Mandatory Disclaimer Thingy: I am not the owner of Twilight, or any of its respective characters. That honor belongs to Stephanie Meyer. I'm just using them. I promise, I'll return them in pristine condition. Or, at least, close to it as I can get.


This story is not intended for anyone under the age of 18. Some themes include underage drug abuse, adult drug abuse, violence while under the influence, poor judgment while intoxicated, graphic medical scenarios, graphic sexual situations that are consensual, explicit language, and extreme angst. Be advised, this work of fiction is not suitable for everyone. If you are under 18 or find these situations upsetting or uncomfortable, please move on. Otherwise, I urge you to read with caution.

A/N: First, I want to say thank you to everyone reading this story. When I first put it up, I wasn't sure if anyone would want to read it. But you have, and I appreciate it.

So enjoy and please give me a chance. I promise you the story will be as real as possible and there will be some surprises.

Song for the chapter is I Don't Need a Hero by Concrete Blonde

Chapter 1


I Don't Need a Hero

June 10, 2003

I could not believe what I was seeing.


Yes I could.

It wasn't like that type of behavior was abnormal. I thought, maybe, after the last time, it wouldn't happen again. I'd started to realize no amount of complaining, pleading, or bitching would change anything. No matter how many times I lectured, it had always fallen on deaf ears.

I closed my eyes and counted to ten, and when I opened them again, the same scene stared back at me. A black Volvo S80 sat in the front yard. Instead of resting in the driveway, it was crookedly parked in the middle of the lawn. I walked over to the car and looked through the windshield.

The driver was asleep and slumped over the steering wheel. His clothes were wrinkled, while his hair was a chaotic mess. Typical Edward, I thought.

The neighbors and I had come to accept his shenanigans. At first, it was an issue. Forks finest had been called out to the house on more than one occasion, usually because Edward was drunk and passed out in his car parked in the yard. Charlie, my dad, had even taken a couple of these calls, much to my embarrassment. Since they had never caught him actually driving while drunk, they stopped coming. We had all become indifferent to his drunken mishaps, because it was the only way to cope with his idiocy.

"Jesus! The lawn is not a driveway, asshole," I muttered to myself as I stepped back.

Well, I suppose coming straight home last night is out of the question, I thought sarcastically. I turned toward the house and away from the annoying sight in front of me. It was too early in the morning to deal with his shit. Making sure his drunken ass made it to bed wasn't my responsibility, nor was it in my job description to keep him from embarrassment. I was his girlfriend, not his mom.

I stepped inside the house and looked around. God, I loved this place. It was the one thing I had let my boyfriend buy that I didn't throw a fit over. I fell in love with the four bedrooms and three baths the moment I saw it. The home was painted in dull, muted colors when we first bought it. We updated the living room first. The walls were changed to a pale blue with white trim, and the carpet was replaced with light hardwood floors. Light blue and black accent rugs dotted the spaces not covered with furniture.

The kitchen had all of the modern amenities in place before we'd decided to decorate. It was a fairly large space. The cabinets and counters stretched across the entire right wall. The back wall housed the entrance to the laundry room and the back door, while to the left was a large picture window that you could see the garden from. Edward and I had decided in front of the window would be the perfect place for the breakfast table. Off center, toward the right, was an island. The floors were light gray shale, which we'd decided to keep. The walls were given a heather gray color to offset the dark wooden cabinets and granite counter tops.

Our bedroom was a large master suite, with a full sized bathroom attached to it. We chose a maroon, white, and black color scheme. The wall behind our bed became a maroon accent wall and the rest we painted white. The dressers and night tables were black lacquer, and we'd bought a black wrought iron bed to match. The bathroom we kept in classic white with white counters, cabinets, a shower, and a toilet. The shower, though, was big enough to fit four people. There were seven jets placed sporadically around the top and sides of it.

