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Chapter Eighty Three

The entire world was a fog.

I couldn't see and everything was blurry again. I had to admit, it scared me somewhere deep down inside. However, everything felt like it was a live wire. I could never sit still, and was always in motion.

"Lex," Dean complained for the millionth time. "Would you sit the fuck down?"

I looked over at him. He was staring at me from the couch in our new motel room. "Sorry," I apologized. I sat down on my bed. "I'm just bored."

Dean looked at me like he was trying to figure out a complex math problem. "We just got off a case," he retorted. I only shrugged. "Ok," he replied.

I wasn't used to the high. I noticed that first. I wasn't used to the feeling that I could run around for six hours and still go on like I hadn't moved an inch. Dean noticed that something was up. I knew he did. That was why I had to be more careful.

I looked at the door. "You wanna go and get a drink or something?" I asked. I figured maybe a beer would calm me down a little bit back to normal.

"Sure," Sam said, closing his laptop. "Maybe we should get out of this room."

Dean looked from me to Sam. "Nah," he said. His eyes were focused on me. "C'mon let's just hang here."

I stared right back at him. He was testing me, I could feel it. The bad part was, I wasn't exactly sure how to pass. I took a deep breath. "Yeah, you're right," I stated, falling backwards. "I need a night in, relaxing."

Sam looked a little confused. "But you just said –"

"We're staying in, Sammy," Dean said, clapping him on the back. Dean collapsed back onto the bed and grabbed the remote from the side table. "I vote we watch a movie, kick back, relax…."

Sam looked from me to Dean and back again. "Whatever," he remarked, sitting on the bed opposite Dean. "Can we watch an actual good movie though?"

Dean scoffed. "I am not watching some pansy chick flick so you can get your rocks off, Sammy."

I stood up again and went into the bathroom. I shut the door, but could still hear them arguing. "It's not a chick flick, Dean," Sam complained. "It's a documentary."

Dean groaned. "Sam, c'mon. It's about penguins."

I looked at my eyes in the mirror. If you were close enough you could see my pupils were dilated, and they were slightly red, like I hadn't slept in a few days. I was more pale than usual, probably because I hadn't been spending much time outside of motel rooms. I started to feel claustrophobic in here. The walls were closing in on me.

I was shaking and sweating when I left the bathroom. "You okay?" Dean asked, as I grabbed water from the fridge.

"I'm good," I laughed shakily. "Why?"

Dean stared at me for a second. "No reason," he remarked. He went back to staring at the TV.

I collapsed on the bed next to Sam. He didn't seem fazed at all. I stared at the TV along with him, pretending to watch whatever was on. My mind was exploding on the inside. I closed my eyes after awhile.

When I opened my eyes again, the sun was barely rising. Everything was eerily cast in a blue light. I grabbed my bag and went into the bathroom. Turning the shower on, I stripped down to nothing. I took the pill out of the bottom of my bag and put it between my teeth. The water was still freezing, but I didn't care. I felt like I was burning up.

I swallowed the pill, feeling the familiar lump in my throat as it made its way down. The water was warmer now, and I felt a lot better. I dried off after cleaning up and threw on jeans and a tshirt.

I opened the door to Dean on my phone.

"Yeah," he nodded. "Hang on, she's out now." He handed me the phone. "It's your boyfriend," he stated. He didn't sound like he was amused.

I glared at him and snatched the phone out of his hand. "Hello?"

"Hey," Dylan stated. "Winchester, where you guys at? Dean wouldn't tell me."

"Missouri," I stated. I heard Dean behind me scoff. "Why, what's up?" I went on, ignoring Dean.

"I'm nearby," he said. "Like an hour into Oklahoma. Wanna stop by today?"

"Maybe," I said, smirking. "What are we doing?"

I could feel Dylan smile on the other side of the line. "I'm sure we'll think of something."

I smiled to myself. "Sure, be there in a few hours." I hung up the phone. Dean was already glaring at me.

"What?" I asked. "Am I not allowed to tell him where we are?"

