The Short Unhappy Life of Mail Jeevas

Part 16

The plan would begin at 1:00pm.

We both stood on the rooftop of the building. Without Louison, all these plants would probably die soon. But hey, they would live after I was dead at least.

Mello and I were silent, just watching the world go by below. My best friend opened his mouth to say something, but then closed it again. He turned his head to the right, looking away from both me and the world. "Is everything set up?"

"Yes. The delivery truck is where you wanted it and I've made sure that there hasn't been any time changes."

Mello nodded soundlessly and looked back to the street. "Let's go then."


We now stood on the uncrowded footpath. Both Mello's motorcycle and my new red car sat only a few feet away.

This would be our last moment together, but we thought otherwise. "I'll see you at the export company building. 1:26pm."

I nodded and he turned to go to his motorcycle. Before he had the chance, I swiftly pulled my best friend to my chest. I wrapped one arm around his waist, and the other was around Mello's shoulders.

He immediately put his arms around my neck. We held each other close. Why hadn't we held one another more often? To me it was more intimate than sex and romance combined. We had our faces resting against each others neck, loving the tender warmth that only flesh could provide. "Mello…I'm sorry for everything…"

I deserved to get beaten like a dog. Mello was always right, so if he hit me, the only one to blame would be my self. I deserved to get pummelled till I was unconscious. I deserved to have everyone I cared for die. I deserved to have no future. I don't even know why Mello wanted me as his best friend. I was a failure. I was always wrong.

I remembered something that Near had once told me just before I left Wammy's House.

If you're wrong, you just have to say 'Sorry'.

So that was why I was apologizing.

I was worthless. I deserved to die.

One of Mello's hands moved to my right bicep, squeezing my bruised flesh hard. I winced but didn't object. Mello knew best, so he could punish me.

"What did I tell you about saying sorry?"

No use in apologizing, idiot, you can't change anything. Saying 'Sorry' or asking for 'Forgiveness' won't change a fucking thing.

Mello pulled away from me and released my bruised flesh. He gave me a cold expression, and sneered. "Whatever. We got a job to do. Do you have everything?"

"Smoke gun and handgun. Check."

"Do you remember where you're supposed to go?"

"NHN main building. Just as Takada arrives."

"And you're going to meet-"

"1:26pm at the export company."

Mello slapped me hard across the face. "Don't interrupt me." I opened my mouth to apologize, but quickly stopped as I remembered what my angel had told me about saying 'sorry'. "You're not even going to apologize?" My best friend slapped me again. I flinched and said 'Sorry'. He slapped me again. "What did I say about apologizing?" I was silent. He sneered. "Whatever. Remember, I'll only be at the shipping company for 3 minutes at the most. Be there or else."

I gave a silent nod.

My best friend gave me a critical look up and down. All of my bruises were hidden beneath my long sleeved striped shirt and faux fur vest. The fur of the jacket hid the dark bruises on my neck. My black eye was hidden beneath my orange tinted goggles.

"Let's go."

I nodded once more and he turned, walking over to his motorbike. Mello put his helmet on as he sat upon the leather seat. My best friend revved the engine and was soon speeding down the street. I watched him as he drove to his death.

My own leather clad hands rubbed against my reddened cheeks as I began to make my way over to the bright red car. I slipped the handgun into the back of my faux fur vest so I could pull it out at a moments notice. The smoke gun was placed next to me on the passenger seat. When we beat my god, Kira, I would work up the courage to ask Mello all of the questions which buzzed in my idle mind.

The first question would be "Do you love me?"

As I have told you earlier, I didn't love Mello, but that doesn't mean that the feeling was mutual.

I would ask him, and he would answer. After we defeated Kira together, I'd ask my angel everything I wanted to know.


I had only 15 minutes to drive all the way to the NHN building, but I made it in time.

From my pocket I took out my leather cigarette case. Using one hand, I managed to open it to retrieve my very last cigarette. I pulled it out of the case using my teeth and placed the leather back into my pocket. The car had a cigarette lighter, as most (if not all) cars did. I took it out and used the hot metal to light my death stick. No longer was my mind plagued with any doubts.

From the road, I could see all the people cheering as the woman I despised stepped out of her car. There were so many bodyguards, but I could take 'em. I could take them all on and still come out victorious.

I drove the car into the parking lot, swerving it to the side. With my cigarette hanging from my mouth, I pointed the smoke gun at the crowd and pressed down on the trigger. My second last shell flew out of the weapon and exploded on contact with the ground. Everything became cloudy as I knew it would.



My tires screeched as I drove back out onto the road. 12 black cars began to follow behind. Good. Distract them so Mello could kidnap Kiyomi.

