Title: The Angel Has the Phone Box
Pairings: Faith and the Doctor (10th), Wes and Fred
Disclaimer: I do not own any of the rights to BtVS or Doctor Who. Joss Whedon and the BBC do, I'm just playing with their stuff. Some of the dialogue come from the AtS episode "Smile Time".
Author's Note: This is the second story in "The Doctor's Faith" Series. The series starts with "The Doctor's Faith Healing".
The Angel Has the Phone Box
The tiny screen on the camcorder came to life and showed Andrew Wells' face as he held the camera at arm's length in front of him. "Welcome my friends. My name is Andrew and I will be your guide and mentor on this wondrous journey through Time and Space, for I am a true Companion of the Last of the Lords of Time. I will take you to places that no human has ever imagined, no demon has ever dared to tread, or any Angel has had the blessing to see. All of this we will see in good time, my friends, in good time; but first I must take you on a tour of the glorious Timecraft, the TARDIS."
The camera swung away and panned around the corridor showing a simple hallway with doors of all different designs along its length. Andrew's voice continued its narration. "While some might see the TARDIS as just another impossibly large structure with infinite rooms that fits inside a 1963 Police Public Call Box (something WE time travelers see every day, let me assure you) it is in fact a home for the Last of the Time Lords, his Companions, and the Lord's mistress, the Dark Slayer herself. Yes my dear friends, you heard me correctly, the Lord of Time and the Dark Slayer, together. Woe be it to any forces of darkness that stand in their way."
"Andrew, what the fuck are you doing?" Faith's voice came from off camera. The camera spun around quickly and showed Faith Lehane standing in the hallway wearing nothing more than her underwear and one of the Doctor's shirts. The shirt was only buttoned half way, showing a generous amount of cleavage.
The camera was still focused on her and Andrew's voice was heard again. This time with his usual nerdy, whine. "I'm making a documentary of our time spent with the Doctor," he said.
"Turn that shit off or I'll tell the Doctor you've been wearing his clothes again," Faith warned.
"It was only that jacket with all the different colored panels. He said I could wear that one," Andrew said.
"Yeah, ok…he did agree with me that was one of his uglier outfits, but I caught you the other day in his tan jacket wearing that ridiculously long scarf. You know how he gets about that scarf, Andrew," Faith said.
"Well it's not fair!" A hand showed on the screen pointing at Faith. "You're wearing his clothes," Andrew pouted.
"Dude…I'm his girlfriend. I'm sleeping with him. You don't have that excuse," she said. Faith cocked her head to one side and then walked up to the camera. She came so close; her cleavage was the only thing on screen. The sound of Faith snapping her fingers could be heard. "Andrew…Andrew…It totally creeps me out when you get all dreamy like that when I mention sleeping with the Doctor," Faith said. The camera tilted wildly on its side and Faith's hand could be seen moving towards the controls. The screen went blank.
The TARDIS passes by in the red stormy Vortex. Names fly by slowly one at a time:
The names are followed by a flattened, golden ellipse with the words "Doctor Who" written on it. This flies away to be replaced by the words:
Alexis Denisof / J. August Richards
Amy Acker / Andy Hallet
The names fly away and are followed by:
"The Angel Has the Phone Box"
Celestial Board Room
The Chairman of the Powers That Be sat anxiously at his normal space at the head of the conference table. The room was empty because he wanted a private meeting with the new power that had caused so much upheaval. There was a knock at the door. "At least she still uses mortal politeness and doesn't just appear in the room like most of the others do," he thought. "Come in, Susan," the Chairman said.
The being that had once been Susan Foreman walked into the room. She sat in the chair the other power offered her. Susan made a motion with her hand and a tea service set appeared between her and the Chairman. "Do you take milk or sugar in your tea?" Susan asked as she poured him a cup.
"Just sugar," the Chairman said. "It's things like this," he said waving his hand at the tea service, "that we forget as Powers, civility and manners." He took a sip from his cup and then put it down on the table. A coaster appeared under it right before it touched the surface.
The two powers engaged in small talk over tea and biscuits. They discussed weather patterns in the Vortex, how pretty the new set of nebulas were, and what they were watching on TV. When they were both finished, Susan made another motion with her hand and the dishes disappeared. "So Mr. Chairman, what is it that you wanted to speak with me about?" Susan asked nicely.