I sighed and moved toward the black leather couch on the far side of the living room to lie down. I never thought at twenty-two I'd be so tired. I turned on my back, contemplating the reasons and events that led me to feel that way. When I first moved back to that Podunk town five years before, I had never imagined my life would turn out the way it had. In the beginning, my move to Forks was supposed to be temporary. I'd do my time and then go to college somewhere sunny. Those plans went out the window the moment I came into contact with bright green eyes and reddish-brown sex hair. From that moment on, nothing in my life mattered if it didn't include Edward Cullen.


Spring – 1998

Fate seemed to have a hand in the events that led me to move. My mother, Renee, was not what many would call maternal. Sure, she cared, but when the bills went unpaid, and you were eating Ramen noodles for the fifth night in a row for dinner, you started to wonder if your mother was all there. Six months before I decided to move, things changed. She met a guy named Phil Dwyer. He was responsible where she was flighty, reserved where she was blunt, and ordered while she was chaotic. It seemed doomed from the beginning, but somehow, they made it work. Deciding they couldn't live without each other after three months of dating, the pair ended up getting married in Vegas. Having an irresponsible parent that weekend was golden. I thought the Jose Cuervo was still lingering in my system somewhere on the flight to Forks.

After catching the newlyweds humping on the kitchen table, I decided I needed to spend some quality time with Charlie, my dad. Besides, Renee wasn't going to miss me. It was for the sake of my own sanity, really. Phil's pasty ass and Mom's legs sticking up in the air was a sight I was still trying to remove from my brain. Charlie, surprisingly, was quick to agree to take me in. After years of refusing to visit in Forks and making him go to California instead, I figured he'd tell me tough luck. That, thank God, didn't happen. Even though we'd never been close enough to show our emotions, it was easy to live with Charlie.

The start of my relationship with Edward Cullen, however, wasn't as simple. I met him my first day of school at Forks High, in first period English. Or, I should say, my ass met him in first period English. I was in a bad mood because my locker had gotten stuck, making me late for class. I could feel everyone's eyes on me when I entered the room. My blush grew in intensity with every step I took toward Mr. Berty's desk. Once he told me where my assigned seat was, I made my way down the row to the back. I tried to avoid the students that were probably whispering about me, with my head down and my hair shielding my face. Two seats away, my foot got caught on something, and I hit the floor with a smack.

My face was angled to the floor, and my ass was stuck up in the air for all to see. Laughter erupted, and after my prayer for a hole to suddenly open up and swallow me went unanswered, I began to get up using what pride I had left. I pushed off the floor with my hands, rising up on my knees and lifted my head. Looking up, I was startled by the brightest green eyes attached to the most stunning boy I had ever seen. He was slouched in his seat, and his auburn hair was lying haphazardly on his head. I let my eyes roam over him and noticed he was wearing a white t-shirt, loose fitting black jeans, and black Chucks. The shirt hugged his lithe and muscular form. His jeans hung low, exposing a peak of his underwear. I could tell he was tall, maybe six foot two, even though he was sitting down. I looked back up, and the smirk on his face when I met his eyes made my face heat up and my breath quicken. I swiftly stood up and made my way to my desk. Once again, I wished for the ability to disappear.

It took two weeks for me to look him in the eye after my graceful entrance. Edward, on the other hand, was almost obsessed with getting me to talk to him. He would wait for me at my locker before school, pass me notes in class, and stalk me at lunch. I didn't know what he saw in me. I'd never been one of those girls that guys fell over themselves for. My bland, lifeless brown hair and dull brown eyes never made me stand out. But, like I said, he saw something in me. And God, he was relentless.

The third week of school, I caved. He was just so intense, and sweet, that I couldn't resist any longer. We started hanging out in the mornings before the first bell, sipping coffee and chatting about music, books, movies, family, and anything else that popped into our heads. I had gotten to know a lot about Edward during that time. One of those things was that he had an older brother, Emmett, who was a junior at Duke University. At six feet two inches and two hundred and sixty pounds of pure muscle, he was also a defensive guard on the school's football team. As the eldest, he felt it was his duty to give Edward shit about everything. Edward didn't mind too much, calling him a "funny motherfucker." His older sister by two years, Alice, was going to school at the University of Washington. She was the princess of the family, and much to Edward's chagrin, always gave him grief about his, as she put it, "hobo chic" wardrobe. He loved Alice and her bouncy personality, but wished that she wouldn't meddle so much in his life. I hung on his every word, eager to understand what made the magnificent boy tick.

