A/N:Just a note. This was in my Daydreamer's Playlist as Chapter 16 and 17 but I wanted to showcase it a bit more and Spherrow's comment pushed me to do so. So if you already read this on that list. Thank you and sorry for the repost.
I've been bitten by the last chapter bug. LOL. I read the last chapter (165) then I heard this delightful song and I had to write a What If scenario about what occurred next.I Do Not own Skip Beat! or the inspired song. This story was inspired by two songs. The first is Let Me Take You There by Plain White T's. The story ran away with me again so I split it up into two chapters. I hope you enjoy it.
Rated M for a small little part... No Lemons, No Limes.
"Nothing has worked. It's like he is just a shell. The doctors say there isn't anything wrong with him. There was no head trauma. There isn't a scratch or bruise on him. They have no clue what is wrong and he won't say anything. What do we do?"
Lory sat staring out the window thinking about the situation at hand. Yashiro sat impatiently like a mother hen waiting for a response. He knew that Katsuki would be difficult for Ren but not in this way. It was simply that he didn't know how to portray that type of love and therefore wouldn't be good for the role.
Then Kyoko appears in his life and he witnessed something of a miracle. Kyoko. Now that he knew what she meant to him, he felt comfortable with Ren taking on the BJ role. He always thought that the BJ role would be the hardest for him, reminding him of his tainted past, not the Katsuki role. After the love hurdle, Katsuki was a breeze then this almost accident happens.
"You say he's been like this all day? Since the shooting?"
Yashiro nodded, "Yes. Since he didn't talk we took him to the hospital right away. He's been there since just in a daze."
He must be reliving the nightmare. Foolish boy. Lory sighed, "When did Mogami-san see him?"
"Kyoko-chan?" Yashiro thought about it. "It was before the shooting. She stopped by to see him and then he walked her back to her shoot in Culture Park. Why?"
Lory sat up suddenly, "So she hasn't seen him at all after the incident?"
Yashiro frowned thinking about it, "Um, I don't think so. She was there. She ran all the way over but after Director Ogata saw him the ambulance came and they took Ren and me away. I'm not sure where she is now."
"Well then there is the damn problem. Come on, we'll pick her up." Lory stood up and Yashiro promptly stumbled after him.
Kyoko sat in the middle of her room with her new doll in her hand. She caressed her thumb over his face, that off in the distance, frightened, soulless look was perfectly etched on the little doll. Something in her chest ached as she continued to stare at it. He was hurt or troubled by something. The little boy was safe and both Igarashi-san and himself were unharmed.
So then what happened? And why would it be that same look in the alley? She didn't understand. What about those two instances caused him to blank out like that? She couldn't connect the fight with the car. There was a knock on her door that ceased her thoughts. She stood up, setting the little doll down and opened it up.
"Kyoko-chan, you have some visitors downstairs." The okami-san knew something was up. Kyoko was just so down and out but when she asked about it she simply said she didn't know.
"Is it Moko-san?" She stepped out to the hall and followed the older woman down.
"No, it's two men. They said their names were Yashiro-san and Takarada-san. You do know them, right?"
"Yes. Yashiro-san is Tsuruga-san's manager but Takarada-san is the president of LME. Why would he be here?" Kyoko walked a little faster now that she knew who was here. Yashiro knew where she lived since Ren has dropped her off so many times but for the president to be here. She took the stairs as fast as she could and the moment she turned the corner she saw them and they saw her.
"SETSUKA!" Lory bellowed. Kyoko instantly shifted but walked over to him as quickly as possible. This was supposed to be a secret. While there was no one to see her and connect Setsuka to her, she was still frightened of people finding out.
Lory continued. "Why aren't you taking care of your brother like you promised? He just got into an accident and is currently in the hospital and you are here in a ramen shop doing what? Hmm?"
Kyoko pressed her lips together upset by the turn of events and Setsuka didn't hold. She could feel her eyes water at her failed attempts, "If I was his sister, then maybe they would have let me see him!" Lory and Yashiro were stunned at her outburst and then a silent tear fell from the corner of her eye and she continued.
"Do you honestly think that if I could be there that I would be here? I tried to go see him but they excused me as some fan." She wiped at her face and then looked at Yashrio.
"What did they say? Is he going to be alright?" She asked.
Yashiro looked down and licked his lips, "They don't know. There's been no change at all and they don't know why."
