Title: Reasons to Hate Hawaii (and Other Lists from Danny Williams)

Disclaimer: Not mine.

A/N: Though I've posted a few other H50 snippets, this was actually my first writing venture while I was trying to get Danny's voice in my head. Hopefully the result is worthwhile :) This doesn't have anything resembling a plot and is mostly a character study. So much love to geminigrl11 for beta'ing this for me and humoring my incessant H50 love.

Summary: Danny keeps mental lists. Some are longer than others and some mean a whole lot more. Some mean everything.


Danny keeps mental lists. They're free flowing, open in his mind. Conscious tallies in the universe, as important and insignificant as most things in his life.

Reasons To Hate Hawaii

-Too much water (and nothing much to do with it, because sure, it was pretty but so was a flower, and he didn't travel cross country to look at one of those)

-Tsunami alerts (which went back to too much water because if he didn't like swimming in it, he really didn't like the idea of drowning in it)

-Sand (because he didn't even live near the beach and there still seemed to be sand everywhere)

-Step Stan (and everything he represented and entailed in Danny's life)

-Steve McGarrett (for being crazy and annoying and getting him shot not even one day in)

-Steve McGarrett's idea of backup (because what the hell?)

-Rachel's new lawyer (who is probably the only native Hawaiian on this tropical wasteland who knows how to do anything on time, which of course included filing paperwork to screw him over as often and as punctually as possible)

-Pineapples (because real fruit doesn't need a friggin' hacksaw to get peeled)

-Steve McGarrett (because, come on...)

These are lists he's been keeping all his life, but he starts new ones all the time. About things he likes. Things he doesn't like. Especially when he's alone in his apartment on an off day with nothing better to do.

He's sore from some chase Steve took him on yesterday and he's tired only there's nothing on but some local surfing competition and the picture is coming in all funny. He glowers at it, tries changing the channel, but it doesn't help.

Nothing helps.

Sighing, he sits back and tosses the remote next to him and just gives up and gives in. It's not like he has any other choice anyway except to watch the crappy reception on his crappy TV on this crappy island he has to call home.

Things To Miss about New Jersey

-Pizza (cheese and bread. Meat optional. Vegetables under duress. Never fruit. Just. Never.)

-Dirty streets (and piss poor views, because sightseeing is for tourists on vacation, not real work)

-Dress codes that make sense (because ties, tucked in shirts, and patent leather work. Anywhere. End of discussion.)

-People who are normal (and, you know, don't dangle people off roofs or get partners shot on the first day)

And Mondays aren't always better, but they're different, and Danny takes that for what it is. He likes the predictability of it. He likes walking into an office he can call his own, where his paperwork is just where he left it, and he can file things any damn way he pleases.

He likes the chipper timbre of Kono's voice when she comes in and he likes the nod from Chin as he passes by. He even likes knowing that when Steve walks in at the same time that at least he can count on that much of his day being normal.

Elements of a Sound Partnership

-Trust (knowing what the other person will do before they do it)

-Loyalty (knowing that the other person will do what needs to be done before they do it)

-Respect (knowing that the other person will do the job and do it well)

-Sanity (knowing that the other person will do the job but never the way you would and knowing that there's not a damn thing you can do about it)

Normal never lasts very long, at least not by any definition Danny would hold to. Days are full of investigations, usually dangerous and frustrating, as somehow he seems to come face to face with every criminal in the world. Apparently criminals not only have bad taste in careers and associates, but vacation destinations as well. Sun and sand and crime just don't seem like everything they're cracked up to be, and as much as Danny hates getting sand in his shoes, he hates almost getting killed more.

Preferable Ways Not to Die

-Blowing up (in a bust gone wrong, perhaps)

-Drowning (with all that ridiculous water everywhere)

-Bleeding out (from getting randomly shot at every other second for no reason at all)

-Lead poisoning (from getting shot the first day on the job)

-Evisceration (this hasn't come up yet, but Danny is sure that with Steve, he just has to give it time)

If almost dying is frustrating, Steve's plaintive response to such dangers is downright infuriating. Wipes up the blood, brushes the sand out of his hair, and says with a grin, "Book 'em, Danno." Some days, it's all Danny can do to keep from punching him, right there, across his smug grin.

Ways Not to Endear Oneself to a Partner, New or Otherwise

-Insult clothing (especially when it's normal business wear)

-Give nicknames (especially when explicitly asked not to)

-Act first, ask questions later (and then never the right questions)

-Get them shot and then fail to apologize (minus two points if you yell at them for taking a bullet and still saving your life)

Steve will always do things the most annoying way possible. He'll see a boundary and bulldoze through it, regardless of decorum, protocol, or common sense. Sometimes Danny wonders if it's all part of his damn naval training or if it really is just some type of genetic flaw.

It's hard to say, but Danny is glad he never joined the military and even gladder that he and Steve are not related.

But Steve's still good at what he does. Danny won't admit it, but it's true. He won't admit a lot of things, especially not about Steve, because he doesn't want the pain in the ass to think he cares at all whether he lives or dies and that Danny's not just scared of getting a bullet in his own chest but in Steve's, too.

Steve scrapes by. Inexplicably, but he does, and he usually pulls the rest of them right along with him by sheer force of will alone.

Debts Owed to Steve McGarrett

-A job that challenges him (which he knows is hard to come by and he needs something to pass the slow hours waiting to see Grace)

-A tip on good pizza (but no pineapple. God help them all, no pineapple.)

-A weekend swimming with dolphins (that Grace still talks about, even more than that damn foul rabbit Step Stan bought her)

-Visitation rights with his daughter

-A place where he belongs (even if he doesn't like it. Or admit to liking it. Or whatever.)

This day to day is what it is, and Danny keeps track of a lot of things, but sometimes he forgets to separate the good days from the bad, mostly because they're all a little of each.

Reasons to Stay in Hawaii Anyway


-To fend off Step Stan's influence (because he knows it's not just about tennis or a furry breeding machine)

-To prove to Rachel he really is a father (and a damn good one, no matter what her lawyers argue)

-McGarrett might hang him over a building if he tries to leave (and Danny might actually be disappointed if he didn't)


Danny keeps mental lists. Some are longer than others and some mean a whole lot more. Some mean everything.

Not that Danny's keeping track or anything.