A/N: So, for an apology for making you all wait forever for that last chapter. I'm posting another one quick! Alot happens in this chapter. And remember. It's been almost a month since the polyjuice potion incident.
I hate everything that today chooses to be.
And it's only 9:15.
Well, firstly, I wake up late. Which really wouldn't have been too bad if I had showered like I was going to last night. But I didn't, of course. So my hair is still wet, because I haven't even had the second to dry it with magic! Then (because of the shower) I didn't get down to breakfast in time. I had to watch everyone leaving the Great Hall to go to his or her classes. I then got stepped on by tiny first years that I promptly snapped at for trampling over older, smarter, Head Girls.
So, I had knelt down to rub my toe and retie my shoes from that run-in, when I saw the thing that really fucked up (pardon my language) my morning.
James Potter and Estella McNight were snogging like no-tomorrow. Gross. Even worse? James was groaning into the kiss. I watched as they stumbled up against the wall that supports the entrance to the Great Hall.
I let my shoe go untied in my hurry to escape being seen by them. Because it would totally look like (to James anyway) that I had hung back by 'pretending to tie my shoe' just to sneak on them. Which I hadn't been! Not at all…
It's a bad idea to try and run up staircases with an untied shoe, though. I stumbled not even half way up and smacked my head on the marble. Actually, I smacked my tooth. I knocked it out, even. Blood, yeah it had gone everywhere.
Estella had squealed and sprinted towards me to see if I was alright, bless her. She then asked James to tell Professor McGonagall that the two of us were going to be late.
She was personally going to see me to the Hospital Wing.
I didn't know what was worse. Looking like a looser in front of James, only to then be escorted by his overly nice girlfriend. Or the look of pure horror on his face at the mess of blood I had left on the marble steps.
So, here I sit. At 9:15, no, 9:17 now. Propped up against some pillows while Madam Pomfrey examines my tooth or lack-there-of.
"Alright, dear. Take this potion and sit back."
"How long will I be in here?" I asked her. I didn't want to miss very many lessons. But knowing my luck today, if I went back now, there'd probably be a pop quiz or something.
"Hmm? Oh, as long as it takes. You don't want to be in class when that new bone comes in!" She gave my shoulder a rough pat before tottering off. Seriously, she wasn't that old. Why did she totter?
"That was some fall, Lily!" Estella said in an odd voice.
I rolled my head on my pillow to look at her. I then noticed that the reason for her odd voice was she was trying not to laugh.
I smiled at her. "Yeah, bet I look great now." I knew that she was seeing my missing tooth.
She let out her laughter at that before going quiet again.
I didn't know what was the cause for her sudden change in demeanor, so I stayed quiet as well.
I looked up from picking at my nails, "Yes?"
She opened and closed her mouth a few times. Then sighed heavily before reaching for a lock of my red hair. "You know. I may be a strawberry blonde…but Merlin do I wish I had your red." She twirled a piece around her fingers. " I mean, I have a little…" She held up the ends of a piece of her hair and touched it to one of mine. "But it's no where near as beautiful as yours." She let hers fall down before grabbing more of my hair and began braiding a piece.
"You're hair is beautiful too, Estella." I muttered. And it's true; it was pin strait today with her bangs falling lightly into her eyes.
We suddenly heard the sound of a door closing. We both looked towards the infirmary's entrance but saw no one. Maybe someone just left. Estella turned back around to face me.
She shrugged and continued, "Well, thank you. But it's nowhere near as eye catching as yours!" She smiled at me and I found myself smiling back.
"I didn't always like it. I got picked on for it a lot." I said, sighing, "Then I came here and…and everyone seemed to like it. Especially-…er, my friends though it was fab. The only reason I kept it." I had almost said 'Especially James.'
But Estella was looking at me with smiling, pursed lips. I hadn't fooled her. Everyone at school knows what James Potter had thought of me. "You were going to say 'James' weren't you?"
"Yeah, but I didn't want to make it awkward." I mumbled looking away. No reason to lie.
"Oh! It doesn't bother me. I mean, it's a fact. Everyone in the school knew he loved you-r hair." She stumbled on that last part.
I looked at her and made the same expression that she had just made towards me. I made it clear that she hadn't fooled me. She was going to say that everyone in the school knew James loved me. It was a fact.
She laughed at dropped the braid that she had finished; it unraveled slightly without a hair tie to hold it. "Yeah, sorry. Didn't want to make it awkward." She said in an almost perfect imitation of me.
I started to laugh and so did she. Then I sobered up when I remembered the last time I had been alone with Estella. When I had been James. I cringed outwardly and decided to voice a question I had been wondering for a few weeks now. "So, how are you and James…you know…how've you been lately?"
