A/N: So, I've decided I kind of love writing vignettes like this, and I'm going to indulge myself since I've finished my BB fic early. Woo hoo. This will be a series of team-related Five Times fic, all different genres, except probably no angst, because I'm in a fluffy mood.

This first one definitely has some parody in it and is a little... odd. I'm not always a fan of the kidnapping stories, so I decided to have a little bit of fun. No offense was meant. I hope everyone enjoys it. Dedicated to forthecoast and yaba, since it's almost entirely their fault anyway.


Five Times Teresa Lisbon was Accosted by Kidnappers



"I can't believe you got us kidnapped again!" Lisbon snapped at her consultant.

"Oh, it's not that bad," Jane said confidently.

"Not that bad?" Lisbon repeated in disbelief. "We're locked in a cement room, in a basement, in a building located god only knows where. How is that not that bad?"

Jane opened his mouth to explain, "Because…"

But Lisbon ignored him, preferring to continue with her rant. "I mean, why do I even trust you anyway? When will I learn? Come with me to the creepy abandoned warehouse Lisbon," she mocked. "The one where the known criminals hang out. I'm sure it'll be fine. What could go wrong? I'm just bringing you along as a precaution. Nothing dangerous will happen."

"It wasn't that dangerous," Jane defended.

"Kidnapped Jane! Kidnapped!" Lisbon yelled, hoping the concept would sink into his thick skull. "And we could end up dead in five minutes."

"Oh, they don't want us dead," Jane assured her.

But Lisbon refused to calm down, "That's what you said last time!"

"Well, I was right, wasn't I?" Jane couldn't help pointing out.

"It's the sort of thing you can really only be wrong about once, Jane!" Lisbon growled.

"I wish you'd stop yelling," Jane said calmly.

"Shut up."

That seemed to rouse her consultant's curiosity. "Why do I have to be quiet while you get to yell?" he wondered.

"Because I'm not the one who got us into this mess," Lisbon told him.

"Ah," Jane agreed. "Would you like me to untie you from that chair at least?" he asked after a minute.

"Please," Lisbon told him. "Wait, how did you get untied from your chair?" she wondered.

"Please Lisbon," Jane said with a superior wave of his hand. "I'm insulted by the question," she rolled her eyes at him, but she did sit quietly and let him free her hands. "There now," Jane said after a moment. "Doesn't that feel better now that your hands are loose?"

"I guess so," his co-captive agreed reluctantly.


"I'm still mad at you," Lisbon told him after a minute.

"I wouldn't dream of implying otherwise," Jane assured her.

"Good." Lisbon glanced around the room. "What do you think the chances of breaking down that door from in here are?" she wondered.

Jane looked up. "Slim to none," he told her. "For one, it opens into the room. For another, it's a steel door in a cement wall, and lastly it probably has a deadbolt at the absolute minimum."

"Hm," Lisbon hummed, as she went to go examine it.

"But by all means knock yourself out trying," Jane told her. "Couldn't just believe me for once…" he muttered to himself.

He watched Lisbon examine the door for a while before squaring off sideways against it. "Lisbon," he said warningly. "That's just going to give you a bruised shoulder, or worse."

"Yeah?" she asked. "What's your brilliant plan then? Do nothing? Wait for them to kill us?"

"They're not going to kill us," Jane repeated. "If they were they'd have done it already. And I say we just wait for your team to find us. You're always telling me how competent you guys are, even without me. Plus, I may have mentioned to Cho what we were thinking of doing. They'll figure it out soon enough."

"Jane, we don't even know where we are," Lisbon reminded him.

"Yes, but we're locked in a basement, Lisbon," Jane told her.

"Are we really?" Lisbon asked sarcastically.

Jane shook his head softly. "My point was they have more to go on, on the outside as it were."

"Whatever," Lisbon muttered. "OW."

"I told you that you'd just hurt your shoulder doing that," Jane couldn't resist reminding her. "But you insisted."

"Shut up. That really hurt Jane," Lisbon groused.

"Oh, I'm sure a big strong CBI Agent like you can take it," Jane said with a grin.

"That's not the point," Lisbon muttered.

"Of course Lisbon," Jane agreed. "I'll try to be more sympathetic. Would you like me to kiss it better?"

"Don't you dare!" she retorted.

