A/N: Ahaha, so, story time! My friends and I made Facebook pages for Durarara! characters (don't bother looking for us, there are probably at least fifty different Kidas and Izayas and such), and I logged on to Namie's account today to see that our Izaya had just liked "Brokeback Mountain." I was inspired. :D
Disclaimer: Izaya, Namie, and Shizuo do not belong to me. Nor do Brokeback Mountain, Jack Twist, or Ennis Del Mar.
"A Cynical Psychoanalysis of Orihara Izaya, or Why Izaya Likes Watching Jake Gyllenhaal and Heath Ledger Make Out, as Told by Yagiri Namie"
"Jaaaaack," Izaya moaned, shoving another handful of popcorn in his mouth. "Why, why did you have to die? You were supposed to live happily ever after with Ennis~!"
"Would you shut up," Namie grumbled from her desk. "I'm trying to work."
"Namie-san," Izaya huffed, "please do not interrupt me when I am watching a movie! Can you not see that this is the most tragic film ever created?"
"You only like it," Namie snapped, "because it reminds you of your relationship with that Heiwajima."
Izaya stared. "What?"
"Well, think about it. You even look like the actors, if you ignore the racial differences. Jack comes from a more educated, affluent background than Ennis. Plus he's a hell of a lot more flaming. Have you ever looked at that coat of yours? And Ennis has violent tendencies. The only real difference is that they weren't as utterly in denial as you two are."
"…Namie-san, go home. I think you need to rest. Obviously you're suffering delusions."
Namie stood and gathered her things. "If the back-alley sex hasn't proven to you that at the very least you enjoy his cock—"
"Enjoying his cock has little to do with wanting anything to do with him personally, Namie-san. I have no inclination to have a romantic relationship with that protozoan. The very thought makes me shudder."
"Right, sure. You've only gone out of your way to push his buttons for the last however many years because you don't want anything to do with him. Makes sense." She headed for the door. "Next time he fucks you, ask for a goodnight kiss and see what happens."
Izaya did just that two days later, after a round of the aforementioned back-alley sex. Shizuo punched him in the face.
As he walked away, Izaya blinked.
"Interesting. Namie-san was right." He pulled a face. "For once."