disclaimer: Kingdom Hearts not mine.
notes: I don't know if this is what you wanted, but I hope you love it.
postscript: I saw Paranormal Activity 2.
And this is my first shounen-ai...so yeah.
summer was painted on our skin
(and when the first leaves fell, there wasn't a trace of it left.)
"We've got something in common, Kairi. You and I both miss someone we care about."
Axel remembers when he first met Roxas all poisonous and dangerous and absolutely out of reach, just waiting to be corrupt. When Axel first meets Roxas, he strikes the air around him with a deadly silence and a will of survival. And Axel slithers around that will like a snake, and just waiting for the moment to infect his corruption— because Roxas was a beautiful beautiful boy, full of fool's innocence, he was a boy whose youth and beauty would have taken him far.
When the Superior introduces Roxas to him— Axel recalls the silence and the way he tried so hard not to show fear. His futile attempts were useless, because they were creatures who thrived on fear. The first week was the worst, not a word was said except for those few occasions, but even then, there was no sense of life in that voice.
But then everything changed, and then just like the summer he was gone.
"No one would miss me."
"That's not true. I would."
It was Xion who changed everything.
Xion who brought the kind of spirit that the old Roxas had, it was Xion who made Roxas seem gentler and warmer and made him seem like he actually had a heart. But he doesn't, and Axel thinks if it wasn't for Roxas and the Superior that he would kill the girl on the spot. But he thinks that if he attempts that there is something that will make him stop his bright, impulsive flames from dancing.
There are times he talks to Saïx— because once upon a time he and Saïx were friends and once upon a time he met a boy with bright bright eyes and blond hair and a smile that lit up the world— but that boy disappeared a long time ago with his heart and his past, because that boy belonged to someone else.
And Axel doesn't like to make the same mistake twice.
Sometimes to unleash his frustration, Axel likes to write letters and then he burns them. He watches with sick fascination as everything he once knew and loved; all his pent up emotion was just gone, turning into ash. There were times when Roxas did it with him, writing to the flashes of memories and laughing and Axel doesn't remember what words Roxas said, if he said any at all.
Because Roxas was the kind of guy who's calm, cool exterior snapped to show too pent up rage and frustration. It was an explosion whose flames never died of, and Axel loved every moment of it. So he enjoys teasing the kid; pushing him off the edge. Because once you are off the edge, you are never going to get up.
"Simply amazing Roxas."
Watching Roxas fight according to Axel was like seeing all those hidden emotions all those crackle and strike lightning. It was like striking a match, and once it was over it was refreshing as taking a smoke. And the boy's arrogance was as beautiful as the ashes of burnt roses.
Its horrid scent never really left Roxas, even after the days of the Organization, it made Axel think that no matter what life you are born in— your soul remains the same. So he wonders if he'll still have the sick, corrupt soul that just watches worlds burn. He wonders if Roxas will still have the untamable energy whose ballistic nature creates the anarchy that he just loves.
The first time Axel kisses Roxas— it feels like the entire world around them is on fire, and Roxas's touch is cold as ice and he whispers, "This doesn't mean a thing." While Axel pretends that doesn't hurt, and just grins, "I got it memorized, squirt."
And the moment fades faster then it started when Roxas tackled him— eyes brighter than he's ever seen them, reminding him of this boy he met a long long time ago and snarls incoherent words, before they kiss again.
Axel thinks that he doesn't mind this.
Whatever it is.
"Think I'll pass. My heart just wouldn't be in it, you know? Haven't got one."
Axel doesn't believe in love after all, he doesn't have a heart— but no matter how many times he repeats that statement, he thinks that he can't believe it.
So when Roxas offhandedly asked him about it, he laughed because the idea of love seemed so offhandedly outrageous to him that he just couldn't stop the laughter from rumbling from his chest. So he roared his laughter, "So you're in love with some girl, Roxas? Who's the unlucky girl?"
"It's not that I'm fucking in love with someone. I'm just curious."
The laughter ceased. "Roxas, everyone loves something. Take Demyx and his sitar, Luxord and his gambling, Xigbar and his habit of shooting little woodland creatures. We don't need to have a heart to love something; we need to have a heart to put your soul into something. Otherwise we are just shells with hobbies. Like right now."
"What about you, Axel? What do you love?"
"Many things, fire mostly. And you, Roxas?"
"Sea Salt Ice-cream."
"Sea salt makes you stay short."
Roxas scowled. "The god-dammed growth spurt hadn't arrived yet, so shut up you freaky pyro."
"Best friends can be inseparable even when they're apart."
When Axel came back from Castle Oblivion, Roxas was waiting for him, grinning with a sea salt ice cream extended out towards him—
It was like he never left.
"Welcome back, bastard."
"He was the only one I liked. He made me feel... like I had a heart."
Axel realized he loved him when he was about to go. Maybe it wasn't love, but he was sure it was something. Axel remembered how he looked, all frazzled and angry and upset and sometimes he wished that Roxas would look at him and remember he's there.
The day Roxas left the Organization was the day, he realized he loved him, but it seemed like everything they shared didn't exist anymore to Roxas. He seemed so empty, so harsh after witnessing all those corruptions; he's not the kid he remembers anymore.
And Axel wishes that he had the heart to grab his hand and make him stay.
"You really don't remember. It's me? You know, Axel?"
For a while there was nothing, but pain that never left the place that should be his heart.
Axel thinks this is what they call heartbreak.
" Let's meet again, in the next life."
"Yeah, I'll be waiting."
"Silly. Just because you have a next life."
When Axel died, he could see Roxas talking to him— as if there wasn't Sora anymore, there was just Roxas.
And then there was nothing, except for a few last words and heart filled smiles and maybe a few regrets.
"Looks like my summer vacation is over."