Hello again! Its here, my second Happy Tree Friends story; Blissfully Ill won by a landslide. Just a couple of things:

1: Updates will be much slower than before, now that summer is over. I'll try to post as often as I can, though…

2: Chapters will be shorter than they were in Flaky Flips Out, only about 2,000 words each.

Well, here's chapter one, and I hope you all enjoy it! Thank you for reading!


Preface – Chapter 1

Deep down below the town of Happy Tree Valley, there was an enormous cave. It was shaped like the inside of a bottle cap, a small fat cylinder with smooth dirt walls and large rocks protruding from the bottom, blemishing the floor like bumps on the surface of one's face. There grew no vegetation, but the roots of plants and trees managed to peek through the roof of the cave. A slight indent ran along the middle of the walls of the cave like a stripe, inside which sat small, wooden idols standing at attention at random intervals.

There was a large, round, smooth surfaced rock that sat almost completely free of the clutches of earth below it. Its surface, having once been almost perfectly rounded, had been worn away and chipped off into a kind of curved shape that looked like seats. In the darkness two black shapes sat on the seats, each holding a totem in their hands. Their ears were drawn back against their skulls and their heads were leaned close together. One of the figures was slightly more visible than the other – its fur was a lighter shade, perhaps even white. The other was much darker, most likely black, and could hardly be seen in the pitch darkness.

"Okay, so let's review," mumbled the darker figure.

"For the hundredth time."

"Shut up! Like I was saying, review."

"Whatever."

The sound of a hand hitting something soft sounded in the gloom. The lighter figure moaned and grumbled to itself something unintelligible. The darker figure's tail – raised straight in the air – quivered slightly from restrained laughter.

"Review. What do we have to work with?"

The lighter figure shifted its position so that it was lying on its back. "We've got an OCD skunk, a sugar crazy squirrel, a stupid moose, a blind mole, and two kleptomaniactic raccoons. "

"'Kleptomaniactic' isn't a word."

"So?"

"Alright then, so what can we do with that?"

The lighter figure sighed. "Well, I'm sure I don't know. You're supposed to be the smart and strategic one."

"I'm surprised you know what strategic means."

"I have to, living with you. Honestly! We should have gotten out of this place centuries ago! I can't believe our own cousins would do this to us…"

"Never mind them," the darker said. "They can't do anything to us now. They don't even know this place exists."

"Bet they do," jeered the lighter.

"They do not," the darker insisted, its tail twitching at the tip for emphasis. "They don't know what we've created, what kind of power we've grown to posses."

"They know everything," the lighter said, sarcasm and mock dripping in thick clots from its lips. The darker hissed and swiped once again at it the lighter companion. Another indignant sound came and then there was a silence between them.

"We can use them," the less visible figure muttered after a minute or so. "Easy. We just have to be creative. You're best at that."

"Whaddya tryin' to do? Make me feel better? I think I might gag."

"Shut up! You know you're better at random, idiotic things than I am. So, what should we do?"

Another silence, but this one was one of thought.

The air in the underground cave was not stale or dry as one might have first thought but moist, kept at careful irrigation with the breathing of the rocks. The atmosphere was cool. The smell of churned dirt and fat roots full of water kept the cave feeling thick with the scent of life.

Much to the distaste of both shadowed figures.

The lighter sighed and said, "We could use the OCD thing for, I don't know, heightened senses?"

"And how do you think that would work?"

"I don't know! OCD is when someone's really obsessive about things being clean, right? Well, we could turn their ability into things like noticing things. We could make it so we could notice small things, important things that we never noticed before - like we'd be heightening our senses."

Another contemplative pause.

"That's not a bad idea. Can we do that?"

"Yeah, probably. We haven't used our power in a long time though… except channeling it above and through the idols."

"We definitely have enough, that's for sure."

"Alright. One down. At least one of us is thinkin'."

"Hey, wait, I'm getting something…"

The eyes of the dark figures totem began to glow white, and the lighter set aside its own to touch the glowing idol. They both held it within their hands and closed their eyes. In their heads they could see what another totem was 'seeing' above ground.

There was Toothy – he was holding the totem in his hands, looking at it with fear plain in his eyes. The two figures could tell that from the background Toothy was standing somewhere outside. He seemed to be running away from something –

The beaver's head was cut off by a flying metal pool – it had lodged into his skull and ripped it off the torso; Toothy's lifeless body bell to the ground and the totem rolled from his hands to stare opposite his corpse.

Further down a line of trees there was a merry-go-round and one of the poles had flown off of the ride. Flippy, who was sitting in the grass next to the park toy and was staring at Toothy's bloody corpse, began to flip out. His eyes grew green and a sadistic grin spread across his face. He chuckled darkly to himself and made his way toward the totem.

"I would love to have his power," the darker one whispered quietly as the pair watched Flippy take possession of the idol. "Do you think we can do it?"

"Why not? His problem is like, what, post traumatic stress disorder, right? That's a mental problem. We could get that."

"I know but… it's like when he flips out he's a totally different person…" The darker trailed off and after Flippy drove the totem into Disco Bear's eye she released hold on their own wooden figure. "What's that supposed to mean?" asked the lighter figure. "Nothing, nothing. Anyway, we should be getting started. And one more thing."

"What?"

"The way their bodies are shaped – the way our bodies are shaped – the spell won't work well with this kind of anatomy."

"So what, do we have be humans or something?"

"No, not exactly. Just more humanoid – more human-like anatomy."

"Ah. And you want me to do that, I'm guessing?"

"I can't do the actual spell casting, but I can provide a base. You just have to do the changing."

"Fine. Whatever; I want this done quick. I can't wait to get out of this stupid cave."

"It won't be too long now."

Their words fell and limply sank to the earth below them, soaking it with a language of ancient, dead tongues.