"And that is why you should be there. Come on, we will get you in." Lory spoke up and Kyoko nodded.
"Let me get a few things." Kyoko ran back upstairs, grabbed her coat and also a small coin purse. She ran back down and they headed out. They all trucked into the Lory's limo and they headed to the hospital he was staying. They were soon stopped short at the nurse's desk.
"He checked out?" Yashiro blinked at the nurse confused, "But he wasn't doing anything. Not talking or moving or anything. How did he check out?"
"The doctor told him there was nothing wrong with him. He still didn't say anything. The doctor told him that he could stay the night for observation or he was free to go if he wished. That was when he did something. He simply got up and left."
"Where did he go?" It was Kyoko that spoke this time. All three of them looked at her. Her voice was so thick with worry.
"I don't know. Once a patient leaves the hospital we are not responsible. I'm sorry, but I do hope you find him." The nurse then returned to her work and the three were left a little lost. Lory pulled out his cell and dialed for him, nothing.
"I didn't really think he would answer." He said solemnly.
"Well, we have to go look for him." Kyoko started to walk and Lory caught her.
"Let's start in the most obvious places first. All he does is work and sleep so we will go to LME, Dark Moon's studio and then his apartment."
LME was closest to the hospital and most of the people had already left. They searched the area and asked anyone if they had seen him. No one had. Next was the Dark Moon Studio but everything was locked up tight.
"His car is still here." Kyoko stopped the two men at the door. They looked at her and then down her arm to where she was pointing. His white car sat alone in the lot. They all moved to it, hoping perhaps he was there but nothing. It was empty, the little red light of his alarm still on.
The one place they didn't think they would find him was at home. Yet there he was. They found him in bed fully clothed with an empty bottle of scotch lying next to him. He was on his stomach, sleeping soundly. The three of them returned to his living room.
"Well at least we know he is safe at home." Yashiro whispered.
"Aye, we should go. Mogami-san, you stay here." Lory ordered and started to walk out the door.
"EH!" She screeched out then slapped her hand over her mouth. They all stayed silent and waited for him to find them. He didn't move at all.
"Setsuka, you need to stay with your brother. He is hurting and needs you." Lory explained and then grimaced as Kyoko, not Setsuka, hesitated. He stepped out to her and placed his hands on her shoulders.
"Mogami-san. There are things I cannot tell you about Ren. Only he can but I can tell you one thing is that he is hurting and he can't recover from his past alone. I've tried for years to help him overcome that pain but nothing I do is working." He paused.
She shook her head lightly, "There isn't anything I can do. What are you expecting from me?"
"Nothing. Just be there for him, talk to him and make sure he eats. Ren spoke to me about something that happened between you two last night. Something bothered him and he had a request that I left in his hands. He wouldn't tell me what happened though, would you mind telling me?"
Kyoko hesitated. If he didn't want to say what happened then should she? What if he knew that Lory would get upset at him, punish him for almost causing a scene in public, one that could hurt his career? She pressed her lips together. What if telling him would help him now?
"Do you promise not to get angry at him or punish him in anyway?" She whispered and then glanced up at him.
Lory was confused but he nodded, "I promise. What you say will not leave this room and will have no repercussions." She nodded and told him everything, from the point of them leaving the hotel to get her more clothes and then the four men who approached her. She was looking at her hands or at the floor as she recalled the story so both men didn't see the smile on their lips as she recalled the fight.
He truly does love her. Their thoughts were identical and then they both got serious again once she almost got hurt. They agreed completely with Ren. No one should treat a young lady like Kyoko like that.
"I screamed out for him not to kill him. I thought he was BJ and I got so frightened for him. He can't have that on his hands. He stopped and just stayed there frozen, staring at the fallen man. I had never seen him like that before." She looked up at Lory whose face was completely hidden, masked.
"But then I saw it again today at the incident. He snapped out of it right away though. Why didn't he this time? No one was hurt. In fact, more people were hurt in the fight than in this stunt. I don't understand."
"How did he snap out of it? Did he say anything or do anything?" Yashiro asked trying to find the secret of it.
"No. I walked up to him, kept calling him Nii-san and then I grabbed his arm and he looked at me and asked me if it was over. Then everything was fine."
