Hey :) This is my response to my lack of Eureka and Jo/Zane over the last few months. I love Jo and Zane and I miss them being together even though things are looking up after 'Ill be seeing you' but this is to calm my withdrawal! This is therefore set after 'Ill be seeing you' and has spoilers for all of season four so far. The story will have more smut later on. The story is Jo/Zane centric but will include everyone else and is Zoe friendly. The story is named after the poem 'I am Not Yours' by Sara Teasdale.
This is my first story so I have no idea if it's any good. As I'm just starting out as a writer I would love to hear what you think. I am also looking for a beta reader if any one is interested as I am rubbish at grammar and spotting spelling mistakes etc. If you're interested I will be eternally grateful for your help! :)
I don't own any of the characters as much as I wish I did. So I'll leave you to read and I really hope you enjoy the story.
Josefina Lupo didn't do stupid things. That had always been Jack Carter's job.
Of course that had been before they'd separated and their partnership dissolved due to time travelling and alternate realities, before Jo had ended up sat alone in her office in a expensive suit the people around her too sacred of her position and influence to even look her directly in the eye let alone start a bit of banter. Apart from professional visits the only person whom regularly frequented her office at GD was Fargo though Jo was weary of spending too much time with him as she couldn't help but see the slight sparkle of admiration and desire in his eyes when the two of them spent time together. Carter and Allison had each other, as did Henry and Grace. Fargo was the only one left to talk too without the element of fear at giving away some clue to their time travelling and she was lonely.
Anyway she had never been the stupid one even though she wasn't a super genius with more PHD's than one could shake a stick out sticking out from under her cap. Carter was always the one when faced with an ever growing amount of disasters who'd make a suggestion that they'd all roll their eyes at and ignore. She admired him more than anyone else, not that she'd ever tell him that, but that didn't stop him from being a prize idiot sometimes. But here she was, Jo Lupo, doing the most stupid thing she could do. Not only was what she'd done been stupid, it had also been dangerous as the last thing any of them wanted was for anyone, let alone a brilliant physicist, discovering the truth they were so ardently protecting.
Even though the DOD could be swooping down on them at any minuet and lock them all away for tests, she couldn't help but think about Zane and the kiss that she should never have let herself fall into. Stepping out of the shower while wrapping a white towel around her body she stared at her face in the mirror, dark circles underneath her eyes and wet hair resting on bare tan shoulders, and lifted a fingertip softly to her lips. If she were a more sentimental woman she could almost fancy being able to still feel his lips on hers. It had been so easy to let herself fall into his embrace and his kiss, her head was messed up enough from her hallucination of her Zane and all the things he'd been saying to her, and it was enough to be able to pretend that the jump to the past had never happened and she was still in her time, with her Zane.
But that was the most stupid thing she'd done so far, this Zane didn't love her he was just using her. Zane was brilliant and Jo knew he would guess that there was something going on, and by giving him back the ring she'd confirmed every single one of his suspicions. Jo Lupo had been his weak link in the chain, the chink to be used and exposed to allow him to get to the truth and any feelings he awoke in her was nothing more than collateral damage. He wasn't her Zane and she'd been amazingly stupid to ever begin to think that he could be. He didn't want anything from her but to be part of the loop, to know what was going on. He had Zoe now, and he didn't want anything from Jo or at least what she wanted from him. In his arms she'd felt safe and protected for the first time in months and if she was honest with herself all she wanted was to be back in them, even if that made her one of the women Jo would had been shot in the head for echoing similar sentiments in the past. But she had to accpet that her Zane was gone.
Jo Lupo had been an idiot and it had to stop. Now.
Jo moved into the living room after quickly pulling on a dark suit and white shirt and stumped her foot into one of the cardboard boxes that she'd dropped on the floor. She cursed though it hadn't really hurt just because she wanted to curse someone who wasn't Zane, herself or Zoe. When she'd been at school, before the accident, she'd been used to being in pain somewhere or other. You couldn't spend several hours a day dancing without aching. And last on at West Point her instructors had sometimes made them run miles until Jo had been physically sick. She knew pain however even as she'd done sit-up's till she'd broken down in tears it was nothing compared to loosing the man you loved and being forced to see him everyday completely oblivious of what they'd had.