"Ah, there we go," Jane said. "Glad to see you're feeling better. Now as I was saying…"

"Wait," Lisbon said. "Listen. Was that footsteps?"

"Multiple sets," Jane agreed. "And people trying not to announce their presence, so probably not our captors coming back to do away with us."

Lisbon began pounding on the door and yelling.

"Boss?" she heard on the other side.

"Rigsby?" she yelled. "It's Lisbon. Lisbon and Jane."

"Hi Rigsby!" Jane called cheerfully.

"Okay boss," Rigsby said. "We're gonna get you out of there. We just have to find something to break down the door. So maybe you should step back."

"Okay," Lisbon agreed. "We're clear in here."

"I told you they'd find us," Jane reminded her.

"Wait, you also said that the criminals weren't coming back to kill us, but you made a point of making sure Rigsby wasn't them before you got his attention," Lisbon said.

Jane shrugged. "Well, there was always a small chance."

"I'm going to kill you when we get out of here," Lisbon told him.

Jane wisely decided to keep quiet.

A few minutes later Rigsby and the rest of the team managed to get the door open. "Hey Boss," he said cheerfully. "How's it goin'?"

"Oh peachy," Lisbon snarked. "Great day so far. Thanks for comin' to find us."

"No problem," Rigsby shrugged. "Cho got suspicious when he realized that Jane had made a point of telling him where the two of you were going."

"His voluntary communicativeness raised a red flag," Cho told her.

Lisbon smirked. "Right. Well, can we please get out of here now? And can I be in a different car than Jane."

"Oh now Lisbon," Jane said.

She glared at him again before storming off.

"I knew they wouldn't kill us," Jane assured the two Agents.

"Local cops caught your assailants on the way here with guns and garbage bags," Cho informed him. "Perfect for executing you and then hauling your bodies out of here."

Jane hesitated. "Well, at least I got her hands untied."

Cho turned and followed his boss wordlessly.

Jane turned to Rigsby, "So, want to stop for burgers on the way back? I'm starving."

Rigsby rolled his eyes then shrugged, "Okay."



Lisbon struggled against the desk she was attached to. She couldn't believe she'd gotten tied to a desk by a landscape architect. The idiot was trying to buy time in order to facilitate his escape attempt, which was pretty stupid. Attacking a CBI officer wasn't exactly something law enforcement tended to forget. And now they knew who their murderer was. She doubted their perp had friends in high places to help him disappear. Sure, he could make a run for the border, but that was hardly a guarantee. Besides, he wasn't exactly the type who could evade the authorities forever. He was a suburban soccer dad for crying out loud.

Lisbon'd just been meeting him in his office for some follow-up questions. He hadn't even been their prime suspect, barely on their radar at all actually, so she'd figured she didn't need backup. Idiot'd panicked, assumed she knew way more than she did, and taken her off guard when she turned her head for a second. Next thing Lisbon knew, she'd been forced into a back room, and now she was tied to a desk drawer. Lawson even had the nerve to apologize to her the entire time too. Said he never wanted anyone to get hurt. Like that'd matter now. Stupid jerk'd apparently been a boy scout too. The man sure knew his knots.

Looking around her again, Lisbon took stock of her surroundings. She was too far away from the phone at the moment. Her cell was in her back pocket, and while she was getting pretty good at yoga, she was in no way flexible enough to reach it from her current position. On the other hand, if she could get pull the drawer she was attached to out of the desk completely she could probably drag it over to the phone, or even out of the building if need be.

After slamming the drawer around for a few minutes Lisbon was forced to reconsider her strategy. It appeared the desk had some sort of catch, and there was a trick to getting the drawer out. She wasn't sure if she could get the right leverage from her current position. She eyed the drawer in consideration.

"Well, well, well," she heard a voice say from the doorway. "What have we here?"

Lisbon glanced up. "Jane! What are you doing here?"

"I knew it was weird that you weren't answering your phone!" Jane crowed triumphantly as he ambled into the room. "Cho thought you were just in an area with poor cell service, but I knew better," Jane continued.

"Would you just get over here and get me off of this thing?" Lisbon asked.

Jane obligingly came over.

"No!" Lisbon said suddenly. "First call Cho and tell him we need an APB out for Lawson, and he needs to contact the borders."

"So Lawson's our man then?" Jane asked absently. "I wondered if he might be."