Lory smiled. He was right but he hoped that it would work this time as well. "Well whatever you did, Mogami-san, it worked. I need you to stay and see if it will work again. He is unconscious right now but he may wake up and wonder somewhere else. If you got him out of it last time, you might be able to do it again. Please, stay here until he is better."
"But what about…" Kyoko started then was interrupted.
"You are both free till Monday. Yashiro and I will make the necessary arrangements. I'll have someone bring you your things." They both started to walk out, leaving her in the lion's den
"But I don't know what to do?" She pleaded. She wanted to help. She desperately wanted to help but she didn't have the first clue on where to start.
"Talk to him, help him if he needs it, feed him and don't let him wonder out of your site. He might tell you to leave but just leave the room. I am ordering you to stay within 5 meter of him. He is too unstable."
"Yes sir." She whispered and then bowed. Yashiro gave her his key that they entered with and smiled at her.
"Don't worry, Kyoko-chan. He is alive and well, just upset. Don't let him upset you and stay strong. He needs all the support he can get right now if what Takarada-san said is true. Call me if you need anything at all."
Kyoko smiled, "Thank you, Yashiro-san."
The two men left and Kyoko was left alone with her thoughts. She placed the key in her purse along with corn. Looking at the little bluish purple stone, she picked it up and pushed all her worries into it. She took a deep breath, letting it out slowly and still felt tightness in her chest.
She sighed and looked around. His jacket was lying on the floor as were his keys. She walked up and picked them up. She put them away and then gingerly went to his room. He hadn't moved since the first time she saw him. He was splayed out on his bed, snoring softly. He even had his shoes on still.
She walked over but was afraid to touch him, to awake him. She saw the empty bottle in the middle of the bed and she had to crawl up a little to reach it. She placed her knee on the bed and he moved. She stilled her arm still out reaching for the bottle and she even stopped breathing. He simply shifted his arm up and turned his head towards her. When his soft snoring came back, she let go of the breath she was holding.
She grabbed the bottle and backed away. The bottle was massive and felt heavy in her hands and it was empty! She wondered how much was in it. Did he drink the whole thing or was it half empty or maybe there was only a glass full so he drank straight out of the bottle? Watching him, knowing that three people that he didn't know just walked into his condo and he didn't even budge, she was sure he drank close to, if not the entire bottle.
She sat on the floor beside his feet and put her hands on his shoe. She moved his foot lightly and he didn't move or wake up screaming at who was there. She thought it was safe so she took them off. They just slipped off without any real effort. She walked them back to his front door and then returned. She slipped off his socks and tossed them aside. She would have liked to push him on the bed more but there was no way. He was simply too heavy. He would have to remain there. Once she realized there was nothing more for her to do, she turned to see if she could sleep.
"I'm sorry." She froze at the door and turned back. He had turned to his left side and she could see his mouth moving. She walked back to the bed curiously.
"I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry." He was mumbling and her heart almost broke. What was he sorry for? What happened? She frowned and left him be going into the guest room.
The next morning
Kyoko managed to get about four hours of sleep. Her mind was consumed with trying to figure out the best way to help him. Lory said something she did helped last time but she really didn't know what. She called him Nii-san and then drew his attention to her, to his sister.
The only other time she needed to get something out of him was… Kyoko smiled, when he was sick. She said a line and he snapped to attention. Her calling out Nii-san was like a line to him. He came back because his professionalism called to him! It was 7:30 in the morning and she went to his room. He was still sound asleep. She didn't want to wake him up. He had the rest of the week off which was four days so he could sleep in. Meanwhile she could call Yashiro-san for food.
Four hours later, a visit and update to Yashiro-san and her checking every hour on the hour, she found Ren in a different position. He was lying on the middle of the bed with his arm over his eyes. He had to be awake. All this time, he didn't move much at all as he slept; now he was in a completely different area of the bed. She rushed to get a glass of water and aspirin and then tried to call out Setsu. She wasn't dressed like her but she hoped that it would still work.
"Nii-san. You have been sleeping in too much. Luckily, it's your day off so I let you since you drank so much last night." She sat on the edge of his bed and held out the glass of water and aspirin to him. He didn't move. He didn't acknowledge her, he just breathed quietly.
"Niiiiiii-san!" She whispered and then frowned. He was supposed to react. He was supposed to turn away from her and tell her to go away in a teasing manner. She set the glass and pills down on his bedside table and crawled up onto the bed.
