Hello there lovely readers.
At least, I hope there are still readers! I don't get many reviews anymore *sniffs* but I shall not be deterred. For those of you who are still with me, I salute you. Here is a little light relief. Bella back to her normal Jasper Induced Stupidity. You readers rock, and I loves ya. I may or may not be under the influence of pain killers as I have a very bad back. However, please don't hold that against me! Lol.
Disclaimer: Characters not mine. Jasper Induced Stupidity is, as I have it in spades.
Beautiful Mambomama is my beta. I love her.x
I went inside and headed to the kitchen.
I needed a fucking drink. Tanya definitely could use a strong one. I didn't think any of the others would turn down a generously sized glass of something either.
Only problem was, there was no way I was going to load up a tray of drinks and carry them all the way back to the terrace. No way. Not only was it a long way to walk with eight drinks, (Rose won't even let me walk from the bar to back to our table) but Esme's glasses were some crazy expensive kind from New York or somewhere.
One set probably cost six month's wages.
I scanned the kitchen for inspiration. There had to be some way to carry that many drinks that far, short of putting them on a tray and sliding them there.
I could, though...
No, Bella. No sliding! Why don't you just ask for help?
Couldn't possibly. That would make too much sense.
Thought your Jasper-Induced-Stupidity had vanished.
Jesus, now I talk to myself?! Pass me a martini and I'll have turned into my mother...
Hang on...martini...cocktails! Huh. I could do that.
This wasn't like the time I thought I could horseback ride, or the time I thought cycling would be the easiest way to exercise. Those were things, I definitely could not do.
But, for Char's last birthday we'd cajoled Edward into teaching us girls how to make cocktails. He thought we were kidding, of course. But when we convinced him we were quite serious, he promised to teach us one cocktail each.
Mine happened to be kick-ass margaritas. Yes, kick-ass margaritas.
I began to rummage through the cupboards to find everything I needed. Glasses were easy as they were shining at me from the spectacular and scarily precarious-looking shelving unit on the far wall of the room. The mixer was sitting on one of the gleaming work surfaces, the ice was obviously in the freezer and the mint sat in a very 'TV-cooking-show' style bowl near the sink.
Now to find the tequila...
Three cupboards, two refrigerators and the pantry later, and still no tequila.
Damn it! Where's the friggin' hooch?!
"What the hell are you doing?!"
At the sound of the deep, disbelieving voice I jumped a mile out of my skin and banged my head on the roof of the pantry.
I'd been balancing on two of the middle shelves so I could see what was on the top one.
At the resounding thud of my head connecting with heavy wood, the low voice turned into a throaty chuckle.
"Emmett, you bastard, you scared the shit out of me!"
"Emmett! Stop being an asshole and help me down. I'm seriously 'this close' to seeing cartoon stars round my head."
"Okay, okay, calm yourself down, B. C'mere."
He helped me down, like I weighed nothing more than a bag of sugar, and set me on the counter next to the sink. Noticing as he did, all the ingredients I had been assembling for a pitcher of my alcoholic masterpiece.
"Got ice all ready? Were you planning on giving yourself a concussion so Big Ol' Emmett could rescue ya?"
"Jesus Emmett, what have you guys been doing in The Bat Cave, watching westerns?! Because I hate to tell you, that accent sucks."
"You wound me, Bella."
"Aw, stop with the puppy dog eyes, Em. You know that only works when Ali does it."
"My accent's better than Dad's..."
He actually pouted.
Sad Emmett is adorable. Probably best not to tell him that, though...
"So seriously, what were you doing balancing on shelves in the pantry?"
"I was looking for tequila."
"Okay, I admit that I wasn't expecting it to be in there, but I had to check. If the alcohol isn't kept in the kitchen, where would it be?"
"The cellar, Bella. Ha! That rhymes..."
Childishness aside, the 'where-the-hell-else-would-it-be' look he gave me told me it was stupid not to check the wine cellar. But in my defence, I don't have a goddamn wine cellar, so why would I automatically think that?
"Damn beautiful people, in their damn beautiful big houses..." I must have been grumbling louder than I thought if the loud booming laughter was anything to go by.
"What did you come in for then, Emmett?" I said. Chagrin morphed into mirth, as I hopped down off the counter.
Again I was hit by that look.
Of course. Only he could eat a meal like we had – well two really, as he had twice as much as the rest of us – and be hungry enough to eat again less than two hours later. Unbe-fucking-lievable.
I went to take a step towards the kitchen door, but swayed pretty severely. Thankfully, Emmett caught me before I hit the hard marble floor. That would have hurt like a sonofabitch...
"Shit, Bella. How hard did you hit your head?"
"I don't know, Em, pretty damn hard. You did scare the ever lovin' shit out of me." I grouched as he helped me back onto the counter top.
