Disclaimer: I don't own Lord of the Rings because I ain't some dead British Dude. And I dunno if I want to be.

Note: A big "howdy hey hi-dea" to Koolsnowball for their great idea! (Hey look I'm a poet by choice but not by talent!) And I may need more ideas I think I have the next 2 chapters planned out but after that..things get hazy.should I stop after only.er.six? Six chapters? And if I'm gunna have other character's family members come (lots of requests for that) who? What's the relation? And I'd need some ideas for stories about them.like I dunno Gimli's first gemstone discovery.

"There are too many trees! Do something Cecil!" Legolas' Mother cried out in the middle of the night, practically in tears.

"Mother! You're an elf! We live in forests and we like trees!"

"What did you say to me?"

"Eep! Nothing."

"Why don't all of you shut your pie hole!?"

"Aragorn! Who taught you such filthy words?"

Aragorn's response to his mother's question was a muttering about Hobbits and a Wizard or something.

"Mother it's late. Why don't you get some sleep?" Legolas suggested.

"I can take care of myself! You think I'm old! With age comes wisdom! You hate me!" She said frantically as she began to wail at the top of her lungs.

Boromir turned to Legolas a growled quietly, "You shut her up or I will tell her about loosing that blasted Gollum."

"Don't talk about my mother in such ungrateful tones!"

"Don't you see? I'm not grateful! She hasn't done anything for me!"

"Bo-Bo! Go back to bed!"

After another few minutes of arguing amongst themselves and their Mother's finally threatening to spank them, Aragorn, Boromir and Legolas went to sleep.

Early the next morning they shot up awake to an Orcish howl.

"Quick men! Grab your weapons and let's go!" Aragorn said quickly taking charge. He went for Narsil, but a wrinkled hand stopped slapped his own larger ones painfully.

"No Aragorn. I think not." His mother said sharply as she picked the sword up with great effort.

"Mother what are you.? He said is a fierce whisper.

"Aragorn. The last time I saw you with a sword you nearly shredded up the Duchess of Amorien's dress. Imagine having to leave our home while wearing that lovely gown with that gash going down the front. I was mortified. I'm just glad she wasn't in it at the time. Though why you were in her room is beyond me." Aragorn remembered the time easily; he was trying to kill that bloody little lap dog that bit his ankle. When he swung the sword, one from his father's armoury, he loosed his balance and cut open the dress. Then knocked over a lit candleholder into a trunk that held the rest of the Dutchess' clothing...that turned out to be quite flammable. Luckily for him at that moment a servant walked in to open the window and change the sheets on the bed.

"Mother! I was seven! I think I can handle a sword now! Besides there are Orcs! What am I suppose to do? Sit here?"

"Your little friends can go and stop it. I mean it's just one Orc."

"Mother!" Aragorn whined rather childishly.

"No! Now go to bed. You need a full eight hours."

Legolas wasn't fairing much better.

"Cecil! That growling is giving me a headache. Find me some Amberfern for my headache."

"Mother. Amberfern only grows in the winter during Waxing Crescents and then only on mountains with an altitude of 10 000 feet."


"So Mother," Legolas said as gently as possible while still having his eye twitch. "It's the middle of spring, there is a Waning Gibbous out, and the closest mountain is only 8 000 feet. Now I could just go over there and kill them and everything would be fine."

"You don't love me!" She cried as she began sobbing into one of her newly made pillows.

As Legolas, or Cecil comforts his mother Boromir was having just as much trouble.

"Bo-Bo! Where are you going? What are you doing? Don't mind the noise it's probably a racoon."

"It's an Orc."

"Oh no! You are depressed about your father and I getting a divorce. You've made up monsters! I'll go send a letter to the therapist! You go to sleep!"

Legolas soon joined the other two after finally using some Elf magic to cure his mother's headache and put her to sleep.

The growling Orc's voice was joined by five more as far as Aragorn could tell as he lay back.

"Mother can we please kill them?"


"But I'm sure Gimli's mom lets him kill Orcs!"

"And if Gimli's mother let him dance the cha-cha in a feather boa with a wizard would you? No! Now go to sleep!" And with that she used the hilt of Narsil to knock them each out.