"Tsuruga-san." She called out and pulled his arm away from his face. He looked at her. She saw the recognition in his eyes and then he pulled away. He pulled his hand from hers and turned away from her. He didn't say anything and she was choking back the tears.
"Tsuruga-san, please, everything is okay. No one got hurt." His arm whipped out when she said the last line. She jumped back, his arm raised in the air telling her to be quiet. She pressed her lips together and crawled off the bed. She didn't know what Lory was talking about. She still didn't understand how she could help if she didn't know what was wrong.
Two more hours passed and she finished making lunch. It was simple broth soup and congee. She doubted that he would eat any solids but she thought she would at least try. She learned this congee recipe from the Taisho at Daruma-ya's. He added extra ingredients to it to make it taste better than simple rice and water. It wasn't much but it was still better. She took the two bowls into the bedroom and found him still awake.
It didn't look like he touched the glass of water and he didn't take the aspirin. She walked over and set the bowls down on the table.
"Tsuruga-san, I made you something to eat. I know you are feeling bad but you have to eat. Just a little bit, please." She watched his eyes flicker to her and then he closed them. She bowed slightly and walked out, her old training kicking in. The pain in her chest seemed to double when she looked at him. He still hasn't moved, his head must be hurting, he hasn't showered or changed. Did he even go to the bathroom? She didn't see him walk out but he had his own private bathroom too.
She ate her lunch in silence. She was hoping to hear him move or the gentle clink of the dishes she left in his room. After finishing her meal and cleaning up, she went to check on him again. Everything was still the same. He didn't touch the food.
"Ren!" She screamed and he flinched. A reaction! She got a reaction, it was probably from pain but she didn't care. She took the soup spoon from the bowl and crawled up on the bed.
"You are going to eat. Here." She stuck the spoon in his hand twisting his fingers around it and he held it. She smiled and looked at his face. He was watching her with this sad, lost, painful, confused look on his face. She swallowed a lump and took a deep breath. No crying, Kyoko. She told herself and leaned over and picked up the bowl.
"It's still slightly warm. Come on eat." She held the bowl to him but he didn't move, he just kept looking at her. She wondered what was going through his mind, if there was anything at all. She sighed and put the bowl back down. She took spoon back and he let her.
"Come on, Ren, sit up." She took his arm in both of hers and then pulled him up with all her might. He did come up and then leaned over her. She started to panic as his weight was pushing her down slightly but she felt him pull back slightly, holding his own weight. She smiled again and looked up at him, which stole her smile away. He was upset but not yet to his demon lord point.
"Go home." He whispered and sat up away from her. With those two words, her heart was racing in excitement. He was conscious and aware. That was a huge improvement.
"After you eat." She said and reached for the bowl. She felt him move and then suddenly she was pinned underneath him, her hands dipping into the soft mattress as he held her down. She looked up at him, the demon lord that she knew and felt her blood run cold.
"You shouldn't be around me. Go home." He repeated and she found it hard to breath. She was so frightened that even her tears refused to run. She couldn't find her voice but she could move her body. She shook her head, no.
No. She wasn't leaving. She wasn't going to leave him here alone while he was like this. No one should be alone when they were in pain. She knows what it's like and she didn't wish that on anyone, especially him. He growled in frustration and she felt his hands tighten around her wrist. She whimpered at the pain slightly and he looked at her.
She watched him change and her eyes widened. This was new and she stopped breathing. He didn't smirk like that face normally would have. His eyes were calculating, half lidded but darker somehow. It was like the demon lord was trying to be seductive. No, not seductive, there was nothing nice in that look. At least his normal Emperor face promised pleasure; this one only promised her pain.
She started to squirm under him, trying to escape, this was worse than Reino. With Reino, she knew he wanted to play with her, with this Ren, she didn't know what he wanted. Was this why Reino was so afraid of him? He leaned in and she closed her eyes. She couldn't move. She didn't stand a chance against him. Her heart was pounding and it hurt.
He licked her neck and she screamed in pain when he bit her ear. It didn't feel like he broke skin but her adrenaline was so high, she couldn't trust it. His teeth went down her neck as he combined her wrists in his right. She felt his hand move down her arm. She squirmed as his hand brushed over her breast. She felt her body heat up and she pushed against him as best as she could. His left hand gripped her breast painfully and she groaned.