Three weeks of discussion led us to friendship. It was during that time he finally started to trust me. Edward wasn't the type to let his walls down easily, so I worked hard to be someone he would confide in. I also met his best friend, Jasper Whitlock. The bond they shared had been formed when they were in diapers. Their mothers had been best friends, so it was only natural that the boys became close, as well. When I was introduced to him, I thought he was cool. Jasper had the whole alluring rebel persona going for him. While Edward was calculating and aloof, Jasper was impulsive and friendly. Girls flocked to him and guys couldn't help but admire Jazz. The dynamic of their relationship became apparent early on. Edward was the idea man, and Jasper implemented those ideas. Although both were honor students, they still managed to land themselves in the principal's office more than once.

The greatest day of my young teenaged life was when Edward asked me to be his girlfriend. Jasper, Edward, and I were sitting in the lunchroom discussing a party that was coming up during the weekend. Jasper asked me if I was going with anyone, and I asked him what he meant. Usually, I'd go with Angela or, if I couldn't find anyone else, Jessica, and I'd meet up with the guys later that night. So I told him I was doing the normal routine. He mentioned a few rumors of guys wanting to ask me to go and thought I might have accepted one of their offers. I laughed, remembering Yorkie's and Newton's pathetic attempts at trying to get me to be their dates to the party. I told him about it, and we sat there laughing until we cried. Edward, though, was quiet. It was the first time he didn't make a snarky comment about Newton asking me on a date, and believe me, there were tons.

He ignored me the rest of the day, and I began to get worried. I wondered what I'd done to piss him off. Our friendship was solid, or so I had thought. I spent the remainder of the school day feeling depressed. After school, he took off, and I went home. I made dinner, did my homework, and got ready for bed. Edward didn't call me once during that time. I was heartbroken. I had begun to fall in love with him, and he was blowing me off. That night, I decided I wasn't going to let him have any kind of power over me, and I was going to repress my feelings. It was better to have him in my life as a friend than to not have him at all.

A loud noise woke me up. I got out of bed and noticed a shadow in my bedroom window. I jumped, and the figure opened the window. I was frozen in my bed. A silken voice pleaded with me to not be scared. I knew immediately the voice belonged to Edward. My body relaxed, and I wondered what had brought him to my house. He came in the room looking better than anyone should. His gray shirt fit him perfectly, and his jeans hung low enough to show the tops of his black boxers. It was too good to be true—for Edward to be in my room—it was almost like a dream. I decided if I really was asleep, I might as well enjoy it.

His hair was in its usual untidy array, probably because he'd been running his fingers through it. I'd never been more jealous of a man's fingers than in that moment. He didn't say anything at first, just sat on my bed looking at his lap. As the bed shifted with his weight, I realized I truly was awake. I looked away from him, and my face heated up. Eventually, he'd found whatever courage he needed and spoke.

"Bella," Edward looked at me. "I know I've acted like an ass today, and I don't blame you if you can't forgive me."

It took me a minute to respond. To say I was shocked that he thought I was mad at him was an understatement. He was a guy that could have had any girl in the school, and he was worried what I thought? It didn't make sense for handsome, brilliant Edward Cullen to be tripped up by the likes of boring, uninteresting Bella Swan. In the middle of my musing, I noticed that he was staring at me. Not with contempt, but with a strange emotion on his face. I broke out of my stupor to answer his comment.

"Edward, it's fine. Really. There is nothing to forgive. I know you have other things going on besides me. Don't worry; it takes more than one afternoon of the silent treatment to hurt my feelings—" My insecure ramblings were interrupted by Edward clearing his throat.

"Ugh, I deserve your wrath, and you act like what I did was nothing. How can you forgive so easily?" Edward pinched the bridge of his nose and narrowed his eyes.

