Not My Sammy
A/N: Dang those late-night plot bunnies. This one late last night and normally I do not write in first person so keep that in mind please but this one just popped out in Dean's voice.
Note updated: This was planned as a one shot but after a suggestion to see where it could go sort of grew. This isn't beta'd since I have no clue what that is for the most part and it's wayyy to late to be able to see clearly so bear with me and since I chose to reup anyone who has favorited or review please do so again and sorry for the hassle. My fault for uploading at 5AM.
Warnings: It's rated T for language since we are talking Dean in a bad mood and as it goes there is some minor violence but nothing serious.
Pairings: None and never fear as I don't do slash ever. There is just some happy brothers toward the end since I had to do a chick-flick moment. It was called for.
Disclaimer: I don't own the characters, just borrowing them with harm to none.
Tags: Tags and slight spoilers for Season 6 episode 5. Also mentions other events from previous seasons.SPN SPN SPN SPN SPN SPN SPN SPN SPN SPN SPN SPN SPN SPN
I honestly thought that day in Stull Cemetery was the worst in my life. I mean I'd just had to watch my little brother, my Sammy, drag both Lucifer and Michael into a damn hole. I thought that would be the worst…but turns out I was wrong.
I spent a year trying to live up to that damn promise I'd made to Sammy. I went to Lisa and Ben and tried to live the so-called 'apple pie life' that he wanted for me so much.
Those days were hard and I never gave up the thought of either finding a way to break Sammy free from that damn cage or joining him. While hard, that year still wasn't the worst. Between my going to Hell and losing Sam…it ranked a close third.
Then it came and maybe I didn't fully want to face it because even though I seriously hated getting attacked by Djinns or risking Lisa and Ben, I had Sammy back…or so I made myself believe.
Between the soul-wrecking numbness of seeing him, alive and solid, in front of me to dealing with a Grandfather I personally saw get killed before I was even born. Yet Samuel was back along with Sam and a handful of cousins that I'd rather trust Crowley before them…I just refused to let myself think what was wrong with this picture. I mean Bobby had seen Sam. Bobby would have done the usual crap to test him just like he did when I walked in his door after coming back…didn't he?
I tried to stay out of the hunting life again. I tried to pretend that I could keep being with Lisa and ignore that my brother, my Sammy, was out there still hunting on his own. O-kay, I was still pissed that he'd been hunting for a year solo but that's not the point.
The point is I'd forgotten every damn lesson my Dad taught me. Pretty much from the age of four, Dad had drilled it into my skull not to trust everything you see. Even if you see it proved to you, don't trust it until you can prove it yourself. Dad could be a self-absorbed bastard at times but those rules had saved my life and Sam's countless times and I'd forgotten them…no, I ignored 'em in favor of just seein' what I wanted.
I could tell during the fight with the Djinns that Sam was…off. He wasn't the open, emotional little brother that'd I'd raised (since I'll admit to myself that I raised that kid, not Dad). He was closed off, didn't care for the people we saved like he'd always had.
Excuses. That's what I created, what he gave. He'd been locked up with two feuding Archangels for Christ's sake so he's bound to have issues. Hell, I still has issues from my time in the Pit but yet he looked me in the damn face and said he was fine.
I worried, I doubted but I let it go…even after he let Cas torture some poor kid just to get information. Have I mentioned this is the same brother that wouldn't speak to me when he was eight after I accidentally killed a damn bug he'd been studying? Yeah, and now he's standing back while Cas sticks his goddamn hand in the kids' chest. Red flags began screaming but I shut 'em down because I had seen Sam do all the tests himself. I saw him drink holy water mixed with salt. I saw him cut himself with a silver knife just like I was positive Bobby had down so we went on.
I ignored his connections with Samuel and the cousins. I didn't like 'em and maybe I felt that if something was wrong with my Sammy that they'd done it. I still don't trust 'em but I'm beginning to have less doubts that they're behind Sam's changes…especially after Samuel said something to me in passing before he left. He'd told Sam about the cure but he said that Sammy acted like he had no clue.
That brings us back to now. To what is the worst time in my life and I've had some wicked times but this beats 'em all. This beats Dad being possessed by old Yellow Eyes. It beats watching myself almost die before Dad sold his soul to bring me back. It beats Sammy dying on Cold Oak or my making the deal that sent to me Hell. This even beats, in my warped opinion, setting Lucifer free. Because all those things I still had a margin of control. I could fight back against it. I'm having a hard time fighting this.
Sam's on a food run. We're in another dingy motel and I've just hung up from Bobby. His words still ringing in my ears. It's been a day since Samuel's 'cure' brought me back. Just an FYI, despite what all those punky teen vampire lovers say, it's not all sunshine and roses being turned. I should know since I will never forget the hours I spent as a goddamn vampire. Hell, I still peek in the mirror to check that extra teeth are gone.
That time was bad but it's also what started this because while I was flashing back on the events while the cure fought to purge my system the last image I saw…the last freaking image I glimpsed has turned my world more upside down that the day in Stull.