His mouth was nibbling her skin and then he would lick and suck her skin roughly. It would have felt good if it wasn't for the pain in her wrist and breast and the fear that churned inside of her. He released her breast and shoved his hand up her skirt, his hand dipped into her panties, roughly cupping her ass.
"STOP! No!" She screamed out and he did stop. He pulled away from her like he was tired.
"Go home." He repeated as she hugged herself. She pulled her skirt back down and flexed her wrists, tears threatened to fall but she caught them before they did. She could feel her body shaking, humming from the attempted rape. She shifted her body to move off the bed then she looked at him.
He was broken. He wasn't looking at her, at anything but his own hands. She peered at his face and saw nothing. He was blank and lifeless. Yet as she looked into his eyes, there was fear, horror and hopelessness. Her heart had yet to calm down. What he did scared her beyond anything in this world yet somewhere inside of her she felt like she couldn't leave. If she left, there would be nothing left in this man.
She thought about her own safety, her own feelings. Everyone used her in her life. Her mother abused her physically and emotionally. Sho abused her just as her mother did and masked it with a fake love or caring. Then entered Ren, who was the kindest, gentlest person she had ever met and he almost rapes her.
But he stopped. He stopped when she said no. It was all a ploy, an act. But what if it wasn't? What if he tries again? He really wouldn't touch an unsexy girl like herself. It was just a scare tactic, right?
Kyoko picked up the bowl of broth and the spoon. She could feel his eyes on her, his eyes sending shivers down her spine. No doubt, he was expecting her to take the bowls and leave but instead she turned towards him and started to dip the spoon into the bowl. Ren snapped and swung his arm out, knocking into her hands and spilling the room temperature broth onto his bed.
"JUST LEAVE!" He pinned her down again and she shook her head.
"I'm staying." She whispered, hoping her voice didn't sound frightened.
He sneered and then kissed her. She shook as his mouth violently ravaged hers. His tongue dipped inside of hers and almost made her choke in surprise. She tried to breath past it and he moved back letting her breath. Her eyes widened as his kiss softened, his gripped softened but he didn't pull back.
She started to kiss him back. Her fingers wove between his. If this was what he wanted, then so be it. If this would help him then she could sacrifice this part of her. She couldn't love again so waiting for marriage was pointless and she could do worse than losing her virginity to Tsuruga Ren.
His hands caressed down her arms and he started to lie down on top of her. His touch was gentle now. She didn't understand why. She didn't know if he was truly like this or if he liked it the other way. This would be her first, if it was rough like the first or gentle like this, she didn't know. He pressed his body against hers and she could feel him hard against her thigh. She shuddered, her body not able to cope with what her mind was allowing this man to do to her.
She was shaking but allowing him to do anything he wanted. He pulled away from the kiss, pushed his body away from hers and looked at her. She was pale, almost white but her lips. Her lips were flush with blood, pouty and wet. Her hands were woven with his and her body didn't resist. She didn't resist.
"I will do it." He threatened. She simply nodded, her eyes still closed. He took her hand and made her cup his crotch.
"See, I want you. Don't think I'll stop if you scream." He watched her open her eyes, shinning with unshed tears and look up at him. She smiled as best she could and nodded.
"Take me. I won't stop you." She whispered in a shaky voice. He removed his hand from hers but she stayed cupping him. He rolled away, off of her with a heavy breath. He was defeated. He wouldn't, couldn't do that to her even if she did say yes, everything about her was screaming no.
Kyoko stayed lying down on the bed with her arms holding her chest together. The color returned to her skin and she could breathe without trouble. He didn't do it. She knew he couldn't do it. Even though her hand still remembered the evidence of his arousal, she knew he wouldn't force her.
Still shaky she picked up the dropped bowl and set it aside. She will clean the bed momentarily. She picked up the congee and the spoon and walked out. She returned three minutes later with a steaming bowl of congee. She found him hunched over sitting on the side of the bed, his elbows on his knees and his face in his hands. She sat beside him and he looked at her with that dead emotionless face.
She turned slightly towards him and filled up the spoon. She blew on it softly and held it up to him. She saw his lips press together slightly and then took the food into his mouth. She spoon fed him the entire bowl. If he made any type of reaction to it, she would have been embarrassed feeding him like this but he didn't. He didn't blush. He didn't frown or roll his eyes like he was too old to be feed like this. He took the spoon into his mouth, took the food and swallowed. His face never changed, he didn't even look at her. He just ate.
