Title: Reason to Live
Author: Kyouryoku Senshi
Spoilers: Vienen and Alone
Disclaimer: I don't own anything!
Summary: After Mulder gets fired from the X-Files, things take an unexpected turn for the worst. It's up to Scully show him where he belongs.
Mulder had expected dismissal after the discussion with Kersh and he could have sworn the man couldn't have been happier to rain on his parade and take him down with it. And during the time at that oil rig, he could have cared less about the consequences. It wasn't until now that the implications sunk in. Now he could have kicked himself. Scully was going on maternity leave soon and she was having his baby, what kind of father would be if he was unemployed? He knew it wouldn't be too hard to go and teach at the academy, but the X-Files were his life's work, he couldn't imagine doing anything else but chasing flying saucers.
As Mulder was packing up the remainder of his stuff, he exchanged goodbyes with Agent Doggett. He was proud to say that he could actually trust this man with his life's work. He protected Scully and the baby throughout the entire time he was gone and that was what mattered most.
When Mulder picked up his stuff and started to leave, Doggett turned back to him. "Are you sure you're alright, Agent Mulder?"
Mulder nodded. "I think so; it's going to take some time adjusting. Almost nine years in this office and suddenly, my career is gone. I really don't know what I'm going to do, but I need to figure it out soon, because I'll need to be able to support Scully and the baby when she's on maternity leave."
Doggett nodded. "Take care of her and yourself. I'm going to have Monica Reyes come out to help me for a bit. I think this office needs someone with an open mind," he couldn't help but laugh.
Mulder nodded. "Don't degrade yourself, Agent Doggett. Your progress is impressive. It took Scully several years before she started to believe."
Doggett nodded. "Thanks." And Mulder was out the door.
Agent Doggett watched as the other man took his exit. He seemed to be bearing it, at least in front of him. However, he could sense that it bothered Mulder much more than he liked to let on.
Scully paced around in her apartment for the last several hours. It was almost ten and Mulder should have been home by now. She knew he was upset about his dismissal. Hell, she didn't expect otherwise. The X Files had been his life's work and now it was hers. She tried calling his cell phone several times and was only met with the answering machine. "Dammit Mulder," she whispered.
She caressed her belly over and over in an attempt to not only calm the child inside, but her own incessant worries as well. "Your father is really beginning to worry me, little one," she whispered. After another hour had passed, she gave in and called Agent Doggett.
"Do you know where Mulder is?" her voice was shaking.
"Agent Scully," the groggy voice responded on the other end of the phone line. When he heard the quiver in her voice, he was instantly alert. "He didn't come home?"
"No," she almost cried into the phone. "I know he was upset earlier, but I really didn't think he was this upset. Oh god, how could he not be this upset? I mean it was his life's work."
"Don't worry, Agent Scully. It's going to be okay, I'm sure he's okay. Do you need me to call Skinner?"
"No, I'm going to head over to his apartment. I'm sure he has to be there. I'll let you know if he's not."
"Okay, take care of yourself, Agent Scully."
Scully hung up the phone and hurried out the door.
Mulder stared out into the night. He didn't think it would hit him so hard. The X-Files were his life's work, his reason for living. Although Scully told him the baby she was carrying was his, he couldn't help but feel a twinge of jealousy that he was no longer the most important person in her life. That's why he was worried about what might come between them when he agreed to help her with the IVF. He knew he had no reason for those kinds of thoughts, but he thought them. Life had moved on without him, he had no family and now his career was taken away. He caused Scully so much grief when he returned and he was certain the reason for the partial abruption was because of him. He wished he would have stayed dead.
He couldn't be the father of her child that he wanted to be. She and the baby were better off without him. He reached into his drawer and pulled out some pills, popped a few into his mouth and took a swig of tequila.
There was no reason for him to live anymore and he had nothing to hold him back. He reached into his desk drawer and pulled out a gun he had yet to confiscate. "I've failed my career and I've failed Scully," he whispered. "I'm a complete failure." He took the safety off the gun and lifted it towards his temple, when a knock sounded at the door.
"Mulder,"came a frantic voice. "It's me, Scully."
When he didn't make a movement to open the door, she let herself in using the spare key he had given her a long time ago. Once she closed the door behind her, she turned on the lights and gasped at the sight of him. "Mulder!"
His hair was disheveled, five o'clock shadow was setting in and he looked like he had been crying for hours. When she saw the gun in his hand she began to move towards him with a start. "What the hell are you doing, Mulder?" she cried. Before she could reach him, she heard the click of the gun and came to a halt. Her hands instinctively went to shield the baby.
"Don't come any closer, Scully," he muttered.
Scully jumped and instinctively raised her hands at the sight of the weapon. She had a flash-back of all those years ago when she had that bout of paranoia and was about to shoot even Mulder. "Mulder, please don't do this," her voice broke and tears filled her eyes. In her heart, she knew he'd never try to harm her or the baby; he had to be under some sort of influence. She scanned the room and her eyes landed on a bottle of tequila and a bottle of pills that had spilled over.
He winced as he saw a tear fall down her cheek. "Put the gun down, Mulder," she whispered as another lone tear slid down her face. "Please," she pleaded.
Mulder slowly lowered the gun and she sighed with relief as she placed her hands protectively over her belly. "Tell me what's wrong," she continued.
