Series: Is It Really So?

Buffy and Angel have given up on each other. What can Dawn do?

Part 2 of 3: I've Lost Everything

Author: Nitrowugs

Rating: PG

Pairings: B/A hinted at

Feedback: Please. Constructive criticism is always welcome.

Disclaimer: I do not own anything associated with BtVS and AtS. (Characters, plots, and dialogue from the shows are borrowed with no infringement intent whatsoever.)

Distribution: Please ask and let me know where it's going.

Written: 09/24/2010

Summary: Angel's thoughts of Buffy as he overhears part of a conversation between Cordelia and Willow. (Companion to 'What A Fool I Am')

Warning: Not a happy story.

A/N: Thoughts are in single quotes ('').

Angel was in his office reading a copy of the book of poems that he gave to Buffy years before when he heard Cordelia talking to someone. He didn't normally listen in on other people's conversations, but this voice sounded familiar.

"Well of course I'm her maid of honor; I've been her best friend since high school."

'Willow! I'll go out and say hello.' In his heart he really wanted to hear something, anything, about Buffy. As he reached for the door knob he heard Willow again.

"I've never seen her mom so happy. Joyce is already seeing grand kids."


"I'm just in town for a final fitting. Everyone else came last weekend, but I couldn't get away from the hospital. Buffy said that if I didn't get this done today, she was giving my job of maid of honor to someone else."

'Buffy? Buffy's getting married? Oh gods, no. No no no no no. She can't be getting married; she … What am I saying? Of course she can be getting married. That's why I left her – so she could find a normal guy, get married, have children …. Now that it's happening, why does it hurt so much?

'I know that I did foolish, foolish things that hurt her terribly, the worst of which was to marry Cordelia. I should have been the one to tell Buffy; I shouldn't have let her find out the way she did. I should have known that Cordelia would see to it that Buffy found out. She even called Willow to let her know. I heard her on the phone telling her "Willow, make sure you tell Buffy about Angel and me getting married. I wish I could see her face when you tell her. She'll just die." Then she laughed, a cold vicious laugh that almost made my blood curdle. And all I could see was Buffy's sweet face as her heart broke once again because of me. Yet I still went ahead and married Cordelia. That really went well, a year and a half of the worst hell I have ever experienced in my life, including the time I spent in Acathla's hell. What the hell is wrong with me? What was I thinking?

'Now it is too late. I'm human and Buffy and I could've had a life together, but I waited too long. I didn't tell her about the wedding, about the divorce, nor about the Shanshu prophecy coming true. The only woman that I have ever loved, or will ever love, is getting married to someone else. Now it's too late for me; I've lost my all my chances.'

He sank down onto the floor as mental and emotional darkness clouded his mind and heart.

'I've lost everything.'

The end

Sequel is 'Maybe Not'