Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto or any intellectual property connected to it.
Naruto paused as he was about to go meet the rest of his team for their latest mission. He was really tired of being glared at by civilians, it seemed that no matter what he did they tried to make him feel unwanted and like he should leave.
Well fuck that, this was his home and no one was going to drive him out of it!
Making a quick handsign he created dozens of clones and sent them off. If these pricks thought they could get rid of Naruto Uzumaki they had another thing coming.
At every street corner Naruto paused and created more clones. By the time he reached the east gate there wasn't a corner of Konoha that didn't have a Naruto perched on a roof in plain sight, like a colorblind gargoyle carver had gone mad.
Sakura and Sasuke looked at the stone faced Naruto and then at the village covered with perching orange eyesores. They weren't sure what was going on, but neither was willing to risk finding out. Knowing Naruto it was either a legendary prank or something that would make your brain hurt to know, probably both.
Tazuna looked like he was going to say something, but a quick gesture from Sakura shut him up.
The team waited in silence while Naruto made batches of clones and sent them off for god knows what purpose.
Kakashi arrived a full hour ahead of schedule, meaning he was only half an hour late shivering. "Let's get out of here, this is creeping me out."
As the village vanished into the trees behind them, Naruto sighed and seemed to relax a bit, but continued to make clones every couple of minutes.
"So, Naruto..." Kakashi asked carefully. "Is something on your mind?"
"Just making a point Kakashi-Sensei," Naruto replied as his latest batch of clones turned into eye searing orange squirrels and scampered into the trees.
"And that would be?" he asked, as everyone listened closely for the answer.
"They can glare all they want, but nothing is driving me from my home!" Naruto growled.
"Well, maybe if you didn't..." Sakura began, only to be cut off sharply by Kakashi.
"Shut it Haruno, there is more going on than you know." The last thing he wanted was for Sakura to upset the already upset Naruto.
"I decided if they liked glaring so much, I'd give them a taste of their own medicine."
Kakashi nodded, glad it was something minor since shadow clones had a limited range. They would vanish shortly so he needn't worry about Naruto panicking the population.
Naruto sent another batch of squirrel clones off.
"If you keep that up, you're going to end up suffering from chakra exhaustion," Kakashi warned him.
Naruto snorted. "A glass of water and five minutes of rest and I'll be fine, you know that."
'I did?' Kakashi thought to himself, trying to ignore the horde of orange squirrels that were in the forest around them.
"I admit I'm feeling a bit creeped out," Kiba admitted to Shino, as they headed off to lunch under the watchful eyes of countless Narutos.
Shino took in the empty streets around them. "I don't think you're alone in that assessment."
Hinata walked silently behind the pair, smiling shyly at the many Naruto's and blushing heavily at the smiles she received in return.
"Considering he's been subjected to the glares of most of the population for no better reason than the fact that he exists," Sarutobi remarked dryly. "I find it hard to sympathize with any of you."
"But it's not just one glare, its countless ones from every direction!" a man exclaimed.
The Hokage simply raised an eyebrow.
"Oh," the man said, suddenly realizing that's exactly what Naruto had been dealing with, not just him alone glaring.
The old man grinned at the village council. "I afford him the same rights I afford all of you. I'm perfectly willing to make a law that Naruto Uzumaki is not allowed to glare at the civilian population; as long as you accept a law that states the civilian population cannot glare at Naruto Uzumaki."
The clone held out as long as he could before he gave in to the persistent puppy dog eyes sent his way by the Konohamaru Corps. "Fine! I'll play ninja with you."
Earlier that day...
Hanabi Hyuuga was a champion glarer. She could make nin up to chunin level uncomfortable on a good day, but now she apparently had a rival. Her eyes narrowed as she took in the Naruto perched on her roof.
Hiashi turned to the branch member who had been guarding her. "How long as this been going on?"
"Several hours Hiashi-sama. She climbed up onto the roof and started glaring right back at him."
"And the scoreboard?"
"Several more Uzumakis showed up and built it so they could keep track."
"And the audience?"
"The Uzumakis who have showed up seem torn between, 'Loyalty to the Orange' as they phrased it, and admiration for her skill. Hence the crowd on each side. In fact, she blew on a butterfly to keep it from landing on her nose, but that caused her to blink, costing her a point. However she gained a half dozen Uzumakis on her side for using the precise amount of force needed to deal with the distraction."
Hiashi nodded and decided he needed to go have some tea. "Carry on."
