What do you get when you put two grizzled hunters, a sick little brother and a dense as dirt Angel in one house for a long time? Me with a raging migraine and ready to slit my throat with a silver knife.
Bobby and Rufus have both been great in helping me with Sammy. It took me and Bobby to get him clean and that took three days of scrubbing. I'm sure we still missed some but he's clean and will probably take a swing when he realizes he smells like lilacs…though I'm still not sure why Bobby even has lilac body wash in his house.
Sam hasn't been fully conscious or aware since we brought him to Bobby's and I'm freaking inside. When he is awake he's clinging to me and still asking if I'm real in that weak voice. Other times, he thinks he's back in that room and fights so hard that I'm afraid he'll hurt himself and Cas has to calm him down.
I sleep in small shifts around Sam's sleep patterns. I need to be close because if he wakes and I'm gone then it's holy hell upstairs and I owe Bobby two lamps for that scene. God, I'm ready for him to wake up even if it's with fear or anger because I didn't rescue him in time or…
"How could you have saved Sam when you didn't know he was in danger?"
I hate Angels so much at times and shoot Cas that look to tell him to step off the personal space again. "I told you not the read my thoughts, Cas."
"Your thoughts are too loud to ignore at times like this, Dean," I'm sure Cas just mouthed off to me but I'm too tired to be sure and ignore it. "I should have told you what I suspected but…"
"Yeah, you sure as hell should have," I snapped, exhaustion making me snappier than normal. "Did you know from the start or did you know when they grabbed him?"
Cas was silent as Sam twisted on the bed again, a sure sign that he'd wake up agitated. "I…suspected for quite sometime that something was off with Sam," he admitted awkwardly then waited to see if I'd snap at him.
Normally I would but right then I was too tired and promised I'd do it later but moved Sam's shirt aside to show him the hand print. "Who did this?"
I watched his face for signs and was surprised at his shock after he lightly touched the mark. "Gabriel pulled Sam from the Cage, Dean," he looked at me with something close to wonder. "He saved Sam."
Gabriel, the Trickster playing Archangel who decided I should die over a hundred timed to teach Sammy a lesson and who stuck us in a TV one time. Of course, the guy had turned a new leaf at the end. He'd been the one to tell us about the Horsemen's rings.
"Didn't Lucifer gank him?" I had to ask and was too weary to care about my words.
"Clearly my Father brought him back as he has me though I have not seen Gabriel," Cas wasn't sure what to make of this and I was leery with having the joke playing Archangel around as a general rule.
"You should rest and eat, Dean." again Cas sounded like Cas but I waved it off even as my eyes fought to close on their own.
Giving Cas another wave to leave us alone, I let my head rest on the side of the bed next to Sam's hand while I held those loose fingers in mine.
It had taken days for his fever to break and we were hoping he'd wake up but every day of unfocused looks made me doubt that and I silently feared the shapeshifters had done more to Sammy's mind by how they kept him than anything else.
"Stupid, hardheaded idjits are just bucking to give me a goddamn stroke one of these days," Bobby's voice, low and rough, woke me…hell I have no clue since I hadn't planned to sleep. "Between you and your brother it's a damn wonder I have any hair left, boy!"
For a bleary moment I'm wondering how Bobby's yelling at me if I'm asleep when I hear the most wonderful sound in my ears.
"Guess that…explains why you wear hats all the time, huh Bobby?"
A brief burst of laughter escapes me as I force my eyes open to see Bobby glaring at me but then my attention is drawn to…Sammy.
He was leaning against the headboard, still pale but looking a hellava lot better than he had when I closed my eyes. His eyes were clear but still tired as they locked on mine and slowly he smiled, not the full blown dimples showing smile but still a more open smile than I had been seeing recently.
"Sammy," I sat up with a groan and tried not to show the pain in my back or shoulders but knew he's seen it anyway by the way his forehead wrinkled. "Hey, how long have you been awake and why didn't anyone wake my ass up when you did?"
Bobby slapped a cup of coffee next to me before stomping out muttering about stupid idjits driving him to drink.
"I think Bobby would have killed anyone who tried to wake you," Sam chuckled, still weak if the way he was concentrating on just holding the glass of orange juice was an indication. "I told 'em to let you sleep because you look like hell, bro."
I smirked and was torn between crying and smacking him for that when I noticed he hadn't used my name yet. "I still look better than you, Sammy," I tossed back and then waited.
Sam appeared to be considering something as he finally set the glass aside, moving carefully to avoid the searing pain of his back but he finally pushed up to a sitting position to meet my eyes, recognizing the concern.
"Dean…" that soft voice draws off and he tries to look away but I'm up by then, sitting next to him on the bed and I wondered how many questions he'd been asking and what had Bobby or Castiel told my little brother.