"Excuse me?" I asked, his words cutting me deeply.

"No. That's not…just listen to me for a minute. I've never met anyone so fascinating and infuriating at the same time."

I blinked at him, stunned.

He continued with his speech. "Look, I'm trying to explain why I acted like a jerk today. I've kept this inside for too long, and I need you to hear me out. Since you literally fell into my life, I have not been able to get you out of my head. You're in my thoughts when I wake up, during school when I can't see you, and the rest of the night until I go to bed. No, that's not right. It's not just before bed, but after I fall asleep as well. You're in my dreams and I'm tired of trying to stay away from you. I didn't want a girlfriend, but I can't deny that I want you any longer," he babbled, showing me the usual confidence Edward radiated was gone.

My eyes went wide. I gawked at him like it was the first time I'd seen him. Surely, that gorgeous creature did not just profess he wanted me. As what, I'm not sure. Yeah, he mentioned girlfriend, but that doesn't necessarily mean...

"Bella, beautiful." Edward chuckled. "Come back to me."

I blinked a couple of times, trying to get rid of the haze nestled in my brain. I took another look at him and noticed he had a shy, embarrassed smile plastered on his face.

"E-Edward," I stammered, staring at him. "I don't know what to…"

He cut me off by placing a finger on my lip, and I noticed it was warm and soft against my mouth. His eyes stared where his finger rested, moving to lock with my own. Ever so gently, he removed it and placed his hands in his lap. A striking crooked grin broke out on his pale face, bright green eyes flickered with passion. He licked his lips and leaned forward.

"I love you. Would you be my girl?" Edward asked, taking my small hand in his large one.

I launched myself at his torso. My arms grabbed at his neck and pulled him to me tightly. I buried my nose in the crook of his neck and took a deep breath, his unique Edward scent filling my senses. It didn't feel real. I had wished and hoped for something close to what had happened for weeks. I fell in love with him when I found out he had a kind heart and possessed a fierce loyalty for those he cared about from our daily talks. By some miracle, I had fallen into that category and he loved me, too. I was in Heaven.

"Um, Bella. Are you going to answer me?" Edward muttered into my hair.

"Oh, sorry!" I replied, pulling back and cringing. He answered my actions with a chuckle

"Yes, I would be honored to be your girl. Does that make you my boyfriend?" I asked, cocking my head to the side in contemplation.

"If that's what you want to call me, then yes, I'm your boyfriend. Actually, you can call me anything you want. Except Eddie. I really hate that name. Please don't call me that," he said as he wrinkled his nose in slight disgust.

We were inseparable after he declared himself, and Jazz took our new relationship status in stride. He was happy that Edward, as he put it, "stopped being a pussy whipped bitch" and finally asked me out. It wasn't always easy, though, being Edward's girlfriend. Lots of envious girls and determined boys try to break us up. However, it was almost like he and I lived in our own little bubble. We, I thought, had built a solid foundation with our friendship. No matter how hard they tried, no one could penetrate our bond.


I was pulled out of my thoughts by a thud, and it was followed by a stream of expletives.

"Ahhh, that fucking hurt," Edward said, slurring his words.

I sat up and looked in the direction of the front door. My handsome, inebriated boyfriend was leaning on the frame. He rubbed his shoulder; his black, rumpled t-shirt was ripped at the neck, and the jeans he wore the night before hung from his hips. His hair stood on end, the bronze color dull from a whole day's accumulation of oil and dirt. There were dark circles under his eyes, evidence he hadn't slept for long. I shook my head in amusement and frustration. Edward was breathtaking, even when he was a mess.

"So, mind telling me how the car ended up in the yard again?" I asked with a hand on my hip.

"Um, I put it there…" Edward stated with a smile in his voice, raising his eyebrow in a silent challenge.

"Christ, Edward! You know Charlie is going to throw your ass in jail if you don't quit driving drunk!" I screeched and threw up my hands in frustration.