"If you…" Lisbon started to say. "Never mind. There's no time for that. Call Cho now!"

"Patience, woman," Jane muttered. But he did as he was told. To Lisbon's relief he left out the details of her current predicament.

"So," Jane said. "I suppose now that whole catching the bad guy part is taken care of, you want me to help you now."

"The whole 'catching the bad guy' part isn't done until I hear my handcuffs click around his wrists," Lisbon snapped.

"Fair enough," Jane said as he set to untying the knotted twine around her wrists. "Hey," he said. "Lawson knew what he was doing. These are some pretty intricate knots."

"Probably a boy scout," Lisbon muttered.

"At least he took something away from his time with the troop," Jane pointed out.

Lisbon didn't dignify that with a response.

The second her hands were free Lisbon grabbed her stuff. "Come on!" she said. "Let's go."

"Right behind you Lisbon," Jane replied. Then he paused suddenly.

"What?" Lisbon asked.

"I was just thinking," Jane told her. "Technically I think this means that I rescued you."

"Shut up."

"I did!" Jane said, clearly thrilled. "You were tied to a desk, kidnapped by a landscape architect who'd reached the end of his rope. You couldn't escape, and then I came along! I rescued you Lisbon. I'm your hero, your white knight in shining armour, your…"

"The only white night you resemble even remotely is the one from Alice Through the Looking Glass, who couldn't even manage to stay on his own damn horse," Lisbon said interrupting his self-aggrandizing monologue.

"You're just cranky because now you owe me," Jane said blithely.

That temporarily halted his colleague in her tracks. "Excuse me? I owe you?" she repeated in disbelief. "I've probably saved your life at least a dozen times in the last month alone!"

"Well, now you're obviously exaggerating," Jane told her. "I'm sure it'd take at least three months for you to save me from mortal peril a whole twelve times."

"Either way!" Lisbon growled.

"Well, yes," Jane agreed. "You have saved me more times than I've saved you Lisbon," Jane acknowledged. "But since I've saved you I'm responsible for you. Just like you're responsible for me."

"You're not responsible for me," Lisbon disagreed vehemently. "I don't want you to be responsible for me."

"I'm sorry Lisbon, but there's nothing I can do about it," Jane said with a shrug. "It's just how these things work."

"Since when are you all for following the rules?" Lisbon asked in irritation.

"I don't care about silly little procedures and protocol," Jane explained, waving away her objections. "Larger, unspoken, moral responsibilities however…"

Lisbon paused for a moment to consider that. "Oh shove it Jane."

"I'm sorry Lisbon, but like I said, that's just the way it is," he told her.

"So you're going to be responsible for me now," she suggested in disbelief.


"You?" she repeated.


Lisbon stared at him blankly. "God help me."

"Look on the bright side Lisbon," Jane said blithely. "It could be worse."

"How?" she wondered.

"That hurts you know," Jane told her.


"Anyway," Jane said continuing his train of thought. "As I was saying, it could be worse."

Lisbon rolled her eyes as they approached her vehicle. "Again I ask, how?"

"If this really was a fairytale you'd be practically required to marry me now," Jane told her cheerfully.

Lisbon gaped at him. Then she glared. "I am not some damsel in distress waiting in a tower for someone to come rescue her!" she growled.

"That much is obvious Lisbon," Jane agreed. "I think we can both agree that most of the time that's my role in this little partnership we've got going on," he added.

"Well, good," she said.

"You're not helpless, Lisbon," Jane assured her. "You just caught off-guard. Now let's go get Lawson."

"How do you propose we do that?" Lisbon asked.

"Oh, I know where he's going," Jane assured her. "You know as well as I do he'd never make it across the border. Luckily he knows it too. He's going to visit an old friend. I say we meet him there so you can tackle him into a wall for daring to tie you to a piece of furniture."

Lisbon grinned. Ah yes, the shady brother-in-law of the victim. Well, that made sense. "Let's go," she said, starting the car. "And Jane?"

"Yes Lisbon?"

"Thanks for coming and finding me," she told him.

"Anytime milady," he assured her.

"Don't call me that," she said quickly.

"Okay," he agreed. "But, if you call me "Sir Patrick" at least once today I won't even tell the team about finding you tied to a cheap forty year old desk with what was basically really strong twine," he added.

Lisbon considered the offer for a moment, "You've got a deal, Sir Patrick."

