another chapter for you guys!
Most of these characters are from Stephenie Meyer…
For once in my impossibly long existence, I was thankful my body temperature was lower than that of a human. Bella has a fever again so I stayed beside her to keep her body cool. I looked at my Bella and saw my beloved breathe slowly. Once again I wondered what I ever did to deserve such a blessing.
And then I wondered if my sins were too grave that heaven decided to take her away from me. But an angel like Bella may be needed in heaven. Not damned forever with a selfish, soulless monster like me.
It's a good thing though that she is no longer bleeding despite the fact that her condition isn't getting any better. Yet for someone hovering closer to death, she still remains lovely.
Death hath had no power upon thy beauty…
Yes. My Bella is still beautiful. Nothing can ever change that. I chuckle as I remember Bella's absurdness when Carlisle told her about her treatment.
I was feeding Bella with mushroom soup when Carlisle entered the room. He smiled at Bella then touched my shoulder.
"So, what's up with me?" Bella asked casually. I sighed. How can she take the matter of her life so easily?
"There haven't been any changes in your condition. But we should start chemotherapy very soon. I will schedule a treatment for you tomorrow. If that is alright with you, anyway."Carlisle said, looking at me. He was getting worried since the cancer cells are slowly spreading through her body.
"When do we have to start the therapy?" she asked, fear creeping into her voice. I wrapped my arm around her shoulder. She looked at me, smiled then leaned her head on my shoulder.
"As soon as we can. I just need to inform Charlie bit since you're already of legal age, we can start whenever you want. But I do advice we start very soon."
"Oh. Uhm, can I think about it?"She asked.
"What is there to think about? You have to start treatment soon." I said even before Carlisle can respond.
"I'm sorta worried about the side effects. I mean, I saw enough movies to know what happens when a person goes through chemo and all." She mumbled.
"I am willing to talk to you regarding the side effects of chemotherapy. What is it that bothers you?" Carlisle asked. Bella bit her lip and blushed. Then she took a deep breath.
"Will I lose my hair?" she whispered. Carlisle and I looked at each other then at Bella, who was hiding her face on my shoulder.
"Well, it is a possibility." Carlisle said slowly. Bella sighed. "Is that all that concerns you?"
"Yes. Thanks Carlisle. Let me think about it first, please." She said, looking at Carlisle. Tears were slowly forming in her eyes. When Carlisle left, I pulled Bella on my lap and tilted her chin so that she was looking at me.
"What's wrong, love?" I asked, "What bothers you so much? Is it the treatment?"
"The effects of the treatment actually." She mumbled.
"Losing your hair? Why?" I asked, a little confused. Bella wasn't vain about her hair unlike Rose. Her hair was beautiful and soft and fragrant without any effort on her part. I never told her that I liked combing my fingers along her lush tresses.
"Why? Can you imagine me being bald? I'd look awful. I'd be a freak. You'd be engaged to the ugliest girl in town. Argh!" she said, tears falling from her eyes. I just looked at her. The concept of Bella being ugly just didn't make sense to me. How can she think that losing her hair would make her less attractive than she is now?
"Bella-" I began but she cut me off.
"I know you're gonna tell me that I'd still be pretty and all, but… but I'll lose my hair!" she said, and then she sighed.
"I never told you this but my hair is the only thing that I believe is beautiful about me and I'm about to lose it. And I know how you like my hair. You always play with it and I know you don't think that I notice it but I know that you love to bury your face in my hair."
"I admit that I love your hair. But I love it only because it's yours. No matter how you look, with or without your hair, I will still love you. I always have and always will." I said then I kissed her tears away.
"No buts. I love you. And you'll always be beautiful." I said, kissing her lips with as much love as I can give her fragile body.
"Edward?" Bella asked, waking me from my reverie.
"Love? Are you awake?" I asked, trying to make sure if she was indeed awake or just dreaming, she doesn't talk much in her sleep lately. Carlisle believes it's because she doesn't feel very much comfortable even in her sleep.
"Yes. My leg hurts."
"which one?" I asked, standing up trying to massage her.
"Both." She whispered. I looked at her and saw her chewing her lower lip. I gently pulled it before it bleeds from the force of her bite.
I took the covers away to see her leg and despite the darkness, what I saw almost made me gasp.
"Edward? What's wrong?" she asked, her lovely voice quivering. She was also shaking a bit.
"Wait a minute, love. Does it hurt so much? I'll call Carlisle." I said in a rush. I quickly took my cell phone from my pocket and speed-dialed Carlisle. He answered on the first ring.
"It's Bella. She needs assistance. I think her cancer is starting to advance." I said in a rush. Bella was unable to understand what I was saying but being the perceptive girl that she is, understanding finally showed in her eyes.
"Its getting worse, isn't it?" she whispered. I wrapped my arms around her, trying to keep her together- trying to keep her beside me.
She wrapped her arms around me as well, her shoulders starting to shake. She was crying…
"Does it hurt? Don't worry, love. Carlisle will be here any second."