"Damn, baby, take it down a notch," Edward said as he wrinkled his nose. "You worry too much. I'm an excellent driver, drunk or not."

He paused for a moment and looked over at me. A cocky, lopsided grin adorned his face.

"Besides, Charlie loves me."

I huffed and closed my eyes. Of course, he had to use that smile on me; the one that made me forget my name and caused my clothes to spontaneously combust. Be strong Bella, I thought. Don't let him get the upper hand. You are mad at him. He left last night to God knows where and didn't come home until sometime this morning. Do not let his good looks and dazzling grin get the best of you.

I stood up and intended to leave the room. If I stayed, he'd win, and I couldn't have that. I huffed and started to leave the room. Two strong arms grabbed me from behind.

"C'mon, Bella, I'm sorry," he said against my ear. I closed my eyes, relishing in his touch. His hands moved to rest on my hips, and then he spun me around to face him. He moved his head upward, and his warm breath ignited the skin on my neck as his nose brushed the spot under my ear that drove me insane. I slid my arms up his torso, feeling a shiver run through him, and slipped them around his shoulders. I laid my head in the crook of his neck, and then I smelled his skin. His intoxicating Edward scent, and a stale bar stench, permeated my senses. I looked up at him and wrinkled my nose.


"Yeah?" he pulled back to look at me.

"You smell like a bar. Go take a shower please," I pushed him away, because I didn't want to smell it anymore. He looked at me in astonishment for a moment, like he couldn't believe I had dared to shove him. Then he smiled that deadly crooked grin again and lowered his hands to the hem of his shirt. While keeping his eyes on mine, he crossed them and began to raise it over his defined abs. I broke contact and followed the movement over his sculptured chest and strong neck. I think I whimpered, but I wasn't sure. As he pulled it over his head, I looked down and noticed the prominent bulge that rested against his zipper. I licked my lips and moaned lightly, feeling that familiar tingling start to move up my spine. A faint chuckle escaped from the man that stood in front of me. Damn, he had caught me ogling his package.

"Care to join me?" Edward raked his eyes over my body.

I stood there and considered my options. God, I wanted to join him. However, I was pissed that he hadn't come home the night before. The bed was cold, and I'd spent most of the night worried if he was okay—or even alive. Then again, my girly bits were starting to grow cob webs. Between the alcohol, the pills, and the pot Edward consumed on a daily basis, Edward Jr. hadn't felt like playing for a while. It had been two weeks, and the last time we'd had sex had been a total disaster. I became lost in my thoughts as Edward brought his mouth to the tops of my breasts.


May 29, 2003

Edward had come home… blitzed out of his mind. I was asleep, and since he wanted "some pussy", as he so eloquently put it, he woke me up. He had a hard time getting his clothes off while standing, managing to fall a few times during the process. Naked as the day he was born, he decided he had to take a piss. Instead of actually taking the twenty steps to the bathroom connected to the master bedroom, he decided the cactus Renee sent me for my birthday was more suitable. He then crawled into bed and began to disrobe me with a few mishaps, meaning my hair was pulled and my skin was pinched.

The best part was when the actual sex commenced. His cock missed my hole three times, with one resulting in a painful push into my urethral opening. Fun times, that's for sure. When he finally entered me, his thrusts were erratic. His hot, heavy, and muscular body rested on top of my small frame like a boulder, while he nestled his head into my neck. The first few minutes I wasn't into it and wished he would just come already. Then, I started to feel a small flutter in my abdomen. As I started to get wet and enjoy it, Edward stopped mid-thrust. I waited a moment, thinking he needed time to calm down. A loud snore above me broke that notion. I was pissed, and it took me a good hour to shove him off of me. I ended up taking a shower that night to relieve some tension.


Fuck it, I thought, as I came back to the present. I was in desperate need of a good, hard fucking. Bastard owed me for passing out while inside of me anyway. It had been even longer since shower sex had been an option. I could almost feel his long, powerful strokes as he pinned me to the shower wall with his hard body. I imagined my hands grabbing his hair as he sucked on my neck. In my head, I saw my tongue lick the water droplets off of his cheek, while my hips circled and angled themselves for maximum pleasure.

