Story title:Fill Up My Senses
Pen name:itsjustme1217 (Robmusement)
Summary:Jasper searches all over the United States for the other half of his heart. Has Edward been searching for him as well? AU E/J Slash Inspired by the John Denver song.
Disclaimer:I own one Team Robert Pattinson shirt and 15 Robert Pattinson posters but I do not own Twilight or any of the characters. Nor do I own John Denver or any rights to his music.
I was raised in the epitome of luxury in the deep south- surrounded by family who were always having parties and feeding me rich, decadent foods. Our home was always filled with love and friendship. I wanted for nothing...and yet something was missing. There was a void in my soul that left me feeling incomplete.
I sat on the edge of the lawn and watched the backyard barbecue that was in full swing, under the willow tree, after fulfilling my obligations of complimenting all of the ladies on the food, playing horseshoes with the old men and dancing with some of the kids. I watched in solitude as they all laughed and played together, enjoying each other's company.
I am twenty years old and I have no idea who I am or what I want. I find myself searching the eyes of everyone I meet looking for the other half of myself. I know I am looking for something to complete me but I have no idea what that could possibly be. Love? Would I even recognize it when I found it? I didn't even really understand what love is ...or what love does ... or even what love looks like.
I wondered if there was something wrong, something that makes me feel so utterly alone amongst all of these family and friends. It was not that I hated it here. Quite the opposite, I loved my home. I am very close with my family, especially my grandmother. I have a couple of really close friends. I don't mind the work in the gardens or plowing the fields. However when I look around, I don't feel like I belong. This place, these people, they don't feel like mine.
I want something of my own. Something I don't have to inherit. Something I don't have to share with my siblings or cousins. These people love me because they are related to me. We share the same blood and that forges a lovely bond but I want something that defies all reason and expectation. Something beautiful.
I stood from my place on the grass and made my way back to the house. It was three o'clock. Like every day at this time, I made my way to the top of the staircase and knocked lightly on the second door before pushing it wide open.
I enjoyed spending time with my grandmother. She had moved from her small cottage on the opposite side of the property and in with us after the holidays when her illness began to affect her mind and her ability to move about. She was open, honest, and insightful. I made a point of spending time with her every day.
Some afternoons she simply slept while I sat by her bed and gazed out the window, daydreaming. Some days she was alert but did not recognize me. These days were painful for us both but she always allowed me to sit with her as she told stories of the good old days.
This was not going to be one of those silent or painful days. Today she sat propped in her bed, huge fluffy pillows behind her.
"I've been waiting a long time for you, Jasper Whitlock," she drawled.
"I'm sorry, ma'am," I said, smiling as I bowed deeply before her.
"Come sit by me Jasper, I want to tell you a story. Impart some sort of wisdom on your poor addled mind." She patted the bed next to her, as I made my way across the room.
"Ma'am?" I questioned, hoping she would explain herself and not just speak in riddles as she does sometimes.
"I see the way you keep your thoughts deep inside, locking yourself away. I see the way you watch people. Always searching. I know what you are searching for Jasper." she said, her eyes boring into mine.
I sat on the edge of the bed and studied her. Is it possible for her to know what is wrong with me and be able to help me? I could see that her mind was clear and so I took the chance, "Please," I said with a wave of my hand, "enlighten me"
She held my gaze a moment longer before folding her hands in her lap and turning to look out the window.
"I raised nine children on Texas land Jasper. I watched them grow and I let them go. Each one of them finding the other half of themselves. Some had to move away to find their place in this world and the mate to their hearts. It hurt deeply each time but I knew they had to do what was best for them. Seeing them happy made me happy" Grandmother inhaled deeply and turned back to me, sliding her hand over mine.
"Everyone has to find their own way. Explore. Make mistakes. You only get one chance at this life Jasper. You have to stand on your own two feet and make your own decisions even if it takes you away from home. You are the only one who can make your memories. You are the only one who can determine what life, love, and happiness is for you. Never doubt that you will be the only one who pays for your mistakes," she patted my hand and smiled gently at me.