The Chairman shifted uncomfortably in his seat. He decided to cut right to the pint. "Susan, several of the others Powers are upset at how you have disrupted the way we have been doing things for eons," he said.
"You are referring, of course, to me letting my grandfather in on some of the little problems you all have accumulated lately," Susan said acidly.
"Yes," the Chairman said. "They feel that we are wise enough to handle these things on our own. They passed a petition, behind my back just so you know, to the Arbitrator forbidding you from passing along anymore situational synopsis to either the Doctor, the TARDIS, or any of his Companions," he said. A piece of paper appeared in his hand and he handed it over to Susan. "The petition was signed by over half of the Powers and therefore the Arbitrator had no choice but to enforce it."
Susan leaned back in her chair and read the document. "As Chairman, you have the power to veto the motion," Susan said.
"I know, but I'm not going to," the Chairman said.
Susan straightened in her chair and then forward. "May I ask why…Sir?" she asked.
The Chairman reminded himself not to be intimidated by the sheer forcefulness of the young Power's personality. "Were you aware that one of Powers has been actively aiding the Senior Partners?" he asked.
"I suspected as much, when Caleb received the vision from an unknown source," Susan said.
"We have, as the mortals say, a mole in our midst. I need your help in finding out who," the Chairman said. "Are you familiar with our operation in LA, the Angel Project?" he asked.
"Somewhat," Susan said. She had spent most of her time researching Buffy and Faith in the hopes that one of them would be right for her grandfather. Faith's connection with the Doctor was more than Susan could have ever hoped for. Once they had become lovers, timestreams that had been closed off to Susan suddenly became open. Susan was shocked to learn at how vital Faith was to the Universe as a whole.
"I believe the mole has been screwing around with that project for a while now. Angel and his friends could definitely use a house call right about now from a certain Doctor," the Chairman said. "That should force the mole to operate more openly and give us a chance to find them, he said. "I trust you will find a way around the restrictions that have been placed on you," he said with a smile. "Thank you for the tea." The Chairman got up from the table and walked out of the room, leaving Susan alone to think.
Susan blew out a deep breath and propped her feet up on the table. She wondered how to get the TARDIS to LA without sending her any information. Susan knew that once there, the TARDIS would use her female intuition and keep the Doctor there until he solved the more serious of Angel's problems. Something about that thought kept nagging at her. She rolled it around her mind, turned it upside down, and finally tried breaking it into its component concepts. When Susan reached "female" her eyes lit up. "I can't send a request or information regarding Angel to the TARDIS, but it says nothing about convincing the TARDIS to offer my grandfather some dating advice," she thought with a wry smile.
Faith had put on some clothes and walked into the control room of the TARDIS. She found her boyfriend, the Doctor, leaning on the center console with both hands. He had his "brainy specs" on and appeared to be deep in conversation with the Time Rotor. Faith walked up behind him and leaned against the railing so she could ogle his butt for a while. "What do you mean 'of course I don't get it because I'm a male'? What the hell is that supposed to mean?" the Doctor asked, frustrated.
"And now I'm walking away," Faith said, turning to leave.
"Oh, hello, Faith," the Doctor said cheerily. "We were just talking about you," he said.
"Great…should I even ask?" Faith shaking her head. In last few weeks, she had learned there were a few snags to dating a nearly millennium old alien. For starters, he sometimes just didn't get human behavior, even when she or Andrew spelled it out for him. For others, he kept refusing to maroon Andrew on nearby asteroids.
The Doctor stood up and ran his hand through his usually messy hair. "She seems to think that you need some new clothes. How this is possible when we have a wardrobe the size of a large cargo bay is beyond me," he said, shaking his head.
Smiling, Faith looked at the TARDIS and said, "You're right, Blue, all though it is kinda cool to know that even alien guys don't get it either." The Doctor continued to shake his head, this time at Faith's insisting on giving everyone a nickname. "What did you have in mind?" she asked the Time Rotor.
The Time Rotor flashed brighter for a moment and then went back to normal. "She said I should take you shopping," the Doctor said. "She said there are some very nice boutiques at some place called Rodeo Drive, back on Earth," he said.
"That would be cool, except for the part where you don't carry any money," Faith told the Doctor.