A throat cleared, causing me to look up. Edward had a knowing look on his face. His eyes were dark and hooded. Yeah, he knew I was thinking about getting it on in the shower. Slowly, he tilted his head and lowered his lips to mine. I closed my eyes, feeling his soft lips touch my own in a chaste kiss. He pulled back slightly and gently sucked my bottom lip into his mouth. His hands grabbed my belt loops, coaxing me toward him. As our bodies met, I could feel how ready he was for me. His top lip pushed between my own, and I couldn't help but moan. Edward groaned and then…

Welcome to the jungle
We've got fun 'n' games
We got everything you want
Honey, we know the names

"Ignore it," I pleaded, enticing his mouth for entrance to with my tongue.

"Yeah," he mumbled as he angled my head and devoured me.

We are the people that can find
Whatever you may need
If you got the money, honey
We got your disease

"Mmmm, you taste sooo good," Edward grunted as he places open-mouthed kisses on my neck.

In the jungle
Welcome to the jungle
Watch it bring you to your
shun, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, knees, knees


"Ahhhh," I cried as his hand moved toward my breast.

Welcome to the jungle
We've got fun 'n' games
We got everything you want
Honey, we know the names

"Fuck!" Edward exclaimed while taking a step back. He reached into his front right pocket and took out his phone. Glancing at the caller ID, he swore under his breath and opened it. He placed it next to his ear while a look of frustration crossed his face.

"Jazz, man, this better be really fucking important," Edward said in a deadly tone.

"Uh huh……I told that douche bag I'm not going higher than one fifty…I don't care if it's quality shit. I'm not paying it…uh huh...hey, Jazz, hold on a sec," he lowered the phone and put his hand over the receiver.

I crossed my arms and gave him the best glare I could muster. He looked up at me and inhaled deeply.

"Baby, I'm sorry, but I've got to take this. Two minutes and then we'll pick up where we left off, okay?" Edward asked, his eyes pleading with me to understand.

"Whatever," I uttered petulantly.

"Thanks, love. I swear, two minutes," He gave me a chaste peck and walked around me toward the bedroom.

What. The. Fuck. I grabbed my hair and pulled hard. I wanted to scream and let all of my annoyance out, but somehow, I kept it in. Of course, Jazz always had impeccable timing. Asshole. The desire Edward had created was wreaking havoc with my emotions. I let go of my hair and shuffled to the couch. I'd lost him to Jazz and a drug deal; there was no need to be uncomfortable, because I had no idea how long the fuckery would take.

I wasn't surprised Edward had left me horny to deal with Jasper's drama. Edward's best friend was the one with the connections, and since chemical substances were Edward's first love, I was always left waiting. People asked me all the time why I'd stayed with Edward. My stock answer was that I loved him and couldn't imagine life without him. Lately, though, that answer didn't hold as much weight anymore. The reasons I loved with him were outweighed by his colossal fuck ups. Not that I thought I was perfect, because I was just as messed up as the next guy. I had to look at the big picture, and for what I wanted in the future, Edward was becoming less and less compatible. In hindsight, the signs had always been there. I was just too engrossed in him to notice them. No, that wasn't true. I never gave a shit because I wanted to be with him.

In the beginning of our relationship, I, in no way, knew that Edward was into drugs. Hell, I thought that he was against them because he never engaged in illicit substances in front of me. I smoked a joint at a party from time to time, but not Edward. He'd always declined and stuck to his two beers for the night. One particular party, however, changed everything I thought I knew. It was by accident that I learned my boyfriend and his side kick were drug users.