"What if he was possessed?" Dean demanded. "What if he was being held at gunpoint? We're not painting all these sigils for nothing." He pointed viciously at the wall.

"Dean, c'mon," I stated. "I'm pretty sure we're safe."

"Yeah well not for long if that's how you're going to act," Dean scoffed.

I looked to Sam for help, but he just shrugged. "Alright, well I'm gonna take off," I said, grabbing my bag off the floor.

"You're leaving us to go hang out with your boyfriend?" Dean asked, like it was the most unreasonable thing I've ever suggested.

"Yes, Dean," I said, rolling my eyes.

"Hey," he said, holding onto my arm. "Just be careful, ok?"

"Ok," I replied, sliding out of his grip. "I'll call you when I get there."

"You two better not be having sex over there," Dean called at me as I walked out the door.

"Dean!" Sam complained.

"Oh trust me," I shouted back. "That's all we'll be doing." I heard Dean's sound of disgust before I shut the door behind me.

I grabbed a car in the parking lot and took off for Vinita. I arrived after only an hour and a half. "Hey," I called, meeting Dylan in the parking lot.

"Hey beautiful," he greeted pulling me closer.

"Beautiful, huh?" I said, pulling away from him to look at his face. "What, do you want something?"

He scoffed. "I'm offended you'd ask such a question." I went back to hugging him. "But…now that you mention it…"

I sighed. "What?"

"Would you go on a date with me?"

I stared at him, my jaw on the floor.

"Close your mouth," he said, pushing my jaw back up. "I'm serious."

I busted out laughing. "Are…are you seriously asking me out on a date?" He let go of me, clearly disgruntled. "I'm sorry…" I said, collecting myself but still grinning. "Why?"

"I don't know," he said, shrugging the question off. "Because we've never went on one."

"We're not exactly the dating kind of people," I remarked.

"That's exactly why I'm asking," he replied.

I huffed. "Yes."

He cocked an eyebrow. "Yes?"

"Yes, I'll go on a date with you," I stated, trying not to burst out laughing again. "Where are we going?"

He smiled. "The movies."

"To see what?" I asked.

His smile dropped. "Uh, I don't know."

I shook my head. "You're not very good at this are you?"

He grumbled to himself. "Let's just see the next thing that's playing then."

"Okay," I stated, wanting to laugh at his disgruntled expression again. "Let's go." He pulled me towards his bike. I hopped on behind him, clinging to his jacket. He brought me to this crowded theater. I looked around at all the other teenagers on dates and with their friends. I'd been to plenty of movies before, even on dates with Logan, but somehow this just felt a lot different. Logan was never an outcast like I was. Dylan was just like me. He didn't belong either.

I grabbed his arm and we grabbed tickets to some scary movie. We sat somewhere near the side of the theater. Dylan's arm was around my shoulders. "Hey," he said, whispering to me in the darkness. "If you don't want to be here –"

"No," I said, shaking my head. "This is nice."

The movie screen flickered to life. I settled into a spot and tried to stop my head from pounding. I was coming off my high from this morning. I was running out of pills again. I blinked a few times to make the blurriness go away.

"You ok?" Dylan asked, as I fidgeted for the millionth time.

"Yeah, yeah," I nodded. "Just watching the movie." I scanned the crowd once again before settling back into my seat. I felt almost paranoid.

"You sure?" Dylan asked, looking worried. "Cuz we can go"

"No," I shook my head. "I want to watch now shush." He only smirked.

After almost an hour, I had no idea what was going on in the movie. I was too busy flinching every time someone moved near us. "Scared?" he whispered.

I was crawling in my own skin. "No," I stated, with a smile. "Are you?"

He shook his head. "This isn't even realistic. Ghosts don't leave footprints."

"It's not a ghost," I replied. "It's a demon."

Dylan frowned. "That's even worse."

There was a loud noise and I jumped almost onto Dylan's lap, my hand in my boot ready to grab my knife. "Jesus, Winchester," Dylan stated, playing with my hair. "Calm down."

"I'm calm," I replied, sinking into my seat. The movie ended without another incident. We walked out of the theater and got on his bike.

