Of embarrassing encounters, the underhandedness of puppy dog eyes and unexpected sex ed
Soul was cool. It was a fact; it was something that could not be denied. And he certainly wasn't talking about his younger years when his coolness manifested itself in an unhealthy body posture and drooling. No, with his seventeen years of age, Soul could quite confidently tell that he was without a doubt cool. He was a Death Scythe, which could barely be topped in its coolness, he had awesome friends and he had an amazing partner.
And this was where his problems began and his coolness always seemed to vanish like some wannabe-ninja with a puff of smoke .
His amazing partner…he would never call her that to her face of course but he would occasionally and inwardly refer to Maka as just that. She was after all the one who made him into a Death Scythe. She was tremendously skilled, not to mention incredibly smart and consequently an occupational bookworm that never managed to get the rules of basketball right because she always preferred to be stuck inside her room and read. But that was beside the point…sure, it could get annoying but it was one of Maka's lesser annoying qualities.
The number one annoying aspect about his amazing partner was her stubbornness, very closely followed by her short temper and with the third place going to her sudden violent outbursts, which always resulted with his head abused to the point of almost cracked open by the blow of a ridiculously large tome. But it was having these three aspects combined what really turned his days from having a few moments of mostly undeserved agony to whole days of utter misery of feeling like an overused punch bag. He didn't want to sound whiny (no, after all he was cool and he was a Death Scythe) but as of late, it was very difficult to cope with Maka's anger problems.
It seemed like whenever he did something or didn't do anything at all set her immediately off. Admittedly, he could be a pain in the ass sometimes but recently, his mere existence was apparently a very painful thorn in her side. Suffice to say, it was getting irritating and trying to confront her about her behaviour had so far proven to be fruitless.
"It's all your fault, Soul!"
Seriously, even if she didn't want to tell him what was truly bothering her, she could at least be a bit more creative with her explanations. They could count themselves lucky that they hadn't been sent on any missions lately, since any attempts at Soul Resonance would equal shit. This wasn't like her at all. It was one thing to be constantly pissed at him but it was another thing for the dutiful Maka Albarn to completely disregard any serious consequences and dangers for their partnership. As much as Maka's radical behaviour annoyed him, it worried him even more.
That was why he had decided to confront her again and not to accept any lame excuses and explanations and if it really was needed, he would force it out of her. How? He had no idea; since any such attempt would certainly be destroyed, the instant an encyclopaedia would connect with his skull.
He had been watching some stupid show in the television the whole time and had hoped that Maka would eventually come out of her room and keep him some company as it had been common practice. He had wanted to start a casual conversation with her, maybe make some random remarks about the TV show and then try to inconspicuously direct their talk to the problem at hand. He had no such luck. He wasn't sure but he had the suspicion that she was purposefully avoiding him. Had she truly come to hate him after all these years? If he had asked himself such a question a few weeks ago, he would have vehemently and quite certainly answered in the negative but as of now he wasn't so sure anymore.
Shaking his head and turning the TV off, putting the remote control on to the small table in front of him, he stood up from the comfortable couch and headed towards Maka's room. He would get it out of her. This idiocy couldn't continue any longer, for the sake of their partnership and his sanity, whose potential slippage couldn't even be blamed on the black blood this time.
Rapping lightly against her door out of habit but not really intending to go away when she shouldn't answer or tell him off, he put his hand readily on her doorknob. He waited patiently for an answer, in spite of the maddening urge to just burst in and to interrogate her.
"What is it Soul?"
He growled silently to himself. She sounded oddly breathless and as pissed as ever, not even her stupid books seemed to be able to lift her mood in the slightest. Sighing heavily, he gently pressed the doorknob down but not enough to open her door.
"Can I come in?" he asked, trying not to show his own irritation through his voice.
"Why?" she asked with a dry tone.
"What? Why not?"
"I want to talk to you, Maka," it took a lot not barge in and strangle her. How could one person be so infuriating?
"We can talk later. I don't want to right now."
"No, we need to talk now!" he snapped and without any warning, he opened the door and stepped into her room and prayed silently that she was dressed and wouldn't attack him immediately with a book. Out of reflex, he held out an arm protectively in front of him.
"SOUL! Didn't I just tell you-"
"I don't give a damn!" he shouted, silencing her effectively. He closed the door behind him and leaned against it, trying to appear as relaxed as possible, although any pretence of being calm was already blown out of the window with his small outburst. He frowned and put his hands into his pockets.
"Soul, what are-"
"Shut up!" he snapped and he didn't know what it exactly was that really did silence her, since the past few weeks she had only gotten angrier whenever he had yelled at her but for the time being he could care less. He wasn't going to be so stupid and waste the minutes of silence. "Let me speak at first, it's important."