"You're gonna by fine now, Sammy," I assure him, reaching out slowly as to not startle him to lightly run my fingers through his newly freshly cut but still Sammy long hair that flopped into his eyes. "Bobby do this?" I couldn't see Bobby cutting hair but then he had lilac bodywash so all things are possible.
I was a little surprised when Sam didn't pull away from my touch like I thought he would but rather leaned into the touch like he had as a kid or when he was sick and looking for comfort.
"Nah, Cas did this," he yawned, still tired but willing to stay awake to watch me and I could tell he was waiting for something.
Struggling not to say something stupid or wrong like I'd been prone to before the end, I waited a couple beats to let my hand slide around to the back of his neck in order to pull his head closer to mine. "I'm proud of you, Sammy."
I felt him start and lifted my eyes to meet his and saw the wetness brimming and for the first time I wasn't going to discourage the chick-flick moment I knew was coming.
Knowing he knew how I hated those moments I blew out a fake breath then gripped his neck in a firmer grasp. "Alright, one time only or at least one time a month, free reign for the chick-flickiest moment you can muster, Sammy."
I heard his laugh mixed with tears this time as he gripped my hand tight when I straightened up but instead of moving away I simply eased up to lean against the headboard next to him.
"I thought he was going to kill you, Dean," and I knew his memories were in Stull the day it all happened.
"But you fought back and not only didn't Lucifer kill me but you succeeded in locking him and Michael up," I wanted that point made clear as I looked at him to see he was playing with the blanket nervously. "I wanted you out of that hole, Sam."
That caused those eyes that I'd been missing to look up, sharp and intense. "You promised, Dean. You promised to leave it alone and go to Lisa."
"Yeah, and I did but it still didn't keep me from wanting my little brother," I could tell by the way he was shifting that either Bobby or Cas had been blabbing. "Sammy, spill before you bust a gut. What's eatin' at you?"
"Did you think I'd let you be attacked by a vampire and stand my and do nothing? Or just leave you at Lisa's while I hunted alone? Hell, why would you even let me hunt alone since you'd go manic protect Sam again or something or…"
The rush of words broke off when I slowly eased an arm around his shaking shoulders to pull him closer. "First, Bobby or that Angel need slapped for dumping all this on you so soon," I vowed to find out which one had done that but now it was time to settle Sam down. "Second, I knew that you wouldn't let that happen and that's what broke the camel's back so to speak.
"Sammy, I knew from the first second I saw that bastard that it wasn't you because my Sammy, don't roll your eyes when I'm bearing my soul here, would've been a bawling basket case when I reached out. Just like you're going to become in a minute," I chose to add with a smirk.
I knew he was close to breaking and I sighed. "I chose to leave Lisa because even though I knew that thing I left with was not my brother. I also knew that if you were out there anywhere then I wouldn't have time to keep pretending to be a soccer Dad or something," this time I heard his small laugh as he pictured me driving a van full of soccer kids to and from games.
Leaning closer, I whispered in a not so secret way that used to make him smile. "It was horrible, Sammy. All that soccer, barbecues and garden gnomes. When Lisa was at work one day, I swore that damn little gnome winked at me so I…salted and burned the little critter in the barbecue."
A soft snicker at first then with a quick look at me and after I shot him my fabled 'really, Sam, would I lie to you' eyebrow lift, he was soon laughing and I finally got the full blown Sammy smile.
'That's my boy' I thought to myself and I went on to describe the horrors of suburban living until finally I felt most of the tension ease out of my brother and waited to see if he'd react normally.
After a couple minutes, I felt Sam ease over so his head was on my shoulder but his fingers reached for the amulet again and I let him because I knew he needed the contact.
I let me fingers mess his bangs up casually and grinned at the low growl I got in response. "If I would have known about this, Sammy, you know I would have tore Lawrence up looking for you."
"You had no way of knowing, Dean," he yawned and looked up again to show that he understood that but I still caught the unspoken, as if wanted to say something but was worried how I'd react and again I cursed the way I had treated him before.
Lighting pushing his head down while pulling the blanket up, I moved carefully so he wasn't so slouched but didn't move my arm away as I waited for him to fall back into a sleep. "I missed you too, Sammy," I whispered, leaning my head back with a sigh before looking down at my brother.
I'd talk to Bobby soon about what Sam might have said after waking and then taken it one step at a time since I know it'll take Sammy a while to get over his ordeal at the hand of the shapeshifters and for me to reassure him that we're good.
Blinking, I looked down to see Sam watching me curiously and I swore to stop zoning out before someone with a strong hand smacked me in the hand. "Yeah?"
I followed his gaze to see it was on my jean jacket before it lifted to my eyes again. "You still have Dad's leather jacket, right?"
