Cheat

Sue Sylvester will die.

This is intolerable. Just as the great artifacts of the ancient world remain preserved in some shape or form, either through the unnecessary concern of hippies who can't quite see what they're saving, pure blind luck or fate; Sue Sylvester should survive forever. The world needs her! Who else would have such an understanding of championhood? If there is ever an intergalactic war because the aliens are sick of humanity whispering about them behind their backs, Earth is going to need Sue Sylvester to have any chance of winning.

She will die because she is human, and that's what humanity does once it is old and decrepit and constantly bathed in its own urine. But she is not human. She is Sue Sylvester. How anyone could mistake the two is beyond her.

Everyone else will die. Jeannie will die. Why? Why shouldn't be able to choose that? She's Sue Sylvester; she can get anyone to do anything.

But there's that lingering feeling at the back of her head - she is human. She will die. And that's not fair.

This is ridiculous. She must sound like those cults of black-wearing teenagers who hang themselves by their own black leather pants or fishnet stockings or whatever. Sue Sylvester shouldn't have to worry about this. Who cares if someday she will die? She'll outlive everyone she knows, mostly because of her plan to infect the school with poisonous gas in 2012 and see who survives. It's not a big deal.

But this is a battle she cannot win. God, entropy, the Giant Flying Spaghetti Monster - whoever it is, they want her to die someday. And they have all the power in this. And since when does Sue Sylvester not have power?

She watches the clock as she falls asleep, shifting to try and get comfortable, but just making the nails press harder. Damn you, physics,. The seconds on the clock slip away. 1, 2, 3, 4...

She is losing.