"We only have one true love and love is what makes life worth living." she spoke softly as she squeezed my hand. "Love allows you to see the blue in the sky, the green in the grass, and the multicolored flowers. Love allows you to hear the wind in the trees where the birds sing. Love allows you to feel the rain upon your body and the sunshine on your face. Love allows you to smell the roses in the garden and a fresh cut lawn. Love allows you to taste the tartness of the apples in the orchard and the sweet nectar of the honeysuckle." Grandmother stopped, catching her breath from her long lecture.
She searched my eyes as she panted. Finally, just as I was becoming uncomfortable under her scrutiny, she spoke, "I want you to think real hard about what I am telling you boy. Do you understand?" I nodded that I did indeed, understand.
If I was to have happiness, I had to go out into the world and find it. Make it my own. Somewhere out there is a person with a hole. That hole will my fill my void.
"True love fills all your senses with beauty. Remember that Jasper Whitlock."
I felt my resolve solidify and I raised my eyes to meet her own. "I understand Grandmother. Thank you kindly." I held her hand in my own, still, as I rose from the bed. I brushed my lips across her knuckles twice and then turned toward the door.
Just before I reached the door, she called, "Good cause I don't wanna see your skinny ass back in my room with all your brooding".
"Yes ma'am," I chuckled as I closed the door behind me.
I did not want to waste any time. I walked briskly to my room and packed all of the clothes that would fit in a duffel bag and then headed out back to say goodbye to my family and friends.
I was going to find the person whose heart completed my own and fill my senses with beauty.
I went to Florida and walked barefoot on the beach. I felt the sand between my toes and listened to the waves lapping on the shore. I saw the sunset in an array of red and gold. The smell of the salty water stung in my nose as I ate fresh oysters in the sand. I searched every cove.
I traveled to Tennessee and hiked in the mountains. I listened to the animals scurry in the foliage and the birds swooping through the air. I felt the cool air nip at my nose even as I sat by a roaring campfire. I inhaled deeply of the fresh spring air. I eagerly ate bittersweet blackberries and acorns from the trail as I watched the clouds disperse from the sky, leaving only clear blue as far as the eye could see. I searched every canyon.
I went to West Virginia and camped in the forest. I found a meadow filled with the wildflowers of summer. I visited a farm, not unlike the one on which I was raised, where I picked and ate ripe peaches from the trees in an orchard, feeling the sweet juice spilling over my lips and dribbling down my chin, listening to the bees buzzing in the breeze. I searched every hollow.
I fished in Maine and enjoyed the taste of trout I caught myself. I gazed upon the lighthouses on shore beaming their guiding light through the darkness. I listened attentively as guides explained legends and tales. The scent of autumn was thick in the air and I felt the chill throughout my body. I looked through every field.
I saw the bright lights of the city in New York. The enticing smell of food surrounded me on every corner. I listened to the bells ring on New Year's night and felt the snow peppering my hair and wool coat. I tilted my face to the sky and opened my mouth slightly to taste the coldness on my tongue. I searched every alley.
I explored Michigan. I felt the tears sting my cheeks and tasted them as they rolled in cascades down the slope of my nose while I stood alone on Valentine's Day by Lake Huron. The smell of despair rolled off of me in waves. I could see nothing but my own loneliness and hear nothing but the stuttering beat of my own broken heart. Still, I searched every reservoir.
I journeyed to Las Vegas where I felt money slip through my fingers while the smell and taste of ludicrous amounts of alcohol burned heavily in my mouth and stomach. I listened to the cheers of those fortunate few who won riches and the jeers of the many losers. I sympathized with the latter, as I too, was a loser. It never occurred to me to stop trying though and I searched every resort.
In Washington I toured the historical sites and explored along the small country roads. I heard the rain on the roof of the car I was driving, the spring breeze drifting the droplets through the open window. I saw the large green sign on the side of the road reading, "Welcome to Forks" and I felt immeasurable hope as I took the turn.
I climbed to the top of the cliffs and could smell love in the spring air. I listened as the wind made promises of eternity. There was a palpable taste of anticipation as I ran back to the car and drove toward town. I searched every bookstore.
And that is where I found him. He was everything and I had been searching for so long, his hair the color of the sunset in Florida, his skin resembling the pale white of the oysters. He moved like the animals in Tennessee. Most like the mountain lion I had come upon one day during my travels, long and lithe, his every step was calculated and confident.