Team 7 crested a hill, only to find a pair of nin standing back to back in the center of the path, surrounded by an ungodly amount of orange squirrels who just stared at them unmoving.
"The Demon Brothers, chunin ranked missing nin from Mist," Kakashi announced. "Not much of a reward and Jounin are instructed not to go headhunting when with their genin teams, if at all possible."
A squirrel twice as big as the rest, with a lot of grey in its hair, and wearing an eyepatch, came out of the bushes and chittered with the surrounding squirrels, whereupon they cleared a path to allow the Demon Brothers to escape.
As the two nin ran off and the squirrels ran into the forest, Kakashi couldn't help but ask, "Ok I'll bite, why are you making so many clones and why squirrels?"
"The Old Man told me that if I got upset, releasing a lot of chakra would help calm me down and Iruka told me the more practice I get with my jutsu the better, so I'm following their advice."
"Carry on," Kakashi said, returning to his book and wondering why the Demon Brothers would be this close to Konoha.
"Umm, sir..." the Anbu officer ventured, carrying a three foot high stack of papers.
"What is it now?" the Hokage asked, eying the stack of paper warily.
"It's concerning genin Uzumaki and one of the statutes put into effect for nin, following the fall of the Uchiha clan."
"These are all charges against Naruto?"
"No sir, the statute concerns the reward for nin foiling civilian crimes. Genin Uzumaki is kinda omnipresent in Konoha at the moment and despite people's grumblings, he dislikes certain types of behavior."
"Are you saying Naruto has wiped out all the petty criminal activity in the village?"
"No sir, as he refuses to prosecute some types and doesn't know the law well enough to identify everything, but he's certainly taken out a large chunk of it."
"What type does he refuse to prosecute?"
"Anything to do with sex that doesn't have an assault charge involved. He says what people do in private is their own damn business and spying on them makes you a bigger pervert than they are."
The Hokage chuckled. "So how much of a reward has he earned?"
"Enough to buy a house and the day isn't over yet."
"Try not to tip the boat over, please," Kakashi requested as Naruto made half a dozen clones, not even needing to gesture anymore to create them.
The clones changed into ducks and paddled off.
Sakura exchanged glances with Sasuke and mouthed the word 'Ducks?' but didn't say anything.
"Gato's men have been known to patrol the area so try and keep your voices down," the boatman ordered.
"No one's around," Naruto said. "One of the ducks would have spotted them from above if they were."
"Naruto you moron, just because you can henge your clones into ducks doesn't mean they can fly. It's only a damn illusion," Sakura growled.
An orange duck swooped down from the sky and tried to land in the water, but ended up crashing and poofing away.
"Flying is easy, it's landing that's a bitch," Naruto replied to the shocked nin.
The nin stared at Naruto in shock.
"What?" Naruto asked. "I can't do illusionary clones to save my life and you thought I could do the same henge as you, a jutsu that uses even less chakra?"
"Most people would have worked on their chakra control, not have invented a new jutsu," Kakashi pointed out.
"Most people didn't have to deal with teachers who'd rather cut off an arm than actually help them learn anything," Naruto replied somewhat caustically.
"Iruka?" Kakashi asked.
"Did a great job but started out just like the others, and by the time he actually saw me for me there wasn't really enough time left to do anything," Naruto growled in frustration, "and let's face it, between not being able to sit still for very long and being self taught in practically everything he did a damn good job. Besides I have too much chakra for the Academy control exercises to do any good."
Kakashi winced as Naruto turned away angrily and started making more clones, he'd been Naruto's teacher for months and hadn't exactly addressed those issues yet as he'd concentrated on teaching them teamwork and procedures, he'd assumed they'd spend the morning practicing and training until he arrived – but if Naruto didn't have anything worthwhile to practice … Oops!
"Huh," Naruto said thoughtfully, "someone just tried to dine and dash at Ichiraku's."
"How would you know that?" Sakura asked, confused.
"Because one of my clones just popped," Naruto explained, "I didn't know I'd get their memories."
"It's written right on the scroll underneath the technique where it outlines the positives and negatives of the technique," Kakashi said.
"I had to teach myself to read," Naruto replied, turning away from the rest of his team, "I'm still working on it."
Kakashi felt like the biggest heel in the world at the moment. "When a clone pops the original and all the clones receive his memories, but I've never heard of anyone being able to maintain them at this distance though."
Naruto made a clone that immediately dismissed itself, a minute later he flinched. "Yeah, that works."