She seemed to take a deep breath to steady herself. "I, um, I was actually going to ask you something. That I want…I mean, I hope you could answer me honestly about it."
I held my breath. 'Oh Merlin! Does she know? Well, how much does she know? That I'm in love with her Boyfriend? That I kissed him not a week before they started dating? That I was him when she tried to perform-…or that James KISSED me when they were on the rocks a month ago?' I was hyperventilating on the inside. I nodded for her to ask her question, trying to stay calm.
She bit her lips and searched my eyes. "Did you ever…in all the years that James chased you…did you ever kiss him?" She said it with a resolved tone. Not angry, not sad. Just…as if she was expecting a certain answer.
I was panicking. This was not good. I could say 'yes, a few times' and be honest with her. Or I could lie. But a part of me was starting to register what her tone meant. It meant that she had already talked to James about this. That she had asked him this question already. And he had given her an answer that she didn't like? No, more like an answer that she didn't believe.
James must have said that he never kissed me. And she doesn't believe it. James and I live in the same dorm, have all our classes together, and over seven years you would think that just once maybe…? She might be expecting me to say 'Yeah, it's was no big deal. It was a while ago. No worries'. And though it would be a releif to hear that I didn't care about it …it would contradict what James had said. I'm sure that he said 'no.' Otherwise…she wouldn't be asking me.
The truth is what she wants, though. But the truth would get James in trouble. She would probably wonder why he lied. Maybe it would end them. I hated the dark happiness that reigned in my chest at that millisecond thought.
She would leave him. They've been on the rocks for a while now. I could have him.
'But James lied for a reason.' My brain reminded me. 'He doesn't want to loose her. He's lying to her because he wants to keep her.'
So, in the end, their relationship could come down to me. What ever I say in the next few seconds.
…I could have him…
"No." I say after a second hesitation. "No, I mean, a few years back there was a dare for him to snog me." I laughed on cue here. "Not that he isn't attractive, Estella, but I walked out of the game. I wasn't his biggest fan at the time." I cringed for show.
My chest felt hallow.
She blinked at me before slowly smiling. "Really? In six years of chasing you…he never got you to kiss him?"
'Seven years' I corrected in my mind. "Nope. I mean, I kill you if you ever tell him this, of course, but he's very handsome…sexy…whatever, and I considered kissing him. But until recently, of course, his personality was too repulsive for me to stand."
She laughed breathlessly. "Lily…" She was grinning and shaking her head at me, "You're one of a kind." She patted my arm, "James never stood a chance."
'WILL. YOU. STOP. BEING. SO. NICE.' I sighed dramatically, "Does anyone?" We laughed.
She cleared her throat, "I'm going to head back to class now. I hope your tooth comes back in straight." She winked at me and grabbed her bag. "See you!"
"Bye!" I called as she opened the mahogany door and left. "Ughhhhhh." I groaned leaning my head back into my pillow. I breathed in slow. Alone at las-
"Why'd you lie?"
"AHHH!" I yelled whipping my head around to see who had spoken. James was standing to my left. Exactly opposite of where Estella had been not a minute before.
"Wha-wha…what are you doing here?" I clutched my chest, checking my heart.
"Checking on you, Evans." He replied before flopping on my cot. He made sure to lie across my legs.
"Hey!" I shook them. He let his body be abused. "James Potter. Will-you-please-not-lay-on-my-legs?" I said, punctuating each word with a kick of my legs, trying to knock him off.
He huffed and sat up, his hair and dress shirt all ruffled, now. "Are you going to tell me or not?"
"What was the question again?" I mumbled, trying to sound haughty.
"Why you lied to Estella."
I froze, caught off guard. "You heard all that?"
He smirked and wet his lips, (I hated that my eyes darted down to watch) "Well, from 'eye catching' something. Estella was taking about hair I think."
I reddened. "So you heard everything we said?"
"Didn't I already say yes?" He was tracing a pattern on my leg. On the skin right above my knee-high white socks. I never noticed how high about the knee my socks go. Marlene's reach her knees. Mine go over them, and his finger was starting to raise goose bumps on the flesh of my thigh.
"Yeah," I cleared my suddenly clogged throat. "You did." I watched him intently for a moment. His eyebrows were scrunched together, his lips slightly pursed. "Er, you asked me something?"
His eyebrows rose before he looked up at me. "Yes. I asked why you lied to Estella." He went back to tracing a pattern, but on the bed sheets this time, much to my dismay.
My mind still reeling on how he was able to sneak up on us, I answered honestly, "Of course. You obviously did, too."