Jane just grinned. He kind of liked this occasional-hero thing.



Lisbon blew her bangs out of her face and struggled against her bonds before glaring at the evil mastermind of the week while said evil genius just gloated over her predicament.

The lunatic was currently strutting around the room unbelievably pompously, while wearing a velvet smoking jacket, which Lisbon didn't even realize they still even made anymore. "Ha! I've caught you my dear!" he cried. "I've watched you from afar for so long. Now I have you. And you shall be mine!"

"Oh, just great," Lisbon said sarcastically.

But the evil mastermind was still ignoring her. "And no one, not even your perfect Mr. Jane can save you," he continued. "My secondary motivation is to cause him unspeakable pain, as I hate him for a reason that is never adequately explained in the narrative. It doesn't need to be! Jane is so annoying that I'm confident anyone who knows my story will be able to fill in the blanks for themselves in a moderately satisfactory manner. This will crush him!"

Lisbon stared at him in disbelief. "Yeah, I'm not so sure it will," she said after a moment.

Her captor looked confused at that. "But you're the only thing he cares about!" he said incredulously.

Lisbon considered that. "You think so?" she said. "I guess. Assuming we forget about Red John at least. Anyway, we both know you're not going to succeed," she added.

The Evil Mastermind of the Week sent her a cunning grin. "How can you be so sure?" he asked cryptically.

"Your over-the-top monologue gave it away," Lisbon told him casually.

He considered that for a moment. "Damn it!" he expostulated. "Foiled by literary convention again!"

"And hey, I know you're apparently obsessed with me "Which is completely out of the blue by the way," Lisbon said, determined to press her advantage. "But can we skip the part where you get uncomfortably physically close to me? I'd rather not have to deal with that today if it's all the same to you."

The now-depressed looking Evil Mastermind barely seemed to be paying attention anymore. After a moment he seemed to realize she'd spoken to him. "Oh of course," he assured her. "I'm one of those kidnappers who wants to keep the object of his obsession pure and unspoiled. Removes the need for any creepy physical contact from the whole proceedings."

Lisbon nodded, clearly pleased. "Excellent. That's my favourite kind of kidnapping! Especially when I'm the one being kidnapped."

Her approval seemed to appease her temporary captor and he puffed up in pride. Then something occurred to him, "Wait, when are you not the target of the kidnapping?" he asked.

Lisbon sighed in resignation. "I know," she admitted. "You'd think I'd be better at avoiding this sort of thing, given my profession."

The Evil Mastermind of the Week nodded. "You really would," he agreed.

"Yeah…," Lisbon said. "So do you mind if I just go ahead and free myself now?"

That seemed to disappoint the villain. "You mean this isn't going to be one of the ones where Mr. Jane rushes in to save you, despite the fact that canonically he's proven to be generally useless when any sort of physicality or heroics is called for? Then you uncharacteristically cry in his arms and beg him never to leave you while he promises not to let you go and confesses his undying love?" he asked sadly.

She shook her head. "Sorry no," she told him. "I'm feeling particularly self-sufficient today."

Her companion seemed to accept that. Lisbon supposed that at this point he was just resigned to his lot. "Couldn't you at least wait until I leave the room?" he asked.

She sighed. She guessed it was the least she could do. "Oh fine. I suppose there's only the one inept guard?"

Her captor shook his head. "Two actually," he corrected. "One at the door to this room, one at the main exit to the building. You'll have no trouble escaping. Though it may take you a couple of days to make your way back to civilization. You'll look almost unrecognizable when you get there, you'll be so exhausted. Also, I gave you a drug that'll make you lose your memory once you get back to Sacramento."

Lisbon felt the urge to bang her head on the wall in frustration. Every single freakin' time. "Seriously?" she snapped. "What happened to chaste and untouchable?" she wondered.

But the Evil Mastermind of the Week was unrepentant. "I didn't touch you," he pointed out. "The needle did." Then he seemed to realize his presence was no longer needed. He clapped his hands together once. "Alright, well, I'll leave you to escape then. I was so hoping to see Jane too. I thought he might teach me a card trick." With that he left the room.

Lisbon decided she'd better get out of there quickly. She wanted to make it as close to the CBI building as possible before the drugs started to kick in.