"No, but I have this thing," the Doctor said as he pulled out the credit card the TARDIS had made for him the night he had met Faith. He handed it over to Faith.
Faith took the credit card and looked it over. She laughed at the name on the front and the TARDIS hologram. She looked up at the Time Rotor. "What kind of credit limit does he have?" she asked.
The Doctor watched the flash from the center console and he started to become concerned. "She says I don't have one," he told Faith, weakly.
"You are SO taking me shopping," Faith said, wrapping her arms around the Doctor's waist and resting her face against his back. "God, I sounded like B just then," she muttered.
"Did I hear someone mention shopping?" Andrew asked as he entered the control room.
The Doctor looked helplessly at the center console. "Are you positive there isn't a Sontaran battle fleet, rogue Judoon troop ship, or maybe flying space chimps…anything that we should take care of in this sector?" he pleaded with the TARDIS.
"Nope, Doctor. You are taking me shopping," Faith said again. The Doctor reached over and flipped the lever that sent the TARDIS into the Vortex. Their path had already been set by the TARDIS herself, with a few hints on the best shops from her one time lodger, Susan Foreman.
In a back alley behind one of the posh stores along Rodeo Drive, a sudden wind picked up, tossing some light debris around. A strange wheezing, grinding noise followed by a thump filled the alleyway and was repeated two times. A blue Police Call Box materialized next to a building, while the white light on top of it flashed in time with the odd noise. The doors to the TARDIS opened and the Doctor walked out, followed by Faith.
The Doctor drew in a deep breath. "Ah…here we are back in sunny California," he said. The Doctor got a funny look on his face and then stuck his tongue out several times. "Mind you I wouldn't recommend taking in deep breaths like that very often. The air around here tastes horrible. It's full of all kinds of pollutants, blech. Sorta tastes like a Sontaran's armpit actually," the Doctor said. Faith gave him a disgusted look. "It wasn't like that. He was out of his armor and we wrestling for his gun," he explained. Desperately wanting to change the subject, the Doctor asked, "Tell me again why you asked Andrew to come along with us?"
Faith skipped over to the Doctor and took his hand. "You know, I can count the numbers of times I've actually been shopping for the fun of it on just one hand of a bad wood shop teacher," Faith told the Doctor. "Buffy and some of the girls I met in the joint all said that if I ever got the chance, I should do it right and bring a gay guy with me. They're supposed to be great shoppers. I know it's a stereotype, but Andrew does have better fashion sense than you," Faith teased.
"Oi," the Doctor protested. He let go of Faith's hand to go lock the TARDIS' doors now that Andrew had finally chosen to join them.
Andrew had been walking out of the TARDIS just as Faith mentioned his sexuality. "I'm not gay," Andrew denied.
"Riiiight," Faith said sarcastically.
"Doctor," Andrew whined. "Tell Faith that I'm straight," he begged.
The Doctor finished locking the door and put the gold key in his pocket. Faith wore a twin key on a leather strap around her neck. The Doctor looked at Andrew and scrunched up his face. "I hate that about this century. It has such a terrible hang-up on sexual labels. These labels then lead to negative feelings associated with them," he said. The Doctor made an expressive motion with his hands. "Andrew, there is nothing wrong with being, straight, gay, or bi. While I am in a healthy relationship with a woman, some of my past incarnations definitely leaned heavily towards liking men. My last incarnation…well let's just say he flew the TARDIS both directions," he said.
Faith shook her head in shock. "Whoa…you were gay? Which ones? Tell me it wasn't Five. He was too cute, I'll be crushed," Faith said.
The Doctor turned to look at Faith. "That's my point exactly. It doesn't matter which of my past selves was gay, straight, bi, or omni-sexual," the Doctor said. "My true self has remained the same throughout all of my regenerations, my sexual orientation has nothing to do with that," he said.
Faith walked over to the Doctor, pride in her man swelling inside her. She kissed his cheek and said, "You rock. I'm just glad the current model is into chicks."
The Doctor sucked on his teeth, pretending to be thinking deep thoughts. "You know, so am I," he said and then kissed her cheek in reply.
Andrew smiled as he watched the Doctor kiss Faith. The new knowledge that at one time this wonderful man had been gay gave him something to think about. Andrew's smile grew even wider. He was snapped out of his revelry when the Doctor looked at him and asked, "What on Earth are you wearing, Andrew? You look ridiculous."