She opened her mouth, an indignant frown already appearing on her face, but this time he growled and continued, not leaving her the chance to say anything, "How do you thing we will be able to resonate souls, if this keeps continuing? And don't look at me like that and start spouting shit like 'Oh, but Soul nothing is wrong. You're simply a jerk, that's all'" he even raised the pitch of his voice to imitate her, sounding a bit like a dying opera singer. "What is wrong with you?"
"Nothing's wrong, Soul, you're…", she began but caught herself quickly and before she could repeat his mocking sentence nearly word for word, she clenched her fists and said, "Get out."
"Forget it! I'm not going until you tell me why you're like this."
Do not yell. Do not yell. Do not yell!
Whilst he was desperately fighting to maintain at least a semblance of cool composure, Maka apparently got tired of him and his quite impressive display of his quickly changing mimic as he tried his best not to glare, frown, scowl or grimace and with a tiny huff she said, "Get out."
He really wanted do nothing more than scream out his irritation but he refrained from doing so, instead Soul decided to use another tactic. Getting angry with her and yelling at her wasn't going to get him any answers, so it was time to put on the cloak of the worried, soft and tortured partner. That this was partially true, he blocked out completely. It didn't really make for a cool image and since his coolness had in the past weeks already suffered a lot of damages, he certainly didn't want to further any of it.
"Maka," he called out tentatively and approached her slowly, inwardly sighing with relief that she hadn't physically lashed out at him yet. He touched her shoulder gingerly and sat next to her, making her look at him and with this he gave her the best puppy dog eyes he could offer. He loathed it that he had to lower himself to such means but as he had over the time come to realize that it actually did work on Maka, he occasionally and very rarely found himself applying this underhanded method.
He had to admit that in those exceedingly rare times he used his puppy dog eyes, Maka always seemed to fulfil every of his desires. It wasn't even two months ago when he had wanted to have fish for dinner and Maka hating fish with a passion had at first vehemently spoken against it. But then had come the Ultimate Puppy Dog Eyes and she had made him fish. Or when he had once again wanted to skip the first class and Maka being The Nerd would have never allowed him to sleep in…if it hadn't been for his puppy dog eyes coupled with his bedroom eyes. It was a deadly and very effective combo. There was also the time when he had wanted to-
Maybe he was using the puppy dog eyes more than he should. But right now, using them was essential.
"If you really are pissed at me, could you at least be so kind and tell me what exactly I did this time? I don't even know why you hate me!" he continued, his voice louder than he had intended it to be. Damn it! He sounded too forceful but he could tell that his words did not leave her unaffected, so he continued, this time more quietly and making sure his eyes looked big and pained and pleading, "I don't know what has happened or what I did but I'm really worried Maka. But if you don't want to tell me…then…I…" he trailed off, eyes quivering in a very heartbreaking manner (how he managed to pull that one off was even a mystery to himself).
"I don't hate you," Maka mumbled and averted her eyes, looking somewhere, everywhere but him.
The weight that seemed to have been on his very being, pushing him mercilessly down the whole time, didn't feel as heavy as before. He blinked, his puppy dog gaze vanishing, and stared dumbly at his meister, who was fidgeting uneasily under his gaze. He took her tiny almost whispered answer as an improvement to every other exchange of words they had shared the past weeks. He gulped and clenched his right hand into a fist in his pocket as a heavy, nearly suffocating silence settled between them.
Neither of them spoke, instead both opting to stare. He stared at her and she stared at her bare feet.
"Just tell me. What did I do to upset you this much?" he eventually asked, fighting the urge to just grimace at his words - he sounded like some rejected lover that had done something wrong - he put his palm on her shoulder and shook her slightly. This was ridiculous! He had done nothing and had to pretend that he was at fault for their strained partnership. This approach was probably and hopefully going to be more effective than volleying insults and accusations back and forth. His touch was still very cautious and he almost anticipated the moment she would viciously attack him for one reason or another but ignoring all the warnings in his head, he squeezed her shoulder.
He was about to say something again but she spoke before he could get any words out.
"It really is nothing, Soul," she said flatly, still avoiding his eyes.
"Bullshit!" he snapped and ran a hand feverishly through his tousled hair, barely suppressing an exasperated groan afterwards. What a stubborn woman! "You're a horrible liar, Maka, and an even worse actress."
"I'm not lying. It's not my fault if your imagination gets the better of you!" she said, her voice dangerously low and holding a slight warning. But as of now Soul didn't give a damn about any warnings or any potential threats by books. They had danced around this for a far too long time and if they still wanted to function properly as a team, things needed to be cleared up. So he decided to use an even more underhanded method than his Ultimate Puppy Dog Eyes. He even felt a bit guilty but she had brought this on herself.
"Don't you want me as your partner anymore?" he asked, his voice low and hesitant and although he was asking that to guilt-trip her, he couldn't ignore the annoying wave of anxiety that made him gulp loudly. What if this was her reason to act so hostile towards him? Maybe she wanted to create enough of a rift between them to make a split-up easier.