She was hoping that he would be okay now. That he would speak to her or start to recover after his efforts of getting rid of her. But instead he just gave up and started moping again. Well he ate. Maybe he will do other things. She took all the dishes and dropped them off in the sink to be taken care of later. When she returned, he was still there, his mind far off in the distance. She went into his bathroom and started to fill the tub with water and then she stopped.
What if…. She was staring into the water. What if he tried to…. Kyoko couldn't finish the thought. She looked over to the shower and thought that was a better option. She turned it on and got the temperature just right. She walked back into the bedroom and everything was still the same. She walked up to him and looked at his face. He was still in a daze. She took his hand and started to walk back.
He didn't fight her. He stood up and walked with her. She led him to the shower and let go of his hand. He stood there with his eyes on her but not looking at her. She walked around him and to his drawers. She took the first pair of clean underwear out and then went to his closet for the first pair of jeans and a shirt that she found. She walked back into the bathroom with his new clothes. He was still just standing there.
"Tsuruga-san, please undress and take a shower. I'll be right outside. See, look, I've got your clothes right here, so you can change." She placed them on the sink. She took a step back and he didn't lift a finger, a muscle didn't twitch.
"Ren, please." She pleaded with him and he blinked then lifted his arms. She quickly turned away as he stripped off his shirt, letting it land on the floor. His hands were unbuckling his pants when she closed the door. She collapsed on the floor by the door, her tears finally being let go. She pressed her hand to the door.
"What's wrong, Ren?" She whispered. Please don't leave me alone.
An hour later, Ren was still in the shower and Kyoko cleaned up. She took all the sheets on his bed and they were in the dryer now. She cleaned up the dishes that were left and then waited patiently in his room. He took long showers. They had only spent one night together so this was perhaps normal. He just liked the water.
Thirty more minutes later and the sheets were already clean and she made the bed. This wasn't right. If this was her home, the hot water would have surely been out by now. Even in the lavish apartment she rented for Sho, the hot water didn't last this long. She opened the bathroom door.
"Ren?" She peeked in, Déjà vu. She thought of the hotel room they shared just the other night. But instead of the flimsy shower curtain that prevented her from seeing his form, there was frosted glass that blurred his body and she didn't like what she saw.
She rushed over and found him sitting on the floor on the tile shivering. The hot water didn't last and the rush of cold water turned his skin to ice. She quickly turned off the water and reached over for the towel.
"Ren, stand up." She took his hand and pulled. She never thought that she would react like this at seeing a man naked for the first time. Especially since, this man was Tsuruga Ren, yet while she saw every little bit of him, all she could feel was fear. She was scared of what was happening, worried about what was going on inside of him to make him act this way.
She wrapped the towel around his hips and sat him down on the edge of the bath tub. She went and got another towel. She walked over to him and started to pat him dry. She gently dabbed the water off his face. She ran the towel over his shoulders and arms, over his torso and down his calves and feet. She hoped that the towel around his waist took care of the rest. He didn't move or say anything while she did this. It was like she wasn't even there.
She stepped into the tub and started to dry his hair. She took great care in doing this. His hair was always so soft and she enjoyed towel drying it, letting the soft thick strands of it fall from her fingers. Once it was dry, she took his comb and styled it. Of course, his hair fell the way it was suppose to so it didn't take much effort. He didn't make any sound or movement while she did his hair but she hoped that if she was enjoying it that he would too.
She dropped the towel in the basket with the yesterday's clothes and grabbed his new ones. She looked around his medicine cabinet and found his deodorant. She walked back to him and smiled softly at him.
"Please get dressed and then we can do something. We can watch TV or I can read you a book." She offered hoping to get something out of him. He placed his hand on the top of his clothes but his face didn't change. She left him alone and walked into the living room.
Ren was a minimalist. He actually had a lot of stuff but he never really used most of it. She wondered if it was mostly for show, as if he just rented the condo fully furnished. He did actually like movies though and he had a large collection hidden behind a panel door. She opened up the hidden shelves and looked through them. There was absolutely every type of movie and she was surprised to see some of the selections. She wanted something light hearted but nothing with drama. She really didn't know what to pick since she didn't know what the problem was.
