N e v e r

Those sky blue eyes. They always got to me, always gave me butterflies whenever he

looked at me. But now, I can never see those eyes again. I can never see his warm smile, or feel

his warm embrace around me. I can never bury my face in his chest again- never hear him say he

loved me. And why? Because he's six feet underground.

He stalked out the door, anger emanating out of him. He was furious. Someone had

accused him at work, and he was indignant. I tried to console and comfort him, but he wouldn't

listen. He told me he was going out for a drive. So he left. My heart ached for him. I so

desperately wanted the man I loved to be happy again.

The next thing I knew, I was called to the police station to identify a body involved in a

horrible car accident. They led me down a hallway that reeked with the bittersweet scent of

death, and opened a door to a room where a bloody, mangled body lay. I slowly inched towards

the body, a horrible feeling in the pit of my stomach. I remember myself looking down at the

body and crying, "I-it can't be! NO!" It was him. My Roxas. My soul mate. A tear ran down my

cheek as I looked back at his battered body. My throat ran dry as choked sobs came through. The

police officer informed me that he had been hit by a drunk driver on the freeway, and had died

on impact. By then I was crying – sobbing my heart out, not believing that my Roxas was lying in

front of me, dead and horribly broken. Each sob shook my whole body, until my knees turned to

jelly and collapsed underneath me. I sat there on the floor, shedding bitter tears. Anger rose

inside me, toward the man who had killed my dear Roxas. Fury that filled me up and made me

cry all the harder. I wanted him to feel what I felt, feel the pain and suffering raging war inside

me with the happiness and hope that was nearly gone. I couldn't bear it any longer. I had to bite

my tongue to suppress the scream that I felt in my throat. I bit down harder and harder, until

there was a metallic taste of blood in my mouth and my ears rang. I couldn't hold it any longer. I

ran to Roxas - or what was left of him. I hugged his limp body and cried into his chest one last

time, held onto him one last time, and gave him one last kiss.

I drove to the funeral home in complete silence. The only noise was the murmur of the

cars driving alongside me, and the faint, distant sounds of people out-and-about, living their busy

lives. As I pulled up to the mortuary, I saw many of our friends milling about, all dressed in

black. But even though I knew every single person, I felt out of place without him by my side.

I made my way into the chapel, weaving my way through the crowd of people. The

aroma of coffee and freshly baked cookies filled my nose as I walked through the lobby. After

working through the sea of faces, I came to the chapel. Only a few people were inside, seated on

the pews, casually talking to each other. The aisle leading up to his coffin stretched out before

me, seeming so far when it was really only a few steps away. I started to walk towards it, my

composure falling with every step. The sounds of conversations stopped, as people gave me

sympathetic looks and pitying sighs. My arms and legs began to tingle, and my breathing started

to go out of rhythm. When I had reached his wooden bed, I was close to breaking down. Seeing

him - dead - in a coffin made my throat tight, and my vision blur. Looking down into his

peaceful face still made my heart skip a beat, but those blue eyes I loved so much were closed

forever- clouded with death.

The day went by like a rushing stream. Everything was hazy to me. It was as if the world

sped up, but I stayed still. I felt like I was stuck in the middle, unable to move - unable to join my

friends as they kept up with Time. I could only barely recall anything anyone had said to me, and

if I had said anything back, I couldn't remember. My mind had left me, leaving me dazed and

bewildered. It wouldn't have mattered if I heard their condolences. They were just words. Words

that could never comfort me - never bring him back. As I drove home that night, I just let the

tears fall. I couldn't stop them any longer; they were too strong. I pulled over to the side of the

road and just cried- cried for so long, my eyes burned and my throat became scratchy and dry.

Through my bleary vision, I could see it was nearly midnight. I fumbled with the keys and

managed to drive home. When I opened the door, the house was dark - empty. There was no

sound, no footsteps, no welcoming kiss. I turned on the light and examined the room. It was just

as I had left it - nothing out of place. The thought that I was now alone encumbered me with

great despair. My feet turned to lead as I trudged up the stairs to what used to be Roxas' and my

room - now just mine. I collapsed onto the bed and rolled over to his side. The faint, pleasant

smell of him was still there, and the light aroma made my mind whirl and left me dizzy. I lay

there, hand over my heart, wishing – hoping – that this was all a dream. I felt like crying, but my

tears had run out. Dry sobs escaped as I buried my face into his pillow - clinging on to what was

left of him, wishing with everything I had, that I could hear his voice whisper words of comfort

in my ear. Wishing to hear him whisper he loved me into my ear one more time. But that was

never going to happen. Not now – not ever.