"Don't be stupid, Soul," she said and snorted. In spite of her clear and confident answer, she didn't really display such a confidence. She was avoiding any eye contact and obstinately kept her gaze down. "Why do you think that-"
"Why do I think that you don't want me as your partner anymore? You're ignoring me, you are getting angry at me for no reason and just hit me whenever I try to…to…to talk to you!"
"I am not that bad," she said indignantly and narrowed her eyes but still didn't look up at him.
He let out a bitter laugh at that. Was she just in denial or did she just lie on purpose? "Whatever your reason is to behave like some maniac, it is completely irresponsible."
"If this continues, we probably won't be able to align our soul wavelengths anymore. You of all people should be well aware of that," he said and watched her face change from disgusted annoyance to sombre and guilty.
He stuffed his hands into his pockets and clenched his hands, heaving a harsh sigh. He already hated himself for his next words. "Don't you think that it would be the best to end things once for all?"
This gave him her undivided attention, at last. Her head suddenly snapped up and her wide green eyes met his with uncontained shock and dread. He was almost inclined to take his words back; her heartbroken expression was truly unbearable to look at without feeling like the dirtiest bastard on earth. But he didn't, he stubbornly kept his scowl and stared her down indifferently as if the prospect to dissolve their partnership was not something that would break him as much as her. He stood up and stretched his arms with a sigh. He couldn't remain sitting next to her whilst she was staring at him like that. He felt bad enough that he was pretending to want to end their partnership.
"You-you can't probably…you won't leave…right?" she asked, voice quivering and meek. She didn't even try to put up a strong front!
He sighed again and closed his eyes, taking a deep breath before he looked at her once more and winced inwardly at her large pleading eyes. "Tell me what's wrong Maka?" he asked in a gentle voice.
She immediately glanced down…again, finding a great interest in her jittery hands. He decided to remain silent, although he wanted nothing more but shout, plead and yell at her for being so avoidant. This was not the Maka he knew. Although it silence wasn't uncommon between them, the tense quietness that settled between them now was more than unnerving. He realized just now how much out of breath he was, his breaths almost bordering on gasps as if he had physically exerted himself the last minutes. He vaguely wondered if she could hear his frantic heartbeats and feel how much he was dreading her answer, not quite sure what to expect. What would he do if she wanted their partnership dissolved? Quickly get a new partner and forget and be done with him? Soul would never accept that. At least not until she gave him a valid explanation for such a decision. But she certainly and fortunately didn't give the impression of wanting that. It was quite the opposite.
But what was bothering her? What could be so horrible that she found herself unable to confide in him? They had been already through so much…it couldn't possibly be that bad, could it?
He was so deep in thought that he almost missed her timid voice calling out for him.
"Soul?" her head suddenly jerked into his direction again, her eyes wide and her face flushed.
He raised his eyebrows quizzically and tried his best to appear as relaxed as possible. She didn't seem to be in a violent mood, which was a bit helpful. His shoulders - despite his best intentions to appear calm and collected - were absurdly tense and squared as if he was about to confront a dangerous enemy rather than his meister. Soul wasn't sure if her reserved and cautious demeanour in contrast to her angry stubbornness was an improvement. It was a bit unnerving. She could barely look him in the eyes and kept glancing away. She looked so uncertain and shy; two adjectives he barely found himself associating with his meister, the latter even less.
"What is it?" he asked calmly.
"It's…it's…eh," she trailed off, looking so unsure that Soul just wanted to grab her by the shoulders firmly and shake some sense into her. Was it that bad? Should he be worried? Even more worried than he already was? Why couldn't she just say something stupid was bothering her and put his mind at ease? But seeing her like this…blushing like…like a…like a…he didn't even have comparison to anything! Honestly, what was it with her and this stupid mood swings, although her so-called mood-swings had only consisted of being angry, being angrier and being utterly livid. But now…what? Was it some hormonal thing? Was she on the rag?
At this he had to grimace. He hoped that she wasn't going to confirm that! He might have been desperate for an answer but he certainly didn't have the need to know her bodily condition so well.
"Soul…I…it's just that…," Soul leaned closer to her. She was talking so quietly that he could barely understand her and when he thought she was finally going to give him a straight answer she just sighed dejectedly and looked away once more, "It's nothing important actually. Just go away."
"What?" was all he could mutter. He stared at her with a dumbfounded expression, his mouth agape. He looked like a moron and not to mention totally uncool. He caught himself quickly, however, and his surprise was soon replaced with an all-too-familiar irritation.
"Makaaa," he ground out lowly, "Do you honestly think that I'm going to believe that shit?" He tried to stay calm, he really did yet he couldn't hide the angry edge in his voice. It was simply impossible if one had to confront such resolute pigheadedness.