"Good to see you're started unpacking" a voice startled her and she turned to see Allison moving into the rather unsorted mass of boxes that now made up her living room. Allison had helped her move the previous week and still had the spare key Jo had lent her and Carter.
"Well after spending a week catching radio-active carrier pigeons with Carter I haven't really had the time" she replied causing Allison to laugh. Jo didn't understand why the world needed radio-active carrier pigeons but apparently they did and it hadn't been long since the bright spark who'd created them had accidentally let them loose. Jo hadn't been able to stop herself considering the whole thing a massive waste of time, and added to yet more feelings of uselessness she'd been experiencing recently.
"Well I'm sure Dc James learnt his lesson Jo" Allison told her with a small smile as she moved boxes around to clear some space on the small cream sofa she had in her living room "Hows the new place working out for you?" Allison asked her.
Jo's house was still a bomb site but she knew she couldn't live in a house watching Zoe and Zane together so she'd asked Allison for her help in finding a new home. It was cramped and needed some work but it was also Zane free and therefore perfect and exactly what Jo was looking for. It also didn't berate her for staying up to late to watch trash TV and eat unhealthy food as she had taken to recently as SARAH did.
"Well, once I get round to unpacking and Henry paints over some of the worst damp patches, it'll be lovely" Jo replied looking around the house she would soon start to call home. Henry and Carter had both volunteered to help with her decorating and even Fargo had volunteered to add some touches to the house. Though she was still weary of letting Fargo into her personal space.
"Well I was just wondering whether you want to come round for food tonight? I promise I won't let Jack cook this time" Allison promised and Jo smiled though she started to shake her head while remembering the burnt offerings Jack had prepared at Jenna's christening a few weeks before
"I'd love too" she replied and Allison nodded, grabbing her coat and telling Jo that she'd leave her to finish getting ready in peace and see her at work. Jo waved her off and heading over to the bedroom to finish drying her hair before the damp patches on her shoulders got any worse. As she ran a brush through her long hair her eyes went to rest on the picture on the desk which she propped up against the lamp sat there.
Jo wasn't a sentimental person and she kept her photos, and her past, close to her heart. But she'd been feeling down and she couldn't help but pine for when she'd been nothing more than a school kid with aching legs and dreams of making it big in the world of ballet. Before the accident had changed everything, and changed her. The photo was old and well thumbed, creased in one corner while another was slightly torn. It was taken outside, snow covering the branches of the trees behind them. There were five of them sat on a low branch in a row.
Jo was fifteen and sat in the middle, her long hair was curly and loose around her shoulders with a white woollen hat shoved down across her forehead. On her left sat her two oldest brothers Toby and Will both in thick coats like her own, hats and gloves grinning brightly to the camera. Like Jo, and her other brother Alfie, they had dark hair, skin and eyes just like their mother. Alfie was sat on her right though separated from Jo by a smiling blonde girl who had an arm around Jo's shoulders. Blue eyed and petite Sara Richardson had been Jo's best friend since middle school and had shared her dreams of making it as a dancer. She was now Sara Lupo, being both Jo's best friend and sister-in-law after marrying Alfie, just a few tender years after this photo had been taken.
Her mother had taken the photo and it made a lump grow in her throat. Her past was painful but even so it soothed the pain Zane caused in her chest. Jo felt bad about lying to Carter about her mother but she hadn't wanted to go into it, she'd rather everyone thought she'd been rendered motherless at an early age. Eureka had a habit of eating away at all her time till years had gone by before she'd flown out to see her family.
Outside the wind was warm on her face and she wrapped her hands in the material of her pockets as she began walking into town towards the location of Cafe Diem. She waved back and returned the morning greetings of the people she passed on her way though she was more interested in getting her morning coffee before heading over to GD.
However fate it seemed had other ideas and it seemed before she'd even stepped completely through the door she was faced with Zane who seemingly both appeared out of nowhere and been waiting and watching for her arrival. Jo groaned and tried to side-step him but he wasn't having any of it and quickly blocked her feeble attempt at an escape.
His eyes were serious as he turned to look at her "Jo, we need to talk"
How the hell had he ended up here?
