"I've known since you were three. All you wanted for your birthday was a pair of sensible heels."
The First Time
The first time he became aware of his son's sexuality, Burt happened to walk in on something he never planned on seeing: his son stumbling around in his mom's heels. At age three, Kurt was already interesting, but this topped everything. Wow.
"Kurt," he said. The boy in question turned around and looked at his dad. Unlike most boys his age who would blush in embarrassment, Kurt looked straight at his dad and bit his lip.
"They don't fit, daddy!" the toddler said with his arms crossed in front of him and his hip out to the side. His lips formed a gentle pout while his eyebrows furrowed. "And I can't walk in them very well."
Burt couldn't help but chuckle. He walked over to his son and got down on one knee; he put his son on his knee and helped him take the straps off. "I'm surprised you didn't go for the taller ones."
Kurt stated matter of fact-ly, "These are sensible heels, mommy says. I just want them to fit, though."
Burt chuckled a bit awkwardly, "Kurt, they don't fit because they aren't your size." The father placed a gentle kiss on his son's head before ruffling up his hair.
Kurt got up from his dad's knee with a brief look of disgust at the thought of his hair being messed up. He immediately started smoothing his hair. When he felt that his hair was acceptable, he turned to his dad in excitement. "Can I get some in my size? For my birthday? Please daddy! It's the only thing I want!" he pleaded, his green-blue eyes bright and hopeful. "I'll do whatever it takes to get some sensible heels for my birthday, daddy!"
"Umm…" Burt started in a daze. "Let's ask mommy when she gets back from the store, okay?" Kurt seemed to find this a reasonable idea—especially since his mom spoiled him and would definitely get him those shoes—so he gave his father a smile and pranced out of the room, humming something from Barney.
While his son seemed happier than ever, Burt pressed the heel of his palms into his eyelids while he sat down on his bed. This wasn't something he wanted to deal with. Somehow things had shifted in those few moments—it probably wasn't even a minute—and he had a realization. How was it that his son was barely a month away from turning four yet he already oozed a sexuality gayer than ABBA?
Yes, boys could be interested in their mommy's shoes without being gay or whatever else there was. But this…this was, as they say, the straw that broke the camel's back; it was kind of the iceberg that tipped his world into perspective. Except it was really more of the final sequin to spell out "I'M GAY, WORLD!" on his son's vest in a big tap dance number. If that made any sense.
There was the love of Barney. Yeah, kids could be interested in that musicals-for-toddlers stuff, but how many straight boys acted and danced to the old videos they owned? And his only play-dates were with girls. And they played with dolls. And dresses. How about the fact that he seemed to be fascinated with the male characters in TV shows and movies, in a way surpassing hero worship? And damn it, yeah, boys sounded like girls before their voice changed, but his seemed even more emphasized.
But none of that was needed for proof, not really. He was Kurt's father; somehow he just knew. Damn, just a few seconds with his son and his whole world was upside-down.
And he definitely never felt so guilty in his whole life. He was horrible to people like…like Kurt, his son. Was it because they loved someone of the same sex? Did he hate people for who they loved? Or was it just…just because of those men liking…well…to do things with other men? Burt shuddered. He was not going to think of his son doing anything with anyone, boy or girl. He was his little boy, and he was going to stay that way. And this may not be what he wanted for Kurt or something he was in love with, but he Kurt was his son and nothing in the world would make him stop loving the kid.
Burt pulled himself up from his bed and went downstairs to watch Kurt, who was currently coloring a Barney coloring book with his tongue sticking out in concentration. When he heard the telltale sound of shoes on the hardwood floors, Kurt smiled at his daddy and ran over to him as fast as his little legs would allow him. His father picked him up as Kurt proudly shoved his drawing in his face. Burt smiled and told him he did a great job. Kurt was absolutely beaming.
Kurt was released from his father's arms and went back to the living room floor to color some more. Burt smiled and sat down in his favorite chair. He loved his son no matter what, and knew Kate did, too.
He watched Kurt color a bit and couldn't help but wonder how anyone would be stupid enough to think that it was a choice, with his Kurt just being who he was. Well, he might have thought that a while ago, but Kate had started to open his heart and mind, and then a few minutes ago Kurt came in and stapled them open for good.
It wasn't going to be easy for anyone, not at all, not in Lima, not really anywhere nearby. It was going to be hard, but he would be there for his son. Yes, no doubt about it. Burt knew that Kurt's feelings weren't wrong. And if any fucker tried to tell either of them otherwise he would break their face—
"…Daddy?" Kurt asked in concern. Burt snapped out of his daze, realizing he had started glaring a hole into the wall while tightly clutching his chair's arms. Kurt stood in front of him and his eyes—Kurt had such huge, expressive eyes—were filled with worry at why his daddy seemed mad.
Before Kurt could ask what was wrong, Burt smiled at him, "Do you have another picture to show me, kiddo?" Kurt smiled his own special smile, a smile that could light up the darkest room, a smile that would have melt the most ignorant bigot. While smiling his amazing smile he showed his father his coloring of Barney and his friends. "This is amazing, kid. Who's all in here again?"
"Daaaadddy!" Kurt sighed with a giggle. His mommy and daddy always wanted him to tell them who was who in pictures, since they were silly and always forgot their names. He climbed into his daddy's lap, "This," he said, pointing his finger at the main purple dinosaur, "is Barney." Burt nodded for him to go on, so he moved his finger to the green one, "This is Baby Bop."
"I have such a smart boy!" Burt told Kurt with a tickle at his stomach, causing the little boy to giggle.
"Stop it daddy!" he laughed. Once they were both composed, Kurt raised his finger, "And this one," he lowered his finger to the yellow dinosaur, "is BJ."
"You're so—wait, BJ?"
Kurt didn't notice his dad tense or his eyes grow wide. He jumped off his lap and ran toward the garage door. "MOMMY! MOOOOOOMMYYY!" the three year old yelled at his mom, who was entering the house. "I WANT SENSIBLE HEELS FOR MY BIRTHDAY! CAN I GET SOME, PLEASE?"
Burt took a deep breath to calm down before helping his wife handle groceries and Kurt. They would be talking tonight, but he had a feeling Kate already knew what he did.
Less than a month later, Kurt got a few other presents for his fourth birthday, but he only had eyes for the heels. And for knowing what he wanted at such a young age, Burt couldn't have been more (oddly) proud.