"Dinner?" he asked over his shoulder.

"God yes," I replied, as he took off.

In the end, we grabbed a pizza. My whole body was starting to feel like I was on fire. "You okay?" he asked me with a mouth full of pizza.

"Yeah," I replied. I stopped. "Actually no," I said, getting up. "I need, uh – I need to go and get some things from the store."

"Okay?" he said, getting up. "What do you need? I can take you –"

"No," I said, a little too quickly. "I mean, you don't need to. I can walk. I want to walk."

"Are you –"

"I'm sure," I said. "It's that time of the month, I think." I said, patting him on the shoulder. "I'll meet you back at the room." He nodded.

I walked out and started walking. I wasn't even sure where I was going. I just needed my fix and I needed it now. It took me a few hours, but I got a seller to contact me. I had to go through a few people, but I found my fix.

I walked into the gas station and bought a coke zero just like I said I would. A kid around my age got in line behind me. I bought it and then waited outside. "How much you want?" he asked.

"How much you got?" I retorted.

He smirked. "Come with me."

I felt my gun that was hidden in my jeans. "Okay." I followed him all the way back to a motel room that was only a few blocks from where Dylan was staying. I let him go inside first, ready to run in case this was going to turn into a struggle. Something was making me nervous.

"I have this whole bottle if you want it," he stated, pulling an orange bottle out of a bedside table. "But it's going to cost you."

"I'll give you two fifty," I said, reaching into my back pocket.

He smirked. "Deal." He tossed me the bottle. I immediately opened it and took one out. I swallowed it dry. "How long you been using?"

I shook my head. "I don't see how that's any of your business." I coughed and balanced myself on the wall. I all of the sudden felt very dizzy. I looked at him, watching his face go from clear to very blurry. "What the hell?" I demanded.

I put my back against the wall to keep myself from falling over. "What was in that?" I asked again, my voice going in and out. I saw black spots. The kid came closer to me, grabbing my hair so I was looking up at him. "What did you give me?" I asked again.

He smiled, his eyes turning a milky black. "Just a little present from hell."

I could feel myself losing consciousness. "Get away from me," I said, pushing him off. My some means of strength, I got my arm behind me to my gun. I shot him, the kickback knocking me on my ass. He backed up and yelped as the salt pierced his skin.

I hit Deans speed dial. The demon kicked my phone out of my hand. "You really think it's that easy?" he laughed.

"Hello?" I heard Dean answer. I couldn't speak.

The demon stepped on the phone, cutting off the call. "C'mon," he complained. "Where's those special powers you're supposed to have." He grabbed me by the throat. I couldn't move, I couldn't breathe.

The door busted open, and someone came blazing inside in a wave of light. The demon dropped me to the floor. I was still seeing black spots and couldn't see well. At first I thought that it had to be Dylan. He had to have found me.

But an unfamiliar face greeted me on the floor. "Alexis," he said, "Drink this."

I took a small sip at first until I realized how badly I needed this drink. I gulped the rest of the poor tasting liquid down. The blackness faded away and I could think again. I took big gulps of air. "Who the hell are you?" I asked.

"My name is Malik," he answered. "I am an angel."

I nearly stopped breathing again. "What do you want with me?" I asked, trying to get off the floor.

"I came here to help you, in hopes that you would help me."

I stared at him. "Why would I help you?" I asked.

"Well for starters, I just saved your life," he stated, deadpan.

"Touché'" I remarked back, nodding. "But I don't know how much help I would be." I got up finally and sat on the bed in the room. My voice sounded hoarse, and I rubbed my neck.

Then I remembered that I had attempted to call Dean. He was probably going nuts right now, thinking I was dead. I went and picked my phone up off the floor. It was ruined and I didn't have a spare on me. I inwardly groaned and looked to Malik. "I don't suppose you have a phone on you, do you?" I asked. He shook his head. I sighed, "Dean is going to murder me."

"You still have not answered my request," Malik went on.

"Yeah, yeah," I said, putting my head in my hands. "Angels need my help, with what?"