Zane was sat alone on the bed on the apartment that Fargo had arranged for him all those years ago he'd first moved to Eureka and Carter had finally escorted him to when he'd proven he could be trusted. He hadn't bothered moving or changing the lay-out particularly, he didn't need much and until he needed more space there was no point moving. Especially as when he'd first arrived he'd spent more time in the Eureka jail cell as Jo Lupo did everything in her power to pin something on him and get him out of her town. She hadn't trusted him and the more he'd tried to charm her, the more she'd hated him and mistrusted him. He'd always thought that the day he was escorted out of town in handcuffs would be the first day she finally rested in her pursuit of bringing him to justice, she'd made no secret of the fact that she felt he'd escaped justice when Fargo had brought him to Eureka.
Zoe's coat was still draped over the back of the office chair set up by the make-shift desk in the corner. He'd have to give it back at some point but he wasn't looking forward to it, Zoe didn't take well to being wronged or not getting what she wanted. But there was no way he'd been able to give her what she'd wanted from him, not last night and probably not ever. But Zoe wasn't the type that he could see giving up that easily even if she took a while to stop being annoyed at him for last night.
"Come on, lets go and get some food" she told him happily the night before, grabbing her coat from the back of her dining room chairs and tugging him to his feet. Zoe had all but invited herself round again though he hadn't objected particularly. He knew Carter didn't like it but what could he do, Zoe was 19 now and if she wanted to go on a date there was no way she would let her father stop her.
Inside Cafe Diem the atmosphere was hot and buzzing and it seemed like half the town had appeared that night. Vincent had led them to their usual table and he quickly scanned the room for Jo but she was absent as usual. The last time he'd seen her she been clutching a large net looking like she wanted to do something painful to the scared looking scientist stood in front of her with it as Carter struggled next to her with a large cage full of birds. He'd laughed and she'd caught his eye. Her expression was cold. He hadn't spoken to her in just over a week and she seemed now a master at avoiding being alone, and most of the time any social situation, with him.
"Allison asked me to invite you to her dinner party tomorrow. Some boring grown up thing. I won't be there" Zoe told him and Zane dragged his eyes back to her. She looked pretty as usual but he couldn't fix his attention completely on her for some reason. Zoe was rather young and he'd never had any attention of turning the thing they had into anything serious. But even so she made him laugh and he enjoyed spending time with her, otherwise he wouldn't have carried on with this even if it had been at first just to annoy Carter, another arm of the law who felt he'd undeservedly escaped justice.
"Tell her I'll be there" he told her but he could tell that she was upset as she obviously thought he wouldn't go without her. He knew that Jo would be most likely there and at that thought he felt guilt settle in his stomach. He reached out to take her hand and smiled at her "But you can come over on Saturday and watch some movies if you want?" he asked her and a smile broke out on her face.
"I'll bring popcorn" she told him happily and quickly turned around as Vincent appeared to take their orders "How's work?" she asked him and he briefly explained the new missile defence system he was working on. Zane always had a good time with Zoe but for the rest of the evening he found that he couldn't relax completely with her as usual. He was on edge and was glad when Zoe finally decided that she wanted to go home.
"Want me to walk you?" he asked her helping her put her coat on as they stepped out of the door but she shook her head turning around and kissing him lightly on the cheek.
"I was thinking we could maybe watch a film now?" she asked him and Zane found that he couldn't say no perhaps because of her bright blue eyes or the eager expression on her face that he couldn't quite ignore. So he nodded and she slipped her arm through his as he walked her back towards his apartment.
Inside he took her coat from her and threw it over the back of one of the dining room chairs and gestured to the living room "Do you want to choose a movie?" he asked and she shook her head perching on the side of the table and studying his face.
"No Zane, I wanted to talk to you. You've been distracted all night and to be honest most of this week. You know you can tell me what's going on you know? That's what I'm here for" she told him with a understanding smile and he bit back the urge to laugh.
What would Zoe do if he told her that the reason he was so distracted was Jo Lupo. That for some reason he couldn't fathom she'd had his Grandmother's ring and that since he'd kissed her she was all he could think about. The feel of her lips, the taste of her mouth and the way she slotted into his arms like she'd always belonged there. What would Zoe do if he told her about the dreams that haunted his sleeping moments, not even sleep could prove an escape from Jo. Ever since that kiss he couldn't get her out of his mind and the lie she told him that they were nothing. She was lying and he wanted more than anything to know why and the truth.
