honestly not sure where this one popped out from. I guess a stray thought was fed too much and ended up as this. It's basically a look at something that would never ever happen in K-On! lest the universe imploded! Though I found this fun to write :)
disclaimer: Don't own, don't sue
Yui and Azusa were walking home together after another normal band meeting. Both had their guitars strapped to their backs and their winter coats shielding them form the frigid and billowing air.
"Azunyan~, I want ice cream. Let's get some ice cream! " Yui's muffled voice suggested from behind her scarf.
Azusa rolled her eyes at her sempai. "Yeah and why don't you go lick a lamp post while you're at it?" she muttered sarcastically, digging her gloved hands deeper into her pockets.
Yui giggled bashfully. "Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice-"
"You shouldn't have been tricked to do that in the first place!" Azusa exclaimed, baffled at Yui's gullible nature. "Honestly, will you ever be serious?" she sighed. However, she realized that Yui had stopped walking and was no longer beside her. "Yui?"
Yui's normally round eyes were narrowed gravely and staring behind them into the empty street. Her stance was suddenly tall and alert as if ready to snap at a moment's notice. Azusa was slightly unsettled by the sight.
"Sempai, what's wrong?"
"We only have about fifteen seconds, so I'll talk fast." Gone was Yui's childish tone, replaced with a deadly serious and mature one. It was still a high-pitched voice, but the difference in delivery nearly made Azusa fall over in the snow from surprise.
"They have finally found me, my evil sworn enemies! I underestimated them it seems. But it ends today! Please stand back Nakano-san. Blood is really hard to remove from school uniforms." Yui continued to talk in her new grave voice as she removed her beloved guitar from her shoulders and setting it carefully on the ground, followed by her coat and scarf, leaving her only in her navy blue school uniform and skirt. The cold didn't seem to affect her at all.
Azusa was confused as hell. That was the first time Yui didn't addressed her by the nickname she had given her moments after they met. "Is this some kind of joke, sempai? Because it is NOT funny." A dark figure suddenly popped out from behind a fence and was making their way toward them. "Oh, and I bet that's just Ritsu you got to dress up as ninja!" For it was true, the figure was covered head to toe in black just like a stereotypical ninja.
From the other side of the street, two more shinobi-like people stepped out of the shadows. "And it looks like you somehow got Mio and Mugi to play along! Cut it out already, this is not going to fool me…" Azusa trailed off when Yui crouched down to open her guitar case and pulled out a large katana from a secret compartment hidden under the guitar.
"Wait, Yui-sempai, you shouldn't play with sharp objects…" Azusa was starting to get really nervous when Yui whirled the blade through the air fluidly, as if cutting the air itself. That katana looked really really real, the hilt colored red and orange exactly like Gitah.
"You dirty curs, I'll gut you just like I did your mothers." Yui growled dangerously as more ninjas appeared, numbering at a dozen.
Azusa couldn't help stepping back and away from the older girl who seemed so much like a stranger at this moment. The people in black started rapidly picking up speed in their advancement. 'Oi, this is seriously starting to look dangerous!' Azusa thought frantically as Yui held the long blade in front of her like an extension of her body. On her normally innocent laughing face she wore a small bloodthirsty smile.
Azusa's hands started shaking, her body recognizing that she should run away fast from the one standing before her. "Yui-sempai…?"
"YOU DARE CHALLENGE THE APPRENTICE OF THE GREAT PUMPKIN, GRAND DRAGON MASTER OF THE SEVEN REALMS OF SUGARY GOODNESS?" Yui screamed boastfully before she launched herself at the nearest man in black before he could completely unsheathe his own katana and kneed him in the face so hard Azusa could see his facial structure shifting under her kneecap. As his body moved from the momentum of the hit, Yui's feet were already on the ground and katana was already swinging through his abdomen like a hot knife through butter.
"OH MY FRIGGIN' GOD!" Azusa exclaimed as blood spilled everywhere. The street was suddenly a battlefield, one girl in a school uniform against a horde of ninja.
A pair of dark figures charged the lone teenager and attacked with a flurry of blades. Sparks flew as Yui blocked every sword swing seemingly without effort before she ducked under the attack of one figure and unexpectedly stabbed one of her trademark yellow hairclips into her assailant's eye. His scream became a gurgled silence when she rammed her katana through his gut and kicked him away.
The second ninja moved in swiftly behind her for a sneak attack but the school girl stepped slightly to the right, letting his blade slide harmlessly by her waist. Her hand reached out and grabbed hold of the blade fearlessly, yanking the blade on to drag her attacker forward and trip him with her outstretched leg. As he was going down Yui stabbed her blade downward into his skull with such force she pinned his face to the pavement.