Nothing with car accidents or fights, so that meant no action movies. She didn't want a drama because most dramas had some sort of sad thing and then a happy thing. She sighed. Nothing seemed appropriate. A comedy would be like she is trying to make fun of whatever he is going through and she herself couldn't watch a horror. Romance was...
She stopped watching romantic movies because she thought they portrayed a false hope, but a romantic movie was actually one of the best choices. It was light hearted. If she chose the right one, there would be no sad parts and gentle with the comedy. He had a lot of American movies in here. She never really had time to watch much but she did see one that she remembered. She tried to run her mind through it and she couldn't see any fault with it.
She set up the Blue Ray player up and got ready. She wasn't much of a snack person and she really didn't think he would eat anything if she made it so she just got him another glass of water and hoped he would drink it. She walked back into the bedroom and found him dressed sitting on the bed. She was relieved that she didn't have to dress him. The gods were with her on that one.
"We are all ready in the living room." She started to walk abut he didn't get up. Her smile wilted and she took his hand. It was still warm and still very nice to the touch. She was sure that she was going to be punished for taking so many liberties with him being just herself but it was better to ask for forgiveness than permission.
She led him to the living room and he sat down. Well he plopped down on the couch. She took the remote and sat a respectable distance away then started it up. The sound of a dial tone start and a little envelope with a heart comes whooshing by. Meg Ryan's voice starts up as Tom Hanks starts checks his email. You've Got Mail. She thought this was a sweet movie. She saw it years ago and deep down she was sort of happy to watch it again.
If only her mind could focus on the movie, she probably would have enjoyed it so much more. She kept looking over to him, watching to see if he watched or smiled or anything. He sat there, his right arm resting on the arm rest of his couch, the other lay limply next to his thigh, his palm slightly up. His chest rose up and down in even breaths, he blinked every now and again. She sat next to him with her ankles crossed in front of her, her hands in her lap and she sighed.
She looked down at his hand lying lifelessly between them. She scooted over a little towards him and picked up his hand. It was heavy, the type of heavy of dead weight. She pulled his hand over her lap and wrapped both of hers with his. It was a small comfort, something that she would have wished for in her time of need. If she had someone to help her through the times, to give her a warm embrace then maybe she wouldn't have lost her ability to love.
If Kanae was her friend before Sho, maybe she would have helped her recover and she would be able to love again. Maybe she would have been able to fall in love with a man like Ren, someone who was kind even at his most troubled of times, someone who even now, made her heart skip a beat.
The movie ended and she made dinner. She hand fed him again but she didn't mind. She really didn't know what he did on his free time so she just talked. She talked about anything she could. Her favorite things like color and foods. She told him about any random thought that came to mind. She stayed away from anything that reminded her of Sho, since she knew that he didn't like him much. She spoke about the future, her dreams for herself, for him. She wondered if he was surprise that she had dreams for him as well.
Who dreams for other people? For him to become a world renowned model and actor, one that everyone knew and would speak about. She spoke of all the awards he would get, the people he would meet and the places he could go.
"It would be so much fun going to places like Paris, France or Florence, Italy. Go and see Stonehenge in England and search for the Lochness Monster in Scotland." She giggled. She held his hand till it got late. She would caress it gently and sometimes move it around as she spoke but she always kept the contact. She yawned. The lack of sleep from the night before caught up to her. She looked at him. Would he be able to sleep?
"Are you tried?" She asked in vain. She knew he wouldn't answer but she still hoped. It was 10:30.
"Let's get ready for bed." She stood up and pulled on his arm gently. He followed her with less resistance than before. Her lips twitched with happiness and she led him to his bedroom. He sat down and she went to his drawers again. She had a hell of time searching for his sleepwear when he was sick. Everything was still the same and she found them right away this time. When she turned back he was already lying down on his side in the middle of his bed. She walked around and found that he was still awake and she sat down.
"Don't you want to get into something more comfortable? You'll get marks all over your skin if you sleep in your jeans." She waved his pajamas in front of him and her smile wilted slightly. She set the clothes down beside him and brushed the hair away from his face.
"Goodnight, Ren." She whispered and squeezed his hand gently. She stood up and felt his hand squeeze hers then let go just as quickly. She turned towards him suddenly but he closed his eyes and she dismissed it to her hopeful imagination.