"Well, I think you hit it harder than we thought. Those margaritas will have to wait, hon."
Pshaw...the hell you say!
And just like that, Emmett-The-Joker turned into Emmett-The-Brother-Bear. Who had suddenly set me back on top of the counter and was flipping his phone open to text, at a guess, his dad.
Sure enough, not two minutes later, an amused Carlisle strolled into the kitchen, followed by a concerned looking was carrying his trusty 'Mary Poppins' medical bag.
I swear, one day he's going to pull a coat stand out of that thing...
Jasper smirkedand – wait, where did Emmett go?
Ah...there he is. Doubled over, laughing his ass off.
"Maybe not a coat stand, perhaps something a little smaller?"
"Like the talking bird umbrella?" I asked, possibly a bit too much enthusiasm.
"The fuck?!" Asked a very confused Jasper. Aw, I could just smush his beautiful face...
Emmett, who had been trying to pull himself together, promptly fell back into full blown belly laughter until-
"Emmett! For God's sake pull yourself together and tell me what on earth happened! Your text only said that Bella was hurt, and that I should come down to check on her." Yelled an increasingly fuzzy looking Carlisle.
Ooooh, Em's in trouble!
"Yes he is, Bella. Now what happened, I have a feeling it may have something to do with him, yes?"
Huh, not so inner monologue anymore, then? Eh, well. I had more curious things to think about. Like why, for some reason, did Fuzzy Carlisle kept gently squeezing my hands. Wow, he has really shiny buttons...
"Focus, sweetheart." Chuckled Jasper. Oh, maybe that's why.
"Bella, honey." Another squeeze... "I need you to tell me what happened." Uh oh, Carlisle's in doctor mode, must be serious.
"Well, I came in to check on Vicky, and to get all us girls a drink after the emotional H-bomb that was dropped. But I realised that there was no way I would be able to carry all those drinks back to the terrace without help. So, after having an argument with myself over the ridiculousness -or genius- of dragging the tray of drinks behind me, I realised I could just make cocktails. Woah, those really are shiny buttons..."
"Bella!" Chorused all three lovely men in front of me.
"Right! Sorry...Well, I decided to make some kick ass margaritas. I was hunting round for everything I needed except I couldn't find the tequila. Well, I was balancing on the shelves looking to see over the top one, when Em crept up behind me and made me jump."
More squeezing of the hands.
I had to wonder how much I'd had to drink, as the world was definitely beginning to spin. Badly. Sleeping was also starting to become the best idea I ever had.
Except for getting with Jasper. THAT was the best idea I ever had. He's pretty...
Yet more booming laughter was cut off by the sound of a two hands hitting what – even in my whimsical state - I could only guess was Emmet's head. The resulting "Ow, shit!" Told me I was right.
Esme's voice ringing through the cavernous kitchen woke me up slightly. Well, at least enough to almost topple off the counter top I was so ungracefully perched upon.
"What in the hell is going on in here? Carlisle, is everything ok?"
"Bella hit her head after Emmett made her jump. It's clear she has a concussion, but I'm about to see if she has any external injuries."
"Concussion?! I came to see what was taking her so long. I thought perhaps she had gone to check on Victoria."
Aw, lovely Vicky. Viiiiiiickeeeeeeee...
"Um, yes. Concussion seems to be the case alright." She said, doing a frankly incredible job of holding her laughter. I could see the mirth in her eyes.
She gently tilted my face to look at her...such lovely hair...and held my weight as Carlisle checked the top of my head.
"Well, the good news is that you don't need stitches, Bella. However, you're going to need some anti-sickness medication until you get over the concussion."
"Ah, yes. I remember your reaction to that the last time you had it."
All but Jasper chuckled at the memory of me, high as a kite at Mom and Pop's twentieth wedding anniversary.
"I'll go get her prescription filled, I've only had one beer."
"Thank you, Jasper."
Carlisle then scribbled something onto a slip of paper and handed it to him.
"C'mon, baby girl. Let's get you down from there and out onto the terrace. The fresh air will clear your head some."
I wrapped my arms around his neck and he lifted me down. Oh, he smells so good...
He chuckled. "Thank you, sweetheart."
Emmett, I noticed, was not laughing any more but standing silently by the door. Jasper began to lead me back to the terrace. As we passed him, I pulled away from J and reached an arm around his waist and curled into him. As he wrapped his huge frame around my smaller – and significantly more wobbly – one, he whispered "I'm sorry, honey".
He held me for a minute longer then passed me back to Jasper. That sounds bad, but I really needed to be held up as we walked the short distance back to the other girls.
"What am I going to do with you, sugar?" He smiled down at me as he stopped to open the door.
"I think I can handle that."
He kissed my forehead lightly and opened the door.