Hm. Maybe it would make sense to write a short explanatory note, just to cut down on the confusion when she did inevitably loose her memory. It would make so much less hassle in the long run. Though her team was getting used to this sort of thing, so maybe they'd just assume.

And maybe while she was at it she should send a text message Jane once she got on her way. She was pretty sure her phone was still in her pocket. That way he could be helpful in tracking her down, not to mention, explaining the situation to any medical personnel she happened to encounter.

She just hoped that this round of drugs didn't cause hallucinations. She could do without another two days of seeing pink elephants in the corner of the CBI building and Rigsby wearing a teddy bear costume.

Lisbon swiftly slammed the door into the first inept guard's face as she left the dungeon. It was time to get this over with.



Lisbon woke up groggily. Her head felt like it was stuffed with cotton and she couldn't seem to focus properly. It almost felt like she'd been drugged. And she couldn't move her arms.

She groaned, recognizing the all-too familiar feeling. "Oh, no. Not again," she groused, pleased to discover that at least she hadn't been gagged this time.

Looking around the room cautiously, Lisbon forced herself to focus. Her hands were tied behind her back, but she didn't seem to be secured to anything. As the mental haze from the drug started to dissipate she took stock of her surroundings.

She was in a plain white room, no furniture, other than the chair she was sitting on, also white, and no windows. There was a door, but she could only assume it was locked. Maybe she'd try and break it down once she felt a little steadier.

Slowly she untied the knots binding her hands and rubbed her wrists, hoping to restore the circulation. She'd been kidnapped so many times now that she'd made Jane teach her a few rudimentary tricks for freeing yourself when you were tied up. They actually came in quite handy.

Lisbon was just about to try standing up when the door opened.

A man in a lab coat with a goatee walked in. "Agent Lisbon, we meet again," he said.

"What are you talking about?" she demanded. "We've never met."

"I know," he admitted. "But I've always wanted to say that."

"Oh brother," she muttered.

"Now, I'm Dr, White," he explained. "I'm doing research on the effects of confinement in a sensory deprived space, like this white room. Now, obviously I can't legally use human subjects, so I had to use, well, non-traditional means to acquire some."

"So you kidnapped a CBI Agent?" she demanded. "Are you insane?"

"Possibly," he admitted. "But what's done is done. Why don't I ask you some questions to establish a baseline?"

"First tell me how you drugged me," Lisbon demanded.

"Drugged your coke at the diner where you had lunch," the doctor admitted. "Now, as to your physiological state…"

Lisbon watched him closely, biding her time.


Rigsby, Cho and Van Pelt walked as softly as possible down the plain white halls. Jane had opted to remain outside, just in case things got dangerous.

Suddenly Rigsby stopped. He'd heard something in the room up ahead. He gestured to the others. On cue he broke in the door.

"CBI! FREEZE!" he yelled, gun raised.

The sight that greeted him on the other side of the door wasn't the one he'd expected.

His boss was kneeling on top of a man who looked like a research scientist, a knee digging into his back while she tied his wrists.

"I'm a CBI AGENT for CRISSAKES!" she yelled. "I'm sick of this crap! I'm competent at my job! Really competent! That means that it's ludicrous how many time I somehow get kidnapped. I mean, getting accidentally drugged once is bad luck, could happen to any woman out alone. Twice is a weird coincidence, but EIGHTEEN TIMES is insane! I mean, I could understand if Red John decided to make a go of it, but why does every psycho from San Diego to Sonoma seem to feel the need to lock me in a basement? Well, I'm done! Do you hear me? You picked the wrong random woman to snatch for your crazy-ass experiments! And what was your plan here? Did you not even notice that I'd freed my hands? Did you honestly think I wouldn't be able to overpower you, you useless pipsqueak? Stop whimpering! You are so screwed you don't even know the meaning of the word! I lead my own damn team you moron!" She paused for breath. "Hey guys, nice to see you," she called over her shoulder.

"Hey Boss," Rigsby replied pleasantly as he holstered his gun. "You need any help?"

"In a minute," Lisbon told him. Then she turned back to the man underneath her. He whimpered something indecipherable.

"Shut up!" Lisbon yelled again, digging her knee deeper into his back. "Now listen hear you snivelling weasel. I know you've got creepy contacts with the criminal world, your kind always do. You put the word out, next person who decides to make me the target of their creepy scheme, I'm not just gonna catch 'em, and I'm not just gonna send 'em to prison either. I'll conduct my own experiment. Have you heard about my consultant, Patrick Jane?"