She fell asleep after a little effort. She didn't sleep well, waking up at every sound and checking up on him. Around 2am, she found a half empty bottle of rum sitting on the floor. She frowned. When did this get here? It wasn't in the room before so he must have gotten up and grabbed it. The question was where did he get it from?
She closed the bottle and walked out. As she searched she thought about just throwing it down the drain but he wasn't an alcoholic. Yet, she added. He's never been drunk at work and he is very responsible so she shouldn't be so drastic as to dump the rest of the contents. Still, she didn't like him drinking so much. She knows a little can be very relaxing for some but he was drinking hard liquor and lots of it in a short amount of time.
She found the spot he kept it. There was actually a whole cabinet dedicated to just alcohol. It was on the top cabinet just over his countertop so she climbed up and set the bottle in. She looked through them; vodka, bourbon, gin, cognac, sake and then he had about three bottles of wines, a merlot, cabernet sauvignon and pinot noir. Most of the bottles were never opened. The only ones that were opened were the gin and now the rum.
Kyoko frowned. She knew he drank, he drank as Cain, but to have this much. She closed the door and hopped off. It was his life, he probably only drank a little, like a night cap and he liked variety. Never mind the fact that he only had two bottles open. She returned to the guest room and snuggled back into bed. She didn't feel like she did anything to help him today… yesterday.
She was able to get him to eat after a fairly traumatic episode. When he first started she was terrified and during her shower she found lingering evidence of the event. Her ear had little teeth marks and he did in fact break a little bit of the skin. One side of her neck had small darkening love marks and then the area around her right breast and her wrists were tender.
But the second time, the second time was extremely different. She knew she wasn't ready. The thought of it still frightened her but if she thought of the things he did. The way his kiss softened and then his hands moved down her arms. Her body shivered at the feel of his body on top of her. Thinking back on those, she would like to say that they felt good, that given the right time and a much slower pace, she would have enjoyed it.
While that was the right place, it was the wrong everything else. When he took her hand and forced her to touch him, her fear multiplied. She truly did think he was going to do it. He was hard. He was ready and she couldn't leave. She didn't know what kept her there but she was thankful he was bluffing. While she did tell her self that she was going to let him do this, she didn't really know if she could have handled it afterwards. Her mind couldn't comprehend how she would have felt. She's been used before, but never like that.
She shut her eyes and stopped her imagination. Nothing happened. He stopped and was never intending to do anything to her. He wanted her to leave and he tried to scare her. Well, he didn't try; he did scare her but after that everything got better. Well, no it didn't. He acknowledged that she existed which was better, but nothing else changed.
What makes him happy?
She stopped. That can't be it. Movies, he enjoys watching movies but that didn't work. He worked out but she didn't know if he did that because he enjoyed it or because he has to like Kanae. Perhaps she was too tried to think of this. She was ashamed to think that she didn't know the things her sempai liked to do.
She closed her eyes, determined to try and go back to sleep but her mind had different plans and continued to think. He didn't listen to music. He didn't cook. He was always working because it's what he loves to do. She turned roughly in her sheets and groaned. All he did was sleep and act! This man wasn't human. She opened her eyes and looked at the alarm clock. It was 3:30 am. Another lost night. She sat up and looked over to her overnight bag. The okami-san was kind to pack a bag for her and Yashiro brought it over along with her list of groceries. She crawled off the bed and took out Corn.
"Corn, help me. Help me help him. Please." She pressed the little stone between her hands. After a moment, she stopped and sighed. The stone is supposed to take away the carrier's sadness. She wanted to take away his sadness not hers. He didn't believe in it so it probably wouldn't work for him if she gave it to him. She sat on the bed and looked at the stone. She smiled softly at it as she thought of the boy who gave it to her.
"Wait!" She perked up and started thinking. She remembered something. She found him outside in Karuizawa. He was just standing outside early in the morning just there. She never asked him what he was doing out there. She was so worried about whether or not he was still upset that she forgot to ask. He was out there for a reason. Perhaps he likes the outdoors as much as she does.
It was worth a try. She was out of ideas and what would be the harm? If it didn't work, she could take him to a hotel and they could come back the next day. She smiled. She had a plan but getting him there would be interesting. She grinned, happy to be going back and hoping that it will help. She felt sleep pull at her, her mind finally satisfied with something else she could try that her body instantly fell asleep.