I drove fast, probably twice the speed limit, if not more. The cigarette continued to burn as I savoured its smoke.

Adrenalin burned in my veins.

My car dodged traffic. Blue cars, silver cars, yellow cars, black cars. Right. Left. Left. Left. Right. Right.

Try to shake off the guards.

I had lost a few, but 6 were still in pursuit.

Left turn. Right. Left. Left. Right. Dodge that person. Left.

Final right.

I swerved to avoid a yellow and red vehicle.

My eyes widened as the 6 cars I thought I'd lost came rushing up towards my own car.

"Damn! The cars got ahead of me! How many bodyguards does Takada have?"

They stopped in the middle of the road, forming a blockade. I had no choice but to hit the breaks.

This was not going as planned. It would soon be 1:26, and if I wasn't there Mello would be angry with me, which would probably result in another beating.

The six cars which had been following behind me halted as well. I found myself in the centre of a ring of black vehicles.


I took a drag of my cigarette.

"I'll have to use the smoke screen again."

The men got out of their cars. There were 13 men who got out, though some stayed in their vehicles, so I don't know the total number of bodyguards.

Adrenalin still ran in my veins, making me feel like I was immortal. This made me arrogant.

Without thinking, I got out of the car.

"Come on, since when were the Japanese allowed to carry big guns like that?" The smoke gun was still in my hand. I would be alright. "Listen, I'm connected to Takada's kidnapper. You've probably got a lot to ask me." I pulled down on the trigger to find nothing happen. Wait…It didn't have any smokebombs left inside of the weapon because I hadn't remembered to reload it. I didn't falter, but I didn't think about what I said next. That was the biggest mistake of my entire life.

"You won't shoo-"

I never finished my final words.

More than 24 bullets were fired. The men hit my car more than they hit me.

At least 12 bullets had struck my body.

Somewhere within the chaos, I faintly noticed the left lens of my goggles had cracked. When had that happened?

Mello would kill me for getting myself killed.

It wasn't until after I was dead that I realised that that thought was completely stupid.

For the last time in my life, I fell back onto the ground, cigarette still in my parted lips.

"Idiot. I doubt he would have said anything important anyway. Death is the only way to pay for crimes against Kira."


It's kind of ironic, isn't it?

I was killed with the thought that I was against Kira. I was never against Kira; I was just doing what Mello told me to do…

Mello knew best.


As always, I stood back up.


The bodyguards didn't react in the least. "Let's get this body to the police station."

I blinked at them softly, not really noticing that I no longer wore my goggles. Body? Slowly I turned around to see that I was still lying on the floor. I looked both shocked and solemnly at my body. Then at my self. I appeared to be just as solid, but for some reason nobody saw me. I pulled the glove from my hand and bent down next to my body. My bare palm rested against my still warm cheek and I peered through the orange veil of the goggles, which my dead body still wore, at the eyes below. They were closed, as if the young man they belonged to was merely sleeping.

My hand slipped down to one of the patches of blood which stained my vest. My fingertips felt the hot liquid life, but when I pulled them away my digits were clean.

That was when I became aware of a voice.

You better be there, Matt.

It was Mello's voice. My angel.

I straightened up and began to run. I ran away from my body, away from the guards, and toward the shipping station.

As I ran I did not tire. I needed to help Mello. I promised him. I promised him.

I promised him.


I got there, breathless (which was really because I didn't breathe at all). Mello was there. He was getting out the back of a truck, carrying a box. I ran, slipped past my best friend and got into the truck before he closed the door.

Apparently, I couldn't phase through objects. What kind of a ghost was I?

Takada sat there with a blanket wrapped around her.

My job was to make sure she didn't do anything. Even if I were dead, I would still do my job.

Where is he? That idiot was supposed to show up here…Maybe that little traitor has ran off to Near. It would seem the kind of thing he would do.

I listened sadly to Mello's thoughts. He really thought of me like that?

I sat down cross-legged on the truck's floor, opposite side from Kiyomi.

Strike one- I killed my Mother

Strike two- I killed Mercy

Strike three- I killed L

Strike four- I killed Wammy

Strike five- I raped my best friend

Strike six- I couldn't stop Mello from leaving

Strike seven- I killed Jul-…Marie

Strike eight- I killed Louison

Strike nine- I killed her husband

A new voice entered my mind.

Hmmm…Mail has died…That is unfortunate…It wasn't like him to act so recklessly, so the only conclusion is that Mello is the one who kidnapped Takada…

That was Near's voice.

Should I notify Light Yagami of this? I guess I should, I would like to see what he is going to do in a situation like this…

The voice disappeared.