But he couldn't tell Zoe that. He couldn't hurt her, she was too good of a kid "Look Zoe works just been a bit crazy, I'm really sorry for being distracted" he told her with a smile but he knew from her expression that she knew he wasn't exactly telling the truth.
"Zane how are we supposed to be together if you won't tell me the truth?" she asked him and he felt the colour drain from his face. He should have known that Zoe was far more interested in this than him. It was written over every smile, every look but he'd been so wrapped up in Jo Lupo recently that he hadn't noticed.
"Look Zoe, I'm just stressed with work and everything, can we just watch a movie and relax?" he asked her eager to get away from any subject matter that strayed onto the territory of Jo. The last thing that he wanted was for Carter to grind his face into the dirt for hurting his little girl. And as much as he was torn up about his kiss with Jo the last thing he wanted to do was hurt Zoe whom he cared about.
"Maybe I have a better idea" she told him with a wicked smile and before he could move she'd stepped onto her tip toes and kissed him square on the lips. Zane couldn't think to react for a moment but perhaps from force of habit, he'd been with a lot of girls after all another trait that Jo had hated him for, he wrapped an arm around her and kissed her back. Only it wasn't right, didn't feel right. Zoe was kissing him but all he could do was compare it to his kiss with Jo. Zoe even felt awkward in his arms, she was tiny, not all like the previous week in the Sheriff's office.
He gently pulled away from her and he could see confusion on her face "Come on Zoe I'll take you home, I don't want you're dad finding an excuse to kill me for keeping you out too late" he told her and she frowned at him.
"I'm sorry Zane, did I move too fast?" she asked him and the concern in her voice and the worried tremble of her lip made the ball of guilt in his chest tightened exponentially. He took her into his arms and kissed the top of her head, feeling her hands clutch at his arms and her cheek press against his chest. He hated that he'd upset her and he wanted to make it better.
"Zoe, you haven't done anything wrong. I just don't want to rush things. Come on, I'll take you home" he explained to her and she nodded pulling away from him and looking him square in the face.
"Zane, I really like you. I just want to spend time with you. I don't know why but it's almost like you're pushing me away. Please stop it, I just want you to trust me and let me in. I want to be your girlfriend Zane" she told him and he'd had no idea what to say so merely grabbed his own coat and opened the door for her. He should have told her, told her that he couldn't have a relationship with anyone because he'd just hurt them. Especially with someone he cared about like he cared about Zoe. And that he couldn't have a relationship with anyone until he got Jo and that kiss out of his mind and got to the bottom of things so he and Jo could hate each other again, and he could relax with Zoe and everything could go back to normal.
After he'd dropped Zoe off and got back home Zane had gone to sit on his bed and hadn't moved since. Why hadn't he been able to kiss Zoe or even talk to her? She was lovely and he cared about her, and more importantly she cared about him. Yes she was young but she was nineteen now, the people of Eureka couldn't see past the fifteen year old who driven into their town in the back of a police car and to the young woman she'd become. He just didn't know why he couldn't get Jo out of his head. Sure Jo was hot but she'd been a bitch to him from day one, he spent a year trying to get her to go out with him and the only way to get over that level of rejection was to return the distaste she had for him.
But things had changed between them, that kiss was seared into his mind, and he had to get some answers. And Jo Lupo was the only one who could give him the answers that he was seeking. And even on fear of death by Carter, he grabbed his own jacket, sprayed on some aftershave and went in search of the woman who could explain why he was loosing his mind.
"Look Zane now isn't really a good time" she told him but he grabbed her arm and pulled her closer to him. So close that she could smell the aftershave, the same smell she used to love waking up to and finding on her pillows on nights he'd had to work late. Now the smell made her stomach turn.
"No, Jo. We have to talk. You've been avoiding me for a week now and you can't keep this up forever. I won't let you" he told her and all but pulled her over to the side and away from the door, blocking any chances of escape with her broad frame. Jo schooled her expression into one of indifference eager not to let her guard down around him any more. It was too dangerous as much as being this close to him just made her want to collapse and bury her head in his chest.
"What exactly do you want from me?" she asked him with a slight raise of her eyebrow looking around for someone to save her from her current predicament. But not even Carter was there to save her. He sent her a bemused look and raise his eyebrows back at her.