"I am here for Castiel," Malik said, standing by the doorway still. "He believes that the angels have a double agent, someone spilling secrets. Since you are able to hear them, he thinks that you listening in may give details as to who this angel is."

"Okay," I said, slightly confused. "But I can't make out what the voices are saying. It all sounds mumbled to me."

He came over closer to me. "You need to concentrate," he stated. "Put your full mental power into hearing them. Truly listen."

I closed my eyes and tried to relax. "What exactly am I listening for?" I asked, trying my best to concentrate. The voices seemed to get louder, more defined. I could feel my head start to throb along with my heartbeat.

"Anything that sounds like information you wouldn't want to overhear," Malik replied. "Plans of sorts."

I opened my eyes and looked to him. "I don't know what you mean by that, but why isn't Castiel here himself?"

"He's busy working on other things," Malik stated, sounding bored. "Why don't you just repeat what you hear?"

I closed my eyes and took a breath. "Okay," I said, focusing. My head was killing me, and I was starting to feel nauseas.

Breaking the seals

Need to stop

Haven't a lot of time for that

She's getting a lot more done

Maybe we should head her off on the twelfth

No that's a waste of time

I repeated every fragment I heard out loud. "It doesn't sound like anyone is talking in private," I stated.

"Keep listening," he urged.

I could feel my nose start to bleed.

Keep them together

Tell Castiel not to interfere with that one, no reason

Can't let this keep happening

Maybe the plan is better ended

Someone is listening

Someone is listening

Someone is listening

All the sudden it was like a freight train was taking over, blasting through my head. I cringed and stopped focusing. "They know I was listening," I stated, my head in my hands. "I can't hear anything anymore."

Malik looked visibly upset, and stood up.

The door crashed open, and Castiel came barreling through the door. He stepped towards Malik. Malik's eyes went black. Castiel put his hand on his forehead, killing him with a bright light.

He came over to me, glaring. "Why were you talking to a demon?" he asked.

I was still slightly in shock. "He told me he was an angel. He knew things. He saved my life. I thought…"

"He was not," Castiel stated. "He was lying."

"Obviously," I glared.

Dean came running into the room next. "What the hell, Lex?" Dean demanded.

"She was with a demon," Castiel replied for me. "I need to go." He disappeared.

"So what?" Dean demanded, looking at the two bodies lying on the floor. "You just invite random guys in now?"

"I didn't know the first one was a demon and the second told me he was an angel," I replied, my head still pounding.

"Oh," Dean said, laughing slightly. "Well in that case its all ok then."

"Dean –"

He picked up the pill bottle on the floor. "You were trying to get more, right?" he asked. I didn't say anything. "Right?" he screamed.

Sam stayed in the doorway. I don't even think he knew what to say.

"Get up," Dean demanded. I stood. He grabbed my arm and took me to the bathroom once again.

"What, are you going to lock me in here again?" I asked, slightly woozy.

"Flush them," he said, not answering my question.

I looked from him to the pill bottle. "Why don't you do it?"

"It doesn't mean anything if I get rid of them, apparently," he remarked.

I took the bottle out of his hand. He started to walk away. "Aren't you going to lock me up or something?" I asked, as he started cleaning up the mess.

He shook his head. "If you want to leave, then leave. But I'm not coming after you this time." I stared at him. His eyes were like ice. "If you want to be a part of this - " he said pointing to Sam. "Of this family, you'll flush them."

I set them on the counter. Dean seemed slightly disappointed. I sat on the toilet and closed the door.

My mind wanted me to take all the pills right now. I knew it didn't make any sense, but I already knew how badly that this was going to hurt.

I didn't start getting sick until late that night. I slept on the bathroom floor. The next morning, I stepped out to get some air. Dean was sitting on the bed drinking a beer. He didn't say anything to me. He just got up and left.

"Here," Sam said, handing me some water. "You're going to dehydrate yourself." I took a small sip.

I wondered to myself if Dean would ever trust me again. My brain was on fire. "Thanks, " I stated, my voice hoarse.