Like the cliffs in this very blessed state of Washington, his jaw and cheekbones were sharp and angular. His emerald eyes sparkled like the bright lights of New York City and I felt that, like the clear sky in Tennessee, I could easily become lost in their vast openness. He was like a lighthouse beckoning me home from hardship and solitude.
I smiled realizing that I would enjoy catching him for myself much more than the trout in Maine. I gasped sharply and clutched at my chest knowing there need never be another lonely Valentine's Day full of tears. I would buy him the best chocolates and, maybe someday, a ring for his long slender finger.
I felt the hair on the nape of my neck rise as I gazed upon him, as if the cool nip of the mountain air had puckered her lips and blown her sweet breath over me. His expression was tender and sweet like the peaches from the orchard in West Virginia. I felt my pants tighten at the thought of his juices spilling over my lips.
I knew right away he was the only one who could complete me. We could make each other happy for all of our days. He could fill my life and senses with beauty. I had to make him my own. All Mine.
I asked him to dinner. A date. He looked stunning in a blue suit with a grey skinny tie. The sight of him walking toward me expended my lungs of air. I could not remove my eyes from his lest he blink his long golden lashes and I miss thanking God for the pleasure of the delightful vision. I was terrified he would disappear. Was this all a dream? He is definitely too good to be true.
I brought him a yellow sunflower. Just as I had hoped his wide -as- the -Great -Lakes -but -more -radiant smile was bright and filled my soul with the warmth of sunshine. We dined at the La Bella Italiana. He arched one eyebrow in surprise when we both ordered mushroom ravioli. After dinner, I held his soft hand in my own, feeling his warmth thaw my blood as it ran freely and quickly as if were singing just for him.
His name is Edward and I am unconditionally and irrevocably in love with him. I took him to the movies, hoping he would let me hold his hand again. He did. I bought him popcorn but as I sat in the darkened theater all I could smell was him next to me. The clean, fresh scent of soap, shaving cream, and mint was inhaled through my nose and ran through my system enticingly slow, weaving through my own veins, bonding him to me and me to him.
I invited him for breakfast at the diner. We sipped coffee and asked each other silly questions. Edward's favorite color is blue, he enjoys reading history novels, and he dabbles in the stock market. He told me his skills as a doctor are very much in demand and I have no doubt because he has healed my broken self and my floundering heart with his simple presence. I listened, as he spoke, to the soothing lilt in his voice; words dripped from his tongue like warmed caramel.
I detected a slight old world accent in his dialogue and when I inquired he told me had traveled the world searching. As I roamed Tennessee and Florida, Edward had journeyed to London. As I lay under the stars in Maine and Michigan, Edward had looked upon the sky in Paris. His silken voice caressed my ears as he spoke of broken roads that lead to heaven. I believed him. After all was I not sitting beside him now?
I walked him to his doorstep in turmoil. My mind conflicted with the agony of departure and the torture of him becoming exhausted or sick from too little rest because of my selfishness. Sensing my inner struggle, Edward turned to me before placing the key in the slot. My heart beat frantically as he placed his hands on my shoulders and leaned his pouty pink lips toward my own. A quick soft peck on my bottom lip was enough to inflame my body. Every molecule was standing at attention, ready to salute. Every nerve ending wept with joy and cried out, "him".
I wanted him to camp out under the stars with me. I wished to be alone with him and see if he felt as I. I intended to whisper sweet words of love and reveal promises of forever. I led him down an overgrown path to a clearing in the forest by the river. We kicked our boots off and dipped our feet in the cool water. We listened to the sound of birds chirping around our heads, singing our own romantic melody.
I fed Edward grapes and watched how his lips puckered and glistened with the juices. I watched while his Adams apple danced up and down as he swallowed. As the sun rose overhead, we were shaded by the surrounding trees. I lie back in the grass and Edward did the same, placing his head on my chest and his palm over my heart. We napped peacefully together throughout the afternoon.
Edward had brought his guitar and while I gathered wood and built a small fire, he sat on a fallen tree singing:
You fill up my senses
like a night in the forest
like the mountains in springtime,
like a walk in the rain
like a storm in the desert,
like a sleepy blue ocean
you fill up my senses,
come fill me again.