"Did you just dismiss all your clones?" Kakashi asked, concerned that the psychic shock from hundreds of clones would be too much for the boy.
"No, but about a hundred of them made and dismissed their own clones, so I'd know what was going on."
"So, whats going on?" Kakashi asked, curious despite himself.
"A lot of crime foiled, about 35 clones have been seduced by Hinata's younger sister Hanabi…" Naruto began.
"Isn't she about 8 years old?" Kakashi interrupted, idly preventing a shocked Sakura from attacking Naruto.
"Yeah, but she's real cute and has a strong will, so she's been challenging clones to games and win or lose she's shown what kind of person she is. So a group of clones are now obeying her," Naruto explained.
"So, by seduced you meant …" Kakashi said leadingly.
"Been so adorable and determined that they couldn't help but want to encourage her and have stopped following my commands to help her train."
"Ah, well to avoid confusion I'd avoid using the word seduced in reference to any young girls in the future."
"Why? Only a complete and utter pervert would think it was something dirty!" Naruto retorted, while Sasuke eyed Sakura and Kakashi warily.
Naruto's next batch of clones changed into tigers and clumsily swam ashore, showing none of the trademark grace tigers usually had which was a bit more surprising than how bright the orange was in their coats, much less the neon green they had in place of a normal tiger's black stripes.
"Why are they so clumsy?" Sasuke asked as they poled to the shore.
"I haven't practiced being a tiger enough yet," Naruto replied, "which is strange because I've got house cat down pat but tigers have a lot more muscle to move around."
"The key to the Gentle Fist is flexibility and accuracy," Hanabi lectured, "I must improve both if I want to advance."
There was a poofing noise and one of the clones told her, "I've put the word out, all the clones will be on the lookout for ways to improve flexibility and accuracy."
Hanabi beamed for a moment before recovering and forcing herself to keep a neutral mask on. "Thank you."
The mass of clones surrounding her, which had henged into eight year old boys and girls with straight blonde hair and pupil-less blue eyes with bright orange clothes styled to match hers, bowed. "You're welcome your highness."
"How do you change the mass of your clones to match your target animal?" Kakashi asked.
Naruto shrugged. "I don't know how I do it, but I know I have to keep it in mind or I wind up with squirrels who can't climb trees because they sink into wood like it's mud."
"Have you tried making denser clones to increase their strength and toughness?"
"Nah, it sounds like a good idea, but then the moment you step off into dirt you start sinking like it's quicksand, plus you slow down a lot."
"That would be a problem," Kakashi admitted.
"How would I go about increasing flexibility and accuracy?" Naruto asked, the forest around them filled with chattering orange squirrels and the occasional tiger.
"What brought this on?" Kakashi asked.
"Hanabi needs to increase her flexibility and accuracy so she can get advanced training in the Gentle Fist, the clones following her put out the word to find a solution."
"Hmmm," Kakashi murmured while thinking about it, the poof of Naruto making clones not even noticeable after so long listening to it. "The two people I can think of who have noticeable skills in that direction and could probably be convinced to help are Anko and Tenten."
"Tenten, the girl with buns in her hair that graduated last year, right?" Naruto asked thoughtfully.
"Right, she's one of Gai's genin, so I know a bit about her because Gai likes to brag about how 'youthful' his team is. Tenten scores 100 out of 100 regularly in accuracy with thrown weapons and genin are rather easy to convince or bribe for help training."
"Actually I believe Panda-chan owes me a favor, I helped her get rid of a genin who didn't want to take no for an answer," Naruto said thoughtfully. "Been a while since I saw her but she should remember."
"Good, now Anko is a Special Jounin; she was an apprentice of the Snake Sannin before he went rogue, she's gotten a lot of flak for that and as you could imagine she's more than a little jaded and distrustful. But when it comes to flexibility there aren't many who can match her; her two main weaknesses are sake and dango – you're going to have to bribe her and it's going to cost you."
"Not a problem!" Naruto declared with a smile as one of his newly created clones vanished while the rest changed into tigers and stumbled off.
"We have a lead, Hime!" a Naruto-Hyuuga clone declared. "Two trainers, one of which owes me a favor – should I see if she's available?"
"Make it so," Hanabi said, trying to sound like a confident ruler.
"Hai, my Hime!" Naruto said, transforming back into a standard Naruto clone and rushing off.
AN: Godogma typed it for me, despite being sick.