Dr White froze in terror.

Lisbon grinned. "That's right. Forget about six hours in a plain white room. Try six hours in a room alone with Jane. Have fun," she drawled.

Then she got up and strode out of the room.

"He's all yours guys," she told her team.

She walked out of the building.

Jane glanced up in relief. "You're okay," he said happily.

"Just a bit of a headache," she admitted. "And I need a favour."



Lisbon glared at the cuffs in front of her, the ones holding her own hands hostage. She couldn't believe he'd had the nerve to use her own handcuffs to restrain her.

She'd never live this down.

"You'll pay for this," she growled to the man sitting beside her. She supposed she should be grateful he'd let her sit in the front seat. The way he'd been treating her, she'd expected to be humiliatingly shoved in the back seat of the damn contraption they were currently riding in.

"Will I?" he asked, obviously amused. "Somehow I don't think so."

"I'll make sure of it," she spat out.

"Such threats Agent Lisbon," he murmured patronizingly. "A little ironic given your current position. I'd have thought you'd think to try being nice to me."

"I'll show you nice, you arrogant little…" she seethed, her face livid.

"Tsk, tsk. Temper, temper. Wouldn't want to give yourself a heart attack or an aneurism would you?" he asked with a grin.

She didn't answer, preferring to stare stonily out the window. She was done talking.

Five minutes later when they pulled up in front of an isolated little bungalow her resolution wavered. "And what are we doing here?" she asked.

"It's private," her kidnapper told her calmly. "I thought you and I needed to have a little talk."

"You kidnapped a CBI Agent just to have a little talk?" she asked incredulously. "You are insane."

"Perhaps if you weren't quite so… stubborn, we could have had this talk under other circumstances," he said with a shrug, as he led her into the house. "But you can be remarkably unyielding at times Agent Lisbon. One might say almost implacable. It raises certain difficulties."

She glared at him.

"I would ask if I could take your coat," he continued, not at all perturbed by the look of pure hatred he was on the receiving end of. "But that might be difficult under the circumstances," he said, gesturing to her handcuffs.

"You're enjoying this," she growled. "You think you have all the control, that you're so clever. Well, let me tell you something, you conceited, scheming, untrustworthy, idiot…"

"You're enjoying it to," he said sharply, cutting off her rant before she could really get started.

She gaped at him for a minute, before finding her powers of speech. "I… I am not!"

Suddenly her tormentor grinned, approaching her slowly. She took a step backwards. Then his grin turned predatory and she resolved to stand her ground. She was an agent of the CBI and she would not be cowed by this… by this bully.

"Of course you are," he informed her in a voice so smooth it positively screamed sinister intentions. Lisbon could practically feel it trying insinuate itself into her brain.

"Don't be ridiculous," she retorted immediately. She had no idea what he was talking about. And even if she did, she certainly wasn't going to agree with him.

"Am I?" he wondered. "Then why didn't you jump out of the car?"

"Jump out of a moving car?" she asked in disbelief. "In handcuffs? Yeah, that sounds like a great idea. This isn't the movies,"she scoffed, trying to buy herself time to figure something out.

"Are you telling me that tough, fearless Teresa Lisbon couldn't handle jumping out of a moving car while we were still in the city and driving at a reasonable speed?" her assailant wondered.

"Maybe I never thought you'd take it this far," she countered. "I incorrectly assumed you'd come to your senses. There will be serious consequences now."

"Of course there will," he acknowledged. "But when have you ever known me to back down?"

"When have you ever known me to?" she shot back.

"Ah, but that's the point, isn't it?" he told her. "You always like to be in control, Agent Lisbon. Crave it really. It's practically pathological at this point. And as a result people always thrust control on to you. It makes someone like me want to try and break it," her tormentor admitted.

"Wh-what?" she stuttered, unsure of where this was going.

"Do I make you nervous Teresa?" he whispered in her ear as he took a step closer.

Lisbon forced her spine straight and refused to step back. "No," she insisted.

"Mm. Very good," he hummed his approval. "Vocal tone was strong, determined, almost angry. You almost had me fooled Teresa. Almost. Still, A for effort."

"What do you want?" she asked him, ignoring what she could only assume were his deliberate attempts to bait her.