Come let me love you,
let me give my life to you
let me drown in your laughter,
let me die in your arms
let me lay down beside you,
let me always be with you
come let me love you,
come love me again.
I was struck immobile, my arms heavy with twigs and logs, watching the intense passion and sincerity in his expression. The rich tenor of his vocals; rough but sweet with a slight twang his melodious voice, surrounded me and I felt the hole in my heart healing. The words of the song he chose did not escape the notice of my romantically superstitious mind. The dialogue rolled off his tongue and flowed swift and sure like the river. I had to remind myself to breathe as the hold he had on me impossibly tightened further, like invisible strings connecting the two of us, binding us forever. I can no longer exist without him.
As the full force of my emotion for him clenched my heart, I bit my lip to control the sob that threatened to force it's way out and hurriedly made the fire. Spreading a thick green sleeping bag I had chosen for the simple reason that it was the same color as his sparkling jade eyes, I beckoned him to me with a crook of my finger. Without hesitation, he laid his guitar back in the case and was by my side. Edward cuddled into my side with a dreamy sigh.
I marveled at how perfect he felt in my arms, on my mind, and in my heart. I wanted to pay homage to this divine creature. I felt his hand fist in my shirt and, knowing he was awake, I slowly rolled him to his back. When he was carefully stretched out before me and I was sure of his comfort, I sat up on my knees to allow my eyes their reward.
I pulled his feet into my lap and rubbed over the tops of the smooth skin there. His toes wiggled and I raised my eyes to see him smile up at me from under his thick lashes. I lifted first one foot and then the other placing soft kisses on the bubbled pad on the bottom of each toe. As I finished, I placed one last kiss on the arch of each and then placed his legs on either side of me. His lids grew heavy but he continued to watch me.
For him, I wanted to be good. Trustworthy, honorable, and fair minded. I wanted to be the best man I can be; he deserves no less. I wanted to be his everything as he was mine. I wanted to prove to him through actions over time that he pleases me by only breathing.
I wanted to be someone he could count on. Someone he could look over his shoulder and always find has his back. I wanted to take care of him. I want to make slow sweet love with him through the nights of our life together, submerged in his whimpers and moans. I want to bring him breakfast and spend Sundays in bed with soft caresses and erotically charged words.
I slid my hands, over his jeans, from his ankles to his muscular thighs, feeling how soft he was in some places and hard in others. Then I braced myself, placing my hands flat on either side of his hips as I lowered myself to hover over him.
"Edward" I whispered, "You are entirely too desirable for your own good," I told him as I blew a stream of air over his ear.
He flashed his gleaming smile, dazing me momentarily.
"You really shouldn't do that," I chastised when the fog of lust clouding my brain dissipated minutely. "It's hardly fair"
"Do what?" he asked. His eyebrows forming a "V" and the vein in his forehead protruding slightly in concentration.
He continued to stare at me in confusion and I rolled my eyes skyward.
"You have to know the effect you have on me. You haven't noticed?"
"I dazzle you?" he asked, seeming unsure.
"All the time," I responded with sincerity.
"Show me," he challenged, smirking sexily, and then biting down on his lip.
My heart thundered against my ribs as a low growl ripped from my chest. "You really shouldn't have said that."
He tilted his face toward me provocatively and I inched forward taking his full bottom lip from between his teeth and sucking it into my own mouth. I nibbled lightly, savoring his sweet flavor. I flicked my tongue out and brushed his lip with the tip. One, two, three swipes and then his mouth parted for me.
He made a small keening noise from deep in his throat. I heard his breathing escalate. His voice enveloped me, filling my ears and the riverside with murmured, "I love yous". I kissed a trail down his neck and across his throat and the sounds changed to pants of, "I want you".
I felt his hands on the back of my neck, tangling in my hair and pulling me closer. I felt his heartbeat, which matched my own, as I lowered my weight to accommodate. Anything for him. His wish is my command. His desire fueled my own, threatening to consume us both. I crawled up his long legs and straddled his hips allowing the flames of lust to fan throughout my body as our cocks rubbed together.