"I think that would be obvious. I want to know why you had my grandmother's ring" he asked her and she looked away from him scared that her eyes would give away the truth. He gently turned her face to meet his but though his expression was curious and frustrated it was also soft and confused.
"Look Zane, there is nothing between us. You have the ring back, can we just leave it?" she asked him and she hated the fact that she sounded so desperate. She was supposed to tough as nails Jo Lupo yet she was reduced to a quivering mess by this man, it wasn't fair.
"I just happened to ring up my grandmother and know for a fact that you haven't given me this ring back, she never gave it me in the first place, and you can't kiss someone like that and expect them to go away" he told her and she inwardly groaned. He knew, and even if he didn't know yet he would do soon. He was too smart not to figure out what had happened.
"You kissed me I think you'll find and I've told you once, there is nothing between us. There never will be and never was. So just leave it Zane" she bit back and tried to get away from him again but he was quick fast holding her in place. Though to everyone else it looked as if they were just talking she knew he was blocking her into a corner with his mass.
"I just don't understand. I asked you out, you wanted nothing to do with me. Then over night you went from staring at me with hatred to looking at me with this sadness I can't describe. And then you started saying these things and gave me back my grandmother's ring. Jo, I'm confused as hell and I'm not letting you go till you explain to me what the hell is going on" he told her firmly and she had no idea how she was going to get herself out of this one. Her Zane had always known when she'd been trying to brush him off and he'd never let her. Why would this Zane be any different?
"Regardless of whatever went on in the past I just want you to leave me alone. You have a girlfriend and I doubt that she'd been very happy that you were accosting another woman like this" she told him coolly and he finally backed off a bit from her and she could see she picked at a sore spot. Jo couldn't help but wonder what had happened between Zoe and Zane but it wasn't her place to ask.
"Jo, I'm not letting this go. I spent a year trying to win you over and you acted like I was a smear of crap on your shoes. You can't blame me for not exactly liking you when you hated me, but you're different. This thing between us, whatever it is, is different. I'm not just going to ignore what's happening, I'm getting to the bottom of it whether or not you're help me. And first of you can tell me how the hell you have my grandmother's ring" he told her and she felt her stomach tighten knowing that she'd have to tell the others that Zane was going after their secret.
The door opened and he looked over to see who had entered. Jo took the opportunity to slip away and make for the door her head bowed to the ground. She wanted nothing more than to get to her house, get her car and escape to the relative safety of GD and Fargo and his puppy-dog admiration. She felt a hand wrap around her arm and spin her around just as she reached the haven of her front door.
"Jo can you please stop running away from me" Zane looked unamused as he stared directly into his eyes. The two of them were almost nose to nose and Jo knew she couldn't keep up her façade of indifference when they were like this "I just want you to tell me what's going on" he asked her and his eyes and voice were both soft and sad and that was just about enough to make Jo shatter.
"Please just go" she all but begged but her voice lacked conviction and quickly faded away. His eyes bore into hers and she knew what was going to happen. He would kiss her and she would kiss him back because she missed him so much it physically hurt. He bent his head towards her and she closed her eyes expectantly but then she opened them with a snap. She couldn't do this, it would only hurt more like rubbing salt into an open wound. Letting him kiss her wouldn't make him her Zane, it would just make her want a man she couldn't have more.
She shoved her hands on his chest and pushed him away forcefully. He looked at her with an expression akin to as if she'd tasered him in the balls and she felt her chest constrict.
"Jo..." he started and she shoved him backwards a little more firmly knowing that the last thing she wanted him to see was for her crying for another version of himself.
She gathered her composure and fixed him with a deathly stare hoping she looked stronger than she felt not so much as if she were made of rapidly crumbling sand "Zane if you don't go I will taser you in the crotch" she told him calmly even though she felt anything but calm. She needed to be away from him before she broke and told him everything.
"I'll be going then 'cause I know hwo much you like that damn thing but this isn't the end of this Jo, I want answers and I will get them" he told and she see the determination settle in his eyes. She'd had to get to Allison's early and tell them what was happening. But if she did that she'd have to tell them about the ring, and the kiss, and she wasn't sure if she could do that.
As he turned his back on her she quickly stepped into her house and locked the door nor caring that she'd be late. She sank to the floor and wrapped her hands around her knees. Just because she loved Zane Donovan once upon a time he still didn't get to see her collapse to the floor and cry.