He chuckled. "But I told you what I want," he reminded her. "I want to break your control. And what's more, you want me to."

"And why would I want that?" she asked sarcastically, determined to keep her irritation to the forefront.

He grinned lazily. "Because you're sick of holding on to everything so tightly. You're sick of constantly being the responsible one. Sick of having to take care of what feels like the entire universe. You want to let everything go. You want to give in to someone else. In fact, I think you let me handcuff you."

"I did not let you handcuff me!" she countered quickly. "You tricked me."

"I provided a convenient pretext for you to let yourself be put in my power," he corrected, takinga step closer into her personal space.

Lisbon's mouth dropped open in shock. A second later she remembered herself and snapped it shut. "Oh that's ridiculous," she said, finding her irritation again. After all, any other reaction was unthinkable.

"Is it?" her antagonist wondered, trailing his nose slowly from her ear, down the line of her chin to brush his lips against the hollow of her throat.

She jumped. "What do you think you're doing," she asked her voice betraying an unconcealable hint of nervousness.

He chuckled against her skin. "Shattering your control."

She put her hands firmly against his chest. "Wait," she ordered quietly but firmly.

"Why?" he whispered into her other ear as he placed a hand on the small of her back to hold her still.

She paused, trying to think of a reason, before remembering that she didn't have to. "Because."

"That's not very convincing," he informed her, his lips only centimetres from hers.

"Step back," she whispered.

"You step back," he countered. "Or is that too much of a sign of weakness, Agent Lisbon?"

"Bastard," she growled.

"Maybe," he admitted quietly. "But you're still not moving. And we both know that even with your hands restrained, you could still easily cause me more than enough pain to make me back down, especially given my current position. If you wanted me to that is."

"I do," she insisted.

"Okay," her tormentor replied, trailing his fingers slowly up and down her spine, smirking when her eyes fluttered closed momentarily before popping back open in shock. He watched her marshal her anger yet again, and prepared himself for another fight. His grin turned wicked.. Truthfully he'd hoped she wouldn't give in quite that easily.

"Why this? Why now?" she demanded, pushing against his chest with her hands so he was forced to take a half a step back.

"Why not?" he asked drolly. "I certainly don't have any scruples of any kind. Now seemed as good a time as any."

Lisbon almost rolled her eyes. "Then why me?"

Her question finally seemed to provoke him. Her counterpart growled, pushing himself closer to her in spite of her hands. "You know the answer to that," he hissed before nipping her ear.

She gasped before she could stop herself.

She felt him grin against the shell of her ear. "You like that I kidnapped you," he whispered. "You like that I'm a little bit dangerous. You like that I'm not gonna follow any rules. And most of all, you like that I'm not backing down like that vacillating namby-pamby of an attorney you went to dinner with last week would. Idiot obviously isn't a trial lawyer."

"What?" she asked, her head spinning. "When did you…"

"I saw him when I came downstairs to get a cup of tea," her intimidator told her. "You don't want him, and you know it. We both know it. You want someone who'll fight with you. Who'll stand up to you. Who'll push you as hard as you push them," he said, adding even more pressure against her hands, until they gave way. "And yeah, you want someone you can beat, at least verbally. But the funny thing is," he added, nipping briefly at her neck, "You want someone who can beat you right back. You want someone who'll push, and prod, and rub you the wrong way," he informed her, trailing a hand up her spine again. "And you desperately want someone who'll take the time to wrestle the control you cling to from your hands."

"I don't," she whispered.

"Don't you?" he wondered, angling his body back where it had been, dwarfing her smaller frame.


"Then why haven't you kneed me in the groin before now?"he asked, his eyes finding hers. "Why are you tolerating my presence in your personal space? Why is your breathing quick and shallow? Why are you practically fighting to keep your eyes open? And why, instead of pushing me away, are your hands fisted so tight in my clothing that I'm not entirely sure I could take a single step backwards, even if I wanted to?"

"Damn it Jane," she moaned, letting her head fall back against her shoulders.

He grinned triumphantly. "Tell me why," he repeated whispering against her lips. "If you don't want this, tell me why you'd surrender completely if I kissed you right now."

Lisbon sighed and leaned her forehead against his, her opposition gone. "Stockholm Syndrome," she murmured. Before giving into herself and letting him prevent her from saying any more.


The end

Well, I thought that was fun.