I bent and kissed each cluster of freckles on his cheeks and nose as I unbuttoned his blue dress shirt. The second the last button was free, I slid my hands up his torso and over his chest, running my fingers through the coarse hair, pushing the shirt open. Slowly moving my fingers upward, under the lapels, I clutched at his shoulders and pulled him into a sitting position against me. Slipping the shirt from him and releasing his arms, Edward began the process on my own shirt. Finally freed of the garment, I pressed his body to mine, embracing him tightly. I lightly ran a single finger down the base of his spine, smiling to myself when he shivered.
I worked myself between his legs as I kissed my way down his chest, making my way to the trail of hair that led into his pants. I used my hands on his knees to spread his legs for me as I placed myself back in a kneeling position between them. I scraped my nails lightly from one hipbone to the other and back again. Tracing swirls on the v of his pelvis before leaning to kiss the trail of hair leading into his pants. Edward's hips bucked when I dipped my thumbs below the material of his jeans.
"Edward?" I asked, giving him time to focus on my words as I unfastened his belt buckle, "I can see how hard you are. The impression of your thick cock is clearly visible and on display through your pants." I explained, allowing my eyes to roam the length of his body before stopping on the area that my hands were busy working.
"I detect the scent of vanilla on your skin and mint on your breath. With each inhale, I smell the musk of your cologne that has become seemingly vital to my lungs. I said, "I want to make you mine, Edward. I want our scents to mingle and become one. I want to make love to you." Edward moaned loudly but I needed him to focus.
"I want to give you what I hear from your lips and feel from your body," I reassured him.
"Do you trust me?"
His eyebrows raised, one arched higher than the other and a slow, lazy half grin formed on his swollen lips, "In theory," he replied.
"I just want to try one thing. Stay very still" I said as I leaned and brushed the tip of my nose in an upward motion along the length of his erection.
"Mmmmmm" I purred.
His body jerked and he gasped lightly but I placed my hands on his hips and weighted him to the ground, then lifted my eyes to his, giving him the option. "May I taste you Edward?"
Edward whimpered and nodded his head but I needed to be certain that this was something he wanted and not something he would later regret. While I believed what he said and felt, my love forced to inquire toward his mind.
"Say it! Out Loud!" I spoke more harshly than intended while trying not to succumb to the urge to take the decision away from him, lest he change his mind.
His eyes were wide but never wavered as he assured me, "Yes! Fuck! Please. Taste me" he called out, his face flaming in embarrassment from his outburst.
"The blush on your cheeks is lovely"
His eyes clamped shut and he turned his head away. Sensing his discomfort, I leaned back on my knees and held out my right hand suspended just above, but not touching, his groin.
Edward groaned and his body tightened and twitched beneath me. "You feel that don't you?" I asked, enjoying the electrical sparks that closed the distance between our independent bodies. He agreed that he did indeed feel the connection.
"It feels good doesn't it Edward? You were made for me and there will never be a reason for you to have to hide yourself from me." I reasoned, "Imagine how much stronger the intensity will be when I actually touch you, when I wrap my hand and my mouth around your cock."
He held out his pointer finger and I touched it with my own, feeling the energy swirl around us once again. Like E.T., we were home.
"Is it supposed to be like this?" he questioned curiously.
"Isn't it supposed to be like this?" was my retort. "The glory of first love, and all that. It's incredible, isn't it- the difference between reading about something, seeing it in pictures, and experiencing it?"
I pulled him toward me and wrapped my arms around his slim waist before rolling our bodies to lie on our sides, I cuddled him to me as I continued. "Before you, Edward, my life was like a moonless night. Very dark, but there were stars—points of light and reason… And then you shot across my sky like a meteor. Suddenly everything was on fire; there was brilliancy, there was beauty." Edward wrapped me in his arms for comfort.
I cupped his face in my palms and spoke emphatically, needing him to understand. "You will always be the most beautiful thing in my world."
"I know," He smiled angelically, his face lighting in radiance.
"I traveled immeasurable distances and searched for so long," my voice broke and a tear made a wet trail down my cheek as I remembered the lonely nights.
Edward held me tighter and leaned his forehead against mine, gazing at me intensely, urging me with quiet gestures to continue.
The kisses became progressively more heated as our tongues explored. My fingers stroked the stubble on his chin and jawline and his hands roamed my back and shoulders. Gasping for air, we broke apart. I watched in fascination as his chest heaved causing the muscles of abs to flex.