Andrew looked over his clothes and thought he looked fine. The Doctor had granted him access to the gigantic wardrobe room, although wardrobe cavern might be a better description. The Doctor had told him he could wear whatever he wanted as long as there wasn't a tag with a number on it attached to the item. Faith had explained that the numbers indicated which of the Doctor's past selves had worn that item. Andrew had carefully picked out a tasteful pair of dark slacks, a white dress shirt, and a gray vest. He had topped of the outfit with a bow tie.
The Doctor pointed to Andrew's neck. "Trust me when I tell you this, Andrew. Bowties are not cool," he said with conviction.
Faith looked up in the sky and noticed it wasn't as bright as she would have expected. "Hey, Doc, what time is it?" she asked.
The Doctor felt the rotation of the Earth around the Sun and adjusted for the way humans divided their days. "It's about 6 o'clock in morning, why?" he replied.
Faith shook her head, knowing that the shops weren't going to open for at least another three hours. "Looks like you get to treat us to breakfast as well, Doc," she said. Faith grabbed both men by the arms and dragged them out of the alley in search of a good place to eat.
Shortly after the TARDIS crew left, a pack of dog faced demons came walking down the deserted alleys. They were bounty hunters on the prowl for their latest target. Wolfram & Hart had cut down the list of bounties lately and the pickings had become slim. The leader of the group was walking backwards, explaining the plan of attack to his pack.
There is one fatal flaw in any perception filter. One that cannot be overcome by improved hardware or programming. The issue revolves around the basic function of a perception filter. It reaches into a subject's mind and diverts the attention away from whatever a person is trying to hide. Thus, the tiny loophole: a subject must being paying at least some attention to their surroundings for that attention to be diverted. The leader of the dog demons was too busy walking backwards and talking to notice anything around him. His backwards motion was halted very suddenly when his head struck a solid object the other demons hadn't seen.
"Son of my mom," the dog leader swore, rubbing his head. He turned around and looked at the large blue box in the alleyway. That is another problem with a perception filter. Once you know something is there, the filter no longer works.
"You ok, boss?" one of the other demons asked.
"Yeah, just bumped my head on this damned box," the leader said, forcing the other dog demons to look at the TARDIS. The pack backed up and growled at the sudden appearance of the call box in their midst. The fact that it had the word "Police" on it only made them more uncomfortable. The leader watched his pack's reaction and looked at the blue box with new interest. Something about it seemed vaguely familiar. He pulled out his cell-phone and called in to his office. "Hey Rex, I need you to go into the briefing room and grab the Wolfram & Hart Most Wanted Vehicles list for me," he said.
Wolfram & Hart, LA Branch Office
Knox was staring in wonder at the blue Call Box that had been delivered to his lab just an hour ago. It had been the find of a lifetime for the bounty hunters. This, whatever it was, had been on the hot sheets for over a thousand years. Knox made the assumption that it didn't look like a phone booth a millennium ago. The instructions left in place for when it was captured was to learn as much about it as possible. At first Knox was irritated about wasting his time on a phone booth. That was until he found out that members of his team couldn't see it until he pointed it out to them. After that, things got real interesting.
Knox had tried to open the doors and couldn't get them to budge. His attempt at picking the lock was unsuccessful. After he failed in trying to pry the doors open with a pry bar, he got frustrated and took a swing at the corner of the box. He instantly regretted it, knowing he would be held responsible for any unnecessary damage. Knox cocked his head to the side and looked at where the pry bar had struck. There wasn't a mark. Knox ran his hand over the spot which felt like wood in every detail, but seemed to be harder than steel.
After several tests using every scanning tool he had in the lab, Knox was hyper with excitement. He looked up when he heard the door to the lab open and his boss, Winifred Burkle come in. She had her head down, reading from a stack of reports. Knox nonchalantly pushed the most recent scanner out of the way, wanting to impress Fred with the whole "mysteriously appearing box" thing. "Hey, Fred," Knox called cheerfully.
"Oh…Hi, Knox," Fred said looking up. Her force of will overrode the TARDIS' perception filter. "Why do we have a blue phone booth in our lab?" she asked in her light Southern accent.
Knox was feeling deflated at her seeing the box right away. "It's a special project that has been on the Senior Partner's hot list forever," Knox said. "We're supposed to drop everything and learn as much about it as we can and get inside the thing if at all possible," he told her.