Because I saw my brother, my Sam…no, I won't call him that now because this is not my Sammy and whatever doubts I had on that are gone. I saw him watching. I saw him let that damn vampire turn me and I saw…him…it…whatever the hell, I saw him smile and again I hear Bobby on the phone.
"I didn't get the chance to throw Holy Water in the idjits' face, Dean. Sam did all the tests for me." and just like that I knew. I knew what my gut has been screaming at me from that first day when I woke up after the Djinn attack. This wasn't my brother. It wasn't my Sammy.
Now I just needed to know what the hell was it? I'd seen him do the tests, so had Bobby but, and I could hear my Dad in my head, what did we see?
I swallowed my pride and called one of the cousins to ask a simple question and Gwen answered easily enough since I gave no reason that I was worried. That gallon jug of 'holy water' Sam had put salt in that night…he'd filled it from the tap. Telling them he wanted it for when I woke up. It wasn't Holy Water.
The duffel is still by his bed and my hands shake as I open it. Clothes, laptop, nothing unusual. Then I get to the bottom and find the salt tin I saw him use. It looks like salt but as soon as I taste it, the blood that's cold in my veins drop a few more degrees. Sugar, not salt.
Then my fingers land on what I really want to see. The knife he cut himself with. Even without the salt and holy water, most evil will react to a cut from a silver knife. I keep tellin' myself that even as I sit back on the bed with it.
Sam and I both have silver knives. It's an always stocked item in our lives so as I look at this goddamn blade I'm moving from nervous, to worried, to scared until I finally hit anger because this thing ain't silver. While I put it all back as it was so it doesn't suspect, my emotions have run the gauntlet until I'm left without something I haven't felt since I showed up on Lisa's doorstep.
A hunter's instinct, a hunter's knowledge that whatever this is it is not human and that means it sure as hell ain't my little brother. That's when something else breaks through. Something that hasn't been in me fully in a hell of a long time. The big brother protective instinct that I've had since Sam was six month's old. The gut rage that I felt after those crazy damn Benders snatched Sammy, the need to find and kill anything that touches that kid because it's what I've always done and haven't been able to really since the whole Ruby/demon blood/Lucifer/Apocalypse crap.
Sam and I grew apart in those last days. Partly because I was so damn tired and angry and partly because of things I let him believe. It was the loss of connection that this thing was able to pull this off. Whatever it is.
I lost a year. He's been topside for a year but has it been Sam that whole time or this thing? Too many questions, no answers except it's not a demon because it's crossed into my…into Lisa's house and Bobby's and there are Devil's Traps in both. I've seen the tattoo on his chest which prevents possession but that doesn't mean shit if this heads in the direction I think.
Cas swears both Lucifer and Michael are still in the Cage and Cas would have felt that when he was here so that rules out that which brings me back again to two possible things. One I don't want to consider because if it's a ghoul then my Sammy is dead but he's been with me pretty steady and I'm not getting the ghouly feeling.
Son of a bitch! That leaves one more thing and all the same over protective instincts kick in. Just like goddamn St. Louis again. Only the roles are reversed but not for too much longer. That's a damn fact. We're heading for Bobby's and…
'Sam', sure as hell not my Sammy, comes back with the food. He's calm, at ease, just like he has been since we got back together. It's hard not to show the newly resurfaced anger and emotion but I force it down as I watch him. All the mannerisms, the tone, the memories, he gets right but that's normal for 'em.
"You alright?" 'he' asks me and I could laugh at that but instead I wait until I can speak normally or at least how I have been.
"Sure, Bobby called and needs us to swing by," I remark, seeing 'him' shoot me a look then shrug before opening the laptop and I wait a couple seconds to add. "He says he has a 'shifter on the loose that he needs help with."
There it was. The tick of his jaw. Son of a bitch!
"No problem. We've handled 'em before," 'he' smiles at me but I'm no longer seeing that. All I'm seeing, aside from my anger and worry, is my little brother the last time I saw him. Keeping Lucifer in check and sacrificing himself for the damn world.
I see my Sammy the night in Stanford when I brought him back into his life. I see him after Jessica dies like Mom did. I see those damn puppy dog eyes that he knows will get him anything from me and I hear his laugh after he got back at me for the pranks during the Hell House case.
Those moments and so much more were my Sammy and as I sit across from the thing bearing his face now all I know is that this shape-shifting son of a bitch isn't going to be facing a calm, domesticated Dean Winchester who left suburbia and might have gotten a little rusty in the hunting game.
No, he got a pissed off, fully enraged back in 'protect Sammy' older brother back in the game and I know where Bobby keeps all the goddamn silver I'll need because before we leave Bobby's this time I'll know where my Sammy is and I'll move Heaven and Hell if I have to in order to get him back.
My Sammy…my baby brother who I hurt more by tossing away the amulet he gave me. Gotta have Cas go find that…after we get Sammy back from this thing and that's Dean's plan #1- get Sammy back before I put Plan #2 in motion. Put a clip of silver bullets in this damn things heart for touching what no one ever touches and that's my Sammy.
A/N 2: While this should have ended here and can, for those interested to see what happens next, continue on to Chapter 2 and so on.