Maka huffed haughtily, the blush and the whole disturbing meek personality gone, and turned around as she wrapped her flowery blanket around herself. "Leave."
He scoffed and ran a hand through his hair slowly, gripping his white strands firmly, and hissed in frustration. What the fu-
And then his eyes widened as realization dawned on him. Could it be? He gasped as his hand fell limply to his side.
"Wait! You're pregnant?"
"What?" she shrieked indignantly and turned around, some odd mixture of a murderous glare and the apparent urge to look anywhere but him on her face as her cheeks turned a bright red. It could have been a very funny situation, really. With her turning a brighter shade of red with each passing second, resembling more and more a tomato with loose pigtails attached to it but Soul couldn't really bring himself to laugh now. For one, sheer mortification washed over him as he belatedly realized what he had just said. And Maka's hand was just twitching dangerously close to the thickest book next to her.
"How…Why did you get such an impression?" She ground out between her teeth, palm now flatly resting on top of the book.
Oh, shit, shit, shit! He was so dead!
"Yes, Soul. I'm waiting."
With a frenzied gust of desperation, he finally managed to speak with coherent words. "What was I supposed to think!" he yelled, his voice rising in pitch with the last word, "All you do is hitting me and saying that it's my fault, although I do nothing! And your stupid mood swings…and you never tell me anything as if it's the most embarrassing thing in the world…so…I thought that maybe…"
"And so you came to the illogical conclusion that I'm pregnant?"
His desperation was slowly but surely being replaced by anger as he recalled how often he had been accused of things he hadn't done and had been punished for with her nerdy abuse. Thus he couldn't help but add bitterly, "Who knows, maybe you did finally manage to get laid."
And he knew, the moment he uttered it, it was the wrong thing to say. For one, he hadn't gotten laid himself, so it was quite a hypocritical thing to say and cool guys weren't supposed to be hypocrites. And secondly, Maka, grabbing her book, furiously lunged out at him. Reacting quickly and fearing more than for his life, he managed to grab her wrist, the book falling down. Blinking, momentarily confused he had actually managed to stop her attack, he wasted no time to use her blinding wrath against her and grabbed her other wrist too, effectively restraining her.
"M-Maka," he bit out as she kicked his shin, struggling against his wavering hold with enraged strength. "Hey…I'm sorry-"
"Let me go!" she yelled, throwing herself with all her might against him. He stumbled backwards hitting the wall behind him with a groan yet managed to stand on both of his legs, clutching Maka's wrist with renewed determination. He would be so dead if he let her go.
"Maka, listen," he winced when her knee connected with the side of his leg painfully, "I shouldn't have said that, I'm sorry. Calm down!"
"I don't want to calm down!" she shouted, her face flushed with rage, and buried her fist in his stomach forcefully, making his grip on her wrist loosen.
Soul had enough. This was going too far. He wouldn't let himself get beaten into a bloody pulp over such an idiotic thing. She was overreacting! Again! Gritting his teeth, he grasped her upper arms and pushed against her with his body. Maka let out a surprised squeak as she stumbled over her own feet and lost her balance, relying on his hold on her as not to fall down. The expression on her face was nothing short of hilarious yet he didn't have enough time to dwell on it. He had to restrain her somehow in order to talk some sense into her. He shortly contemplated tying her up.
He yelped when Maka hooked her foot around his ankle. Not reacting fast enough, he tripped crashing straight into Maka, making her fall backwards both of them wincing at the contact. Luckily, they had landed on the bed, which had softened their fall somewhat. He wanted to allow himself three seconds to collect his wits and limbs but Maka didn't seem to need it. She immediately began to struggle beneath him, kicking and punching uncontrollably against everything she could find.
"Get off, you pervert!" she yelled, landing a kick between his legs.
He toppled over, yelping pathetically, but tried to ignore the pain in order to restrain his mad meister. He growled dangerously, his eyes narrowed into deep red slits as he captured her wrists in his hands and pinned them down onto the soft mattress underneath them. He quickly pressed his legs against hers, ceasing their incessant moving at least for a bit. They were both panting heavily as they glared into each other's eyes. Soul did not care at the moment that if someone were to suddenly burst into the room, would surely mistake their tangled limbs, heavy breathing and flushed faces for another activity altogether.
"You…," he began with a harsh intake of breath, "…damn, stubborn woman. Why are you so…so…so…damn violent?"
"Shut up. And get off," she said slowly, green eyes flashing with another set of violent promises, as she suddenly jerked her arms forward in an attempt to free herself. She almost succeeded but Soul had an iron-like grip on her.
He sighed harshly. He truly had to force some answers out of her, huh? How ridiculous. He was still amazed that he had actually managed to do this to her and had survived the whole ordeal…he had even accomplished to block a Maka Chop! Giddy with his newfound ability, he almost let his guard down when she moved her legs and hips against him, causing him to grunt when she hit his knee, but fortunately, he didn't lose his hold on her completely.
