Blood On Blood
Summary- This is an AU tag for Live Free or Twi-hard. This takes place right after the end of the episode- Sam and Dean have a more revealing conversation. Beta'd by the awesome sendintheclowns and Floralia, all mistakes mine!
Blood on blood, blood on blood
Just that blood
Blood on blood, blood on blood
Blood on blood, one on one
We'd still be standing when all was said and done
Blood on blood, one on one
And I'll be here for you till kingdom come
Blood on blood, yeah
Lyrics by Bon Jovi
Dean couldn't believe his ears, it was eerie the way Sam could lie so easily. Have his back, yeah right.
He slowly got into the car, not relishing the idea of riding the next hundred miles with his brother towards the next hunt.
Sam slid into the car and reached across, stopping Dean from starting the car. Dean pulled his hand away like it burned; he didn't want to be near his brother at the moment, let alone let him touch him.
"What the hell Sam..." Dean blurted out as he turned to face Sam in the close quarters of the car. Expecting Sam to still have his mask in place, the perfect hunter mask, he was shocked to find that gone and in its place a very confused, lost looking Sam.
"I need to come clean with you about something." Sam mumbled quietly and then looked away.
Dean's heart skipped a beat, he had been hoping that his brother would open up soon and now he felt this was the moment. "I'm all ears Sam."
Sam nodded and then turned back to face Dean, swallowing hard. "I messed up on this hunt. I've been so focused and then … for a moment I lost that focus and was back in hell and..."
The words tumbled quickly from Sam's lips and Dean was afraid that he wasn't going to catch all the important facts. "Sam, take a breath, dude, and slow down."
Sam did as he was told and blew out a deep breath before continuing. "When that vamp had you, I was prepared to go after him and then he raised his knife to his arm and that is when I lost my control- that is when I was back."
Dean swallowed a lump; he had been so sure that Sam had let the attack happen, it was a big relief to hear that that wasn't the case. "So, can you tell me what happened exactly?"
Dean knew that Sam wasn't at a talking point about Hell but he hoped the kid would open up a little and let him understand what was going on in his little brother's head.
"In Hell, I wasn't on a rack, I was held in this room. I was starving, craving blood so badly. It was a hundred times worse than anything I ever faced on earth. Each day a demon would come to me and cut his arm just like the vamp did to you and offer his or her blood to me and each time I refused. God knows what would have happened if I had drank the blood..."
Dean struggled to keep his composure, he knew that his brother had suffered in the pit but it was hard to hear just how bad it was. "You didn't give in though, Sam."
"I wanted to so badly Dean and I don't know how long I would have lasted, but thankfully I was pulled from the pit. Ever since then, since I was released, I've blocked all that and focused on being the best hunter I could be, but this hunt it finally caught up with me and you paid for that Dean. God I'm so sorry." Sam looked away when he finished and Dean wanted to pull his brother into a hug but was afraid of how he would react.
"Sam it's okay. We all mess up. I messed up big time on this hunt. I should never have gone to Lisa."
Dean replied quietly. It still tore him up that he had come so close to hurting Lisa and Ben.
"That's my fault too Dean. I was still reeling from my mistake, trying to keep a calm head. I knew about the cure but … I was afraid to admit to freezing and having a flashback during the hunt. I didn't want you or Samuel to think less of me so I let you both think I was in control. I was distracted and that allowed you to get away- to almost hurt them." Sam sniffed and Dean could tell the kid was really struggling with control.
"To be honest Sam, I'm glad you came clean because I'd rather know that you made a mistake than think you let this all happen on purpose which …."
Sam huffed. "Yeah, I'm either an uncaring bastard or weak."
Dean bristled at that comment. The last twenty-four hours and his blood lust had certainly changed his opinion on Sam. He couldn't imagine living the year after the addiction tempted like Sam was. Dean had been so hungry and on edge – and while he had been strong and fought it, he wasn't sure how much longer that would have been the case.
Dean also had a new insight on how Sam got pulled under Ruby's spell once he had had her blood. Blood lust was a powerful thing and once you had it – it consumed your thoughts. After his stint as a vampire he totally understood what a powerful tool blood addiction was for Ruby.
"Sam, you are not weak damn it. I've come to appreciate your strength tenfold over the last twenty-four hours. I mean, you were kick ass in dealing with the devil but damn, now I get how hard that blood addiction was for you. How Ruby was able to screw with your head and once you were free of her, how hard fighting your blood addiction had to be." Dean could see Sam tense at his words and the kid still refused to give him eye contact.
"I gave in to Famine and slowed us down with detox. I was tempted plenty Dean." Sam replied quietly.
"You saved our asses with Famine and it killed me that you had to detox for your trouble. The thing is, you were tempted constantly and didn't give in. In fact, I want to apologize for the fact I wasn't more understanding during all of it." Dean placed his hand on his brother's thigh willing for him to give him eye contact.
Sam looked at him with a confused look. "I don't expect an apology, things happened as they needed too. I just hope that you feel I can have your back now."
"Hell yeah, I feel that more than ever. So anything else you want to share while we're doing the Hallmark thing?" Dean tried to make things a bit lighter, hoping to pull Sam out of his self doubt.
Sam gave him a small smile. "No, I'm good. Are we good?"
Dean started the car. "We're awesome Sam, just awesome.
Dean knew that things weren't perfect but he felt closer to Sam in that moment than he had since he had lost his brother over a year ago. It was a good feeling.
A/N: This is my attempt to fix things between the brothers- plus I felt like they missed a great opportunity for Dean to understand Sam's blood addiction. I anxiously await to see how this really plays out on the show.
I would like to thank sendintheclowns, Floralia and Princess_schez for the support and hand holding. I should have an awesome banner by Princess_schez up soon at my Live Journal post.