You only have one more night, Felicia. Why aren't you doing anything? Why? Neither of you mention anything about you heading off to LSU tomorrow. Neither of you need to say it, really. You all know your relationship is over, no matter how you want to phrase it. You're off to pursue the kind of music you actually want to pursue, while Willy... Will. He'll be here, stuck at his dad's shop until he finally gets into USC (like that will happen).
The silence is nearly deafening you. You look at him. He's obviously frustrated. Frustrated? Is that the right word? Disappointed. In you? For leaving? That's what you were doing in a sense, you guess. You're leaving all of this behind you to start a career as a country singer, and you have to make money some how. You're not exactly the sharpest tool in the shed. This is the most logical career choice. Your dad said so too, who also lives in Baton Rouge ever since your parents split up. Maybe your dad was feeding you complete lies to get you there, but you always knew that this was what you wanted to do. Did Willy not agree? Did he not want you to succeed?
That's what you whisper. You look down. You feel ashamed for even thinking it. You pray he doesn't hear you, but he does. Of course. "What's that?" He mutters. His voice is pretty high pitched, it seems to bellow across the entire car. You don't speak. You don't want to. But he refuses to stop staring at you with those deep brown eyes. Those deep brown eyes you fell in love with. The ones you would kill to be with forever, but you can't now. Why can't things stay the same?
You repeat your question. You rephrase it, of course. You were never good at being blunt. You thought too much about other people's feelings. "You don't want me to go, do you?" You shift awkwardly. You expect the predictable answer, "Of course I don't want you to go, baby." but that's not really what you wanted. "I mean... you don't want me to go to college because..." You clear your throat, thinking of the many ways to phrase this. Some better than others. You think quickly, surprisingly. "Why?" You stop fidgeting. You're now looking him right in the eye, for the first time this entire night.
"Oh." He looks down. He begins to mimic what you were doing previously. You have made him feel uncomfortable. An unusual occasion. "I... I just... I don't know what I'm going to do..."
"You're going to work at your dad's shop, right?" You ask. He thinks you're trying to make him say it, but you really aren't. You just want to know.
"No. I don't know what I'm gonna do without you, Leece." He confesses. Your eyes meet one more time. You beam.
You grasp onto his hand. You keep eye contact. You begin to coo at him, saying whatever sounds most comforting. "It's not like I'll be gone forever." You knew you were lying to him. You felt bad, but you couldn't see him like this. "You'll see me again."
"How do you know that?" He's basically whispering now. You had to think extra hard to respond to him, just because you could barely hear him. The cars around you were honking and just being annoying, like they do in LA. You weren't driving. You were sitting in a parking lot, next to him. This is how you wanted to end it. In his car.
I don't. You want to say. You don't know if you'll ever see him again, or if you'll ever want to, or if by the time you do, he'll be married or in love with someone else. Do you want him to get over you?
No. You don't. Because you don't want to get over him.
"I just do," You shrug, gazing down at your feet. "I just do." You repeat in a whisper, more to yourself than to him.
The silence sweeps in again. He decides to interrupt it this time. "We might as well drive around." He doesn't give you time to answer. He floors it. You go around LA and any suburbs that seem to get into the way. Fortunately, there isn't much traffic, and the two of you get along just fine. It's like you aren't leaving. You laugh, and blast Katy Perry, Bruno Mars, Drake, Nicki Minaj, Lady Gaga and all of that shit that they play on the radio. You laugh as Will imitates Lady Gaga. It's scary good. His falsetto is pretty good, and you've never seen any straight man brave enough to pull off "RA-RA-RA, ROMAROMAMAMA, GAGA OOH LALA" quite as good as your boyfriend did.
You don't notice how much time this has taken. Until you look at the clock.
"Shit." You mumble, just loud enough for Will to hear it.
"It's 11. I have to be at the airport by 5." You try to remain calm, but inside, you start to panic.
Will can see how uneasy you are. Naturally, he tries to comfort you. "You can sleep on the plane."
"I just... I don't want to miss my plane, okay? I'm responsible for this. For something."
He lets out a sigh. "Do you just want to leave, Leece? Is that it?"
"That's what this is all about, right?" You've had it. You didn't want to say it, but in a way, you feel empowered. What is there to lose? Him. You thought in the back of your mind. There's him, because let's face it. He's your first love. First time. First real boyfriend. First... everything. "You want me to stay here forever and not do what I want to do. Right?"
"That's not it! It's just..."
You didn't give him time to explain himself. "Take me home." You aren't going to cry. You keep telling yourself that over and over. You're too strong to cry. Everything's going to be okay. He's part of your past now, Felicia. You're doing what you want to do.
And that's when you started to tear up. You try to stifle your tears. Until you get home, at least. He parks the car in front of your driveway. You look at him one last time. You don't want to forget this face. Ever.
He's Willy. Your Willy.
The tears have officially fallen. You look like a mess, and you know that, but you can't help it. He cups your face. He doesn't have to say anything, but you want him to. You want this to be like the movies. The perfect Hollywood story. You want him to be perfect. You want him to tell you that he'll be at the airport. He'll change his plans for you. He'd do anything for you. He wants you, now and forever. He refuses to let go. It's not just a high school romance to him.
But it is. And you know that. "I love you." You whisper, lightly pressing your lips on his. You want to remember that taste forever - Spearmint, with a bit of Coca Cola. This was the last time you would ever kiss him like that, and you knew it. It was over. For good.
You hear him say "I love you too," as you slam the car door. You dash into your room, sobbing uncontrollably. You're thinking a lot of things. You're thinking about your future, what you're going to do, tomorrow, forever, and Willy. You're crying for Willy. You know that. You're not stressed about college, because you are kind of cocky when it comes to your music - or as you like to say "perfectly confident". You believe in yourself. You know everything's going to work out, but Willy and you? You just won't.
You're thinking about a lot of things, but in the back of your mind, all you're doing is praying he's crying just like you, wishing you'd come crawling back. Wishing things would have worked out.
First Valentine's Day fanfic! This isn't as good as I thought it would be. Story of my life.