"When you tell me what's wrong with you, I'll let you go," he said, finding it harder and harder to restrain her with her unceasing struggling and moving. He stared intensely into her eyes, wordlessly urging her to finally give him a straight answer. Their staring contest continued for a while, Soul didn't know for how long, but the ticking of her clock and the unbearable silence, made it as if it stretched on for hours. Neither of them looked away, stubbornly refusing to forfeit. He groaned and moved his legs a bit, trying to get into a more comfortable position, never once breaking their eye contact as he did so. How he was supposed to get into a more comfortable position when he was on top of his meister, he didn't quite know yet pushing the thoughts about their compromising position and everything that was associated with it to the back of his mind, he finally managed to settle somehow comfortably half on her and half on the mattress.
But then she threw her head back, closed her eyes and her lips parted, letting out the most peculiar of noises he had ever heard her make. Her eyes snapped quickly open, staring at him with shock. He could only look dubiously down at her, noticing a renewed blush on her cheeks. He tilted his head questioningly to the side, not quite sure, what had just transpired between them.
But he didn't give her the chance to explain herself as he repeated the motion of his leg and knee from seconds before that had apparently caused her to react like this. And it happened again, her eyes closed and her lips parted in a harsh gasp. He did it again, eliciting the same noise. Too entranced by her flushed face and the little noises that escaped her, he didn't stop the motion. He wanted more of it and kept moving his knee against her.
He grinned down at her, watching her face intently, her hooded eyes meeting his for a short second before they closed. She didn't even struggle against him, the only sign of resistance she showed was that she bit her lip to prevent herself from making these cute gasping noises. He applied more pressure against her with his knee, his heart hammering at her voice, although she refused to release her lip. Yet she seemed unable to stay silent and instead of gasping, she was…whimpering?….moani-
Yep, she was moaning….his name and it was-
He stopped all of his movements immediately and for the first time broke his gaze away from her and looked down to his legs and…what the hell had he been doing!His knee was right between her legs!
What. Had. He. Done?
He…he had been rubbing his knee against her groin. Oh God, were her panties actually wet? He didn't know if he was blushing or blanching from the utter embarrassment at his thoughtless actions spreading through his very being. He didn't know if it was stupidity or silent resignation when he risked a shameful glance at his partner's face, whose expression mirrored his own: Wide eyes, red face and mouth agape in mortification. He noticed how he was still pinning her down by her wrists and how their legs were still entangled and how just one accidental movement might be the cause of a repetition of the recent events.
He immediately backed off, jumping from the bed and crashing ungracefully onto the floor on his butt. He stood up quickly, eyes still wide and face impossibly red, coercing himself to look into her eyes once more to make it clear that it had been an accident, that he was sorry and that he didn't mean for it to happen.
"I'm so-sorry," he gulped, trying to stutter as little as possible and trying to keep his eyes locked on hers, "I'm really sorry."
Okay this was it. He couldn't bear to stand here any longer. Without saying anything else, without offering an explanation, he took a few steps back, blindly reaching for the doorknob. He sighed with relief when his fingers grasped it, opening the door fast, he walked out without any further words.
When he reached his room, he practically tore the door open and stepped inside, shutting it behind him swiftly. He leaned against it, sliding down as his quivering legs betrayed him. He had to look ridiculous. His heart was beating furiously against his ribs, beads of sweat drenching his forehead and his chest was heaving. He was completely out of breath as if had just managed to avoid a serial killer who had the insane desire to castrate him. Exhaling harshly, he gripped his head with both of his hands, pulling at his hair in a frustrated manner. He growled as he recalled what had just happened seconds before.
Okay, okay, okay. Taking in a deep breath in a fruitless attempt to calm himself down, he closed his eyes. He had just gone into his meister's room in order to take her to task. He had wanted to have some damn answers for her weird behaviour, at last! Everything had passed as he had imagined with Maka blaming him and being stubborn. And then he just had to make that stupid remark about her being pregnant and she just had to react petulantly about that! And then he had made everything worse when he made the other stupid remark about her having finally managed to get laid.
Oh, he was an idiot and he was never going to learn his lesson.
And then the verbal battle had gotten out of hand and had become a wrestling match, in which he had barely been able to keep the upper hand. And then the wrestling match had continued on her bed! In retrospect, he had to admit that he should have stopped everything at that point. But nooooo….he hadn't! And then it had happened and he hadn't even noticed it at first!
He had been too entranced by the noises she had made. They hadn't been really moans but tiny gasps, hisses and the occasional muffled little cries…and…and he had been really turned on by it!
