Severed Ties

His eyes are closed, head tipped back, eyebrows knitted downward in a sort-of grimace. His grip tightens on the edge of the sink, the only thing preventing him from collapsing down to the floor.

"Hey. What's wrong with you?" The voice is smooth, a little chastising. Matt is standing in the doorway of the bathroom.

Mello's head lolls back forward, golden bangs falling forward to slightly obscure his eyes. "What do you want?" he nearly growls, glaring at the redhead through the mirror.

Matt shrugs. "Even I have to use the bathroom, too," he says with a hint of sarcasm. "Now, if you're done consulting the Mirror on the Wall, will you leave?"

"Bastard." Mello rolls his eyes, releasing the marble counter of the sink, his arms returning to his sides. "Bathroom's all yours," he shoots back, equally as snippy. "Go crazy."

As he brushes the other on the way out, he swears he hears Matt murmur, "But you'd be fairest of them all."


Smoke curls upward to ceiling, gray-ish black, and when Mello inhales the poisonous air, he turns to reprimand the redhead with the cancer stick.

"How many times have I told you not to smoke? Damn it, our room's going to become a bio-hazard within two hours," Mello says irately, pretty features morphing into a scowl. He turns fully, cocking his hip to the side, admittedly in a feminine fashion.

Matt merely snorts, but puts out the cigarette in a nearby ashtray nonetheless. He returns to abusing his GameBoy, glancing up at Mello briefly to say, "So, what are you bringing me for dinner?"

"You make it sound as if I'm your housewife," Mello comments dryly. Yeah, he's a little miffed at the fact that Matt has problems being around too many people - therefore the dining hall was a danger zone - and Mello needs to bring him his food everyday, but there's a satisfaction when the gamer's eyes light up in thanks when Mello arrives with the latest plate.

The train of thought is interrupted when thin, maybe scrawny, arms encase the blond in a hug. Matt's chin rests on Mello's left shoulder, arms wrapped loosely around his waist as Matt hugs him from behind. "And maybe you are, in my fantasies," Matt whispers against the skin of Mello's neck. "If you have a problem with that, please don't say, because I know it's never going to happen. I'd like to be able to keep the image." Then the heavenly embrace(to Mello, anyway), is broken as Matt walks away, claiming that his GameBoy needed charging.


"Matt."

"Hm?"

"…Forgive me, okay?"

"Forgive you? For what?"

"…This."


It's five years later, and now he sits in a little coffee shop in the corner of the street, cradling his head in his hands. The air is scented by the aroma of coffee, but all he can smell is the smoke from when Matt first tried out smoking. People are bustling around, chatting away in rather loud voices, but all he hears are broken promises that had spilled forth from his own lips to Matt.

"I'll never hurt you."

"We'll be together forever."

"You're never going to die alone, because I wouldn't let you die in the first place-"

"Sir, can I get you anything?" a waitress politely asks.

Mello lifts his head to reply, only to have his attention averted to a shock of red hair rushing into a GameStop on the opposite side of the street.

"No thank you," Mello murmurs, and was gone before the waitress could blink.


"You left me," Matt mumbles against their lips. "You left me."

Mello chooses not to reply, instead pulling the gamer against him tighter. He tilts his head to the side, deepening the kiss, trying to pour the guilt and regret and love into that one action. "I won't do it again," he murmurs, leaning his forehead against Matt's. "I promise."

And then he's on his back, arms locked around Matt's neck as the redhead takes him, and he moans, "Ma-"


Then his eyes snap open, and he's half-buried in a tangle of sheets, back in his hellhole of an apartment. The name of his lover dies on his lips as soon as he reaches out to his side and feels no presence. The memory of reuniting with Matt melts away in his mind - because it never happened.


His eyes are closed, head tipped back, eyebrows knitted downward in a sort-of grimace. His grip tightens on the edge of the sink, the only thing preventing him from collapsing down to the floor.

"Hey. What's wrong with you?"

And it's that damn memory again, though this time Matt's there behind him, only not really, because this is all an illusion.

"Even I have to use the bathroom too."

Mello almost goes crazy wondering, Why? Why can't he forget Matt? Why can't he forget the little redheaded boy that followed him everywhere back at the orphanage?

He'd severed all ties that connected him to Wammy's and Matt. He'd lost his black shirt and pants, replaced them with leather. He let go of the promise ring Matt had given him, and instead carried a rosary and a gun. Hell, he'd even given up chocolate for a week, and still, images of the red-haired gamer followed him.

So what?

Mello runs a hand through his hair, letting his eyes flutter shut for a moment, remembering how many times Matt had told him that his hair was beautiful, and the many times the other boy had run his own hand through the silky strands.

"Now, if you're done consulting the Mirror on the Wall, will you leave?"

What would free him from-

Then Mello's head lolls back forward, a cat-like smile gracing his features.

"But you'd be fairest of them all."


Mello wonders, some time later, as he studies himself in the mirror, what Matt would think of him now. Would he still be fairest to him?

The effects of the newly committed act washes over Mello. In satisfaction, he watches the figure of Matt disappear from the doorway, slowly, until nothing is left, except a small whisper.

"Hey. What's wrong with you?"

Mello never did know the answer to begin with. He'd never told Matt, but that was the truth. Not that it mattered now, anyway. The answer, whether there'd been one or not, was already lost, falling to the floor to join the beautiful golden strands that had been shaved off just moments ago.

"Matt."

"Hm?"

"…Forgive me, okay?"

"Forgive you? For what?"

"…This."

And Mello leans forward, pressing his lips against Matt's, gently but firmly. When he pulls away, his hands come up to cup Matt's cheeks, and he whispers, "For loving you."


I'm...not entirely sure what this is. XP Wrote it a while ago for a contest, and then...I forgots about it. Heh, anyway, just a little oneshot.