Fred looked at him skeptically. "Ok, sounds like a waste of time. What have you learned so far?" she asked, noticing for the first time the huge amount of equipment surrounding the box.
Knox gave Fred a huge grin. "It's blue," he told her.
"That's it?" Fred said looking closer at the equipment, most of which was still plugged in.
Knox's face lit up and he held his hands up wide in excitement. "Yes, that's it. It's incredible. I've tried to scan it with everything we have in the lab and I get no results, every time," he said. "Here, come watch. I have a high powered ground penetrating radar set up to scan the interior. Watch the screen," he said.
Knox walked over and rolled the large scanner, which had been mounted on its side for this experiment, past the blue box. Fred watched the display as the various colored lines showed on the screen, representing the density of objects in the path of the scan. When it reached the phone booth, a blank outline appeared, perfectly silhouetting the object. Fred tried to figure out what could absorb that much radiation and not send even a trace of it back.
Knox shut of the device and yelled over to Fred. "That happens with every type of scan we try," he said. "It's so weird," Knox said, tapping on the blue wood like surface. "I can feel it… I can see it, but the equipment says that it isn't really here," he said glowing.
They were interrupted by an intern who handed Fred a folder. Fred opened it up and frowned. She flipped through the first several pages and then started reading the first page more carefully.
"What you got there, boss?" Knox asked.
Fred continued reading and handed the pages she was done with over to Knox. "Mini epidemic here in L.A. 11 children between the ages of 5 and 8 hospitalized due to collapse over the last 3 weeks," she said. "None of them have woken up. I'm working under the assumption that this thing is mystical in nature," Fred told him.
Knox looked at the pictures Fred had given at him. The smiles on the children's faces really creeped him out. He tried a bit of levity. "Could be the Joker," he said.
Fred looked over the top of the folder at him, not happy with the joke.
"You know…from the comics. Sorry, I was just trying to think outside of the box," Knox said. He looked over at the enigmatic blue box the for some reason had the words "Police Public Call Box" on the top. "Of course, I've been working outside the box all morning," he said with a sigh.
Faith led the procession with the Doctor and Andrew trailing behind her, carrying packages and bags. The Doctor looked over at Andrew and whispered., "I just knew there was a reason I stayed out of a relationship for so long. It was my survival instinct warning me away from…this."
Faith turned around and took some of the heavier packages (the ones that held swords and some other nasty weapons she had sneaked into her shopping spree when the Doctor wasn't looking) and showed that she could carry a lot more than either of the two men. "Are you guys done whining, I want to drop these off at the TADIS, go get some lunch, and get right back at it," Faith said. The Doctor groaned. "And since we are in the wrong alley, we still have a ways to walk," she said.
The Doctor dropped what he was carrying and walked around in a circle, running his hand through his hair. "What? What?" was all he could say.
"Doc," Faith said, putting her hand on his arm to calm him down.
He snapped his head down to look at her. "Someone has nicked my TARDIS. This is why I don't come to the US. Vehicles getting bloody stolen left and right," the Doctor swore.
Faith dropped her packages and looked at the alley closer. He was right, this was the alley they had landed in. Faith gave the Doctor a little smile and held his hand to try and keep him calm. "It's going to be ok, Doc. I know a really good detective here in LA, and he owes me a couple of favors," she said.
Wolfram &Hart, LA Branch Office
Angel sat behind his desk and looked up at Gunn and Wesley. He was trying to have two discussions at the same time. Wes was trying to convince him that Nina was sending him "signals" and Gunn was upset about a phone booth that had been brought into the building. Angel sighed. "Ok, Wes, you go first," he said.
"This isn't just from me, Angel. This comes from people who know. This comes from the ladies," Wes said suggestively.
"Ladies…what ladies?" Angel asked in surprise.
Wes took on a thoughtful look. "Well, there's Fred, Harmony… the girls in transcription…the slime mold down in the records room. You know, up until recently, I had always thought it was androgynous," Wesley said. "Even though she may not have two neurons to rub together, Harmony might have point when she asked, 'Why else would a chick who's coming to spend 3 nights in a jail cell dress like it's her first date?'," he said.
"Crap," Angel said, putting his head in his hands. "What have got for me, Gunn?" Angel asked.