I looked down at my leather clad hands.

I was nothing but a pawn. In Mello's plan, and in Near's plan. It all made sense now…That was why Near had been so co-operative to help me find Mello. He knew that without help, it would be overly difficult for the blond to do anything.

A wave of grief ran through my body…Can I even call it my body?

I didn't even notice the truck begin to shake as my best friend started the engine, nor had a realised that instead of three minutes, he had actually waited four.

So many emotions. Anger. Betrayal. Hate.



I was cut off from my emotions as I heard Mello's voice. It was different…The feeling of loss was imminent in the very tone of my angel's voice.

I never thought you'd be killed…Forgive me…

As I heard Mello think those last two words, my entire world stopped.

I remembered something that Near had told me an entire lifetime ago.

If you're wrong, you just have to say 'Sorry'

And then something Mello had said.

No use in apologizing, idiot, you can't change anything. Saying 'Sorry' or asking for 'Forgiveness' won't change a fucking thing

…They were both hypocrites…

How many times had Near apologized without a single feeling of guilt?

How many times had Mello mentally apologized for something he had done wrong?

That was when it finally struck me.

Not once in my life had I ever deserved to get hurt. I hadn't deserved to get beaten, pummelled, slapped, or taken advantage of.

Not once.

I was a Human Being, not a Dog.

Mello didn't know what was best for me. He didn't even know what was best for him self.

I had followed him blindly to my own death.

Hell, if I hadn't have reunited with him, I could have lived a perfectly normal life with Marie. The future I had always dreamed of.

I couldn't find myself able to regret what I had done.

That's when I became aware that Takada had a piece of paper and a pencil clutched in her hand. My eyes widened. A piece of Death Note. She had a piece of Death Note. Mello was in danger.

I stood up. The light suddenly disappeared and I knew that my friend had just driven the truck into the church. A sharp pain ran through my body and I blacked out.


Strike ten- I killed Mihael Keehl.

When I awoke I was on the ground outside the church. I sat up and my eyes widened. The whole place was on fire.

I couldn't find myself to stand up this time. The angels kept me from going closer to the church.

I watched as firemen tried to put out the blaze.

"It's a shame really."

Huh? I turned and saw a figure I easily recognised even though I had only seen the man once in a photograph.


He stood, watching the church burn down with his panda like eyes, completely unfazed.

"You'll have to stay here forever. There is no way to avenge your death. As for my self, once Light Yagami is bought to justice, I will go to the land beyond."

I stared at the ghost, and opened my mouth to speak. No words would come out, no matter how much I wished that they would.

He continued to watch the fire, his eyes unblinking.

"You know, there is no Heaven, nor is there Hell. There is just Here, and There. We are Here; they are There. Instead of blaming me for all of your misfortunes, you should have blamed Mello. He was the reason." His voice was emotionless as he talked. "But, unlike you, he has gone to There. He followed what he thought was right. You, on the other hand, gave up your own beliefs so easily because he told you to. I know all about your jealousy of me. That's the reason why you hated my guts."

I listened silently as the angel monotonously chided my path in life.

My hands slipped into my pockets. I felt a hole in the material which I had never noticed before and delved inside of it. From the lining of my vest I had pulled two items I had long forgotten.

One was a black dice, and the other was a small figurine of my self. I remember that Near had given them both to me almost exactly 3 years ago. Ever since then, I had lost them.

I let go of the two items. They hit the ground slowly. The figurine landed on its back, and the dice showed a number 4. Not a second later, both items turned to dust.

"…You may go to There someday…You may even meet Mihael again…But until then, you will have to stay Here."

And that was that.

As soon as the fire was extinguished, L's ghost simply walked away from where I sat.

There was no happy ending to my short, unhappy life.

Now I had nearly nothing. Mello was There; probably forgetting all about his best friend, who had stuck by his side through trauma, beatings and even death. He probably had already forgotten the name Mail Jeevas, and the short unhappy life which I lived.

And you'll forget all about me one day as well. Of that I am positive. But I thank you for listening to the story of my life.

So as I told you at the start as to how this would end.

My name is Mail Jeevas, and I was killed when I was 19 years old on the 26th of January, 2010. It was a Sunday, 6 sleeps away from my 20th birthday.

I hope that you all live a long and happy time. And after you die, I hope you all go to There. Those who don't go There though…Then I will meet you Here, and I will listen to the story of your hopefully Happy Life, no matter how long it may be.

Thus concludes my Short, Unhappy Life.

…Actually…I can't really call my life short…No one can call their life short, because it is the longest thing they ever get.

And now all I have left are my Memories, my Love, and my Voice.

Yours truly, Mail Matthew Jeevas.