He spoke barely above a whisper as I was the only one in the universe for which the words were intended. "Always you" he forced out between breaths, "I dreamed of you every night but I couldn't find you," his face lifting to mine and I watched as his eyes brimmed with tears.
I could not allow my angel to cry.
"I'm here. I'm here and I love you Edward. I have always loved you, and I will always love you." I guaranteed him, "You are my life now."
He nodded in understanding, wiping at his eyes with the back of his hands. He lay back on the blanket and looked at me with amusement, "Show me," he requested. "I want to feel all of you," he asked, blushing again.
Realizing what he was asking of me, I stood and removed my slacks and underwear. I reached for lube I had placed in with the supplies earlier in the day. Then, I crouched at his feet and helped rid him of his jeans and the sexy grey boxer briefs that hugged every curve of his ass and thighs. I stood and slowly circled him, allowing him to peruse my body as I surveyed his.
Edward was a glorious vision bathed in the pale moonlight. Michelangelo himself could not have sculpted a more magnificent creature. His skin was creamy white, smooth and flawless. His limbs, long and lean, stretched from his torso, showing signs of vigorous exercise. His tummy was toned and flat and I watched with rapt attention as his nipples hardened under my gaze. His hard, thick cock stood straight up against his stomach resting on the dark hair surrounding his belly button.
I sat down at his feet. Spreading my legs along either side of his body, I grasped his ankles, placing his legs over top of mine and scooted forward until my cock rested in the crook of his ass. I kept my eyes on his as I bent my head to him. I took my time lapping at the juices around his swollen head before sucking him fully into my mouth.
Salty but sweet, his taste was pure satisfaction and I hummed around his member in gratitude. Edward's body jerked as his hands threaded through my hair. His moans became louder as I hollowed out my cheeks and sucked hard. His moans ceased momentarily into incoherency when I allowed him to hit the back of my throat.
Edward hissed when I pulled away momentarily to spread some lube onto my hands, rubbing them together to warm the liquid for my angel.
I placed my hands under his ass as lifted him slightly to slide against my own erection. "More" he begged and I used my fingers to spread his cheeks while I circled his entrance with my thumbs. He ground his pelvis against me when I entered him carefully with first one and then both digits, stretching him.
Edward's breathing became erratic, his body moving of its own accord. "Please Jasper...you...need you." Using my hands on his ass as leverage I pulled him to join with me as I filled him inch by inch. When he was flush against me, I held him there while his body adjusted to accommodate my size. After a moment, his hips began to circle and push against me. I let him take control, simply holding on to his sides to give him leverage.
Our combined cries of pleasure filled the air. All I felt was him surrounding and squeezing me into bliss. All I heard was the sensual sound of my name falling from between his rosy lips. The only thing I smelled was the enticing aroma of Edward. Our eyes were locked all I saw was the green of eyes sparkling. I could still taste his bittersweet flavor in my mouth. Consumed by him, he filled all of my senses. Yet, I wanted more.
"Touch yourself for me Edward," I pleaded. The eroticism of watching him stroke himself was nearly enough to push me over the edge. His face was frozen in pure pleasure, his mouth gaped open and a light sheen of sweat forming on his brow.
I watched as he fisted his cock and slid his hand down to the base. Always one to recognize an opportunity, I bent my head to him again, swirling my tongue and sucking the purple tip as far into my mouth as possible in this position. I felt his balls tighten against my stomach warning me of his impending release. He came with a growl that sounded a lot like my name and I swallowed him, licking him clean before the blinding light of my orgasm took me under.
After a few moments, I pulled from him and untangled our legs, reaching behind me for napkins from the picnic basket to clean my angel. Then, I lay beside him and draped myself over his body pulling the sleeping bag closed around us. While we regulated our breathing patterns and basked in afterglow a streak of white light from a shooting star shot across the sky.
"Make a wish?" he asked.
"Why, when I have everything I need right here?"I cooed to him, draping my arms around his body.
"Forever?" he inquired with a tilt of his head.
"Forever and forever and forever," I murmured.
He smiled brightly showing a perfect row of teeth, "That sounds exactly right to me".
And then we continued blissfully into this small but perfect piece of our forever.