"It doesn't hurt that much." She said in an odd voice. She was about to say something when Carlisle entered the room and turned the lights on.
The sudden brightness startled Bella. She looked around the room and gasped at what she saw…
I was such an idiot! I forgot to cover her leg which was truly exposed to her now. I did not want her to see it this way. It might scare her. Stupid, stupid, stupid!
"I sure did get fat, huh." She mumbled, looking at her very swollen leg. It was bruised and it seemed very painful. Trust her to make jokes during times like these. I tried to repress my growl.
"Bella, I think chemotherapy isn't working as well as I hoped." Carlisle said in a deadpan voice. "But I do have another option."
"What?" Bella and I inquired at the same time.
"Radiation therapy. Only, this hospital does not have the proper equipments for such procedure. But I do know of a place where we can treat you." He replied. It will be so much easier with the both of them there…
"Who?" I asked the same time Bella asked, "Where?"
"In Seattle Grace Hospital. I have been there once on a conference. They have very skilled doctors and state-of-the-art equipment." I'll explain later. He added, morosely.
"Oh. I guess we can go there. I just have to tell Charlie tomorrow… and Jake." she mumbled then she looked at me, "You're coming too, right?"
"Of course I am." What a silly question to ask. Nothing can tear me apart from Bella. Especially now.
Bella smiled and told Carlisle that she was willing to go to Seattle. After Carlisle gave Bella her meds, she fell asleep again. She deep in her slumber when Carlisle left, leaving the two of us alone once again.
Okay. So now I really feel stupid. I was pacing back and forth on the hospital parking lot at five- freaking- a.m. I was so worried about Bella that even dreamed about her.
Yeah, I know I always dream about her but this time it's different. I dreamt that I was walking down an aisle. Everyone was wearing white and there were flowers everywhere. I saw Edward standing at the altar. So I thought it was one of those nightmares. You know, the one where I would watch Bella and the leech pronounce their love, their marriage. But as I reached the altar, I saw a golden casket. I didn't need to look at it to know who died.
That thought shot me awake and had me racing to get to the hospital only to realize it was five in the morning!
I groaned again.
"You're here early." A chirpy voice said behind me. I didn't bother looking around to know which leech this one is.
"So are you." I snapped.
"You aren't a morning person, aren't you?"
"No. I just ain't a leech person"
"Funny, I thought you were gonna say you aren't much of a person." She finally snapped at me.
"I'm more of a person than you are." I growled.
"You woke up at the wrong side of the… er… where do dogs sleep anyway?" she said. Before I can make a come-back, she climbed through Bella's window and disappeared.
Lucky for her she was so small that it wouldn't seem weird for her to dangle outside a girl's room. I on the other hand… just that thought is creepy enough for me.
"Good morning, Jacob." Dr. Fang said, walking to his expensive Mercedes parked next to my bike. I just ignored him.
Finally, after what seemed like forever, the clock finally signaled the start of polite-normal-people- visitation hours. I didn't waste time and went directly to Bella's room.
"Jake!" she sighed, looking so tired. Edward was beside her, as always. And the tiny one was feeding her with some kinda soup.
"Morning. How's the runaway bride?" I said, hoping to offend the leeches. Edward just ignored the comment but Alice hissed.
"You know I can't run, Jake." Bella glared at me.
"So? You'll be the walk-away bride. Or the crawl-away."
"Just shut up." Bella said, glancing at pixie-vampire. She looked so ready to disconnect my head from my neck.
"What's new?" I asked again, searching her features for something different, any sign that she might be getting better. Edward sighed.
"I'm gonna be traveling." Bella said with so much fake enthusiasm I almost laughed at her.
"Really? Where to?"
"To Seattle… Hospital. For my treatment." She whispered the last part. I looked at Edward
She's getting worse, isn't she? I asked. He nodded infinitesimally so Bella wouldn't notice. Bella was still staring at me and mistook my silent conversation with Edward for something else.
"You can come too, if you want. I would really like for you to be there as well so you know, we can catch up on stuff."
"Uh, I'd check things with Sam." I muttered. Bella smiled sadly at me. After Alice fed her, I sat on her bed and we began to talk. Edward excused himself and said something about elk populations rising. Tiny went out with him.
I spent most of the day with Bella but my lack of sleep was slowly catching up on me. Bella was getting tired as well.
"Guess I have to go now, Bells." I said, stretching as a stood up.
"Yeah. Thanks for coming, Jake. Really." She said, starting to tear up. I cupped her face carefully and kissed her forehead.
"Anytime. Now rest. I'd better talk to Sam. I can't promise you I'd be staying at Seattle but I will visit you."
"Thanks. Love you, Jake." she mumbled, lowering her head on her pillow and closing her eyes.
"Sure, sure. Love you too." More than you can ever know.
once again, i am facing a... not exactly writer's block... more of a writer's-laziness-to-continue-a-story thing.
help? reviews would be great. just saying.