He sighed heavily and looked up at me, his hazel eyes shinning behind his glasses. He had a little stubble on the line of his jaw and his hair was especially rumpled this morning. I waited for him to speak, as he was chewing the inside of his lip.
"Yeah, I lied to her. Do you think I'm an idiot?" He laughed, "Don't answer that, Red."
"Only Sirius calls me Red."
If James could growl he would have. "Sorry. Didn't know it was off limits." He started to get up but I grabbed his arm.
"You have got to stop getting…I don't know, jealous over Sirius! There is nothing-"
"I'm not jealous-!"
"-to get aggravated about." I looked at him sternly. "You and I haven't spoken in almost a month. Please don't leave." I looked at him sadly.
He breathed deeply for a moment. Seeming to contemplate my words. "Then answer my question, Lily."
My mind was in pleasure over the sound of my name on his lips. "I thought I did."
He was still poised to leave, my hand on his arm. "Yes, you agreed that you lied to her. But my question was 'why' not 'did'."
'Oh.' "You want to know why?" I swallowed and let my arm drop. He didn't answer. Nor did he move to leave.
"Because…" I couldn't breath for the second time in half an hour. Today just had 'terrible' written all over it. "Because I just wanted to do something nice for once. Is that so wrong?"
"Is that really why?"
"Why wouldn't it be?" I countered.
"Because it doesn't seem like the truth."
"Well it is."
"I don't think so."
"You're lying again."
"What do you want from me?" I shouted exasperated.
His eyes widened at my outburst. Then his lips slowly started to smile. "I want the truth, Lily."
"FINE!" I cried hysterical. I was dying. I was in love. And every second I was dying. I wanted nothing more in this moment then to confess. Confess all the things I've been hiding. The jealousy, the hurt, the stalker tendencies, and my love. I wanted to tell James Potter that after 7 years of pushing him away that I've fallen in love with the stupid bastard. I love him. I love him. "I know that you love Estella, and I just want you to be happy! I'll do whatever it takes to make you happy, James!"
His face wasn't a mask anymore. It was open and shocked. He was listening to every word I was…yelling.
"I'll do anything, anything you want me to! I'll do anything to make sure you get what you want. And what you want is…her! " I didn't mean to sound bitter, but my voice crunched on 'her'. "That's the truth! The truth is that-," hesitation, "I-"
We both whipped around to see Madam Pomfrey shuffling out of her office door, towards us.
"James Potter!" She chastised. "What the devil are you doing here?" She walked up and turned his face left and right with her pointer finger, checking for injuries. "Not in another fight, were you boy?"
"No ma'am." He glanced at me with urgent eyes. He wanted her to leave.
I took this moment to breathe.
"Then why, may I ask, are you here aggravating Miss Evans who is busy re-growing a tooth?"
I gasped and slapped a hand to my mouth. I had been yelling and smiling away with a missing front tooth! Oh, how embarrassing.
James turned to smile at me, knowing what I was thinking. He found it amusing. "Just checking on her, Madam Pomfrey. I was there when she fell and was worried."
She raised her eyebrows and looked between us. I coughed awkwardly. "Well, I'm sure she's very grateful for your concern, Mr. Potter. But I'm afraid I'm still going to have to ask you to leave."
The muscles in his jaw ticked, he glanced at me quickly. "Alright, but may I say goodbye?"
"Yes." She didn't move. She crossed her arms and stared at him. When James didn't turn immediately to say goodbye, she gave an impatient nod towards me.
"Er," He was so irritated that I started to giggle. He glared at me for laughing at him, then gave me an expression that made me sure that this conversation wasn't over. "Bye, Evans." He awkwardly bowed his head before turning rigidly, hands in pockets, and walking away and out the door.
Madam Pomfrey was smiling at me playfully. "Sorry dear. Got to be careful, you know. With all these beds around." She gave me a pointed look before smiling evilly and tottering back to her office.
I laid my head back on my pillow. 'Ow.' I reached up to tap my lip. Now my tooth was starting to grow back in. Great.
GAH! She almost told him!
I have a couple of questions that I'd just love for you all to leave in a review if you leave one (please do! I read each and every one!)
1) Do you think James knows what she was about to say?
2) What countries do you all hail from? (If American, put a state maybe?) I just love the diverse chart that I have and I'd love to know who's from where!
(Also, I went to Europe this summer! 10 days! I was in Italy and Greece! (Rome, Capri, Naples, Pompeii, Sarento, then Athens and Delphi) Let me know if any of you are from around there! I'm American. In case you didn't already know! I live in Florida, the furthest south in the US you can live. Haha!