January 15, 1999

Alice decided to go out with us that night. She was in town for the weekend and wanted to spend some time with her brother. Jazz, who had had a major crush on her since he was five, thought it would be a good idea if he tagged along. So, the four of us piled into Jasper's 1973 electric blue Plymouth Duster and drove to Tyler Crowley's party. The night started like any other, with Edward and Jasper disappearing not long after we'd arrived, leaving Alice and I to fend for ourselves. It was a little strange, because Edward never left me at parties. I reasoned he wanted to give Alice and I time to ourselves while he hung out with his boy. We downed shots, danced with each other, and engaged in girl talk. It was fun. Then Alice spotted a guy from Port Angeles she used to date, excusing herself to go talk to him. Left alone, I looked at my watch and noticed the guys had been gone for an hour. I was a little worried, so I decided to go find them.

I checked the kitchen, living room, hallway, and bathroom downstairs. Not finding them, I decided to question Tyler. It was a known fact that anyone that attended one of his parties had to have permission to go upstairs since the door to the stairway was usually locked. He confirmed the two had gone to the second floor and let me go up. Starting at the beginning of the hallway, I systematically checked each room, making my way down the hallway. Toward the middle, I found them in a guest bedroom. Upon opening the door, I received one of the biggest shocks of my young life.

Bent over a desk, Edward had a rolled up dollar bill in his nose. While holding onto the side of his right nostril, he moved his head across a two inch line of powder on the surface, snorting the whole way. Jasper was off to the side, sniffing and rubbing his nose. I looked closer at the desktop, noticing the choppy, yellow substance, with three yellow pills and a lighter sitting beside it. The sight of Edward doing drugs, and seeing the paraphernalia spread out was surreal. I stood frozen in the doorway, unable to make myself known or leave. After finishing his line, Edward threw his head back and inhaled a deep breath. He opened his mouth and closed his eyes, and a look of complete euphoria engulfed his face. At the same time, Jazz noticed me. He tapped Edward on the shoulder and pointed toward the spot I was standing in. His exhilarated look vanished, and a mixture of horror, anger, and fear replaced it.

"What in the hell are you doing up here?" Edward questioned with a roar.

I jumped, startled, and answered in a timid voice. "I c-came looking for you because Alice left me."

Pinching the bridge of his nose, he replied, "Damn it, Bella, you should have waited for me."

I saw red. How dare he yell at me after he disappeared for an hour, making me have to come find him. And damn him for being mad when he was doing drugs while I was worried.

I found my voice and yelled, "Well, fuck you, Edward! I've been waiting for over an hour for you and your asshole friend to come back down… and for what! So you can snort something? You know what? Forget it. I don't need this or you. I'm going back downstairs."

I spun on my heel and marched out the door. Two strong arms surrounded me, hugging me to a hard, muscular body. Closing my eyes, I blew out a harsh breath. Edward's masculine scent enveloped me.

"I'm sorry I yelled…okay?" Edward begged in a whispered tone. "It's just, you surprised me. And I never wanted you to see this. I've tried very hard to keep this part of my life from contaminating you. You are so beautiful and too innocent for this kind of thing."

I looked over my shoulder, staring at him incredulously. Seriously? That was the excuse he gave me? Edward released his hold on me, and I turned around to glare at him. He flinched while backing a couple of steps away.

"So, what exactly did you snort?" I asked.

"Clonazepam," he answered, ashamed.

"You're not going to, like, freak out or anything later, are you?" I questioned.

"No, I'll be perfectly fine…perfectly safe," he stated matter-of-factly.

"Oh, so then it's okay if I do it, right?" I asked nonchalantly.

"Um, no, you're not fucking doing it," Edward spoke through clenched teeth.

"Either it's perfectly safe, and I can take it, or it's not. If it's the latter, I'm taking you to the hospital to get checked out," I declared, crossing my arms.

Edward looked up at the ceiling and clenched his eyes shut. A loud snigger erupted from the other side of the room. Shit, I had forgotten about Jazz. Edward whipped his head around and gave him a deadly look. Jasper threw his hands up in surrender.

Sighing, he hung his shoulders in defeat. He looked over toward the desk, then back to me. Edward stretched his hands out and jerked his head to the side. It was a silent gesture for me to join him. I walked over and took his hand, and then he led me to the desktop, handing me the tube-shaped currency. I leaned down to draw in the pill residue, but he grabbed my shoulder. I looked up, questioning his actions with my eyes.