He looked away, he hated himself from pointing that gun at her and their unborn baby, but she had to let him do this. "You have to let me do this, Scully. I have to end it now."
"What are you talking about?" he voice broke.
"I have nothing else to live for. I have no family, I lost my career and I've lost six months of life that I can never get back. Everything has gone on without me."
Scully shook her head. "That's not true, Mulder, you know that. You know how much we've needed you, the baby and I. We are having a baby, Mulder," she whispered, as if saying it for the first time.
Mulder shook his head. "That's just it, Scully. I still don't know where I fit in or if I can be the person you want me to be."
Scully smiled sadly. "You don't have to change anything, Mulder. You're already the person I want you to be," her voice broke as she battled a fresh set of tears.
Mulder shook his head. "I don't know if I'm capable of being a father, I've hurt you and the baby. It's all my fault. If you're looking for a good father, I can't promise you that, but I can promise that I won't put you or the baby in anymore danger," he said as he raised the gun to his temple. "It'd be better if I stayed dead!"
"No!" she cried, racing towards him. She closed her eyes expecting to hear a shot, but when she opened them, Mulder's hand was still clasped tightly onto the gun and he was fighting an onset of tears. His hand was shaking as if weighing the options. Something was holding him back.
Mulder stared at Scully stomach, which was brushed against his thigh. He could have sworn he felt a movement come from within, as if reminding him of its existence. Scully seemed to have noticed it too as she battled him for the gun.
"Give me the gun, Mulder!"
Despite being out of shape, Mulder's strength was still much better than her own. She looked at him as more tears escaped and held out her hand.
"Give me the gun, Mulder," she repeated in a whisper.
He looked at her as if contemplating the options and slowly relinquished the gun into her open hand. She took out the ammo and pocketed it before setting the weapon aside. Mulder fell to his knees and began to sob. She rushed back over to him and pulled him as close as her belly would allow. "I'm sorry, Scully," he sobbed. "I'd never hurt you or the baby, I'm sorry," he repeated. She cradled his upper body in her arms as she shed silent tears of relief.
"I know, Mulder," her voice broke. "I know."
He slipped his arms around her waist and hugged her belly. "Shh, it's okay, it's going to be okay," she whispered as she caressed his hair, crying silent tears of her own.
Moments later, Doggett and Skinner appeared in the doorway. Skinner spotted the gun and quickly pocketed it. "What's going on here?" he asked, despite already knowing the answer.
They spotted Mulder, slumped against Scully. "Are you okay, Agent Scully, is he okay?" Doggett asked.
Scully nodded wearily. "Yeah, but I think he's overdosed on drugs with a little alcohol," she said glancing at the remaining pills. "I think he's going to be okay, but he needs to be examined."
Doggett nodded. There are some medics on the way. We heard you scream. Skinner glanced at Mulder, who now appeared to have passed out. "What happened, Agent Scully?" Doggett asked out of concern.
Scully wiped the tears from her face. "He was going to commit suicide, I had to stop him," she whispered.
"Dana, you risked the baby," Skinner stared.
Scully shook her head. "No, I know he'd never harm our baby."
"Does he need to be put on suicide watch?"
She shook her head. "I think he's okay now, but he needs to get that alcohol and pills out of his system."
A few days later, Mulder was released from the hospital and into Scully's care. She wanted him to stay with her and he didn't object.
As Scully settled into her couch, Mulder brought her some pizza. "I'm amazed, Scully. Are you ever going to get tired of eating this?"
She beamed at him. "Maybe after he or she is born."
He watched as she caressed her belly and she continued. "There's something I want you to know, Mulder."
"What is it, Scully?" he asked a little worriedly.
"That your place will always be with us. You and this baby mean the world to me. You may not know it yet, but you're going to make a wonderful father,"
He couldn't help but smile. "Big nose and all?"
She laughed. "Yes, and it might not be a bad thing if we stopped working on the X-Files after all."
He looked at her in shock.
"I'm beginning my maternity leave, but when our baby is born, I don't want to have a job that requires me to put my life on the line each day. I want to be able to come home to you and to our baby."
Mulder smiled as he rested his hand on her stomach. "So what were you thinking?"
"Maybe I'll go teach at Quantico, but we can worry about that more when the time comes."
Mulder sensed that there was more. "But?"
"I don't want you to feel like I'm abandoning your work now that you're gone," she admitted.
Mulder tucked a stray hair form her face. He shook his head. "You've paid your dues there, Scully and now that Agent Reyes is being transferred up here, we have people down in that office that are more than qualified to do that work," he smiled assuring her.
She intertwined her fingers with his. "It's time for us to focus on our baby," he continued, pressing his lips against the rise of her abdomen. "It was the baby who stopped me from taking my life, reminding me that I do have a reason to live."
Scully smiled. "You scared me to death, Mulder and you'd better not do that to me ever again."
He nodded. "Don't count on it, you're not getting rid of me that easily," he smirked.
"And you know what else, Mulder?"
"You're giving up your apartment and from now on; you're living here with me and our baby."
He chuckled. "Well, I don't think my bachelor pad is suitable for a baby and I wouldn't have it any other way."
"I love you," he whispered, cupping her face.
"We love you, too."
A/N: I hope you liked it, please R&R!