"Earlier this morning a pack of dog demon bounty hunters brought in a vintage 1963 London Police Public Call Box. I nearly had them thrown out of the building until a computer check showed that the thing had been on Wolfram & Hart's wanted list for nearly a thousand years," Gunn said. "You know what's really weird? The first description of it, a thousand years ago, matches what it looks like now," he said.
Angel wasn't hooked yet. "So…we have a really old phone booth in the building, what's the big deal?" he asked.
Gunn sighed, he was having a hard time keeping the list of bad guys who wanted a piece of the thing straight in his head. Lately he seemed to be losing track of a lot of things. "The list of bad guys who want a piece of this thing is really long. My guess is who ever owns this thing has been pissing off Wolfram & Hart clients for a very long time," Gunn said. "The enemy of my enemy…," he suggested.
Before Angel could say anything, Fred walked into the room holding a stack of files. Angel noticed how Wes perked up and smiled her, while Gunn still looked depressed whenever they were in the same room.
"Hey, guys. I—I think I have a case," Fred said.
"Thank god," Angel muttered under his breath. "What do you have for us?" he asked.
Angel's intercom beeped. Harmony's voice came over the speaker. "Boss, there are some people here to speak with you," she said.
"Do they have an appointment?" Angel asked tersely.
"No, but…" Harmony tried to say as Angel pushed the button to close the connection.
"You were saying, Fred?" Angel asked.
"Children's epidemic. 7 kids, comatose, each with a semi-rictus of the facial muscles. I haven't been able to isolate a causative agent," Fred said as she handed the files to Angel.
"Do you think it might by mystical?" Wesley asked.
The intercom beeped again. "Boss…I really think you should talk these people. You see one of them is…" Harmony said before Angel interrupted her.
"I don't care what level of hell they came from, I'm busy. Tell them to make an appointment," he said. He pressed the button again.
Wesley was about to ask another question when the glass wall to Angel's office shattered and Harmony went flying across the room to land against the far wall. Faith Lehane stepped through the hole she made. She was followed by a short blonde man and a tall brown haired guy wearing a brown striped suit and red converse sneakers.
"Was that really necessary, Faith?" the taller man asked in what sounded like a British accent.
"Of course it wasn't. I just did it because I like throwing vampires through walls," Faith said honestly.
"Oh…vampire? In that case, carry on," the man said.
"Faith?" was all Wesley was able to get out.
"Hey Wes, nice digs," Faith told Wesley, nodding her head in appreciation.
"What…what are you doing here?" Wesley asked.
"Someone stole our ride and we thought we would ask you guys for help in finding out who did it and where they took it," she said. Faith took a step back and took the Doctor's hand, getting a raised eyebrow out of Wesley. "While I was here, I thought I would introduce to guys to my boyfriend, the Doctor," Faith said proudly.
Wesley stepped forward and offered his hand. The Doctor shook it. "Wesley Wyndam-Pryce," Wesley said, cordially. "I used to be Faith's Watcher," he said. At the mention of Watcher, the Doctor wiped his hand on his jacket. Wesley smiled at the reaction. "I feel the same way about the wankers. I left on bad terms," he said.
"Oh, in that case," the Doctor said and offered his hand again. Wesley took it and shook the Doctors hand for a second time.
"Winifred Burkle, but most people just call me Fred," Fred said, offering her hand.
The Doctor shook her hand as well. "Really? Giles' girlfriend goes by Winnie," the Doctor observed.
Wesley blinked several times. He wasn't sure at what shocked him more. The fact that Giles had a girlfriend or the fact that her name was Winifred as well.
Gunn nodded his head, realizing it was his turn. He reached over and took the Doctor's hand, shaking it. "Charles Gunn, but people call me Gunn," he said.
"Sorry, but I can't do that," the Doctor said. "Hate the things,' he explained. "We'll stick with Charles," the Doctor said with a smile.
Faith watched as the Doctor turned to look at Angel. His normally friendly, slightly manic expression fled. It was replaced by the one he wore when he was about to tell a Big Bad that he was going to kick their ass half way through the Vortex. He had worn it the night they met. The night he confronted the First Evil in Buffy's living room. Faith could have sworn the temperature in the room dropped by several degrees. "Oh shit," Faith swore.
"Hello, Angelus," the Doctor said coolly.