The question threw me for a second until I realized that between me and Sam there had always been three constants for us. The Impala, the amulet he'd given me, and finally Dad's leather jacket that I've always worn but had packed away since the day in Stull.
Smiling, I nodded. "Yeah, it's in the Impala with the chest of pictures and your duffle." I assured him seeing his surprise that I'd kept his duffle. "I'll have Bobby bring it in later."
He seemed satisfied with this but just when I thought he was back to sleep those eyes popped open again. "Dean, did that thing really have me driving in a…" he seemed to hesitate to choose the right words and I laughed.
"I was never so happy to have Cas crash out a window if it meant destroying that piece of crap," I told him, shoving his head down again and decided to fall back on the same tactic I used when we were small. "Sammy, go to sleep, quit talking, or no popsicles tomorrow."
I saw his sleepy grin before he finally slipped under and as I allowed myself the moment of just rubbing light circles on his back as I had to help him sleep as a kid, I decided to ignore any smart comments from Bobby about me having a chick moment. Because as far as I'm concerned I had my brother back and that's all that I gave a damn about. I had my Sammy back and damn anyone who even thought of breaking us up again.
After it'd been quiet upstairs for awhile I went up to check on 'em and wasn't surprised to find Dean leaning against the headboard with his arm protectively around his brother. I'd made notice to tell Rufus not to come upstairs until Dean was more leveled in his over protective state since I knew damn good and well that he could reach that .45 in an instant if he thought Sam was in danger.
Checking the windows and salt lines on them, basic hunter responses, I laid a heavier blanket on the bed that would cover both the idjits since I didn't plan on dealing with colds on top of Sam being hurt and Dean being manic protective for the next few months.
Going out the door, I looked back and grinned. Those boys may have been John's by blood but hell I'd shed enough tears over the years with 'em to consider 'em mine anyway and I'm hoping this will help heal any leftover rifts.
Heading downstairs I see Castiel standing by the door as if waiting for something so I decided to give him something to do.
"Castiel, before Dean starts gripin' how about cleaning the inside of the Impala so he won't bitch about having that shapeshifter inside it?"
The Angel seems to consider it and nods but not before handing me a slip of paper in Missouri's handwritin' "She said to tell Dean to be careful about trusting the Campbells'"
Hell, I could have said that Dean will never trust his Mom's family when something tickled those old hunter senses and I shout at him before he vanishes. "Why'd she say that and for that matter, how'd she know Dean was in Lawrence to start with?"
I watch Cas think on this for a second before shrugging, yep Dean was a bad influence on that guy. "Their mother told her." and with that he was gone and I was left with a cold feeling that that warning just couldn't be good but shoved it away for a later time when both my idjits were on their feet again.
I know that Dean will deny this as soon as he wakes up fully and I'm feeling better but for now though I'll take this.
My brother finally fell asleep after he thought I did but I wasn't tired and was still adjusting to knowing that I was free and that Dean was here.
I had tried to protect him by giving him the normal life I thought he wanted but if pushed I'll admit that if the thing with the 'shifter hadn't happened I would have gone to Dean within two more weeks.
I wanted my brother and the warning feeling that Samuel was putting off the last night I can recall seeing him made me want Dean more. I'm not sure what it is or what brought out Grandfather back but once I'm back at full strength and I can convince Dean to let me out of his site for more than ten seconds, yeah I can tell that's what's gonna happen, we're going to have to figure out that mystery.
Now though, I just want to forget the past. Forget the day in that cemetery where I barely stopped Lucifer from beating Dean to death, forget coming back and fighting the basic urge to run to Dean and forget the past months of nothing but pain and fear and knowing that Dean didn't even know I was in trouble.
I close my eyes just as Bobby shouts from outside that he didn't mean to flood the inside of the Impala to clean it and that the dang feather-brained moron had better have it dried before Dean wakes up. Angel translation: don't tell Cas to clean the car and I can see Dean's reaction when he finds out.
"I'll hurt him later for it," I hear Dean mutter and I grin. So he wasn't as asleep as I thought he was when I smell the familiar smell of leather, gun oil and Dean as the leather jacket is laid over me.
"Go to sleep, Sammy," he urges with a yawn. "Or I won't have an excuse not to go down and see what the hell Cas is doing to our home."
Home. There was a word I hadn't thought of in awhile. The Impala was home. It had been since I was six months old and so long as it was Dean and I, it would always be home. Some things, no matter what else, can't change and that's when I finally relax and fall asleep. Finally at peace.
A/N: This turned out way longer than I originally planned for and I hope I didn't ramble too much since this is the first thing I've ever written in first person and also the longest in first person. Thanks to everyone who read this and sorry if I messed up the boy's eye colors. I've read so many stories, not to mention the books, that I've lost track on the color of their eyes. I'd love for someone to clear that up for me. Reviews always welcome.