He groaned, clutching his head tighter. Even now the image of her lying beneath him with that flushed face and her lips parted, making these noises, whilst his knee was rubbing her-
Shaking his head feverishly, the sudden urge to smash his head against the wall overcame him in an attempt to get rid of his dirty thoughts involving Maka. What had he been thinking? Nothing! Why had he been thinking nothing? Had Maka's vicious attacks already damaged so many brain cells that he should finally resign himself to the fate of a having a grave brain malady? Life was cruel. Maka was cruel. And he apparently lacked half of his brain! This was so uncool.
How did he manage to…to stimulate her accidentally anyway? Was it normal to be this sensitive? He thought these kinds of things only happened in badly written porn…not that he was reading badly written porn but…what to do now? He had to calm down. He was after all cool and cool guys had to react to such things in a more dignified manner. And…and why hadn't she stopped him the moment his knee had brushed her crotch? Sure, his hold on her was very firm but he was certain that in a time like this she could have…and would have killed him if she wanted to.
So what should he do now? Taking in a shuddering breath, he slowly stood up from his uncomfortable position against the door and plopped down on his bed. Sighing deeply, he managed to calm himself at least a bit. Okay, now he had to think about a way to-
Luck had never been his closest ally but today it seemed to have decided to be his archenemy for good. Fearing for the worst, he was already in the process of opening his window if hard should come to hard. But when Blair entered his room, without knocking, he noticed two exceptional things that made him blink. Firstly, she was dressed…as in fully dressed and secondly she had not glomped him…yet. Instead, she took a chair and seated herself primly and with a quick glance at her perfectly manicured nails, took in the sight - that was as laughable as it was sad - of him being on the verge of climbing out of the window.
Blinking dumbly and suspecting that this was probably a dream or more probably a nightmare, he took a few steps back from the window and sat down on his bed, staring blankly at the cat-girl.
"Were you just about to jump out of the window?"
Her confusion vanished and was quickly replaced by a bright smile as if she had not just witnessed a scene that had eerily resembled an attempt at suicide.
"Good," she said her voice chipper and light, leaning slightly forward on her seat, "Did you have fun with Maka-chan?"
"Wha…what?" he spluttered, almost falling down. Maybe he really should have jumped out of the window. His cheeks turned beet red, which he tried to hide by lying down on his stomach and burying his face in his cushion. Had it really been that loud? Hadn't Maka just made small gasps, how could Blair have heard any of it?
"I'm glad that you finally did it. Maka-chan was really frustrated, you know," she continued, sounding a bit solemn.
Soul sat up with a sudden jerk of his body, which made him see tiny black dots in front of him and clutching his head from the slight dizziness, he glared at Blair. She had her legs crossed and her hands clasped together on top of her knee, regarding him with unhidden amusement. Why were both of his roommates taking so much pleasure in his plight? One was apparently a closet sadist (which would logically make him the closet masochist) and the other just loved to play with his head and body in other ways, which in turn would only repeat the sadistic attacks of the former.
He shook his head, he was being downright whiny right now.
"What exactly do you mean, Blair?" he asked, his voice unusually raspy as he desperately tried to fight off his blush, "We did nothing."
"Really?" she asked, tilting her head questioningly to the side and tapped her chin with a long finger thoughtfully, "But I'm sure I heard something when I passed her room and I'm sure you were with her."
"I…I…I…," he eloquently trailed off, losing the fight against his blush miserably. It consumed his entire skin, the heat threatening to ignite his cheeks if he was kept being reminded of the still fresh occurrences.
"Hmm," Blair's eyes narrowed with suspicion as she watched him sceptically, "You're blushing…that's all I need for confirmation."
"What? I didn't…I mean we didn't…I mean…shit!"
"Soul-kun, what's wrong?"
Maybe it was because he was far too overstrained with the current situation, or maybe all his anger and frustration from the last weeks had made him into this whiny, little, uncool mess but in the end he told Blair everything. He couldn't really stop himself. He just blurted everything out and even confided in her how much of a strain the last weeks had on him. He was glad that he wasn't a sobbing wreck when he finished his Great Tale of Anguish.
Soul wasn't sure but she sounded…disappointed? Why was she-
"I should have known," she said and sighing heavily and continued sounding more chipper than ever, "I'm glad though, I was really disappointed to find out that you had such low stamina. Even if Soul-kun is a virgin I expect a lot more from your performance."
"What?" he squeaked, oh dear God, he squeaked. How much more fucked up could this get? Why were they talking about his regrettably not-yet-performed performance in bed?
"It's a pity though, Maka-chan is quite frustrated."
"I'm also frustrated," he said dryly, without even remotely thinking about the true implications of Blair's words. But she was helpful and got quickly to the point.
"You heard me right, Soul-kun."
"And what has her…her sexual frustration to do with me!"
He was on his feet now and would have probably flailed with his arms if he hadn't noticed in the last moment how stupid that would look. "Why doesn't she just…you know…there are things she can do against it that doesn't involve abusing me!"