"Wait! Let me…" Edward's eyes were fixed on the pile of dust. He pulled a credit card out of his pocket. Using the card, he moved the substance into a pile. Next, he brought a small amount out of it, dragging it toward the edge. With the corner, he carefully manipulated the drug until it formed a fine line. After placing the card on the edge of the desk, Edward glanced back at me.

"Are you sure you want to do this?" he asked, giving me an out.

"Yup, give me that," I said, pointing to the rolled up bill.

"Okay, then," he muttered as he handed it to me.

I could tell by his stiff movements, Edward was not happy about introducing me to drugs. I guessed he thought it was better than me drinking myself into oblivion; only to be found by Newton, or someone else later on, who would have taken advantage of me in a compromised state of mind. Whatever the reason, he went along with it and instructed me on the proper way to snort Klonipins. The very moment the powder invaded my virgin nasal passage, I felt an intense burning sensation. I kept sniffing it up my nose as taught, setting my nostril on fire. Tossing my head back, I felt the residue, which was mixed with mucus, coat my throat. It was hard not to grimace as the bitter taste hit my taste buds on the way down.

The rest of the night, Edward never left my side. He questioned how I was feeling numerous times. It bugged me. Hell, I felt great. Maybe a little dizzy, but that didn't affect the pleasure I was experiencing. We lost Jasper somewhere in between my ingestion of the drug, and us heading toward the party. I didn't care, because I was having a blast with Edward.

When the party started to dwindle down, Alice came and found us. She was pissed, knowing right away that I had taken something, and Edward was the one who had given it to me. They argued as I sat back and watched in my drug induced stupor. He said I was a big girl and could handle myself. She said I was too good to take hard drugs, and it wasn't right to let me, because I was naïve. Nor, she reasoned, was it appropriate to use my love as a way to persuade me. I laughed when she made that statement, causing Alice to glare at Edward. His only response to her accusation was to smile and kiss my forehead.

The rest of the night was a blur. I didn't remember if we found Jazz or how we got home. The only thing I did remember, though, was waking up that afternoon with a horrible headache. Edward and I fought over the next two days about what had happened at the party. He was determined it was my last adventure with the heavier stuff. I was pissed because he had hidden his drug use from me. We eventually compromised—he would always tell me what he would take, and I, from that moment on, would never touch anything stronger than marijuana. It was an agreement we had stuck to since that day.


I looked toward the hallway, realizing Edward was still in the bedroom. I heaved a sigh. Since a drug run was inevitable, I wondered if he'd pick me up something. I was almost out, and it helped with the lonely nights. I was well aware my own drug use wasn't helping the situation, but at that point, I didn't give a damn.

"Bella," Edward said as he entered the living room. I looked at him and noticed his hair was wet. He was also wearing fresh clothes. Damn, he could've at least come and gotten me. Knowing that I hadn't even crossed his mind soured my mood, and I looked at him expectantly.

"Please, don't look at me like that. I know, but I promise I won't be gone for long. Jazz and I are going to run to Newton's and come right back. I swear on my love for you," he said, his eyes begging me to accept to accept his words as truth.

"Whatever," I replied in a detached tone. "Do me a favor, though. Pick me up a bag while you're out. I'm low, and I really hate dealing with that douche."

He smirked and shook his head. Edward was well aware of the trouble I had with Newton. The dude still thought he had a shot with me and asked me out every chance he got. Dealing with him was a nightmare. Satisfied my request meant I was okay with him leaving, he crossed the room and sat beside me. He leaned down and captured my mouth with his own. It was not a passionate, I want to take you on the couch kiss, but one that said I love you, and I'll miss you. A few chaste pecks ended it, and he pulled away. He promised again he wouldn't be long.

I watched him as he left through the front door. I hoped that he'd meant it and would be back soon. Even though most of the time he acted like he didn't care, I still missed my boyfriend. I just wasn't willing to hold my breath for a quick return.