"Why Lex?" Sam said. "Why did you start this?"

I shrugged. "Same reason you went off with Ruby. I needed it."

He scoffed. "I didn't need her."

"I know, Sammy," I said, making my way back to the bathroom.

Dean came back hours later. Sam was asleep. I took the pill bottle off the counter and flushed them all down the toilet. Dean watched out of the corner of his eye. I handed him the empty bottle. "There," I said, "You happy?"

"No," he replied, smacking the bottle out of my hand. He looked at me for a long time. "You told me you tried to kill yourself. Why?"

I swallowed. "I hear voices."

"You what?"

"That's what the demons wanted the other day," I stated. "They wanted to know what I overhear. I think its other angels, I don't know. But the pills…they numb them. Make them not as loud for me."

"You hear voices," he stated. "Right now?"

"All the time," I replied.

"What happened when you, uh…"

"I didn't know at the time but the angels stopped it," I answered. "They didn't want me dead I guess."

I sat on the small chair in the corner and tried to relax. The back of my throat was burning, I was hot, I was cold, I was everything at once and exhausted. I just wanted this to be over.

I woke up to Castiel staring at me. I jumped up. "Whoa, personal space," I complained.

He reached over and touched my forehead. At first I wasn't sure what he had done, until I realized that it was quiet. I could hear my own thoughts for the first time in months. "What did you do?" I asked.

"It's too dangerous for you to overhear anymore than you already have," he stated. "I blocked it out of your consciousness."

I glared at him. "You couldn't have done that months ago?"

"It was not a problem before," he responded. He disappeared again.

I scoffed. Dean and Sam were both still asleep. I got up and washed my face in the sink. Now that they were gone, I felt immensely calm. I could relax in my own head.

I climbed into bed next to Dean. I felt him flinch, but he just rolled over and looked at me. "You ok?" he asked.

"Yeah," I replied. "I'm fine."

I fell asleep in peace.

When I opened my eyes again, Dean and Sam were both up and eating Chinese food. "What time is it?" I asked, when Dean threw a pillow at my head.

"Seven pm," Sam replied. "You just slept for seventeen hours."

"That's all?"I joked. I realized I really needed to pee.

"You feel better?" Dean asked.

"I think I got dropped out of an airplane, but yeah," I answered.

"Good," Dean replied. "Because we're leaving. But uh, your boyfriend is worried about you. Been calling you for two days."

I grabbed my phone off the counter. I had eleven missed calls. "I'll be right back," I said, going outside.

"Hey, what the hell?" Dylan demanded, answering after only one ring. "You just disappeared and then Dean tells me you're detoxing?"

"Yeah," I replied. "I was."

"So it finally caught up to you, huh?" he asked, not sounding upset.

"Don't sound too happy about it," I retorted. "Wanna come over?"

"Not to be mean, but no," he replied.

I scoffed. "What are you mad at me or something?"

He was silent for a second. "Actually, yeah I am kinda pissed."

I was taken aback at that. "What?"

"You ditched me Winchester," Dylan replied. "More than once. Lied to me, ask me for help, act like we're a thing and don't talk to me about what's going on. You used me. What the hell are you doing?"

"What do you mean?" I asked, defensively. "I didn't use you."

"How is asking to be a thing, me helping you work on your freaky shit, and then leaving when things get tough not using me?" he asked.

"Never thought you'd be the emotional one Porter," I accused.

"I'm not being emotional," he spat. "I don't understand why you act like I need to care when you clearly don't."

"Whatever," I said, "You were right, we never should have done this."

"It's what I said from the beginning," he replied. "Too complicated."

"All right, so we're done," I stated. "Bye." I clicked to hang up.

I went back inside. "So when are we leaving?" I asked. "I'm ready to get the hell out of this room."

Dean looked from Sam back to me. "Tomorrow morning."

"Sounds good," I answered, drinking some water.

You think I would stop being surprised when things went wrong. But I was still as lost as ever. No, that wasn't true. To be lost meant I knew where the hell I was going in the first place, and I could say one thing for certain.

I had no idea where I was headed.