"Why don't you do anything yourself?" she asked again in that ludicrously happy voice as if they were discussing some cheerful events and not his meister's…hormonal problems.
"Why don't you help Maka-chan? You apparently did fine with your knee-job, so I'm sure you'll do fine with-"
"Wait, wait, wait," he said hastily waving his hands defensively in front of him, "You can't be seriously telling me that Maka and I should have sex!"
"Well, not right away but you could start with-"
"Are you stupid? You really are serious about it?", he asked disbelievingly, "We are partners, and we are friends and nothing more. I'm not going to ruin everything by doing something so reckless. It could ruin our whole partnership."
"It seems pretty ruined to me now," she shot back nonchalantly, causing him to wince.
"It's been just weeks she has behaved like that. I'm sure, when we talk, everything will turn to normal. We have been partners for years, we have been through so much together. It can't all fall apart because of some stupid disputes," he said, staring sullenly at his feet.
"You really care about Maka-chan, don't you?" Blair asked, her voice sympathetic and caring.
"I do," he answered automatically.
A not-quite uncomfortable silence befell them. Soul sat down again, his head was beginning to spin…yes, he was sure now, his brain was probably damaged beyond repair. He sighed for the umpteenth time this day and closed his eyes. He really needed to talk to Maka…there was no way he would and could do what Blair suggested. But any attempts to talk to Maka would probably end up in more awkwardness than before so he should probably wait a few minutes? Hours? Days? Weeks? He had no idea.
He groaned quietly and leaned languidly against the headboard of his bed. This was sick. How utterly ridiculous it was that the prudish Maka Albarn was actually sexually frustrated. And she had always accused him of being a pervert! Hah! If the situation at hand wasn't so aggravating and potentially harmful to their friendship….forget potentially harmful…it was doubtlessly harmful to their friendship, he would have teased her about it endlessly.
And why couldn't that damned cat leave him alone? Didn't she have someone to seduce/rape? He gritted his teeth and merely gave her a noncommittal hum.
"Don't forget to wash your hands before you touch her."
At his moronically blank stare, Blair merely giggled, "Your hands need to be clean, you know."
She stood up and walked over to him, her hips swaying exaggeratedly from side to side. His brain was still slow on processing her words, so he didn't stop her when she took both of his hands into her own, his palms facing upwards. She studied his hands with a concentration he had never seen on her face before. She looked at each of his fingers and lightly traced them with her forefinger from his knuckles up to the tip of his nails. She smoothed her thumb over the callous skin of his palm, her lips stretching from that deeply set line into a bright smile again.
She released his hands and clapped excitedly. She leaned in close, so close that they were nose to nose and he could feel her breath against his chin. He automatically leaned backwards until the bedpost stopped any further movements and his pathetic attempts of an escape.
"Good! You don't have any cuts on your hands and your nails are short. Just don't forget to wash your hands with soap and warm water," she said and stepped away from him, clasping her hands together behind her back.
Soul could only frown and opened his mouth , forming he first syllables of his annoyed question when she cut him off abruptly.
"You don't want to get her pussy infected, right?"
His jaw dropped. He didn't want to get her what infected?
Why were they talking about Maka's female anatomy again? Hadn't he already told that stupid feline that he did not intend to screw Maka? Just what was wrong with her?
"Blair," he began, trying to sound stern but his blush seemed to be permanently painted on his face, which was somehow distracting the bouncy cat from his steady and definitely not-squeaky voice. "I am not going to sleep with Maka."
"But Soul-kun. I'm not telling you to sleep with her."
At this, he raised his eyebrows sceptically, eyeing the cat-girl warily. He was quite certain by now that jumping out of his window would have been the far more pleasant option.
"Then why are we talking about Maka's…uh-"
"Pussy?" she supplied helpfully with a cute grin as if she had just helped him with quite a menial task.
He could feel the heat crawling back into his cheeks. So not cool. He awkwardly rubbed the back of his neck and glanced down. Closing his eyes, he took a very deep and unfortunately not very calming breath.
"You know Soul-kun," Blair trailed conversationally off, seating herself onto his chair, crossing her legs again. "I just want to help you."
He snorted and didn't even try to hide it despite the faint disapproving look, which crossed her face. However, he kindly didn't voice his thoughts about how she had more often than not made his life a living hell. Okay, maybe he was exaggerating a bit but she was after all the one who made them restart their quest for souls. And not to mention, all the instances she had sexually assaulted him, which was usually bordering on rape and of course, the Maka-Chops he had always had to suffer from, because of his meister's violent urges.
"You should start out slowly," she said, completely unperturbed by his glare. He eventually lay down again and closed his eyes with a sigh. He was giving up. No matter what he said, Blair was not going to stop and inevitably provide him with her unwanted help. "And you're right, you shouldn't sleep with her…yet. There are other ways you can satisfy Maka-chan as well. That's why you should make sure to have clean hands."