A passionate battle cry announced the third challenger swinging his blade downward on the small girl. Her sword currently being embedded in the ground, Yui used the hilt as leverage to swing around and kick the oncoming sword out of the shinobi's hands. Furthering her own momentum as she landed the young brown-eyed girl pulled her katana out of the pavement with such forced she cut cleanly upwards through the middle of the man, groin to neck and showering herself in blood.
The remaining figures in black surrounded the young girl, who flung the blood off her blade casually as she eyed the rest of them almost hungrily.
"Is that all you got? The kind old lady that lives on my street puts up more of a fight!" Yui taunted them.
Azusa could do nothing but stand there and stare in horror and bewilderment. Her eyes and brain couldn't believe what was happening. Yui had always seemed like the type of person that'd accidently hurt themselves opening a ketchup bottle, let alone become a candidate for potential savior of the freaking upcoming zombie apocalypse!
The ninjas moved in all as one, weapons ready for a violent kill. None of them even reached her.
Yui had swung her blade so hard around her that the entire group was flung backwards from the force of it. Moving so fast she couldn't be completely seen by the naked eye Yui ran her blade through each figure like liquid before they even landed. They were dead by the time they hit the ground. In mere minutes it was over after it barely started.
"You're all a thousand years too young to go up against me." Yui said as she brought the blade up to her lips and gave it a satisfied lick.
"WHEN THE HECK DID WE GO FROM MOE SLICE OF LIFE TO THIS?" Azusa yelled at the universe. Yui, surrounded by bodies and covered in blood, turned back to Azusa. The kouhai flinched when the older girl started walking toward her.
"Oh my~! That was unexpected!" Yui was back to her usual light tone and bubbly smile. She almost would've looked innocent to Azusa if she hadn't been busily wiping the katana's blood off on her skirt.
Azusa finally screamed and ran away.
"AHHH!" Azusa snorted mid scream as she jumped awake from apparent sleep. Her head flew up from the surface of the table and she looked around her frantically.
"Azunyan, you drooled all over the table." Azusa jumped even higher when she discovered Yui sitting on the floor across the table from her, smiling in amusement. Azusa didn't know whether to wipe the drool hanging from the corner of her mouth or move her hands up to defend herself. So she just stared at Yui with wide horror-struck eyes.
"Ah! Azusa-chan, you're awake!" Ui, Yui's younger sister said as she walked into the room, a tray of fruit in her hands.
"Ui!" Azusa's voice was strangled. With the infinite kindness of the little sister present, reality was starting to take shape around Azusa's still panic-stricken mind. 'I'm… at Yui's house?' Azusa concluded, though she wasn't quite sure why or when she had arrived. Apparently she had just taken a nap on the Hirasawa table.
"So that was a dream?" The twin-tailed girl started breathing a little easier. But the dream had been so real!
"Did you have a dream about pickled radishes? Because I always think those are real until I wake up! Then I'd get hungry for pickled radishes and I always call Mugi-chan afterward." Yui was rambling as she normally did, reassuring her kouhai that the whole experience really was just a crazy dream.
"Would you like some fruit, Azusa-chan?" Ui asked politely, offering the tray to Azusa like the perfect hostess.
"Um, thanks." Azusa hesitantly grabbed an orange from the arrangement. She was still a bit shaken from that realistic nightmare.
"I'll go warm you some tea." Ui straightened and walked to the kitchen, leaving Azusa alone with the older sibling. Azusa warily glanced across the table at her sempai. Yui was happily occupied applying peanut butter to a slice of apple with a butter knife.
'The butter knife looks safe enough…' Azusa was still strongly suspicious. She looked at the orange in her hand, then looked at Yui. Then she looked back to the orange, and then back to Yui again.
"Hmm?" When Yui looked up Azusa threw the orange at her face with all her might. For a second it looked like it would smack against poor Yui's face. However, the orange suddenly exploded into six perfect slices and sailed past Yui's head harmlessly onto the floor behind her.
Azusa stared at Yui slack-jawed as the other girl continued spreading peanut butter on her apple as if nothing ever happened.
"You shouldn't throw oranges at your friends," Yui pointed out in her slightly whiny voice before her eye-smile transformed into a slightly sinister one. "Nakano-san."
Azusa bolted out the door as fast as she could.
A/N: I wanna do a story like this for every single character, and make them do something nuts that would never actually happen! I'm getting tons of evil ideas just thinking about it! XD