Okay, he merely had to ignore her…somehow whilst she kept talking about ways to satisfy Maka. He groaned but she continued as if she was just reciting a recipe for a particularly delicious pie.
"You should at first just run your hands up her legs."
He just had to close his eyes and block any noises out and maybe even manage to fall asleep. Hopefully, the pervy cat wouldn't try anything funny whilst he was sleeping.
"Maka-chan has really beautiful legs, don't you think so too, Soul-kun? I mean she has such smooth skin and her legs are long and shapely and really strong…"
It didn't matter if the cat spoke the truth or not. He certainly was not going to think about Maka's legs, neither any other parts of her anatomy that might or might not be very alluring. Shaking his head and curling himself into a small pitiful ball of misery, he did his best to ignore Blair and her rambling.
"I am a bit jealous though. But it's no wonder that she has such a fit body, I mean with all the training and moving she has to do. I wonder if her little butt is as firm as it looks."
No, he was most definitely not asking himself the same question! Because frankly, Maka's butt did not interest him in the least. This stupid cat was surely annoying, babbling about uninteresting topics. He snorted inwardly.
He should really think about more awesome things, like music! Yes, music. There was this new album he wanted to buy but had never the chance to do so since he was either too lazy, something - most of the time missions - got in the way or he was occupied with other things now. Yes, he would go and buy this new record and let it blare at the highest volume his very expensive four-way, high-fidelity loudspeaker system had to offer. And he would forget everything around him and not let himself stop enjoying the music even if his annoying roommate should be bothered by the loudness of it all. He snorted. What did she knew? Maka really had an abysmal taste in music, so she as an avid trance-fusion (he did not consider this music in any way) listener should not be the one to complain. She really was a weird one. And she al-
Didn't he want to forget everything about her right now?
No, thinking about music was not doing him any good right now.
Basketball! Yes, basketball. Maybe he should call Black*Star and Kid. Yes, that would be great. It would only be the three of them. And no Maka. She truly sucked at basketball anyway, despite the fact that he always dragged her along too. But why shouldn't he? It was a nice thing of him to do, considering that she always spent her free time inside, locked in her room and reading some boring books. And she still hadn't gotten the rules. For such a smart and studious person she could be very stupid sometimes but she knew the loose rules of Shibusen all by heart. Honestly, how messed up was that? Soul sometimes wondered why she insis-
This was not good at all! He didn't want to think about Maka right now, did he? Since he was failing miserably at not thinking about his partner, he should maybe-
"Say Soul-kun, how does it feel like when she's riding you?" Blair ruthlessly cut through his thoughts and with a particularly perverted giggle she continued, not leaving the time to properly assess her dirty words, "Whenever you try to fly and she has you between her long legs, do you ever feel her skin? I wonder if she gets aroused, she can't probably be really unaffected, neither can you, when she straddles your shaft with her legs, right?"
Soul had the instant urge to crawl under his bed and die.
With another deviously perverted giggle, Blair mercilessly continued the verbal smackdown of the little remains of his dignity, "How does it feel like exploring new unexplored heights together? Does she ever get wet?"
"Blair!" he groaned, burying his face in his fluffy pillow. And when he thought he had regained some of his composure, he sat up once again, steadily facing the amused cat-girl. He still felt his blush but had accepted that it wasn't going to subdue very soon, so instead ignoring the permanent redness on his cheeks, he stared at Blair seriously.
"Blair, stop it," he said, congratulating himself inwardly for keeping his voice so calm and cool. He almost sounded like those very cool and stoic action heroes, who faced enormous armies and rocket launchers without so much as a blink of fear. But alas he wasn't facing a destructive army or a rocket launcher but a magical cat. He would have rather faced a destructive army armed with gigantic rocket launchers.
"Please, leave my room and don't bother me. I really need to think."
"But I really want to help you."
He sighed, barely containing his irritation, but he didn't really know why he didn't send her away or why he simply didn't leave himself. Maybe it was because she looked truly sincere when she said that. Or maybe he had just resigned himself to the fact that if he were to leave she would just stubbornly cling to his leg and not let go of him until she had voiced her thoughts. Moreover, that she wasn't going to leave even if he begged her to on his knees (which was never going to happen) was a given.
So with yet another heavier sigh he simply slumped down. "Will you leave me alone when you're done?" he asked.
"Yes," she answered, nodding excitedly.
"I'm sure that my knowledge will be very useful for you."
"Sure thing, Blair."
He eyed his window cautiously, contemplating his chances and the pros and cons about jumping and the probability of his survival.
"If you want, I can demonstrate some of the things."
And thus he ended up getting a lesson about the art of sex, seduction and pleasure…by a cat.